Burning the Midnight Oil: A Single Dad Small Town Romance

Chapter 34

What the fuck is going on?

My sister’s face is completely unreadable as she stares at me, while Boone looks as if he’s trying to tell me something with his eyes alone, but I’m not comprehending his telekinesis.

“Sit down, Grady,” Jade barks, her tone taking me by surprise. My eyes dart from her to Boone again, and suddenly, the look in his eyes is crystal clear. She knows.

As my legs carry me from my doorway over to the counter, they don’t feel attached to my body. I sit on the bar stool on the opposite end of the counter as Jade, with Boone remaining by the sink. Nobody speaks for a moment; there’s just this daunting, world-altering tension floating in the air. It’s enough to choke me, and I think I might be sick.

“What’s going on?” I finally ask when I can’t take the silence any longer.

“How long have you and Boone been hooking up behind my back?” Jade spits, making me nearly swallow my own tongue.

“Jade, this is between you and me,” Boone grits out. “Leave him out of it.”

My sister laughs without humor, raking a hand through her hair. “You have got to be kidding me, Boone.” Sliding off the stool, she looks between both of us, hurt and anger written all over her face. My stomach lurches into my throat. “I catch my ex-husband and my brother making out in the kitchen in the middle of the night, and you have the fucking nerve to tell me to leave him out of it? How on earth is it between you and me? Clearly, it’s between you and him.”

She gestures toward me as she clips out the last part, and it’s a knife to the damn chest. A knife I wholeheartedly know I deserve.

“How long has this been going on?” she asks again, but I can’t get myself to respond.

Boone’s jaw is clenched so tight, I wouldn’t be surprised if he cracked a molar. His eyebrows are furrowed and his face is a shade of red. “Jade, let me?—”

“Goddamnit, Boone!” Jade shouts. “Just answer the damn question. How. Long. Has. This. Been. Going. On?”

There’s a part of me that wishes, selfishly, that he’d lie. Say it was a one-time thing. A lapse. He won’t, though. No matter how messy and fucked up this situation is that we’ve put ourselves in, to his core, Boone is a good person. He’s honest and caring, and I know the very last thing he’d ever want to do is hurt somebody.

Still, it steals the air from my lungs when he exhales a deep, resigned sigh and says, “Not long. Just before the season started.”

Jade huffs out a breath, her eyes glassy from unshed tears, sliding over to me. “How could you?”

The tip of my nose burns as my eyes blur, heart shattering into a million pieces, as Jade looks at me like she doesn’t even recognize me. “I’m so sorry, Jade.” Emotion clogs my throat, voice cracking. “This was never supposed to happen. We tried to ignore it.”

I don’t dare glance over at Boone. I’m afraid if I do, she’ll see it written all over my face how much he means to me. She’ll see that this wasn’t just a fling, no matter how much I truly tried to make myself believe it was.

She’s never going to forgive me for this.

“I can’t believe this,” Jade mutters, her hands clasped behind her neck. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. “I’m going to bed. I can’t look at either of you.”

“Jade, please,” I beg, not even totally sure what I’m begging for.

“Don’t, Grady,” she bites out, pointing a finger at me. “Not now. I can’t do this with you right now, or I’m going to say something I can’t take back.”

She storms out of the kitchen without another word, and with her goes my ability to think or breathe or move. It feels like I’m paralyzed, all my limbs losing the ability to function. I don’t know what to do. Is there anything I can do? Probably not. The panic in my mind is so loud, I don’t even notice Boone walking over until he’s directly in front of me.

My gaze leaves the doorway where my sister just went through and finds Boone’s. “We’re leaving tomorrow,” is all I can manage to say. My heart’s beating so fast, I’m scared I’m going to go into cardiac arrest right here in the middle of the kitchen.

“Just give her some time,” he says softly, gently, like he’s trying to pacify a child.

Boone reaches for my shoulder, and the feel of his touch is enough to break me out of this dazed state. Roughly, I shrug his hand away, taking a step back and putting some much-needed distance between us. “No!” I growl. “I told you this was a bad idea. I told you it wasn’t going to end well. That she’d get hurt. I ended it, and you wouldn’t leave it alone. What is wrong with you?” I hiss as my fingers thread through my hair and pull. “What is wrong with me? We’re horrible people. How could we do this to her? She’s my sister, Boone. My sister!”

“Grady, breathe,” he coos, reaching for me again. “It’s going to be okay.”

My skin is hot, head throbbing. I feel lost, and alone, and like I just lost the only family I really had. I don’t think as my palms come up to Boone’s chest and I shove him away with all that I have. “It’s not going to be okay, Boone. Open your fucking eyes! Nothing is okay!”

