Catch Me (The RLU #5)

Chapter 30

Theo

M arcela walks out of her building, stealing the breath right from my lungs. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in days and I missed her. She’s wearing a white puffer jacket, brown leggings, and white snow boots, with her wavy hair loose under a pink beanie.

I can’t seem to form words, even when she’s standing right in front of me with a concerned look.

“Theo? You okay?”

My eyes trace the freckles on her cheeks and bridge of her nose, and up to her honey-brown eyes.

“Better now,” I smile, handing her the bouquet of roses.

“Theo …”

“You’re welcome.” I lean in and briefly kiss her forehead before opening the passenger door. “Keep them in the truck. We’ve got places to be, Celly.”

Marcela moves to hop in the truck, but she pauses in front of me. She rests her hand on my chest and places a small kiss to my cheek. “Thank you.” When she pulls back, I see admiration in her gaze, which I’m sure I’m mimicking back at her.

My skin tingles where she kissed me and my entire body buzzes with excitement that she could be in this for real.

I lay my hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. My mouth parts, the words about to tumble out of me, when I think better of it.

Now isn’t the time. I haven’t seen her in a few days and the last thing I want to do is push her away by telling her how I feel. If this is going to be the last date we go on, I want to enjoy it.

I let go of her hand as she settles into the passenger seat, and we drive over to the distillery district for the post-Christmas farmer’s market.

“So, I saw Hunter yesterday,” Marcela suddenly says, nearly making me slam on the brakes.

“What the fuck, where ? What happened?” I ask, on edge that he may have said something to her that will make me want to hurt him.

“Everything’s okay,” she reassures me. “Apparently, Chris invited him to the party. He told me he wanted me back because he and Ruby broke up.”

A million thoughts run through my mind—from wanting to punch Hunter for wanting Marcela back after hurting her, to the fact that Ruby and Hunter broke up. But only one trumps them all.

What does that mean for us?

If Hunter and Ruby broke up, what happens to Marcela and me? Does this mean we have to stop being together? If she knew about this yesterday, why did she still agree to go out with me today?

“I hope you told him to fuck off,” I say, hoping she didn’t let him off easy.

“Not in those exact words, but yes.”

“I’m proud of you, Celly,” I glance over at her, not missing the satisfied smile she’s wearing.

“Me too, Theo. Me too.”

The entire drive to the district, I keep thinking about how I’m more determined than ever to tell her how I feel after this date. Maybe it will go better than I thought.

Maybe she’s done pretending too.

“I think I’m going to keep this hanging up in my room year-round.” Marcela gleams with pride as she looks at her ornament.

I took her to Creation Station, a craft store, where we each made an ornament. She painted her round wooden piece with a stack of books wrapped in a big bow, while I painted a night sky with a bunch of stars.

Because they reminded me of her. Bright and beautiful, quiet but powerful.

“Me too,” I agree as I pull into the parking lot of her building.

“This was such a fun day. Thank you for taking me there. I think I’m going to be full and tired for the next three days.”

She wasn’t wrong. We went ice skating, and walked around the entire market three times as we browsed the stands and tried as many festive treats as we could. We drank hot chocolate, ate chocolate-dipped pretzels, and my personal favorite—devoured snowman brownies.

To end the night, we had Indian food from a food truck, making us full beyond capacity at that point. It was worth it though, everything we had was delicious, and not once did I care about what my trainer would say. Because football wasn’t my priority anymore.

I will still do my best to win the championship in February, because my team and I deserve it. But then I will be done. Forever.

God, I haven’t wanted anything this badly, other than wanting to be with Marcela.

And I think it’s time I let her know exactly that. I’ve kept quiet the entire night, holding back these feelings inside of me. But I’m done doing that. I’ve done it my whole life and it’s exhausting.

“Same,” I hum my agreement, as I put the truck in park.

I go to speak, but Marcela beats me to it. “What happened with your dad? I know I usually don’t pry, but I need to know that you’re okay.”

I wasn’t planning to keep it a secret from her, I just had more important things I wanted to talk to her about first. But since she’s asking, I oblige.

