35. Effie
35
EFFIE
L ast night was…out-of-this-world amazing.
The things that man can do to my body…well…they should be illegal, I swear.
I wake with my body aching in places I wasn’t aware could ache, but nowhere hurts more than my heart.
Today is the day I leave St. Louis.
Today is the day that our fake engagement ends.
Today is the day real life returns.
Yesterday, there was a part of me that thought I was ready.
Right now, I realize that was a lie.
I’m nowhere close to being ready.
Squeezing my eyes closed tighter, I will myself to go back to sleep. To shut it all out and hope today never actually comes.
It’s too late, though.
It’s already here.
With a pained sigh, I admit defeat and turn over. Stretching my hand out, I search for Kieran, needing to extend our connection for just a few more moments.
Unsurprisingly, I come up empty.
The bed beside me is empty and cold. He hasn’t been here for a while.
Reluctantly, I rip my eyes open and scan the room.
It’s empty, although there are harsh reminders of what happened last night everywhere I look.
Our clothes are in piles on the carpet. The cart with the leftover dessert is haphazardly shoved from the bedside. Clutching the sheets to my chest, I sit up. The sight of the ties that bound me to the bed last night is the final straw, and I’m out of bed and running toward the bathroom faster than my legs want to move.
My knees hit the floor in front of the toilet a beat before I vomit.
“Fuck,” I hiss once I’m confident I’m done and fall back on my ass.
The tiles beneath me might be warm, but they’re not very forgiving, and I only allow myself a minute or two to wallow there before forcing myself back to my feet.
The last thing I need is for Kieran to find me in this state.
I’ve been a broken mess since he turned up here. All he’s done is try to make everything better, more manageable. The last thing he needs today is for me to fall apart again.
He’s excited to return home. To see his brothers and his friends.
After everything he’s done for me, he deserves that. He deserves for me to be strong.
I brush my teeth, finger-combing my hair and wrangling it into a messy bun. We had a bath in the ginormous tub at some point last night, and not only did I pass out with wet hair, but I’m pretty sure he fucked me again beforehand.
God. Last night was a blur of touches, kisses, teases, and orgasms.
If he wanted to get me out of my head about what today holds, then I can safely say that he achieved it. But the comedown is…intense.
I step out of the bathroom and swipe the shirt he was wearing last night from the floor. Wrapping it around myself, I do up a handful of buttons before stepping out into the living room.
I scan the big room, and my breath catches when I don’t immediately see him.
My heart sinks into my stomach.
I didn’t consider the fact he wouldn’t be here on the other side of the door when I woke.
But I guess it’s the right thing to do.
He’s already putting space between us.
I need that.
I need to figure out a way to walk on my own two feet and restart my life.
Sure, he’s always going to be there. His presence in my life has never been in question. But it’s not going to be like this weekend, or even the last few weeks.
He has a life. A career.
Hell, so do I. Or at least, I did.
Hanging my head, I move toward the small kitchenette where I spot a coffee machine.
The easiest thing would be to order room service, but the thought of having to see someone puts me off.
My coffee is almost done when a door opening has me spinning around.
A breath I didn’t know I was holding comes rushing from my lungs when my eyes land on a sweaty, exhausted-looking Kieran.
He walks through the living area in a pair of black shorts, a t-shirt that is soaked and stuck to his torso, and he has a towel wrapped around the back of his neck.
His hair is dripping with sweat and sticking up in all directions, and he has a good few days’ worth of stubble covering his sharp jaw.
My thighs clench as I vividly remember how it felt rubbing against my thighs last night as he repeatedly licked chocolate from my body.
“Hey,” he says, smiling at the sight of me, but as I study him, it’s immediately obvious that it doesn’t meet his eyes. “I wasn’t expecting you to be awake yet.”
“No, I wasn’t either,” I mutter as I lift my mug to my lips and blow across the top.
“That’s your first, then,” he laughs, ignoring my morning grumpiness. He’s more than used to that by now. “I’m going to shower, then I’ll order breakfast.”
I grimace, the thought of food making my stomach turn over again.
“Are you okay?” he asks, a frown marring his face.
“Too much champagne,” I say. We went through two bottles last night.
Honestly, I’m not sure if he ordered the champagne for the drink or if he just wanted the ice…
I shiver at the memory of him teasing a cube over my heated skin.
It felt so damn good.
Especially on my?—
Head out of the gutter, Effie.
It’s over.
Done.
You’re just friends again now.
“Give it half an hour. You’ll be starving.”
Lifting the edge of the towel, he wipes it over his hair before backing away.
“I won’t be long,” he says as I step around the kitchen counter, my eyes on the huge couch in the living room. He’s almost at the bedroom when he speaks again.
I’m not expecting it, or the deepness of his voice, and it startles me.
“My shirt certainly looks better on you,” he confesses.
“O-oh…um…”
“Enjoy your coffee,” he says with a smirk before ducking into the bedroom and out of my sight.
“Fuck,” I hiss as I lower my ass to the couch.
He’s just Kieran , I remind myself. Your best friend.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I try to calm the riot of emotions inside me.
There’s a part of me that is desperate to say, “fuck the rules,” and follow him into the shower. But there’s another part that just wants this morning over with.
I want to get in my car alone, put some Taylor Swift on, and try to get myself together, to find even just a little bit of the strength I’m going to need back in Chicago.
The sound of the shower running taunts me, but no matter how much I might want to join him, I know I can’t.
The line has been drawn between us now.
Put it behind you, Effie.
You agreed to this.
Focus on the future, not the past.
