Chapter 21
Pounding my fist on the bedroom door, I shout, “Let’s go, Grady. We need to hit the road.” We should’ve left half an hour ago, but he’s been holed up in his room, stating he’s finishing packing. Who the fuck waits until the morning of to pack? If this is any indication about how the next four months are going to go, I’m screwed. I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind. I don’t do disorganized or late.
“I’ll be out in three minutes,” he shouts, the sound muffled through the door.
Rolling my eyes, I head back into the kitchen where Suzy is waiting for me. She’s got tears in her eyes, and she’s been in her feels all morning. This is the second circuit season I’ve gone on without her, but it’s no less difficult than the first time.
“I don’t want you to go, Daddy,” she whines.
“I know you don’t, princess, but I have to.” Grabbing the empty plate in front of her, I rinse it off before putting it in the dishwasher. “This is Daddy’s job. It’s how he makes money to pay the bills, sweetie.”
“But I’m gonna miss you.”
My chest squeezes. I hate seeing her cry. “I’m going to miss you too, but we’ll FaceTime all the time, I promise. Remember how we did that last year?”
“Yeah.”
“It’ll be just like that. And I’ll be home before you know it.”
Grady finally walks into the kitchen, leaving his luggage in the entryway. “Morning, Miss Suzy Q.”
“It’s not fair,” she mutters. “Uncle Grady is going too! You’re both leaving me.”
He comes to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her little shoulders. She looks up at him with her big, round eyes, bottom lip quivering. My heart cracks open a little at the sight. “We are leaving,” he says softly. “But we’ll be back. It’s only for a short while, and we have to go. It’s work. We’re not leaving because we want to.”
“But what if you like it better and don’t come back?”
“That’s impossible,” he replies with conviction. “You know how much we both love you?”
She nods.
“We could never stay away for long. And you know what? I’ll be taking all kinds of cool pictures. I’ll have so much to show you. What do you say about helping me pick the best shots once we’re back? Think you can do that with me? Be my little helper?”
Suzy sniffles, a smile spreading on her lips. “Yeah! I can do that.”
“You sure? It’s an important job. Only the very best little girls can assist.”
“Yeah! I can do it, Uncle Grady!”
He presses a kiss to the top of her head as he slides out of the chair. “Okay, good. Well, promise me that while we’re gone, you’ll practice. I’ll send your mom some shots you can look at, and you tell her which ones are the better choices, okay?”
“Okay!”
My eyes stay focused on Grady as my mind tries to steady my erratic heartbeat. I’m left in awe at how easily Grady just calmed this situation with Suzy. One second, she was upset, and the very next, she was so excited to get to help him when we get back. It’s such an interesting feeling to watch him be so good with her, like a twinge in my chest or a dip in my gut, similar to how it feels if you take a corner in the car too fast.
Grady glances over, meeting my gaze. “Ready?”
I nod, pushing off the counter, doing my best to pretend I wasn’t just staring at him for an inappropriate amount of time. “Yup. Let me go find Jade and let her know we’re leaving.”
Over the last couple of weeks, Grady has attempted to get out of going on the road with me several times. He’ll make up excuses, like he gets car sick if he sits in the passenger seat for too long. Jade’s relentless. I don’t know why she’s so damn adamant that we go together. I know she’s just trying to look out for her brother, but if she knew what’s happened between us, she’d be horrified. Every single time he’s tried to switch up the plans, I’ve wanted to agree with him and tell him to find his own way around, but I knew Jade would just chew my ass out for that, so I’ve shut my mouth, but I don’t think this is a good idea.
It”s been busy, for both of us, and we’ve managed to avoid discussing what happened outside of the bar. I’d prefer to keep it that way—out of sight, out of mind—but I have a feeling Grady won’t leave it alone for long. Especially if we’re spending hours alone together in the truck traveling from city to city. It’s bound to come up, much to my annoyance.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to pretend it never happened. Like maybe it was a drunken hallucination. I don’t know what the fuck came over me that night. He was there, I’d had just the right amount of alcohol to make my mind hazy and my decision-making skills weak, and it just…happened. It doesn’t mean anything. And it’s never going to happen again.
It can’t.
And I don’t want it to.
Who gives a shit if it was a great kiss. It’s been a long while since I’ve kissed anybody, so I was craving the touch of another person. That’s all it was. If anything, having Grady come on the road with me is like me proving to myself and the universe that the night outside of the bar meant nothing. It was a blip. It’ll be fine.
After I find Jade, and she comes to say bye to Grady, we hit the road. It’s just after nine in the morning, and we have a solid six hours ahead of us before we get to our first campsite. The first rodeo of the season is tomorrow night, and I’m ready. This is a cycle I always go through. By the time the season is finished, I’m exhausted and want nothing more than to veg out at home, not having to worry about competing. Then by the time the season starts again, I’m feeling antsy and stir-crazy, and all I want is to climb on the back of a bull again.
