Capone

7. Capone

7

capone

“I should have known when you didn’t pick Pony up from his soccer lesson.” Ella came and opened the curtains in my room. “My question is why the hell you didn’t call me and let me know.”

I watched as she sat at the foot of my bed with her hand on her hips. “El, close the damn curtains. I don’t need to call my baby moms every time I’m in pain… you got your own shit going on, too.”

Even with me looking away I could still see the look that she was giving me without her even opening her mouth.

“Capone, are you being serious right now? When has it ever been a problem with me coming over and helping you while you’re in pain?” she sucked her teeth. “For the record, I was your best friend before I even became your baby mama,” she reminded me, like she always did whenever I pulled the baby moms card.

Ella was stubborn so it didn’t make sense to argue with her about it. She returned back to the room with her little kit that she kept under my bathroom sink, then sat on the edge of the bed. “Where’s my son, El?”

“He’s at my mother’s house? She’s taking him to my cousin’s birthday party this weekend,” she replied. “Where is the pain?”

“My fucking legs,” I groaned as I tried to sit up and she gently pressed on my shoulder to prevent me from easing up.

Ella applied the warm compress pads she bought onto my legs as she grabbed the empty bottles of water off my night table, the only thing that I had energy to consume thee past few days. “Is this the only thing you’ve been drinking? Have you not had anything to eat?”

“El, you already know I’m never in the mood to eat when I’m going through this.”

“Your body still needs nourishment. I don’t understand why you’re so hardheaded and think you can do this alone. I’m here for a reason.”

“Because I can do this alone. You’re not here to be my personal nurse, El.”

“How many days have you been laying in this bed, Capone?” She completely ignored me and asked the questions I knew she was waiting to ask.

“A few days.” I shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

The fact remained that sickle cell was a big fucking deal and I dealt with that shit every day of my life. I had good days when I was straight and even forgot that I battled such a horrible disease. Then I had days like this week when I couldn’t function or make it out of bed because the shit was so painful. It felt like someone was crushing your fucking body in a trash receptacle, and there wasn’t shit you could do about it.

There wasn’t a Tylenol, Advil, or anything you could take that would make it better. The only solution was to ride it out while suffering in pain. As a child, my mother would run me a warm bath to soak in, in hopes that it would help. When I became older and had to go to the hospital because the pain was unbearable, they treated a nigga like I was a junkie lying about a mysterious pain. I’ve had sickle cell since I was a child and even as I got older it never got easier. I guess I manage it better because I’ve been dealing with it all my life. The fuck else am I going to do? Die?

That was a driving force not to be some nickel and dime dealer all my life. I needed money for good health care, and to make sure that I was never treated the way I had been in the past. America was funny as shit with the way they knew these diseases existed, then tried to act like we were fucking junkies when we wanted relief from the pain.

“Did you call Dr. Ramos?” Ella asked as she gently positioned the warm compress on my legs.

Ella was the type that never took no for an answer. Even if I told her that I was fine, she would still do exactly as she was doing now, which was unnecessary. I wasn’t a hundred percent, but I felt a shit ton better than I had the past few days.

“He’s out the country right now. I handled it, El. Stop making a big deal out of it,” I moved the compress and tried to get out the bed and she pushed me back.

“You need to rest.”

I slapped her hands away. “What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing? Running a marathon… I’m good. I need to get out this house and get some air anyway.”

She sucked her teeth and moved out my way as I swung my legs over the bed. The only time I had been out this bed was to take a piss. The pain was so severe at times that I used one of the water bottles that was still sitting near the bottom of the night table.

Ella was right on my ass while I made my way to the bathroom. “Maybe you should give yourself a few more days. Since Pony is with my mom for the weekend, I can cancel my girl’s trip and stay with you.”

“Not necessary, Ella. Go and chill with your friends… where y’all going this time?” I emptied my bladder and flushed the toilet.

When Ella lost our daughter, she went through a deep depression. I tried everything to get her out of it and wanted her to be better. No matter what I did, it was never enough because she was mourning. She would never be back to her old self, and that was something I had to realize. Just because I was able to jump back into life didn’t mean she could do the same.

She met a few women in a support group for mourning mothers and they had been tight ever since. I was glad that she had some other support to lean on besides me. I didn’t mind climbing into her bed at four in the morning when she called me sobbing, but she needed a different kind of support that only a woman could offer.

Every other month they picked a place and went away for the weekend. Most of the women were married with multiple kids, so this was a mom break they all deserved. Ella never needed to tell me that she needed a break because I was always pushing her to go away. Our son would always be well taken care of, so she could get some of her light back.

“Puerto Rico. We’re staying at this villa right on the beach. I brought so many books so I can read right on that beach.” With how excited she sounded, even if I did need her, I would have felt like shit asking her to stay behind.

