Burning the Midnight Oil: A Single Dad Small Town Romance

Chapter 35

“Should we get another rack of beer?”

“Probably,” I mutter, wandering through the bakery at the grocery store Shooter and I are at, stocking up on food for this week.

We’re in Dirks, Colorado, for the next five days, with back-to-back rodeo nights starting tomorrow. We got into town this morning, hence the grocery run, and I’m just not feeling it. It’s been over a week since we left Copper Lake and hit the road again, and in that time, I’ve barely spoken to Grady. He’s been a fucking pro at making himself scarce unless we really have to be around each other. He’s not even staying at the campsite anymore.

“You finally going to tell me what’s got you moping around?” Shooter asks, grabbing a pack of blueberry muffins off the table and putting them in the cart. He knows Jade found out about me and Grady. There was no way to hide that from him when it was obvious something was up when Grady didn’t ride with me.

“I’m not moping,” I lie. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” he pushes. “Even your badass, near perfect scoring win last weekend didn’t cheer you up. Is this about Grady?”

Shooter’s right. I scored a ninety-eight on night two of the rodeo in Monroe last weekend. A hundred is a perfect score, and it’s something none of us have ever reached. It’s a score that should’ve had me still riding a high but, while I’m proud of it, it just didn’t do the trick. I’ve been in a shit mood since the whole confrontation with Jade took place, and I hate that Grady won’t even talk to me.

“So what if it is?” I mumble, pushing the cart around the corner into the next aisle.

“Damn, you actually care about him, don’t you?”

Scowling, I say, “Of course, I care about him, dumbass. I’ve known him for how long now?”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t think that I do.” I don’t know why I’m being purposely obtuse. I know exactly what he means, but I’m not ready to admit that.

Thankfully, Shooter drops it—at least for now—and we finish getting what we need. After we load it all into the back of my truck, we climb inside and start toward the campsite. It’s only about ten minutes from this store. Unfortunately for me, Shooter dropping it only lasted for the duration of our shopping trip.

“Talk to me, man,” he mutters, shifting in his seat until he’s facing me.

“About what?”

“God, you’re fucking annoying when you’re heartbroken.”

“I am not heartbroken,” I scoff.

Shooter snorts. “Yeah, you are, Boone. You’re mopey and sad and angry and, frankly, I’m kinda glad to see you’re not totally heartless after all.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Down, boy,” he says with a laugh. “It just means that during your whole separation with Jade, you seemed totally fine. Hell, you took forever to even tell any of us, and we were shocked when you did because we had no clue. You seemed totally indifferent about your marriage ending.”

“That doesn’t make me heartless, you idiot.”

“Okay, maybe heartless was the wrong word,” he admits. “But this is totally different from then. You’re really into him, aren’t you?”

I glance over at him for a moment, wondering if I should just confide in him. He’s clearly not going to let it go, and I could probably benefit from getting some of this off my chest. It’s not like I can talk to Grady about it.

Fuck it.

“This is different from when my marriage ended with Jade, because by the time Jade and I admitted to ourselves that we needed to get a divorce, I think we’d both already fallen out of love with each other. It felt like something that needed to happen, and by the time we got to that point, I had already mentally gotten over it. It wasn’t some fast, unexpected split. Shit with Jade and I was bad long before we called it quits.”

“And it isn’t like that with Grady?”

“No.” I blow out a breath, already getting frustrated. “The situation with Grady is nothing like with Jade. They aren’t the same in any way. I was blindsided by the way Grady made me feel. By the things I wanted to do with him.” My cheeks heat, and I’m sure they’re red. “Grady was different. Is different. And the intensity with which I felt for him took me by surprise, and then it just ended.”

“How did you see it playing out in your head?” he asks, without judgement. “In the long run, how did you see it going?”

Thinking about it for a moment, I say, “I don’t really know. I guess I never thought too far ahead because I wanted to enjoy it for what it was, and I had tricked myself into believing it was just physical. That it was just something I’d move on from.”

“Have you talked to him?”

I shake my head, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “He won’t talk to me.”

“What about Jade?”

Another terse shake of the head. “We aren’t really talking either—well, we are, but not about that. It’s mostly just about Suzy.”

Shooter is quiet for a second as we turn onto the dirt road that leads to the campsite. “Want my advice?” he finally asks as I’m putting the truck into park.

I glance over at him. Do I? Couldn’t hurt, I guess. “Sure.”

“It very well could be something you get over. It could pass. He was the first guy you’ve been with, and that could be where your feelings come from.” He pauses, and I swear it’s just for dramatic effect. “Or, there really could be more there. If that’s the case, don’t let him ice you out. Give him space, but not too much. But just know, if that is the case, I highly doubt Jade is going to get on board all that easy, and I know you have to raise Suzy with her, so that may make things harder. But if it were me with Sterling, there’s no way I would’ve let anything come between us. When you know, you know, and sometimes it’s not always the ideal situation, but if it”s meant to be, you guys will get through it, eventually.”

Damn. That is not what I thought he was going to say. My heart pounds as I replay his words. “When the hell did you get so…romantic and good with your words?”

He grins, reaching for the door handle. “Duh, when Sterling came into my life. You’re welcome, by the way.” With a wink, he gets out, leaving me to follow.

Since we’re competing tomorrow, we’re just hanging out at the campsite tonight. We decided to grill some steaks and baked potatoes over the campfire for dinner, and we all cracked open a couple of beers while the music plays. As far as campsites go, this one is fairly empty for the time of year. There’re hardly any other people around us, which is nice.

