Capri 3.5 (Season Three: Delgato Family: Capri)

14. Capella

capella

. . .

When I saw a gun put to Aimee’s head, I almost lost my fucking mind. I started to act on impulse and calmed myself down. If I reacted the way that I wanted, it could have ended bad for her. This man had a gun to her head, and I didn’t like seeing her scared like the way she was. All the thoughts filled her head, and I could tell she was thinking of everything that happened in her life.

Following behind him, I was quiet. Bitch was so concerned with keeping that gun to Aim’s head that he didn’t pay attention to shit. In his defense, those hallways in Menace’s fucking mansion were dark as hell.

As I stood in the cut waiting for the best moment to strike, everything went through my head. When our eyes locked when he turned the corner with her, she needed me. Her eyes told me everything.

She was scared, and she needed me to rescue her. I’ve always prided myself on protecting Aimee, and I hadn’t done that shit lately. I didn’t make her feel safe emotionally with me, and that was a burden that I had to carry.

In that moment, visions bombarded my eyes, and I saw everything. The day she pushed our son into this world, when she first told me she loved me. All of that shit fucked with me as I stared at that big bitch holding a gun to her head.

We been through some shit that would have broken the strongest person. Aimee been through it all, and I hated that at times she felt alone. Felt like she couldn’t come to me about shit, and that was my fault.

I didn’t make her comfortable enough to come to me about everything that was going on with her. Aimee meant the fucking world to me, and I wanted to learn and be the man that she needed to be. How the fuck could she expect love from me when I couldn’t even love myself. I couldn’t even forgive my own self or heal from my own trauma.

When I looked up, Quasim and Blair were heading toward the table. Blair sat next to me and smiled. “Hey Capella.”

Quasim sat across from us. Pops and Capone wanted to dip last night, but decided to wait to make sure everything was squared away right. Fucking with Menace Caselli, there was no trace of Martin or Morgan’s ass.

“Why I feel like I’m in trouble or something.” I chuckled, and leaned back in my seat, as Quasim turned his attention to Blair.

“Capella, I don’t get involved in everyone’s business, but Quasim asked me to talk to you, and because I trust and respect him, I will.”

Quasim leaned forward. “I know how you start jumping off and getting defensive… not with this one, ight?”

I wasn’t about to challenge this nigga. “I got you, Sim.”

Blair took a deep breath as she looked at me. “When my ex-boyfriend first put his hands on me, I chalked it up to him being upset. Emotions were running high from both of us, so I made an excuse for him. I excused him harming me, which was my first mistake.”

My chest tightened because I knew where this conversation was going. “Breathe… and just listen,” Quasim coached me.

“I wish I could say that it ended there, Capella. Each time emotions were high, he continued to put his hands on me. Even when things had nothing to do with me. When he stomped me out and broke my ribs, I should have left. He was all I had, so I felt like I had to continue making excuses for him.” She paused, and Quasim reached his hand across the table.

“Take your time, Anjo.” She squeezed his hand before removing hers and going through her phone.

With a shaky hand, she slid the phone onto the table and there was a picture of her unrecognizable. “Fuck, Blair,” I looked away from her phone.

My heart twisted when I saw those pictures of her. “After he did this, I continued to make excuses because he was all I had. He was my entire life, my family, and the only person I thought I had, so I stayed with him. Capella, I’m not saying my situation is yours, but losing your shit and putting hands on her is wrong. It starts with that, and her already making excuses scares me. You are all Aimee has, so she feels like she has to make excuses and protect you. You share a child together.”

Tears fell down my face as I looked at that picture of her. “What the fuck have I done?”

“Kid, you are fucking young and have a lot of growing to do. The thing about being a man is taking accountability and owning your shit. Learning from it so you move forward and be fucking better.”

Blair looked at Quasim. “I’m going to go back to the suite to finish packing.”

He stood up and pulled her chair out. She smiled at him, as she grabbed her phone and headed out of the restaurant. Sim sat back down across from me and stared at me.

“That shit is fucked up. I would never do some shit like that to Aimee… fuck.”

I knew my temper got out of control and I saw red and reacted before I knew what I was doing. Despite how angry I got; I would never hurt Aimee that way.

“Don’t know what the fuck you’ll do if you get angry enough. You got a hand problem, Kid…I asked her to share her story so you can see it from the other side. Me and your pops can tell you that you’re wrong until we’re blue in the face, but you gotta see that shit from a woman’s perspective.”

“How the fuck do you remain so calm when seeing that? I know she’s told you her story before… how did you remain cool?”

Quasim leaned back. “She never told me her story. I knew he was putting his hands on her from Blaze… I’m cool because I have no choice but to be. The last time I lost my shit, I had a gun to my head with my daughter down the hall from me. I’m gonna see that nigga when it’s time… trust. Do I think you some abusive dick head… nah? I do think you need to be Capella, and not Big Capp.”

“I’m not trying to be my pops.” Quasim gave me this ‘nigga please’ look. “What’s wrong with that? I grew up never knowing my father, and now that I know him, I wanna be like him… I don’t see shit wrong with that.”

“My father is Papa Inferno… big fucking shoes to fill.”

“And you do that shit effortlessly, Sim.”