I repeat that little mantra over and over as I sip my coffee, and the second Kieran emerges fresh from the shower, I jump from the couch and rush into the bedroom.
“What do you want for?—”
I slam the door before he can finish the sentence.
Grabbing the small bag I found in the closet yesterday evening, I gather everything I need before locking myself in the bathroom.
After dumping everything on the counter, I turn the shower on before stumbling back.
I hit the wall as a sob rips from my throat.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this.
Dropping my head into my hands, I fight like hell not to break down.
Not now.
Not here.
He’ll see it on me the moment he looks at me.
Wait until you’re back in your apartment in Chicago, and then you can shatter alone.
Sucking in a series of deep breaths, I try to regain control of my breathing, but it’s shot to shit when he suddenly knocks on the door.
“Effie, are you okay?” he calls, making my heart jump into my throat.
Summoning as much strength as I can, I drop my hands and call out.
“Yeah.”
“What would you like for breakfast?” I want to say his voice is deeper than usual, but I’m pretty sure I’m just trying to convince myself that he might be as affected by this as I am.
It’s unlikely. Highly unlikely. Kieran has sex without emotions or connection almost every night of the week.
To him, the last few days have likely just been an extended one-night stand.
But it wasn’t. He said it himself that it was different with you.
“I’m okay, thank you,” I call back, hoping like hell he can’t hear the anguish in my voice.
“Yeah, that’s not happening, Effie,” he warns, and damn it if his tone doesn’t send goosebumps skittering across my skin.
“Just order me something. You know what I like,” I snap back, a little harsher than I intended.
“Okay, yeah. Effie, are you…” His voice trails off, and I hold my breath as I wait to see if he’s going to continue. “I’ll tell them thirty minutes, okay?”
“Sure. Great. I’ll be there,” I say, wishing there was a way for me not to be.
The last thing I want to do is sit across the table from him like we did last night, pretending that everything is okay.
I can’t see him, but something tells me that he lingers at the door.
Attempting to shake thoughts of him from my head, I unbutton his shirt and shrug it off.
I’m about to drop it to the floor when a waft of his scent hits me, and before I know what I’m doing, I lift the fabric to my face, inhaling a potent shot of him.
Just one last taste before I let him go.
With my foundations crumbling faster by the second, I let the shirt drop to the floor and spin away, stepping under the hot spray.
Not content with the warm water, I turn it up until it’s scalding me.
I stand there for as long as I dare before getting out and wrapping a towel around both my body and my head.
I wash my face, take my contacts out, and replace them with my glasses before blow-drying my hair.
I’m stalling. I know that. Hell, Kieran probably knows that too, but I’m powerless to do anything else.
In the end, I waste so much time that Kieran has to call to tell me that the food is here.
With my stomach in knots and my heart in tatters, I walk out to discover a table full of food.
He glances up at me, his expression dropping at the sight.
He wants to fix things; I can see it in his eyes.
But there is nothing he can do now.
He’s gone above and beyond best friend duties these past few weeks. I can’t ask anything else of him.
“I couldn’t decide,” he lies. “So I ordered everything.”
“So I see,” I mutter as I lower myself to the chair.
“Coffee?” he asks, lifting the pot toward my mug.
“Yeah,” I agree, watching as the dark liquid pours out.
I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing I’m going to be able to stomach.
Proving that I was right about how he’s coping, Kieran eats more than should be humanly possible as I sit there picking at a croissant.
“The gym was pretty insane,” he says, filling the silence between us. “Empty too. I had a good session.”
“That’s good,” I mumble, unable to find any enthusiasm.
He continues talking, but it doesn’t make anything better.
“Are you done?” I finally ask, speaking for the first time in ages.
“Yeah,” he says, resting back in his chair and placing his hands on his stomach.
“Then we should go. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”
Pushing my chair back, I stand and walk toward the bedroom to collect my stuff.
“Y-yeah, okay,” he agrees behind me.
One minute I’m praying to get out of that hotel room, and the next, my wish has come true and I’m back in Kieran’s car.
The hotel he brought me to is the one with the fancy spa.
It’s not really a surprise. I saw the Callahan branding on everything possible inside the room, but I didn’t really give it much thought. But this time, as we walk through the foyer, there are people.
I can’t help but cringe as I consider just how many witnessed me be guided in blindfolded yesterday.
I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll never come here again.
Kieran might feel comfortable in fancy places like this, but it’s not really my thing.
He opens the passenger door for me, continuing to be a gentleman, and after placing our bags in the trunk, he joins me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks for the millionth time this morning.
I get it. I look and sound anything but okay, but what exactly does he want me to say?
“Just anxious about returning,” I whisper, hoping it’ll help pacify him.
“It’ll be fine. Everyone is going to be so happy to see you.”
I don’t disagree. I’m sure they will. But I’m also not sure anyone has really missed me.
Jasmine, my assistant, who stepped up to take over my role in my absence has handled everything brilliantly. She might email and message me with questions, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s just trying to keep me in the loop more than anything else.
Do they even need me back?
It’s not a question I need to be thinking about right now.
I love my job. I love my colleagues. But I’ve never really clicked with them. Hell, I’ve never really clicked with anyone but Kieran.
God, how sad is that?
I blow out a long breath and stare out the window as Kieran makes his way back to Grams’ to collect all our stuff.
We’re almost there when the sight of the passing houses no longer gives me the distraction I need.
Ripping my eyes from the window, I reach for my purse and pull my cell out.
As usual, my screen is full of notifications that I usually ignore. But there is one news story that catches my eye, and before I can think any better of it, I tap it.
Chiefs star confesses to fake engagement.