Broken Country (Reese’s Book Club)

51. Saturday, Late Afternoon

Saturday, Late Afternoon

Frank comes into the kitchen at dusk. I haven’t cooked or cleaned or washed clothes or done any of the things that needed doing, just walked whole miles within our cluttered kitchen while my mind exploded with all that had gone before and all that was to come.

Here it is , I think, when I first see Frank. He is ready for the conversation we have both been dreading, the question neither of us has wanted to ask. Should Frank and I stagger from the wreckage of our marriage and see if there is anything left to rebuild? Or should we cut one another free: Go, mend yourself, forget about me. Part of me has always believed it was impossible for Frank and me to heal while we stayed together.

But Frank has other things on his mind.

“Has Jimmy been in?” His voice is odd, distracted.

“Has something happened?”

“He’s missing. Can’t find him anywhere.”

“When did you last see him?”

“This morning, at the dairy. Still pissed out of his head, must have had another bottle somewhere. Still angry. Making stupid bloody threats.”

“You think it’s different to the other times he’s gone AWOL?”

“Honestly, he seemed unwell. Like something had snapped in him. All the time I watch out for him, don’t I? Too much, you sometimes say. But now I’m wondering, Was I looking properly? Did I really see what was going on with him? He’s not quite right. But we all carry on pretending he is.”

“Pubs open again any minute, that’s where he’ll be.”

“There’s something else. One of the shotguns is missing.” We stare at one another while his words sink in. “He’s not gone hunting. Wasn’t in a fit state for that. Well, not hunting game anyway.”

“Frank?”

“I’m worried he’ll turn up at Meadowlands. The things Jimmy was saying about Gabriel, I couldn’t even tell you… he seemed crazy enough to want to kill him. Well, harm him.”

“Oh, my God, Frank. We have to call the police.”

I start to move for the phone, but Frank grabs my wrist, pulls me back. “And say what? Jimmy is drunk and armed and dangerous? He wants to hurt his brother’s wife’s lover? Think about it.”

The way he looks at me when he says this. Flat. No feeling left. In Frank’s head we are already over.

“No. We deal with this ourselves. Call Gabriel and warn him Jimmy might turn up. I’m going out to look for him.”