“When I told my dad I hated football, he had a hard time wrapping his head around it. He tried to convince me that I would be wasting all the work I’ve done, and I should at least go pro to play a couple of years. But I told him that I was done, and that there was nothing he could do to change my mind.”

“I am so sorry, Theo,” her voice is gentle as she speaks. “But I am proud of you for finally speaking your truth.” She places her hand on mine, giving it a squeeze. My body revels in her comforting touch.

“Thank you,” I whisper quietly. “I’m not sure what will happen next. And I hope we’ll get a chance to mend our relationship. All I know is that I have roughly seven more weeks and I’ll never have to play football again. That’s what I’m trying to keep focusing on.”

“You won’t quit on your team,” she points out.

And oddly enough, knowing I’d no longer be forced to play beyond this season makes me almost … excited to finish out the last few games. It’s funny what happens when you take away the pressure that’s been weighing you down.

“You know me well.” I grin as I place my hand with hers.

My stomach rattles with nerves when I say her name.

“Marcela.”

The air in the car instantly changes when her eyes flit to mine, wide with a hint of fear of them. “Theo? What’s wrong?”

I swallow roughly, but don’t look away. “I need to tell you something.”

She slowly shakes her head back and forth, as if she already knows what I’m about to tell her, but I don’t let it deter me. I’ve waited and bottled my feelings up for far too long. It’s time for me to face my fears, no matter the consequences.

“I love you, Marcela,” I say, my voice surprisingly steady. “And not just as a friend. I’ve been crazy about you since the day you walked into that lecture hall freshman year,” I pause as Marcela’s face becomes unreadable but since I already started, I need to get it all out.

“I knew fake dating you was going to be a challenge, because I was already so into you. That’s the only time I’ve ever lied to you, and for that, I’m sorry. Because every minute I’ve spent with you over the last few weeks—where you let me see the real you—I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you.”

My chest aches and warms at the same exact time, relieved to have told her the truth, yet utterly terrified at what comes next.

Marcela’s eyes well with tears. “Theo … I-I can’t.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

Her bottom lip quivers as her eyes dart from my lips to my eyes. “I’m scared of falling again.”

“I’ll catch you, Marcela,” I say softly.

Marcela remains quiet as she looks away from me. I can feel how torn she is, and I hate that she’s so unsure about us. I wish she was so certain about me, the way I am about her, but I can’t force her to feel the same.

So as much as my next words will break my heart, I have to do it. For her sake, and mine. “I’m breaking up with you.”

Her head whips towards me, shock written all over her face. “W-what? You tell me you love me and then you don’t want to be with me?”

“You need time to figure out what you want and how you feel, and I’ll never pressure you into it.”

My heart shatters at the hurt on her face, but this needs to happen. I can’t go on pretending anymore, and she needs space to figure out what her feelings are.

“I guess with the closure I recently got with Hunter, it makes sense that we stop pretending too,” she reasons, her face devoid of emotion. She’s guarding herself, not letting me gauge her feelings

My chest hollows at her words, even though I knew that’s what this was all for. Her falling for me the way I have for her was never guaranteed.

“Yeah,” I say tightly, not wanting to break in front of her.

There’s an awkward silence growing between us, louder than any words could be. I don’t know what happens next, but I need to leave before I take back everything I just said.

“I should get going,” I say. “I have an early training session.”

“Okay,” she responds quietly as she undoes her seatbelt. “Thanks for … everything.”

I watch as she opens the door and hops out of my truck.

“Marcela,” I call before I can stop myself.

“Yes?” she replies quietly, a hand on the car door frame.

“If you realize that you feel something for me too, I’ll be waiting. I’ve waited this long, and I’d wait forever.”

She gives me a nod and shuts my truck door. All I can do is watch as the love of my life walks away, potentially forever. For the second time in a week, tears trickle down my face.

I knew this was a possibility, but I hate that this is how my and Marcela’s might end. But that night, as I toss and turn in bed, I usher a silent prayer to the universe that she’ll come back to me.

She’s all I’ve ever wanted, and I hope she feels the same way about me.