“Yeah, as me… not him. That man’s path was his own, and as a man, I had to find my own to fill his shoes. Our fathers are big fucking presences, and you get lost in that shit if you don’t know who you are. Blaze used to be so fucking mad because he was born second, and everything went to me first. He never realized the pressure that I carried stepping into a role that was built brick by brick by Papa Inferno. Niggas didn’t want to hear Quasim Inferno, Quinton’s son… I had to fucking make them niggas respect me. I couldn’t rely on my father to step in for me… I handled that shit, even when my world was falling apart.”

I looked down. “I’m sorry, Sim.”

“Don’t feel bad for me… my shit is mine and I ain’t sharing this for sympathy. I’m telling you to get your shit together. We don’t fucking put our hands on women on this side… figure your shit out or next time me and you gonna have a problem.” He pushed his chair out as he looked at me.

I ain’t gonna front, Quasim Inferno scared the shit out of me. It was always those quiet niggas with a Bible that were the biggest fucking demons. He swaggered off and I pulled my phone out and called the one person I needed to hear from.

“What up, Chubby Wubby!” Jaiden laughed into the phone, which caused me to laugh right along with him.

“I’m fucked up, Jai.”

“Come to Florida… I’m here.”

“Bet… soon as I’m back home, I’m out there.”

He became quiet. “I love you, Capella… deadass.”

“Love you, too, soft ass.”

Jaiden laughed. “Bet… see you when you touch down.”

“Bet.”

Jaiden was my best friend and if I knew one person was going to set me straight, it would be him. I was still fucked up over Blair showing me the pictures of her battered and shit. Tossing a couple euros onto the table, I headed toward Aimee’s room.

Aimee was packing her things because she was flying back with us. I watched as she checked everything to make sure she wasn’t missing anything. I sat in the corner of the room and saw how she floated effortlessly across the room, shoving things into her suitcase, sucking her teeth when something didn’t fit, and huffing when she stubbed her toe on the end of the bed.

She was fucking perfect, and I hated that it took all of this to see that. I loved her, and my chest was so tight because I had to break her heart. I had to tell her that we needed to go our own separate ways, and that shit hurt more than anything.

“Aim,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence that we had found ourselves in.

She stopped shoving her makeup bag into her carry on and turned to look at me. “Yeah?”

“I love you, Aimee.”

I watched as she took a seat on the edge of the bed and looked at me. “I love you, too, Capella.”

“Baby, I’m fucking sorry for putting my hands on you. I never wanted to become the person that hurt you… after knowing what you went through, I feel fucking sick doing that to you… that’s not me, Aimee. I need you to believe that, and I’m going to work on proving to you that I’m not that man.”

Aimee looked down at her hands. “We need to separate, Capella.” Tears slid down her cheeks, as she looked over at me.

I removed myself from the chair, and sat beside her, holding her hand. “I know.”

“I love you so much, Capella. I want us, I really do.” She paused, squeezing my hand. “I know we cannot keep going on like this. I can’t be everything to you, and not show up for me in the same way.”

“I don’t want you to hate me, Aim.”

She rubbed my hand and looked up into my eyes. “I don’t want to, either… you have so much to work through, baby. I want you to be happy, and Capella, you haven’t been that in a while. We haven’t been that for a while.”

I kissed the back of her hand. “My aunt would be so fucking pissed.”

Aimee laughed through her tears. “Francie would have tore us both up. She was always rooting for us… she was so happy for us, and I don’t want us to get to a place where we can’t make our way back to each other.”

I stared at my feet. “Yeah, she would probably take my head off for the way I’ve been moving. Out here acting like Kendra’s son for real.”

Aimee snorted. “You said it.”

“Oh word? You think I’m out here acting like my mom’s.” I tickled her and she laughed, falling deeper into my arms.

Kissing her head, I looked into her eyes as she looked into mine. “Capella, I want us so bad that it hurts. I also want you to find your happiness, too. I feel like you’re stuck between who you wanna be, and who you’re trying to be. Rory deserves happy parents and with the trauma of how our parents were, we need to give him that.”

“I hear you, baby.”

“Your family will always be here waiting for you… if we both want our family, then we’ll do what needs to be done to have it… okay?”

“Okay.”

“Do you promise, Capella?”

I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “I promise, Aimee Delgato… I’m going to be better for you and Rory. I’m not going to just say the shit either, I’m gonna show you.”

She smiled as she swiped away a tear. “I promise, Capella Delgato… I’m going to be better for myself, you and Rory.”

I held her so tight because I didn’t want to let her go, but I heard my father’s voice in my head. Aimee would try and fix me, while trying to fix herself. I needed her to be selfish this time and fix her.

We both needed to be selfish because Rory deserved to have two parents that wouldn’t fuck him up mentally. Neither of us wanted to move from each other, because the moment that we would, we knew it was time to put those words into action.

Aimee was the first person to move. “Can you sleep in here with me for tonight?”

“I got you, Aim.”

She smiled as she went into the bathroom to finish gathering her things. I leaned back on the bed and felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

Shante: You can ignore me all you want. Ignore this.

I looked at the sonogram picture with a little piece of lint in the middle. That was how big the shit was, and felt like I was about to be fucking sick.