Around seven, I head into the camper to FaceTime with Suzy before she goes to bed. It rings a few times before Jade answers. “Hey, hang on,” she says. “I’ll go get her.”

“Okay. When I’m done talking with her, can you and I talk, please?”

Jade stares through the phone at me, and I swear I see her jaw working as she clamps down on it. “I guess.” She bounds up the stairs, the phone pointed toward the ceiling as she walks to Suzy’s room. Pushing open the door, Jade says, “Suzy, baby, Daddy is on the phone for you.”

“Daddy!” A smile spreads on my face at her excitement. The phone shakes a little as Jade hands Suzy the phone and she positions herself on her bed. “Hi, Daddy!”

“Hi, princess. What are you doing?”

“Playing Barbies,” she replies. “Barbie and her friends are going to the beach.”

“Are they?”

“Yeah. They’re gonna go swimming and have snacks in the sand.”

“Do they have their bathing suits?”

“Duh, Daddy. They can’t go swimming without them.”

“I’m so sorry, you’re right. What was I thinking?”

“Where’s Uncle Grady?”

My chest squeezes. “He’s not here right now, baby.”

She sighs dramatically. Her little life is so hard. “But I want to talk to him.”

“Well, I’m sorry. Maybe try calling his phone.”

Suzy and I talk about her Barbies’ trip to the beach and what she’s been up to since I left—she had a sleepover at my parents’ house that apparently was “super-duper fun,” her words not mine—for about a half an hour before she announces she’s getting tired and wants to get off the phone.

“Okay, I love you, princess. Go give the phone back to your mommy. I have to talk to her.”

“Love you too, Daddy.” I nearly get motion sick while I wait for her to locate her mom and hand her the phone.

Jade comes on the screen, but she’s looking at Suzy, not me. “Thank you, baby. Go brush your teeth and climb into bed. I’ll tuck you in once I’m done talking to your daddy.” After a few moments, she looks at me. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Suddenly, this feels awkward. I’ve lost everything I wanted to talk about, so I say the first thing that comes to mind, and it probably isn’t the best thing to say. “Suzy asked about Grady. She wants to talk to him. Maybe let her call him tomorrow if you have time.”

Her eyes narrow. “Got it.”

“Jade, we need to talk. It can’t keep going on like this. We need to work things out, for Suzy’s sake.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she bites out. “Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you slept with my brother and hid it from me.”

I wince before I can stop myself. I hate knowing how much this has hurt her.

“Would you have rather had me tell you right away? Would that have made it any better in your eyes?”

If looks could kill, I’d be long dead by now. “To be honest, I’d rather it not have happened at all.”

As upset about the situation as I am, with Grady not wanting to talk to me, I understand where she’s coming from. Nothing about this situation is fair to her. “I’m sorry, Jade. I realize this isn’t ideal, and it’s not like either of us set out to do this with the intention of hurting you. It just happened.”

“How does sleeping with your brother-in-law just happen?”

“It’s not just about sex, Jade.” I scrub a hand down my face, my throat tightening with emotion. “I didn’t mean to develop feelings for him. It was never in my plan. That is what just happened.”

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she’s quiet for a moment. “Did it…” Clearing her throat, she doesn’t look at me as she continues. “Did you have feelings for him when we were still married?”

“No!” I rush to say, shaking my head. “Jade, I didn’t cheat on you. I wouldn’t do that. I never saw Grady this way at any point during our relationship, I promise you.”

Silence falls over us for a moment, and I hate it. Even though I don’t regret what Grady and I shared, I do hate that I’ve hurt Jade. She doesn’t deserve that. I still have love for her, and seeing the pain I’ve caused is eating me up inside.

“Boone, I can’t do this with you. I’m still so angry with both of you. I don’t have the patience or the energy to hash it out with you, or with Grady. I need space.” She pauses for a moment. “And when you get home, I’ll be moving in with Michelle until we get the house sold.”

“Jade, you don’t have to move out. That’s your house. If anything, I can leave.”

“No, I want to,” she insists, still not making eye contact with me. “Michelle just bought a new house, and it’s close to work, and she wants a roommate anyway. I don’t want to live in the house anymore. Besides, Michelle’s nanny is the one who’s been watching Suzy for me while I’ve been at work, so it makes sense.”

Michelle is Jade’s best friend. They’ve been friends since high school, and she just went through her own divorce. She’s got a little boy who is around Suzy’s age.

“We can talk about this more when I get home, Jade. Please don’t make any rash decisions.”

“Don’t talk down to me like I’m incapable of making a responsible decision,” she snaps, eyes narrowing as they find me. “I’ve thought about this, and it’s what I want. We can talk about it when you get home, but it’s not changing my mind. You know what, I gotta go.”

My knee-jerk reaction is to argue with her, but I swallow my words and instead, nod. “Okay. Please have Suzy call Grady. She really wants to talk to him, and he’s still her uncle, even if you’re pissed at him.”

“Fuck off, Boone,” she bites out. “I’m well aware he’s still her uncle, since he’s my fucking brother, but thanks.”

Jade hangs up before I can get another word in, and it’s probably for the best. I toss the phone on the bed beside me, dropping my head into my hands. What a fucking mess. The worst part of all of this is how much I miss having Grady around. It’s only been a week, but I can’t take it. I want to talk to him. Thinking back on Shooter’s advice, I know I need to give him space, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing that.

Selfishly, I can’t help but wonder if this is as hard for him as it is for me. Does he want to talk to me, and he’s just stubborn and won’t let himself? Or is he over it all? Am I nothing more than a mistake he made? I sure as fuck hope it’s not the latter.