Capone

6. Erin

6

erin

“Make sure you bring your ass right back home after school,” I reminded Jaiden as he laced his sneakers up.

He sucked his teeth, annoyed that I was still pissed about his little puff, puff pass party. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook easily because I needed to know that he wasn’t hanging around with Timmy.

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you better turn in that project that is due tomorrow,” I continued on while he huffed and tried to zone out.

“Can you chill for a minute? Damn.”

Whap!

I hauled off and slapped the hell out of him in the back of his head. He ducked away, trying to move far away from me in our narrow hallway.

“I’m not Tasha, and you’re not about to speak to me like that… check your fucking tone with me, Jaiden.” I replied calmly as if I hadn’t just slapped the hell out of him.

“Yeah… yes… you got it, Erin,” he quickly apologized and grabbed his backpack.

“Have a good day and call me when you’re on the way home. No extra stops, Jaiden… I swear.”

“Okay.”

I remember the times when all me and Jaiden used to do was laugh. We were so close, and he would tell me anything. The older he became the more closed off he was toward me. I hated that I had to be so strict with him. It was for his own good though.

So many boys in our neighborhood were either locked up or their mothers had to bury them. I was scared of my brother becoming a statistic. I would lose my mind if I lost my brother.Losing our parents broke me, but losing Jaiden would destroy me.

He was all I had.

I had my aunt and cousin, but Jaiden was my immediate family. We shared the same blood of our parents. It was my responsibility to look after him and get him to college and out of this neighborhood.

He would follow the dreams that I once had. I would make sure that he was out of this neighborhood and not following behind Timmy’s weak ass. I wanted to make sure his dreams of becoming an NBA player would come true. His coaches had so much faith in him. I stopped dreaming for myself a long time ago and started dreaming for Jaiden.

He was already robbed of having his parents, so I refused to allow him to continue to be robbed of the goodness in life. I just wished he understood what I was doing and stopped trying to fight me every step of the way. The dreams of going to college were stolen from me.

His story would not end like mine did.

I clocked in and got my schedule before grabbing my bus and riding out. After this weekend, I was thankful to be back to work and not thinking about what went down. Ryai had her ass right back over on the same block the next night for another party. The woman never learned, and I prayed she never had to pay any painful lessons for her hardheadedness.

I neared my block, passing by my favorite corner store. If I didn’t have a bus full of passengers, I would have gotten me a sandwich because I was starving. I was usually good with having breakfast before work. This morning, I had been so busy arguing with Jaiden that I forgot my lunch box on the kitchen counter.

I pulled over toward the stop and had to do a double look because my eyes had to be deceiving me. There were a few women that stepped on, paid their fare, and headed toward the back of the bus. Capone stepped onto the bus, and I crossed my arms because he knew damn well.

“Now you know you don’t ride the damn bus,” I called his ass out as soon as he leaned on the railing across from the bus operator’s booth.

He smirked as he stared at me like he was devouring me one look at a time. “How you pay for this shit? I didn’t get change.”

I laughed. “We take cards now.”

There wasn’t any reason why anybody skipped the fare these days. All you had to do was tap your card and you were good. Capone fished in his pocket, pulled out a Goyard wallet and tapped a black American Express card onto the card reader.

“Bet. I paid my fare like everybody else… this shit still goes the same route?”

“Yes.” I rolled my eyes and pulled away from the curb to keep on time. I couldn’t let him throw me off my timed schedule.

“How you been, Gorgeous?”

“Considering how we parted ways the last time I saw you… I’m better.”

“Yeah, you were on my mind all weekend.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” I focused on the road, trying hard not to look over at him.

My entire side of my face was on fire from the way that Capone’s eyes were burning a hole through it. Out my peripheral I could see the way he was licking his lips as he watched me whip the bus through my usual route.

“Why do you have a hard time believing that?”

“You seem like someone that keeps a lot of women around… so I have a hard time believing some random chick you met once was on your mind.”

“I met you twice.”

I quickly turned to look at him. “You must be mistaken. The first and only time we’ve met is at that backyard party the other night.”

I would remember meeting a man like Capone. I had never met him before the night of the backyard party. Clearly, I wasn’t as tuned into the gossip on our block because Ryai knew more about him than I did. Then again, I kept to myself and didn’t care to know what was going on. I was just glad my parents weren’t the topic of conversation anymore.

“You and that little shorty were about to fight.” He jogged my memory and I laughed.

“Oh, Timmy’s disrespectful ass.” I remembered the day; I just didn’t remember seeing him.

“I was in the store. Naheim stepped in and handled it.”

“Oh, okay. How do you know Naheim?”

“He’s married to my sister.”

The words crashed into my guts. I don’t know why hearing Capone say that Naheim was married to his sister caused such a response within my body. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know he was married, so it shouldn’t have mattered who he was married to.

“Oh.”

“Look like you both have history together,” he mentioned as I stopped to let more passengers on.