My voice cracks on the last word as nausea rolls in my gut. This is exactly what I was afraid of happening, but I couldn’t stay away. Like a moth to a fucking flame, I had to have him.

Boone flexes his jaw, lips downturned into a frown. “I think we should get some sleep,” he says plainly.

It’s not lost on me that Boone doesn’t throw it in my face that it was me, actually, who came onto him after I told him we were done. Stupidly, I needed to be there for him after what happened with Colt. It wasn’t him. It was me. Why he isn’t calling me out on that, and why he’s allowing me to put all the blame onto him, is beyond me, but in this moment, it’s what I need.

Giving him a clipped nod, I turn and go back to my room, where I barely get a wink of sleep. I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, replaying the hurt on Jade’s face… The hurt that I caused. Knowing that I have to hit the road for the rest of the season tomorrow makes me feel worse. There’s no way I can talk to Jade and try to work things out by morning, which means this will probably go unresolved for over a month. The thought of not speaking to my sister, and knowing she’s hurt because of me, for that long, makes me want to throw up.

In the same breath, I can’t lose this job. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and it pays well. I’d be a fool to give it up.

By the time the sun starts creeping in through the blinds, I’m not more prepared to face the day than I was hours ago, but I can’t leave without at least trying to talk to Jade. Even if she won’t talk to me. The house is quiet as I exit my room; no TV, no sound of Suzy running around. For a moment, I think maybe she left. Maybe I lost the chance to talk to her before I leave, but then I see her.

Outside, sitting on the bottom step of the deck, tossing a ball for Mabel to fetch, is my sister. There’s a pink and white mug sitting beside her, filled with what I know is coffee, and she’s still in her pajamas. My heart is in my throat as I go out there. She very well could tell me to get lost—I hope she doesn’t, but she could. I sit down next to her, looking out into the yard at Mabel.

There’s a stifling silence between us. It’s tense and thick, more uncomfortable than the early morning summer heat.

“Where’s Suzy?” I ask, needing to fill the quiet with something other than birds chirping.

Jade grabs her mug, bringing it up to her lips, taking a sip before responding. “Boone took her to breakfast before you guys have to leave.”

With my stomach twisted into knots, I nod, dragging in a deep breath before I ask, “Can we talk, please?”

Breathing out a sigh, like she knew this was coming, she wraps her arms around her knees. “I don’t really know what to say to you, Grady.”

There’s a clear hint of hurt in her tone, and it cuts me right in the chest. I feel like a huge piece of shit because I knew if she found out she’d be hurt, and yet I did it anyway. What does that say about me as a person? As a brother? That I put my own needs above anybody else’s? What’s wrong with me?

“Jade, I’m so sorry.” My throat gets tight, and I feel pressure building behind my eyes. “I want you to know that I decided to drive by myself for the rest of the season and stay in hotels. So, I won’t be staying in the camper with Boone anymore.”

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Well, that’s kind of a dumb decision, don’t you think? That’s going to cost you a fortune.”

“I talked to Hannah; she was able to get me a lodging budget. I’ll still have to pay for some, but it won’t be that bad.”

Jade finally turns her head, and her gaze finds mine. “It’s a waste of money when there’s a perfectly good camper you can sleep in for free. Don’t throw away your money on behalf of me, especially when you’ve already proven that my feelings aren’t really a factor in what you do.”

The pit in my stomach grows.

“Your feelings do matter, Jade,” I reply, my voice cracking on her name.

“Really? Tell me, Grady…did they matter before or after you fell into bed with my ex-husband? You sure didn’t wait long before you swooped in and took my place, did you?”

I deserve that—I know I do—but fuck, it stings. “It wasn’t like that,” I croak.

Scrubbing a hand over her face, Jade stands up and faces me. “I don’t want to do this with you right now, Grady. I can’t have this conversation with you. Please, just…” Her voice cracks, and she pauses, eyes filling with moisture. “Please, just go finish out the season, and we can talk when you get back, okay?”

She doesn’t wait for me to respond as she calls Mabel over to her and heads inside. I sit outside for a moment, trying to steady my breathing and tame my nerves. Forcing her to talk to me isn’t going to make anything better, but it feels like leaving without talking to her is just as bad.

After a while, I head back to my room, shutting myself in there as I finish packing. I meant what I said to Jade… I’m driving myself. There’s no way I can be alone with Boone in his truck for hours while we drive to the next location. I need some space from him, and this is the only way I know how, given how closely we have to work together.

Really fucked this one up for myself, now, didn’t I?