“Oh shit… who chose the location this time?”

Even though these women were exactly what Ella needed during her grief journey, there were a few who she couldn’t stand. I listened to her complain about them whenever she needed a venting session. That was the thing about me and Ella’s relationship. We were still best friends and came to one another for everything.

The only reason she kept pushing the subject of us getting together was because of her mother. Her mother wanted us to be together and took it harder than us when we broke up. She wanted Ella to have that two-parent household for Capone Jr., and for a while I wanted that, too. Reality was that we were better off as friends. Ella knew it, despite her every effort to do what her mother wanted for her.

“You know it was Karen’s ass. She was so against going to Mexico, and wanted to do Puerto Rico instead,” she rolled her eyes. “Claimed it wasn’t good for the baby… she uses this new baby for every damn thing.”

“Is that why you been on me for another baby?”

I knew it had to be a reason for her to randomly bring it up the other day. We both discussed it a few times in passing, however, it wasn’t anything we both sat down to nail out. When she brought it up that morning when I was in the shower, I knew there had to be a reason for it.

“Pony is getting older, and I think I want to try for a second… third baby,” she quickly corrected herself.

I flicked the water off my hands and pulled her into a hug while kissing the top of her head. She melted into my arms as I held her tighter.

“I’m trying not to be selfish, El,” I whispered.

“Then don’t be,” her muffled voice vibrated into my chest.

I didn’t want to be selfish by denying Ella another child. Pony asked about a sibling every other day, and he went through a slight depression when we had to tell him that his sister died. He was young then so I’m not sure the pain hit as much as it did us at the time. As much as I knew Ella wanted another baby, I felt selfish for being the one withholding.

It felt stupid to base a big decision like this one off meeting a woman one time. The thing was that it was different with Erin. I was cool when it came to chilling with a woman, and it was never any sweat off my bat.

Except with her.

She was so cool and calm, or at least she acted like she was. Meanwhile I felt like my heart was in my chest beatboxing with Biz Markie. I wasn’t even nervous, more excited than anything. I could have taken her to any restaurant in the city. I went to the old fish market where my father used to take me because it was a comfort spot.

Plus, Erin wasn’t like other chicks. She wasn’t impressed by the cars, jewelry, or money. It was all about effort for her. The funny thing is she reminded me a lot of Ella, and I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. At least who Ella used to be.

“You need to go and pack. What time your flight leaving?”

She removed herself from my arms, eyes crushed by me switching the subject. I hated to see hurt in Ella’s eyes, especially when I’m the one who put it there. I couldn’t make a decision like that right here and now like she wanted me to.

When Ella left, I climbed back into bed and scrolled UberEats to order something. After eating the bare minimum for the past few days, I finally worked up to having an appetite. Whenever I was in pain, I could never eat. My mother used to let me eat ice cream when I was younger just so I would have something on my stomach.

As an adult, I didn’t have my mom to take care of me like she used to. I knew with one call she would rush over here and care for me, but she shouldn’t have to. Ella shouldn’t have to either. It was time for me to settle down and find that one woman who could accept me and all that came with me. It was part of the reason I never got involved in anything serious after me and Ella broke up. Besides fucking a few chicks, there was never anything that came from any of those relationships.

I feared I would be too much for the next woman. Ella did a lot for me during our relationship, and she put up with a lot. My anger when I become frustrated because I was in pain, and how I laid around in bed for days at a time. She dealt with all that shit and never complained about it.

The next woman wouldn’t be Ella, and she may not accept things like Ella did. Women looked to men to be their strength, and when I couldn’t be that would that change her feelings? Nobody besides family knew about me having sickle cell. I didn’t want people to look at me and feel bad.

I hated when people pitied me. I would rather die before I let a nigga know my weakness. I felt bad for standing up Erin up on our date without calling her. She was probably heated with me because I kept reminding her before dropping her off that night.

The least I could have done was call her, then I would have to explain, and I wasn’t sure that’s what I wanted to do right now. She needed to prove that I could be honest with her about my disease. Erin was mysterious, and I could tell there was more to her than she let on.

I watched how she was so careful on how she spoke about herself. Those were things that I watched for in people. She was guarded and had every reason to be. Far as she knew, I was a stranger that she didn’t know.

I wanted to be more to her though. Even if she didn’t know, I had already deemed her mine. There was no way I was about to let her get away from me. I knew pulling up with money, presents and all that other shit would do nothing for her. Erin moved differently than the average chick. What excited them, didn’t do a damn thing for her, so I had to be real with her.

I tossed Ella’s little kit to the other side of the bed and got comfortable in bed while waiting for my food. My eyes grew heavy, as I waited and soon enough, I had given in to my heavy eye lids.