When I saw my most annoying regular, I sucked my teeth because I knew he was about to piss me off. Every time he boarded my bus, he spent the majority of his ride trying to spit game. I didn’t know how many more ways I could show him that I wasn’t interested.

“Aye beautiful… how you doing today?” he started with his usual harassment.

It seemed like a regular conversation, but I knew better. Every time he boarded this bus he always started the conversation that way, then it turned into when I would give him a chance. Some days he would lean exactly where Capone was and stare at me, making me uncomfortable. It was like this man didn’t give a fuck about the harassment and assault law that protected metro workers.

I always ignored him because I wasn’t interested and playing into him would only encourage him to continue his shenanigans each time he boarded my bus. I was losing hope because ignoring him didn’t seem like it was working.

Capone reached his hand out and slapped him in the back of the head. “Nigga, you don’t see her husband standing here?”

The man turned around ready to fight until his eyes landed on Capone, they became wide with fear. It seemed that Capone had that effect on people. “Oh shit, Capone… the fuck you doing on the bus?” he was scared and at the same time curious.

He probably never thought he would see him on a bus. “Don’t fucking worry about what the fuck I'm doing. Why the fuck you harassing my wife?”

If this is what would get this man to leave me the fuck alone, I was willing to play along and allow him to believe I was Capone’s wife.

“Oh…shit… this you?” He continued to back away. “No disrespect… my bad.”

He scurried to the back of the bus, something he has never done since he discovered this was my route. I was thankful and prayed this was enough for him to leave me the hell alone the next time he boarded my bus.

“I am not your wife.”

“Soon.”

“What? You sound crazy,” I laughed, and ran my hand through my hair.

I was thankful I took a few minutes to straighten my curly wig and wear it down. I usually clipped my wig up with a butterfly clip whenever I was working. Aside from having to go upside Jaiden’s head this morning and forgetting my lunch, I was actually in a good mood today.

“Everything I say eventually happens. How it happens is up to us, but I know it’s going to happen.”

“You barely even know me.”

“Which is why I’m taking you out tonight.”

The fact that he told me that he was taking me out should have pissed me off. I hated being told what to do. Despite hating being told what to do, I felt the complete opposite, as I struggled to not meet his gaze. “Um, no thank you. I’m not really dating right now. I’ve been on enough terrible dates to know that I don’t have the time.”

“Gorgeous, I don’t remember asking.” He winked when I finally did turn to look him in the eyes. I clutched my invisible pearls as I watched him move closer to my booth. “Sounds like you used to dating weak ass niggas.”

“Maybe.”

“Nah. There’s no maybe, you were. Doesn’t matter because Daddy is here now… ight?” He reached across the plastic glass and touched my chin.

He leaned back in his place and pressed the button to request a stop. “You are ridiculous.”

“Call me anything but ridiculous. I’ll be by to scoop you tonight… ight?”

“You don’t even know where I stay, so how you scooping me?”

I pulled over at the stop and he stepped off the bus. “Gorgeous… I'm Capone. I found out your route and schedule, right?” he smirked before walking away.

It was then that I realized that he was waiting at the bus stop at the same time that I happened to be working. There were at least three other buses scheduled behind me and another that was in front of me, and he had managed to get on my bus.

“What the fuck?” I whispered as I pulled away, continuing with my day and in disbelief.

From the way Ryai described Capone, he could have any woman he wanted. Why the hell was he so interested in me? It wasn’t like we shared much conversation the other night. He bought my food and we briefly spoke before all hell broke loose. The fact that he was Naheim’s brother-in-law was something that put me off from him.

Did he know about me and Naheim’s past? It was so much confusion going on that I pushed it out my head and continued my route. I didn’t need to be thinking about Capone right now. Unlike him, I needed this job and couldn’t afford to get lost in the mind games I was pretty sure he was playing with me and dozens of other women.

Me and Josephine sat on the porch with iced tea and our favorite oatmeal cookies. Since I was a teen, we had been eating this combination and it always hit every time.

Jaiden was downstairs doing his homework before his basketball practice. I guess that slap in the head knocked some sense into him because he had come home with some sense.

“You have to allow him space to grow, Erin.” Josephine brought me back to our current conversation.

“I do. He has basketball where he can grow.”

She gave me that knowing look that only she or my mother could give. I watched as she crossed her legs and sighed. “You can’t keep him held up in the house because you’re afraid.”

“So, I'm supposed to allow him to be out there with the hopes that he’ll return back home to me in one piece.”

Josephine stared at me. “Yes. If you keep sheltering him from things, he’s just going to get better at hiding himself from you. I used to do the same thing with Ryai, and you see what happened with that.”

I sighed. “This parenting thing is hard.”

“Which is why I never wanted this for you. Jaiden was always going to be taken care of. I wanted to take care of the both of you, but I’m afraid you’ve taken care of me all these years.” She let out a soft chuckle. “I wanted you to still attend college and you were so against it.”

