29. Briar
Briar
I stand on my doorstep for a long time.
I can feel Kai’s eyes on my back. He’s still parked up. Waiting, in case I turn around and go back.
He asked me to. Asked me not to go, even as I brushed him off and climbed out of the car, clutching my bag.
My heart hurts in a way I never anticipated when we first started this.
Because they matter to me. Kai. River. And – and Jenson. Jenson’s opinion of me matters .
And I hurt him. I could see it, through the mask of anger.
He let me in. Let me touch him. And something about what I’ve done hurt him, far more deeply than I ever considered.
Maybe I’m more like my father than I ever realised, forcing my decisions on other people without any thought to their own needs.
I’m late. So, so late. I told my father I’d be back by mid-morning, and it’s well into the afternoon.
The tall clock in our hallway chimes as I push the door open. And the voice floats through the open living room door.
“In here, Briar.”
I run a hand over my hair, tug down my dress and smooth away the wrinkles. It feels like preparing for battle.
My face is smooth as I walk in. “I’m sorry, Papa. This morning’s fitting took longer than I expected.”
My father is sitting in his chair. I haven’t seen him in here for a long time. Months. Maybe longer.
I’ve barely seen him at all, in fact.
He points to the tall-backed, uncomfortable, pristine white couch that I’ve always despised. “Sit.”
The silence stretches out.
“You missed the fitting. I’ve rearranged it for next week.”
I smooth over my knees. “There’s no need.”
His attention sharpens as I look up, squaring my shoulders. “I’m not marrying Philip. I’ve made my decision. I appreciate your concern over my future, but I will work it out, the same way that everyone else has to.”
“I see.” He studies me, his voice even. “And what will you do?”
“I’ll make the store work. And if I can’t, I’ll get a job.”
He laughs at me. A cruel, sharp laugh that I’ve never heard from him before. “Will you, now?”
Don’t let him wear you down.
My voice remains steady. “You gave me an excellent education. I speak Spanish, German, Korean and ASL almost fluently, and I’m highly organised. I’ll find something. I don’t particularly care what, as long as I can live on it.”
“Pity that education didn’t give you a brain worth a damn.” The brutal comment makes me stiffen. “You will be marrying Philip. Have your tantrum, Briar. But you will marry him, and soon. You’re attending a dinner with him next week. After that, you’ll wear the ring he gives you, and you will smile, and nod, and you will do exactly what I fucking tell you to do.”
He’s never spoken to me like that before. The ground on which my whole life is built shifts beneath my feet. “And if I refuse? You can’t force me.”
My father looks down. “The firm will fold without Philip’s investment, you know. We’re barely keeping things afloat.”
It takes me a moment. “ What ?”
“Everything will go.” He suddenly looks older than I’ve ever seen him. “The house. The car. Everything I’ve ever worked for. We – not just me – will lose everything, Briar. And soon, if something doesn’t change. Within weeks, if I can make it that far. And then we’ll see how you survive without all of the luxuries you’ve grown up with.”
My heart thuds. I’m not worried about myself. But my father – his firm is his life . It has been for as long as I can remember. “But Philip is going to be partner. That’s always been the plan. So his investment will keep things running, right?”
“He has conditions. Or one condition. And he is running out of patience.”
I shake my head. “You can’t be serious.”
“At least go to the dinner, Briar,” my father says heavily. “Please. If I have more time – maybe I can work something out. Fix this. You can do this one thing for me.”
I take a deep breath. “Fine. But I won’t lie to him. I won’t pretend, not if it comes up.”
“Do what you want.” My father stands. “I have enough to consider.”
He leaves me alone as he walks out without another word, my body frozen against the couch.
That’s why he wants me to marry Philip so desperately. Not for my comfort at all. It has nothing to do with my childhood, just a convenient excuse to keep me close, to maintain the lie that he’s worried about me while he tries to get the best price .
I’m just another negotiation.
My heart aches as I slowly climb the stairs to my bedroom. My body throbs from last night, and I sit down on the edge of my bed, opening up my hands and staring at them.
My virginity and my naivety, both stripped away on the same day. How poetic.
And I don’t know what to do now. The memory of Jenson’s face, twisted with pain, stays in my mind as I crawl into bed and wrap my body around a pillow, hugging it tightly.
It hurts so much more than my father’s icy revelation.
We’re going to lose everything.
The room around me that I’ve slept in my entire life will be gone. Heart pounding, I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.
I could save it.
All I would have to do is marry a man I don’t care for. For the first time, I allow myself to truly consider it, instead of skating around the idea in my mind.
I’ve never been to his home, but I’ve seen pictures of the townhouse I would move into. It looks… cold. White walls, white furniture. Not unlike mine, but it looks unlived in.
There’s no life there. I’d be expected to keep it exactly as it is. Maintain it, without changing it. And become the same. Pristine perfection. Silent and obedient, my head lowered.
And I would share his bed. I consider that too. Compare it to the images I watched this morning. The way that they made me feel. Revulsion tightens my chest at the idea of having Philip that close to me. Touching me.
They might not want you anymore.
My face crumples at the thought. I wouldn’t blame them. I broke the agreement, after all our conversations about trust. And if they don’t want me… I can’t imagine meeting anyone else like them. Not ever.
So maybe it doesn’t matter if it’s Philip. Not when I can’t imagine anyone ever matching up to them anyway. At least this way, my father would get to keep everything he’s worked for.
The thought lingers.