Broken Country (Reese’s Book Club)

52. Saturday, Early Evening

Saturday, Early Evening

I suppose I wasn’t thinking straight when I decided to walk over to Meadowlands and tell Gabriel myself. I’d picked up the phone to call him and his line was busy and I was too distressed to wait.

When Gabriel answers the door and sees it is me, I realize I have made a mistake. His smile is instant, euphoric. His whole face flooded with happiness. Gabriel thinks I have broken up with Frank. He thinks this is me, announcing the beginning of our new lives together.

“Beth,” he says, his voice lifting in pleasure.

I shake my head quickly. “It’s a crisis. Jimmy’s missing. Frank thinks he might come here.”

“Oh.” I watch as Gabriel’s face passes through disappointment, confusion, resignation.

“I see.”

“Jimmy knows about us. He’s angry. Drunk. Making threats. Frank wouldn’t tell me exactly what other than Jimmy has got it in for you. Frank’s out looking for him now. He said I should warn you.”

“I’m sure it will be fine. I wouldn’t worry.” Gabriel’s voice is nonchalant. Unconcerned.

“Please, Gabriel. Listen to what I am telling you. Jimmy took one of the guns and he’s out of his mind with drink. I think he means to kill you. Or hurt you, at least.”

We hear a scream behind us. Leo has been standing in the hall, listening the whole time. He must have heard everything.

“Dad,” he cries. “Is Jimmy going to kill you?”

Gabriel opens his arms and Leo runs into them. “It’s all right,” he says, soothing him, kissing his head. “It’s not what you think, I promise. Beth. Come inside. Let’s lock the door.”

At first, Leo refuses to let go of Gabriel, clinging to his waist, making it impossible for him to move.

“Leo?” I wait until he looks up at me. “I know you’re scared. But can I say something? I’ve known Jimmy most of his life. He doesn’t mean it. He would never hurt anyone, trust me.” Even as I’m saying this, I’m remembering the times Jimmy started arguments in the pub. How they occasionally spilled over into physical fights. The night Andy brought him home, spread-eagled in the back of his police car, and warned us Jimmy needed to learn how to hold his booze or quit drinking altogether. And Frank is right, we’ve all chosen to turn a blind eye.

We sit together at the kitchen table, Gabriel, Leo, and me. I try, but fail, to begin a conversation. Anything to lighten the atmosphere, which feels too tense, the three of us waiting. I think of us playing cards here a few days ago, no sense of what was to come. I am thinking about Nina, wondering if Frank has told her Jimmy is missing. Presumably the Compasses would have been the first place he looked.

“Is the back door locked?” I say to Gabriel, trying to keep my voice casual.

“I don’t think so. Shall I go and—”

A loud bang makes all of us scream. The window cracks into a web of splinters with a fist-sized hole at its center.

Right outside it, staring in, is Jimmy, cradling his shotgun.

“Jimmy, for God’s sake, what are you doing?”

Jimmy’s expression doesn’t change as I yell at him. It’s as if he doesn’t understand me. We watch in horror as he takes a cartridge from his jeans pocket and reloads the gun.

“Down!” Gabriel yanks Leo to the ground and shoves him under the kitchen table. “You too, Beth.”

“I’m going out to talk to him,” I say. “I’ve spent years dealing with Jimmy. He’ll listen to me.”

Gabriel rests a palm against my cheek for a second, that’s all. “I won’t have you in danger,” he says. “I’ll go.”

At the sound of the gun being fired again, Gabriel and I fall to our knees, crouching beneath the window.

The second gunshot has changed everything. It’s not my brother-in-law out there, we are dealing with a madman.

I feel a hand grabbing my ankle.

“Beth,” Leo hisses at me. “Please come. I’m so scared.”

I crawl in next to him. The two of us sheltering beneath the table.

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Of course.”

Leo crushes my fingers with his own. His body is trembling.

Think, think. What comes next? Do I make a dash for the phone? Would Jimmy fire at me? Somehow, I don’t think so. I am his brother’s wife and he thinks of me as his sister, has told me so many times.

“Gabriel!” I yell, coming to my senses. “Don’t go out there. It’s dangerous.”

Too late. I hear Gabriel’s boots running along the hall, a bolt being unlatched, the front door opening.

Sometimes you get a chance, mere seconds, perhaps, when you can avert a tragedy before it happens. This is mine. My moment. My chance. But I don’t take it. I don’t run after Gabriel and throw myself at Jimmy’s mercy, begging him to put down the gun before any blood can be shed. Instead, I make a foolish choice, one that will turn all our lives into a horror show and keep me awake night after night with an endless parade of “if onlys.”

I decide to stay where I am, cowering beneath the table with Leo.

“Jimmy’s going to kill him, isn’t he?” Leo whimpers, and then I feel it, the seep of warm liquid pooling beneath me as he lets go of his bladder. Poor boy. Poor baby. He’s far too young for all of this.

“I’m sorry,” he says, weeping now, and I pull him into me, the scent of his urine sharp in my nostrils.

“We’ll be all right, I promise.”

Why do adults do this? Why do they promise things they have no way of being able to deliver?

“Your dad will talk to Jimmy and make him see sense. Trust me, Jimmy is not a killer.”

“He is, Beth. He killed my dog.”

“Oh, Leo,” I say, resting my forehead against his for a second.

The dog shooting that began it all. It feels like a lifetime ago.