My aunt pushed me to attend college. She wanted to make life as normal as possible for both me and Jaiden. The problem with that was life would never be normal for us again. I couldn’t go away to college, make new friends, and pretend like all in my life was good. My brother needed me, and I refused to leave him behind.

“Jo, we both know I would have flunked out the first semester. My mind wasn’t in the right place to go away to college.”

She touched my arm. “I know, Love. I’m just saying that you have become so focused on Jaiden’s life that you’re forgetting to live your own.”

“What makes you think I'm not living my life?”

Josephine laughed and took a pull of her cigarette. “Erin, you don’t have a life. I think this past weekend was the first time you went out with Ryai.”

“And it will be the last. Your daughter is…something else.”

Josephine broke out into laughter. “Me and your mother used to be crazy like that. Ryai reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. She lives life on the edge, and while it drives me crazy as her mother, it makes me excited as a woman. This is something that she has to do. Clipping her wings will only make her resentful of me. Plus, she’s a grown woman.”

“Was my mother like that?”

“No ma’am. Your mother was how you are now. She didn’t like to go out, and she liked to keep to herself. When I say we used to be crazy, I meant I used to drag her around with me on my crazy adventures. She missed out on so much life because she refused to just live. I want better for you, Erin. I want you to experience life and not think about anything. Life is to be enjoyed and many people often lose sight of that because of bills, jobs, and everything else going on. When you’re lying on your death bed, you’re going to hold the memories close, not the material items.”

“How can I enjoy something when I feel so guilty all the time?” I whispered, careful to not start crying.

I felt so guilty for trying to live life when my mother couldn’t do the same. How could I go on enjoying my life when my parents were dead, and I had no reasons as to why? It was hard to live when I was so scared of everything. When I heard that gunshot in the backyard, I was transported to my living room with my father.

I froze when I should have been ducking for cover. No matter how much time has gone on, I am still that seventeen-year- old girl that witnessed her father shooting her mother and then taking his own life.

“Your parents would want you to. The both of you.” She continued to rub my hand.

I wanted to believe that my parents would want me to be happy. They would want me and Jaiden to live our best lives. It was hard actually doing it because the guilt was almost crippling.

“Who in the hell?” I followed my aunt’s eyes, and they landed on the Maybach slowly creeping down the block until it stopped in front of our house.

“This nigga,” I mumbled.

“What nigga?”

“Some guy I met at the party this weekend.” I rose to my feet as my aunt watched like a hawk did its prey.

I jogged down the steps and stood at the bottom with my arms folded. The windows rolled down, and Capone was leaned back in the driver’s seat with a smirk on his face.

“Get in… we out.” He nodded as he stepped out the car. He smoothly made his way around the car and opened the passenger door for me.

“Now why would I take a ride with you?”

“Because I’m not asking you… I’m telling you. Gorgeous, you over here trying to keep a neutral face, but you wanna blush for your man.”

“You are not my man.”

Everybody was now tuned into me and Capone’s standoff. Our next-door nosey neighbor was in her robe watching us like she was being paid to do it. Capone looked up past me.

“I’ll have her back at a reasonable hour.” He smiled at my aunt, who was damn near blushing herself.

“She’s a grown woman… she’ll let you know when she wants to be brought home.”

“Exactly…” I paused and turned toward my aunt. “Really, Jo? You know I have to make sure that Jai—”

“I will make sure his coach comes to pick him up,” Josephine quickly shut down my excuse.

“Guess you’re free to come for that ride.” It was that smirk that got him his way with women, I was sure of it.

“I don’t have my wallet.”

“Whenever you with me, you don’t ever need that wallet.” He continued to hold the door open for me.

I got into the car and put my seatbelt on, unsure of where the hell we were going. When he said he would find me, I just knew he was bullshitting. I had pushed him out my mind and went on with my day. A lot of men always promised things and never came through, so I didn’t believe a word he had said.

Now, I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car unsure of where this man was taking me.

Jo: Keep that location on. Josephine texted me then winked when I looked out the window at her.

Capone got back into the car, leaned back and quickly pulled off the block. As quick as he came, we were gone off the block and darting down every Brooklyn block until we made it onto the highway. I held onto the arm rest and door as he sped in and out of traffic like this was a game. He didn’t say anything as he sat cozily in the driver seat driving with one hand.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You like to eat?”

“I could always eat.”

“Well, then I'm ‘bout to take you to eat.”

I was trying hard to settle in my seat and enjoy the ride. The zipping in and out of traffic was making me car sick. With my eyes closed, I asked. “How did you find out where I live… did Naheim tell you?”

“I mean that shit would have been easier. Nah, I didn’t go through him to get your information.”

“You just go around looking up people’s information when you want to get to know them?”

“Nah. Only yours,” he replied nonchalantly like this was a normal occurrence for him.

