Chapter Fifty Six
The Actual Truth (the funeral, months ago)
“You just have no shame, man,”
Callum said to Daniel as I disappeared through the crowd and reached Ardley.
Without a warning I pulled him up. “Let’s get some fresh air,”
I whispered, and surprisingly, he willingly followed me outside.
The wind immediately picked up, September had just begun. Seasonal depression was back.
Ardley shoved his hands into his pockets as he leaned back against the wall.
“You look well,”
he said as he stared straight ahead.
I looked at myself head to toe, “thank you,”
I whispered. I was wearing a giant black coat. The breeze nowadays was cooler than the summer breeze I was used to, and I didn’t want to risk getting sick because I didn’t want to get Clay sick.
“Do you think this is how people start smoking?”
he asked, finally glancing at me.
His eyes, his face, everything about him seemed gloomy.
And it made sense, the love of his life just passed, I couldn’t imagine the state I’d be in if I were in his shoes. I’d be next to Celeste’s freshly dug grave sobbing like there was no tomorrow, or worse I’d be buried next to her. So in a way, I was proud of Ardley for holding up. He looked like shit—like he hadn’t slept in weeks—but he was still here. Somehow.
I thought about his question and the situation. “Yeah,”
I mumbled.
“But do you mean, a cigarette or something else?” I asked.
“Did you know that cigarettes make you feel like shit?”
He laughed, “it actually increases your anxiety and tension.”
My brows furrowed as I shoved my hands in my coat pocket, “that sounds like shit.”
He looked away, “yeah but it’s supposed to release dopamine in your brain, which feels good.”
“Oh.”
“People with addictions are just people who can’t let go. That’s why I believe everyone is an addict, we all have a clutch,”
I muttered. “It’s a weakness,” I whispered.
He chuckled, “it’s a human condition, Juliette.”
He sighed as he sniffed. “My weakness, my human condition, was Celeste. It always has been,”
his eyes dropped to his shoes, “I can’t let her go, so I’m leaving instead.”
Leaving?
I didn’t know how to tell him that he’d get through this because that sounded like a lie and shitty. But I knew that he would get through this somehow. I also didn’t want to tell him because I knew everything was probably senseless and pointless.
Death. Failure. Pain.
I nodded. “What about Clay?”
He rolled his eyes as he dragged his tongue under his lips. “The baby’s Callum’s.”
My chest dropped as I took a step back. “What?”
Ardley cleared his throat as his eyes locked with mine, “years ago, he ended up donating sperm as a task to get us into a frat house my father wanted us to join.”
My brows furrowed as I looked at Ardley telling the story.
“Celeste and I were trying for a baby for a while before we agreed to see a doctor and I remember all that crap about Celeste being infertile and everything, it was a fabricated lie. That day the doctor told us we couldn’t have any kids because of Celeste. He called me back into the office the next day to tell me it was in fact me that was the problem and he didn’t want to disrespect me or embarrass me—whatever. He already told Celeste it was her, she was devastated and I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her about what the doctor had done. She eventually got over it and suggested that we should try surrogacy.”
He sighed. “We couldn’t use her eggs because we already lied to her, we couldn’t use my sperm because I was the real issue, and that’s when I remember, Callum donated his sperm with his information listed, I went back to that pharmacy and discretely paid them a large amount for it.” He pointed at me, “we met you shortly after.”
My nose flared as I pushed both hands into my hair, “Jesus Christ,”
I mumbled under my breath as I began to pace in front of him.
“That’s why you didn’t show any interest in the baby, and you didn’t care about the fact that Callum was doing practically everything for me and the baby.”
He nodded as he looked up at the cloudy sky. “He recently told me you’re that girl he’s been looking for since forever.”
He looked down at me, “fate works in a funny way, doesn’t it?”
I scoffed, “you think this is fate?”
“I think you should be the one to tell Callum,”
he said, “if I tell him anything about this he’ll punch before I can even finish the sentence off, but if you tell him, I can’t help but think he’ll just pick you up and spin you around and confess his undying love for you.”
“We don’t have to tell him,”
I said as I pulled my lips into a thin line.
“You need Callum right now. Telling him something like this will drive a wedge between you guys.”
His brows furrowed as he pushed himself off the wall and swallowed the space between us.
“What am I supposed to do? Keep this secret from him for the rest of his life, the rest of the baby’s life?”
I tilted my head to the side as I raised my brows. “Isn’t that what you were planning to do?”
He closed his mouth.