Chapter 36
MY GIRL IS baptism by fire. I’m reenergized with a determination to be good. To do better. To be deserving of her love and all that she is. Loving her is what I want to do for always. I need to sink inside and become a part of her and all her good. I want to bury myself so deep that we’re one.
“I want you so fucking bad, Birdie. Let me have you,” I’m fucking dizzy thinking about feeling her from the inside out. I reach between her legs and slide my hand over her hot little covered pussy.
She’s such a good girl and rubs herself all over me as I massage her core. “You gonna let me see how beautiful you are?”
She freezes in my arms and I watch her close herself off while she rapidly shakes her head no. Fuck that. I’m not letting her run away from our moment. I refuse to have anyone or anything take her from me. And that includes the voices in her head. Whatever they”re telling her isn’t true.
I gently catch her chin with my thumb and pointer finger, before kissing her lips. I want to bring her back to me. I don’t like sharing her with the goddamn lies that live with her rent free. “Tell me why.”
“I’ve got scars, Chase, scars that run deeper than just the marred skin on my body.” She turns her face away when she speaks and I bring her back to me.
“And I wanna know every story behind every scar.” I stare into her eyes and get lost in the dark depth of who she is. It’s like I’m staring into the shadow of her sunlight. I see her soul. And I see her demons, too.
“Don’t put up walls between us.” I kiss her forehead, begging her brain to let me in. “I’ll climb them all to sit next to you in the dark.”
“I promise it won’t change how much I love you.” I hold out my right pinky to her and she looks at it with hope in her eyes. I swear it’s like she’s putting all her faith in me to love her regardless of what”s on the other side of her walls. She could tell me she’s wanted in four states for murder and I’d gladly go on the run with her.
“You promise?” She says and wraps her dainty little finger around mine.
“Pinky promise, Birdie.” I curl them together and bring our joined fingers together. I kiss the link between us and want to be tied to her in every fucking way.
I wanna make more promises to her; to love her through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, and in this life and the next. I’d follow her into the darkness of death to avoid living another day without her.
“I need ya to know that sometimes my feelings get stuck inside of me,” she squeezes our joined pinky fingers with all her might. She sharply inhales the air between us before continuing. It’s like she’s bracing herself for impact. I’ll always be a soft spot to land, gorgeous, I promise. Pinky promise.
“If I can’t get ‘em out or move past it, I’ll cut myself to get rid of the pain and the feelings. It helps me reset.” I can relate to every tormented word she says and pull her into my chest. I hug her tight. I want to squeeze the pain out and give her the air in my lungs to help her breathe easy.
I curl my toes into my fucked up sneakers, all too aware of the countless miles I’ve run to dull the edges of my own sharp pain. I wedge my thigh between her legs and take some of her weight. She wraps her arms around my waist and molds herself to me. I want her to lean into me when the world gets to be too much. I’ll be strong as a goddamn rock for her.
“It makes me feel in control when everything else feels chaotic.” Her lips are right over my heart and I can feel the pain laced around each word. They could be my own. It gives me so much goddamn hope that she’ll be able to understand the parts of me that are dark and dank. My demons understand hers.
“Show me your demons, and I’ll show you mine.” she pulls back and looks up at me with awe-struck eyes, like I’m some white knight or something. “Let’s have them dance together,” I finally tell her before leaning down to kiss her.
And this kiss tells me her deepest and darkest secret of all. Sloane Higgins doesn’t need to be saved; she needs to be appreciated, she needs to be loved right, and she wants me to be the man to do it. And fuck if I’m not going to to do just that.