Shit, this was probably normal to him because he didn’t seem like the type that was ever told no. Women didn’t turn him down or hesitate to go with him. He probably wouldn’t have even had to get out the car had it been some thirsty ass chick.

“That is not cool, Capone.” I offered a smile.

“Gorgeous, I ain’t trying to be cool… I'm on you.”

“What does that even mean?”

He cocked his head back and smirked as we merged between more cars. I reached up and turned the music up, desperate to have anything else to concentrate on beside his beautiful face. Joey Bada$$ was playing. I nodded my head impressed with his music selection

Capone looked over in my direction and noticed me bopping to the music. “You like his music?”

“Love his music. My little brother put me onto him, and I’ve been a fan ever since,” I admitted.

Things weren’t always bad between me and Jaiden. Lately we had been on the outs, and I wished we could find our way into a sweet spot. A spot between me giving him more freedom and being comfortable with it.

“Oh bet.”

We both nodded to the music as he took us across the Brooklyn bridge. If Ryai would have saw me right now she would have probably lost her shit. I was dressed down in a pair of sweat shorts, sneakers and crop top heading into Manhattan with a stranger.

Look at me…

I was glued to the window trying to piece together where we were going. Once we made it into Manhattan, with ease, Capone continued to drive us through the congested city until we made it up to Harlem. “Survivor’s Guilt” by Joey Bada$$, was my favorite song off this album and that played as I took in the sights of the black mecca, Harlem.

Every time I listened to this song I felt a sharp pain in my chest. It reminded me of my parents and the guilt never eased.

We pulled up to a fish market and Capone killed the engine. I remained in the car while he hopped out and made his way around the car, opening the door for me. I wasn’t the type of woman that would have been put off by coming to a fish market.

The smells coming out of this market made my mouth water. If you were from New York City, you knew all about the food that came out of the fish markets all around the city. Capone took my hand and pulled me behind him into the market.

“Capone!” A Black man greeted soon as we walked in.

“What up, Pook?”

The market was more than busy, and he still managed to spot Capone when he walked in. He held his hand up and headed over toward the counter. It was clear that he was a regular here with how he knew everybody’s name, and how familiar they were with him.

“What you want, Baby?”

It was the way he called me baby that made my heart swoon. I held onto his arm as he held the plastic bag near the seafood. “Do they have whiting?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll do fried whiting and shrimp.”

There was so many options of seafood that I was overwhelmed, so I stuck to what was familiar. I watched as he put everything into the plastic bag, then headed it over the counter to the woman. “Fried hard… add old bay and lemon pepper, too.”

“I ain’t ask for all that,” I whispered.

“Trust me.”

I didn’t know anyone here and apparently everyone knew who Capone was. Who was I kidding? Both times we’ve been together everybody knew who the hell Capone was. I held onto his arm because he was my safety in an unfamiliar place. It wasn’t that I had never been to Harlem. I had been to Harlem plenty of times, I just had never been over this way alone or with a man I had just met this past weekend.

There were small tables off to the side, and Capone grabbed a small table in the corner. I sat across from him while keeping an eye out for my surroundings. The last time I had been about to eat with this man shots had rung out. I had already took note of two ways to escape as soon as we entered the establishment.

“You come here often?”

“That damn obvious?”

“Nooo, not at all,” I sarcastically replied.

It was evident that this man had money and a lot of it. He could have taken me to any expensive restaurant and tossed around his money. Instead, he took me to a little hole in the wall fish market in the hood.

“My pops used to bring me and my brother here whenever we got good grades. Back then, it was a treat. Something we couldn’t afford often, so whenever we came, we went in.” He smiled at the memory.

“That’s sweet that you still come.”

“Yeah.”

I watched as his eyes set on me, making me squirm in my seat. “You raise your brother?”

“Is that something you’re asking or did you already find that out when you Joe Goldberg’d me?”

“Who?”

“Nothing,” I laughed to myself.

If I had to explain it would have been a clear indication that I watched too much damn TV, and I did need to get out the house. Either that or Capone had been under a rock and had never heard of the popular Netflix show You.

“I’m asking,” he clarified.

“Yes. After our parents passed, I took on the role. My aunt did too, but I was mostly in charge of Jaiden and his day to day.” I played with my hands. “Not because I didn’t have a choice. I’m bossy so my aunt allowed me to take over.”

I prayed he didn’t want to get too deep into how my parents died, or anything about my parents for that matter. “He plays ball?”

I let out a sigh of relief when he bypassed my parents’ death and continued to ask about Jaiden. “Yep. He’s been playing since he was younger. Our dream is to make it to the NBA.”

“Your dream can’t be his dream.”

“Who says?”

“Says me. You got to have your own dreams.”

It had been so long since I had sat and thought about what I actually wanted for myself. What were my dreams? My goals? I didn’t know what they were anymore.

It used to be to get into college and graduate to make my parents proud. At one point of my life, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was obsessed with Law and Order, and it was never for Olivia and Finn. It was always for the assistant district attorney. When Barber left, I think I mourned for a full week.

