By His Play

36. Kieran

36

KIERAN

I notice the second everything changes.

Effie’s body stiffens in the seat beside mine before she pulls her legs up and wraps her arms around them as if she’s trying to hold herself together.

“W-what’s wrong?” I ask, although deep down, I know.

I haven’t told her what I’ve done because I knew it would bring too much into last night. It was already bittersweet as it was.

If she knew the news was going to break today, dragging everything that’s happened—her mistakes—back to the surface again, then there was no way she’d have enjoyed it as much as she did.

And fuck, did she enjoy it.

Image after image of her from last night plays out in my mind like a movie.

Crawling to me, tied to the bed, begging and pleading with me to let her come.

It was everything I wanted it to be, and more.

Everything she needed.

I just wish I could have protected her from the backlash of her thoughtlessness.

I tried to soften it as best I could, but no matter which way Kat spun the story to the press, it was never going to look good. But I did what I could to protect Effie the best I could.

Last night, I could somewhat ignore it and live in our little bubble of bliss. But this morning… the instant I woke up, I knew it was looming. I hit the gym hard. Harder than I have in a long time. But I needed it. I needed the chance to outrun my demons. To try to get my head straight so that when I faced Effie, I was stable and in control.

I thought I’d managed it, but of course, the second I woke up this morning, everything came crashing down.

All I really wanted to do was lounge around in bed with her. Pull her warm, soft body into mine and snuggle close.

But I couldn’t. That was over.

We’d set the rules, and I was keeping them.

Sure, the temptation to shatter them to smithereens was there, but where would it get us?

We couldn’t continue. We couldn’t be a couple.

I can’t be the man that she deserves, and there is no point even trying.

I’d fuck it up. I’d hurt her.

If things were different...if my father got his way and I spent my days working for Callahan Enterprises, then yeah, maybe we could have turned our friendship into something more.

But as it is, with my career, I can’t.

A bitter laugh explodes from Effie at my question as I pull into Grams’ driveway. “Everything, Kieran. Everything is wrong.”

She throws the door open and races from the car before I have a chance to form a response.

“Fuck,” I bark, slamming my palm against the steering wheel. “Fuck.”

I’m out of the car and chasing her into the house in a heartbeat.

“Effie,” I call when I don’t immediately find her in the living room. But another door slamming deeper in the house lets me know where she’s gone.

My footsteps pound through the house as I close in on her bedroom.

“Effie?” I question softly as I knock on the door and push it open. “Ef?—”

My breath catches when my eyes land on her and take in her expression.

Her features are tight, her eyes dark and full of tears.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, moving closer. “But we agreed. Today is?—”

“I get it,” she mutters under her breath. “This was all my fault. I lied. B-but?—”

“But what?” I ask, my brows pinching.

“H-How c-could y-you?” she stutters.

I frown. “I…I don’t know what?—”

Suddenly, she marches toward me and thrusts her cell at me.

“Everyone hates me, Kieran,” she cries.

Taking her cell, I scan over the news article she was reading.

Disbelief washes over me, and I slowly begin shaking my head.

“N-no, this…this isn’t what I said.”

“Well then, who did?”

Pain explodes in my chest as I stare down at Effie. Tears now streak down her cheeks, her bottom lip trembling as she wraps her arms around herself.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Keep reading. They’re saying that the only reason I have a job at KC Foundation is because I’ve been blackmailing you.”

“WHAT?” I roar.“I never said any of this, Effie. I swear.”

A bitter, sad laugh spills from her as she turns her back to me and walks toward the window that showcases the backyard.

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s what’s been printed.”

“Effie,” I say, closing the space between us and wrapping my hand around her forearm.

“No,” she snaps, tugging herself away from my touch.“Just go, Kieran.”

“W-what?”

“Just go back to Chicago. It’s your home. It’s where you belong.”

“No,” I breathe, refusing to accept what she’s saying. “No. It’s your home, too. And we’re going back today. Together.” Okay, so not exactly together, because we both have cars to drive back, but… “Effie.”

“I…I can’t do this, Keiran. Us. This. Everything. I…I’m not ready. I’m not strong enough.”

“But you are,” I plead. “You’re the strongest person I know. The best person I know.”

“Then leave me to do what I need to do.”

“But—”

She spins around and pins me with a look that’s full of fire and pain.

Fuck.

All I’ve done is try to make this all easier for her. And yet, All I’ve done is made it worse.

“I’ll stay, too,” I offer.

“No,” she states firmly. “You have commitments in Chicago. And to be honest, I think it’s probably for the best that we have some time apart.” Her nostrils flare as she sucks in a breath. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. And I really am sorry for causing all this. But I can’t return. I just…I can’t.”

I stare at her, watching her body tremble with a mixture of anger, frustration, and pain.

“I can’t leave you like this.”

Sucking in a deep breath, she holds her head high and rolls her shoulders back.

“You have to. This…whatever this is…It’s done, Kieran.”

She turns her back on me, and it’s all I can do to suck in my next breath.

Her shoulders shake as she silently cries, and I stand there completely useless.

My body screams at me to reach out and drag her in for a hug. But my head…that tells me to do as she said and walk away.

But how? How can I return to Chicago and leave her behind?

“Please, Kieran.” Her plea is so quiet I almost miss it.

“Effie, I don’t know if I can?—”

“You can,” she assures me. “You have people waiting for you. Just…message me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

“What about you?”

She shrugs.

“I need more time.”

“But you will come home?”

Silence follows my question and my fists curl, my nails digging into my palms in an attempt to stop myself from physically reacting.

I want to look in her eyes. I want to do whatever it takes to bring her with me.

But it would be the wrong thing to do.

She may be taking responsibility for landing us here, and sure, our fake engagement is on her, but things between us...they’re on me.

I was the one who came up with that idea.

It was a good fucking idea. But…

Fuck.

Lifting my hand, I rub at my chest.

Not knowing what else to do, I take a step back, putting some space between us.

It’s not until I’m standing in the doorway that I speak again.

“Have I…have I broken us?”

Effie hangs her head. “No. I was broken long before you arrived in St. Louis.”

“I refuse to accept that. You’re perfect.”

A laugh bursts out of her.

“Go out with the guys tonight. Blow off steam. Be…be Kieran Callahan.”

“Fuck, Effie,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I take two more steps back, my heart pounding so hard in my chest I’m sure it’s about to explode.

“I…I love you, Effie. Don’t ever forget that.”

And before I break down and refuse to do as she’s asked, I take off. I’m almost at the end of the hallway when I hear her reply.

“I love you too, Kieran. Always.”

I take one last look around Grams’ house before snatching the bag I’d left in the living room before we went to the hotel yesterday, and I walk out with my head held high despite the fact I’m falling apart inside.

As soon as I close the car door behind me, a huge rush of air passes my lips, and I lean forward, resting my forehead against the wheel.

I suck in ragged breaths, hoping the pain in my chest will subside.

But it doesn’t. If anything, it only gets worse.

I don’t know how long I sit there for, but time doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything.

Nothing is going to change this.

Sitting up, I look at the house again as fond memories flicker through my mind. So many of my favorite times happened here with Effie, both as kids and in the last few weeks.

Pressing my hand to my chest, I rub the spot directly over my heart in the hope of soothing the ache.

But it does fuck all.

Something tells me that nothing will.

Movement inside the house catches my eye, and I stare through the window into the guest room—my room. She never comes to the window, but I know she’s there watching me.

My skin tingles with awareness, but knowing that she’s waiting for me to go, I take it as my cue.

Starting the engine, I put my car in to reverse and take off, leaving my best friend and my heart behind.