We’ve been on the road for about an hour when Grady finally speaks up. Up until now, we’ve been listening to music, and it’s felt alright. “Thanks for letting me come along with you,” he murmurs.
“It’s not a problem, G.”
Glancing over at him briefly, I note the pink on his cheeks. “You haven’t called me that for a while.”
Brows pinched, I look back on the road. “Called you what?”
“G. You used to call me it all the time up until…” He breathes out a nervous laugh. “You know.”
I didn’t even realize it until he pointed it out, but he’s right. “I’m sorry that shit’s been so weird lately,” I reply, suddenly feeling like shit. “I’ve had so much stuff on my mind for the last year—probably longer—and it’s made me feel slightly out of control. I feel like I may have taken that out on you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Hey, no,” he replies quickly. “You don’t need to do that. It’s fine. Let’s change the subject. I’m sorry for bringing it up. Are you excited for this season?”
I turn my head, meeting his gaze again, and he nods as if to tell me it’s fine. Smiling, I focus on the road and say, “Yeah, I’m ready to get back out there. Are you excited?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” He laughs. “I’m nervous too. I want to make Hannah and everyone at the arena proud, you know?”
“You’re gonna do great,” I reply honestly. “You’ve got a great eye, and I think you’ve more than proven yourself to them.”
“Thanks, Boone.” A beat passes before he adds, “I don’t even know what to expect on the road.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been to plenty of rodeos in Copper Lake, but what happens in between rodeos on the road? Like, what do you guys do?”
“All kinds of stuff,” I murmur. The lifestyle of a professional rodeo cowboy isn’t for everybody. Especially this time of year. But me and the others from Copper Lake have the traveling down to a science. “It changes every year, but we typically stay at each campsite for, like, three or four days before going to the next stop. And on the days we aren’t competing we find fun shit to do together.”
“Like what?”
“Lots of hiking, we’ve done river rafting before a couple of times, or we’ll hit up fairs that’re going on where we’re at. Every year, we also stop by Clementines family’s farm. They have a big barbeque and party. That’s always fun. It’s a huge property surrounded by a view of the mountains.”
“Wow, that sounds awesome,” Grady replies. His eyes light up, lips tugged into a grin. “Do you ever get sick of it all? Like, the traveling and the sleeping away from home so much?”
I shrug. “Sometimes. Usually toward the end of the season. It’s worth it to me, though. The thrill of getting to ride and compete weighs all of that out. And I won’t get to do this much longer.”
“When do you think you’ll retire?”
“It’s hard to say. A lot of professional bull riders retire around their mid-thirties, but with my size, I’ll probably have to go earlier. I’ve noticed, especially over the last few years, my back hurts a lot easier, and I know it’s got to do with my height. There’s a reason bull riders on average are on the shorter side.”
I chuckle to myself, thinking back to when I first started riding. How so many people told me I wouldn’t make it because of my size. Not only am I taller than most bull riders, but I’m a lot broader too. Of course, fresh-faced, young, determined Boone never allowed that to stand in my way, but I’m paying for it now.
“Do you know what you want to do when you do retire?”
It’s a question I’ve thought a lot about over the last few years, but I always come up empty. “Not really. I want to do something, though. I’ll go stir crazy sitting at home all the time.”
“Yeah, I can understand that.” Grady laughs before getting quiet. I know it’s coming before he even says anything. My hand tightens on the wheel as I wait for the inevitable. “About this kiss,” he finally says.
“Grady…” I sigh, feeling the weight of regret on my shoulders. We never should’ve put ourselves in this situation, and I still don’t even know how or why it happened.
“I’m just trying to say, it doesn’t need to mean anything,” he mutters, and when I glance over, finding him already watching me, we hold each other’s gaze for a single moment before he looks away. “We’d both been drinking, and it obviously shouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t need to be a big deal. It’s not like it’s going to happen again, and I don’t want this summer to be weird. This is a huge opportunity for me, and I don’t want to screw it up, you know?”
Blowing out the breath I’d been holding, I nod. “Yeah, I know. And you’re right, it shouldn’t have happened.”
“Okay, exactly. So, let’s pretend it didn’t, okay?”
I feel much lighter as I reply, “Okay.”
The rest of the drive is spent with a nice mixture of small talk and just listening to music. The air doesn’t feel quite as tense now that we’ve had that talk, and now I feel like things are alright again, and we can move on from this.
Pretend it didn’t happen.
It doesn’t need to mean anything.
It’s going to be fine.
We’re both on the same page, and it’s true… It doesn’t mean anything. It was just a drunken kiss. Nothing more.