I could see myself being a boss and holding my own in a courtroom. When I applied for college, that had been my end result. Along the way I had lost sight of it, and the more time had passed it seemed like a distant memory.

“Guess I never thought about it.”

When his hand swiped the side of mine a jolt of electricity rushed through my veins. “Stop fronting… you had goals and dreams once before. What were they before you took on caring for your brother?”

“Becoming a district attorney. I was never sure of my career path. When I applied to college that was my goal at the time. It was a district attorney then, and now I think about being a trauma nurse.”

“The world could always use both. More lawyers and nurses. Why a trauma nurse and not just a regular nurse?”

I couldn’t tell this man that I’ve dreamed of the night my mother was murdered, and about how she was transported to the hospital while EMT’s tried to save her life. How I dreamed of a doctor or a nurse trying to bring her back to life. What could they have done differently? It was so weird because I felt like I could have helped and been in whatever operating room they were in.

The reality of the situation was that my mother had heaved her last breath in the ambulance and had never made it to the hospital. Some way I felt like I could have still helped and been there to make sure she lived.

Grief was such a weird thing.

“They are just pipe dreams though. I’m not going to go back to college because so much time has passed by.”

“My sister graduated law school a few months ago. Y’all look to be the same age… it’s never too late.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-seven.”

“And how old is your sister?”

“She’s turning twenty-five next month.”

I broke out into laughter while Capone stared at me. I didn’t know which of the three was the funniest. The fact that Capone thought I was twenty-five, Naheim was married to a lawyer or that she was only twenty-five and he was thirty-one.

“I am thirty years old. I guess I better keep buying that expensive ass skincare if it has you mistaking me for being in my twenties.”

“Chill out, you just got out your twenties… you still a baby, Baby.” He winked as he smiled at me.

“Oh, please. These bills are very much grown, not baby. You must be very proud of your sister though… a lawyer is huge.”

“Very.” He looked at his watch then back at me. “That’s because you need a grown man that’s gonna pay them.”

I ignored what he was insinuating because I was not ready to have that conversation. At this point in my life, I was content with my job and being able to take care of myself. I wasn’t rolling in the dough like he was, still, I had a roof over my head and food in my fridge.

It had always been Jo, Ryai, Jaiden and me, and we made it happen. We made sure if one was between checks that we filled in wherever we could.

“How does Naheim, a felon, end up with a lawyer for a wife?” I quickly switched the subject onto what had been in the back of my mind since he mentioned his sister graduated.

“People are often tossed into each other’s paths. Doesn’t matter when or why, it just happens. Their paths crossed, and that’s how their story started.”

Capone had been blessed with the gift of gab. He was saying a whole bunch of nothing and something at the same time. “And our paths?”

“Ours were meant to cross. They crossed twice before, and one of the times you didn’t have a clue.”

“Hmm.”

“The better question is how did you and Naheim’s paths cross?”

I was trying to figure out a way to let him know that Naheim was my first love. His sister was married to this man, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t have to look at his brother-in-law sideways. At the same time, nothing has happened between me and Naheim, and nothing will ever happen.

“You never asked him?”

“I’m asking you.”

The same woman that had prepared the food brought over two plates of fried goodness. It was hard trying to keep my composure while she sat the food down in front of me. My mouth watered and I couldn’t wait to eat. I watched as she sat the tartar sauce, hot sauce and malt vinegar down before walking away. Just as quickly as she left, she returned with two bottles of soda.

I sprinkled some vinegar and ketchup onto my fish. “He was my first love… I mean as much as love goes when you’re seventeen. There’s a lot of history between us.”

“What kind of history?”

It didn’t make any sense to lie to him about my history with Naheim. It wasn’t like I was a threat to Naheim’s marriage. We had both moved on in life, him being happily married and me just trying to find balance in my life.

Did it sting to see him have moved on so easily?

Not really.

It wasn’t like it had me crying under my covers for days. I would have been a fool to think he would come for me the moment he was free. We were teenagers that weren’t even in a full committed relationship.

We just had a connection, and we explored that years ago. He took my virginity and was the person I could always depend on. That didn’t mean that we would have even ended up together had he not gone to prison.

I explained everything to Capone as he watched me intensely. His focus was no longer on his food, it was on me and hanging onto every word that had fell from my lips. I was able to tell him everything while omitting details about my parents.

“Sounds like there’s unresolved issues there.”

I cut into my fish and took a bite. The fish melted in my mouth and the lemon pepper was the perfect touch. “I wouldn’t say unresolved. We had different things going on in our lives. He was worried about his freedom, and I was worried about other things.”

“I hear you.”

My mouth puckered from the bitterness of the malt vinegar. It didn’t matter how much it puckered; I couldn’t stop myself from eating more. “There’s nothing going on between me and Naheim… what we had was in the past.”

I couldn’t tell what he was thinking by the way he continued to intensely stare at me. That look had me ready to tell him all my deep and dark secrets. “Ight.”

“ Ight ?” I mocked.

“Yeah. I’m big on trust, so if you’re telling me that nothing is going on then I believe you.” He finally dug into his food and looked away.

“I’m actually big on trust, too.”

“Then I guess our marriage should be a piece of cake.”

What bugged me out was how nonchalant he was with it. Like he knew that he would be my husband one day and I was the one that didn’t know.

“Our marriage? We barely know each other and you’re talking about marriage. You think a fish dinner is gonna get you the panties?”

Capone lowered his eyes. “Ma, I could get the panties right now if I wanted them.”

He didn’t tell a single lie. It had been a solid two years since I’ve been touched down there and just Capone’s words were sending my girl into overdrive. I hated how my thirsty ass body was reacting to him.

“Yeah, you tried it. I’m not easy like these other chicks that you run into.”

“I can tell,” he smirked.

I steadied my heart and then look back at him. “What is the real reason you’ve been stalking me?”

“You go out with all your stalkers?”

“Only the ones that bring me to eat good food.” I giggled. “Seriously though. My cousin put me onto you, and I know you can be out here with all these girls. Why the hell you want the boring bus driver?”

“Why wouldn’t I want the boring bus driver?”

It was hard to believe that a man like Capone would want anything to do with me. Not because of my physical either. It was more about who I was as a person, and who he was. We didn’t match up. I’m sure he spent every weekend out at the club, while I was content being home with a book or my favorite show.

He winced and adjusted his legs. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m straight.” I was good at reading people, and I could tell he was playing like he was fine. I’ve never been one who pried, so I left it alone.

He was a grown man, so if he was telling me that he was fine then I was going to leave it at that. “Well, because I’m not the type of chick that’s gonna chase you. I don’t seem like your type at all, and I’m not talking physical, ‘cause I know I’m fine.”

He smirked. “You ain’t lied about that, Gorgeous.” I watched as he shifted in his seat and showed his discomfort again. “How you know what my type is?”

“I can tell what your type is.”

His type was anything moving with thick thighs, small waist, and no brain. I had come across plenty of men in Capone’s position, and I already knew what he was about. Even with me assuming I knew what he was about, I still came out with him and was entertaining him.

“Oh yeah… tell me.”

I popped my lips and blinked my eyelashes a few times. “You want somebody that’s gonna talk like this, and have a coke bottle shape, and do whatever you want.” I continued to roll my neck like a chicken head.

Capone chuckled. “That’s where making assumptions will have you fucked up. I actually despise women like that.”

“I’m so sure.” I finished the remainder of my food and pushed the plate away. “You can’t sit across from me and tell me that you never dated a woman like that.”

“Fucked, yeah. Dated, never,” he bluntly answered.

I was taken back by how bluntly honest he was. As much as women always complained about men not being honest and upfront, I don’t think we were ever truly ready for men and their honesty.

“Hmm.”

“Now you quiet.”

“Just processing.”

He pushed his half-eaten plate toward the middle of the table. “You ready to get out of here?”

“I am. I have work tomorrow so I need to iron my uniform and make su—”

“Calm down, Grandma… I’m not taking you home.”

I watched as he walked over to the man that greeted us when we came in, and he handed him a knot of money. The man tried to refuse, and Capone held the money into his hand and insisted. They spoke for a little bit before Capone swaggered back over toward me and we left.

“Kind of expensive for a fish dinner.”

“You nosey,” he smirked while holding the door open for me.

I slipped in and buckled my seat belt. “I am.”

“He always looked out for my pops when we didn’t have it like that. He’d give us extra fish because we would usually share one fish dinner. I look out for those who looked out for me when I ain’t have it.”

“I like that… I feel the same way about my aunt.”

If I ever won, the lottery Jo would never have to worry for a thing. I would make sure she quit her job and lived the best life. “Then you understand.” Capone winked and whipped out into traffic.

“Where are you taking me?”

Capone was leaned back messing with music while he drove with the other hand. “You probably got a bedtime.”

“Um, most people that have work in the morning do,” I defended.

He didn’t need to know that even before I started my job, I had always had a bedtime. Ryai would beg me to go out with her to hang with friends and I always made up an excuse so I could climb into bed right as my alarm went off. I operated better with routine and structure. It was the only thing that I could control when my parents died. I held onto anything that I had some control over.

I guess it made a lot of sense why I was so controlling when it came to Jaiden. If he had some structure and routine, then he wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands. My way of doing things was doing more harm than good.

“You could always call out and kick it with me for the night.”

“Absolutely not,” I shut it down as soon as he suggested it.

I wasn’t going to be like Ryai. She allowed any man to whisper anything into her ear, and she would be gone for a week with him. Fuck her job, or anything back home, she was lost in whatever man’s ass for that week.

Capone laughed. “I’m fucking with you. I respect your job… I’m gonna have you home before your bedtime.”

“Thank you.”

When we entered the Holland Tunnel, I tried not to panic because this man had taken me out of the state. Jaiden calling my phone distracted me from asking the question that I wanted to ask.

“Hey.”

“I’m back from practice. Coach said that he sent the summer camp form to your email.” Jaiden replied.

“Alright. Your homework is done?”

“Yeah.”

“Wash the dishes in the sink and then you can play your game. Let Jo know that you’re back, too.”

“She’s already down here with me… where are you?”

“I’m out with a friend.”

“You don’t have friends.”

“Excuse you… I do have friends.”

Jaiden started to laugh. “Erin, you don’t have friends. Ryai doesn’t count because she’s family. Where are you, really?”

“None of your business. Did you forget that I’m the grown one here?”

I could hear him sucking his teeth. “Alright. See you when you come in.”

“Okay. Later. I love you.”

“Yeah,” he replied before ending the call. I would give the world to hear him tell me that he loved me back. It was like pulling teeth to hear him say it back.

“Everything all good?”

“I guess you can say that.”

Capone put his hand on my thigh and squeezed. “Tell your man what’s wrong.”

“I’m starting to believe that you’re slightly delusional.”

He laughed. “For real, what’s the matter? You got all down after talking to your brother.”

“Why did you assume that I was talking to my brother?”

“You got any kids?”

“No.”

He quickly took his eyes off the road to look my way. “Then you were talking to your brother.”

“Were you so against your mom when you were a teen?”

“Nah. Moms is my hero and I realized that shit early on… could never be against her,” he responded.

“Great. That means I’m the worst sister-parent in the history of guardians. My brother hates me… I can tell.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“How do you know?”

We exited off the highway onto a winding road that took us up a hill. I should have been concerned with the remote route he was taking, instead I was more worried about what was going to come out his mouth next.

The car slowly cruised through trees revealing an outlook of Weehawken and the New York skyline. Besides the music playing lowly, the only thing that could be heard was the wheels going over the gravel.

“What is this place?”

Capone killed the engine, smiling at me, and then hopped out the car. It wasn’t like we were completely alone. There were a few other cars parked in the distance, some with steamy windows. How do you even find a place like this? As I stepped out the car, I felt like I had front row seats to the skyline.

I watched as he leaned on the front of the car. “That trail takes you past the back of my house. I walk this when I need to clear my head.”

“It’s beautiful.” I leaned next to him and looked out at the view. “How do you know my brother doesn’t hate me?”

I felt stupid for even bringing the conversation back up. I should have known that my own brother didn’t hate me. Except, I didn’t know if Jaiden hated me or not. Some days I could tell, and we were good. Then there were those days where he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I needed someone, anyone, to tell me that I wasn’t losing my mind and that my brother didn’t hate me.

Capone paused and looked at me briefly before he pulled me between his legs. His hands found their way to my hips. I felt so awkward, so I looked away, avoiding eye contact with him. His eye contact was so overpowering. As if he could read my mind and control my inner thoughts.

He cupped my chin, bringing my gaze back toward his. “Do I make you uncomfortable, Gorgeous?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

His lax composure, beautiful physique, and handsome smile made every part of me nervous. Despite him being relaxed, his presence also commanded respect. The way he swaggered into anywhere required respect, and I got that the moment we met at the BBQ.

“Why?”

“I’m rusty when it comes to this.” I pointed from myself back toward him.

“What’s this?” His eyes felt like a heater on my skin.

It was the way he was staring at me that made me nervous. His stare was so intense that it was causing the palms of my hands to become sweaty. I felt stupid because I assumed this was a date, and it wasn’t. While I was thinking we were on a date, he was probably just passing time with me.

I cleared my throat. “I know it’s not a date.”

“It’s not.”

I was taken back by how blunt he was at confirming that it wasn’t a date. “Well, damn.” I nervously chuckled.

I shouldn’t have been so bothered by those two words, but here I was bothered. Capone pulled my face up. “When I take you on a date, you’ll know it right away.”

I smiled. “Can you answer my question now?”

He leaned back further on the front of the car, pulling me closer to him. I just needed to switch the subject from this to something else, plus I was curious to know how he was so sure that my brother didn’t hate me.

“Since you can’t function without my advice, I got you.”

I pinched him. “Excuse you, I don’t need your advice… I just want to hear your thoughts on why you know my brother doesn’t hate me.”

His sly grin got him whatever he wanted from women. “He’s a teen. Things are different from when I was a teen coming up.”

“You mean… we,” I corrected.

He gently pinched my cheek. “Baby, I am thirty-seven... you’re just hitting your thirties... when I was a teen, you were still playing with barbies.”

I grinned and playfully rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Go on,” I encouraged.

It wasn’t until now that it registered that I wasn’t messing around with a boy my age. Capone was a grown ass man, so he moved differently from the typical men I attracted. I think that was the allure for me.

“From the way you talk about him it sounds like he’s a good kid. These teens go through a lot of shit these days. More than I did when I was his age growing up. I don’t know the situation with your parents, but he doesn’t hate you. If anything, he appreciates you for stepping up and being what he needs. It may not seem like it now, but give him some time and space, you’ll feel it.”

Hearing Capone mention my parents sent a wrench to my gut. I should have told him about the situation with my parents, however, fear prevented that. I don’t know why I was so scared to admit what happened to them.

I guess I wanted to relish in someone not knowing my fucked up family history for a while. When my father made that fatal decision that altered all of our lives, it was on the news for months. Reporters flooded Jo’s front yard wanting a statement from the family, and the calls were all night. There wasn’t a thing called peace and privacy when it came to those people.

They wanted a story and would draw blood to get just a small comment on the matter. Good Morning America even reached out to my aunt to do a story for us. She turned every news outlet down because this was traumatic. A seventeen-year-old witnessed her father kill her mother and then himself right in front of her.

What would broadcasting an interview with a traumatized teen do? The person responsible isn’t on the run, they’re dead. I hated school because I was the girl everyone always pointed at and spoke about. Even the elders in the neighborhood always had something to say. It felt nice that time had passed and not everyone was talking about the tragedy in my life. Me and Jaiden were able to move on and live our lives without having to constantly be reminded of the horror that took place. Jaiden didn’t even know the horrid details of what happened to our parents.

Jo thought it would be a good idea to keep that part away from him, so I told him they died in a car accident when he was younger. It was best for him not to know what truly happened. Some days I felt like it would eventually come and bite me in the ass. Jaiden didn’t ask about our parents as much now that he was older. When he was younger, he would always ask questions about our parents, and I was always brought to tears having to relive the moments in times that I would never get to have with my mother again.

So, yeah, I was holding onto my fucked up trauma for now. I wanted to get to know Capone without having to trauma dump on him right away. How did I know he was even the one I wanted to share that part of my life with? This could be a quick like date-that’s-not-a-date, and then I would never see him again.

“You alright?” His gentle punch on my hip brought me back to reality. I tossed a quick smile on and nodded my head.

“Yeah. I was thinking about something,” I cleared my throat.

As the years flew by, I had become better at masking my emotions. I liked to think of it as a twisted party trick I had perfected over time. My world could be crumbling apart, and no one would know because I was that good at hiding what I was going through.

Was it healthy?

No.

It helped me make it through my day without breaking down. I don’t care what anyone said, with time it never got easier, you just got better at hiding the grief.

“Tell me this now… you don’t got no weak ass nigga sniffing behind you? I don’t want to have to lay a nigga down about mine.”

I started giggling until I realized that this nigga was dead serious. There wasn’t a smirk, laugh, or any indication that he was playing with me.

“I have a little situation, and I don’t plan on giving him up,” I joked.

His hands tightened around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He was so close that I could smell the piece of gum that he had popped on the drive over here. “I don’t think you want another man’s life on your hands, Gorgeous.”

I gulped, looking up into his eyes. There was a darkness to them, and I should have been scared. I should have demanded he take me home and then never spoke to him again. Instead, my shallow breaths quickened, and I was more turned on than I had ever been when it came to a man.

“Why you gassing me up?”

Caponed laughed, while looking down at me. “Putting a nigga on his neck is gassing you up? You trouble, Gorgeous. I just know that you better dead whatever situation you found yourself in before me.”

“And if I don’t.”

He bent down until our lips were nearly touching. “Then I guess we’re attending a funeral together… they gonna introduce you as his special friend, right?”

I pushed back from him and started laughing. “You’re crazy.”

“Yeah, I am… so don’t ever think that my threats are empty.” He checked his watch and then looked back at me. “It’s nothing for me to take you back to my house and keep your ass hostage for a few days.”

I tried to walk past him, and he snatched me up, causing my heart to leap out of my chest with his arms wrapped around me. “E…except that is a crime.”

“Something I’m not a stranger to.” He kissed my neck, sending butterflies up my spine. Yes, the butterflies said fuck the stomach, when it came to Capone, those bitches fluttered to other body parts. “I respect your job, so I’m gonna bring you home.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m taking you on a date Tuesday.”

“Oh, you just gonna tell me? How you know I don’t have anything planned?”

His lips grazed my neck again. “When it comes to Capo, you clear that schedule… ight?”

I shuttered at how his lips would feel on other parts of my body. How his roughness would feel with him pushing my head down into the pillow while hiking my ass up and… sheesh.

“Okay,” I whispered, all too happy to agree to what he was asking.

Capone held my hand as we walked back to his car. I leaned back in the chair and tried hard not to smile. It had been a while since a man had been able to put a smile on my face. Everything inside of me was telling me that a man like Capone had the capabilities of breaking my heart, and I ignored them.