42. Chapter 39
A fter we found Charlie some of Henry’s clothes that fit her, we stood in my room for a few awkward seconds before I sighed and climbed into my bed.
“Come on,” I patted the side of the bed, “I won’t try to kiss you again.”
I feel like an ass, and she looks so resigned to us hating her that it makes me want to hold her.
“Charlie, we don’t hate you. Okay?” I whisper softly. I don’t want to spook her. “I could use some platonic contact, and I can sense that you do too. So, I’ll hold you while we nap, and we can never speak of it again if that’s what you want.”
She twists her lips to the side and nods. Tentatively, she slips under the covers and gives me her back. Throwing my arm over her waist, I bring her body into mine and slide my other arm under her pillow.
Henry’s clothes on her body make me want to squeeze her tighter. Some fucked up way of feeling like I’m holding him instead of her. My heart sinks at the thought. I should be focused on how the hell we’re going to get out of this mess, not fantasizing about Henry. My traitorous dick twitches against her ass from my thoughts.
“Dude,” she groans and tries scooting out from under my arm.
“You smell like him,” I admit. The blush that spreads over my cheeks is enough to make me want to roll over and hide under my own pillow. “I’m sorry.”
Her deep sigh tells me she understands. “Don’t get any ideas, love puppy.”
Busting out in laughter, I shove my head into the pillow and groan. “Don’t worry, I promise to be on my best behavior.”
“Mhmm,” she laughs along with me until our laughter dies out and we’re both snoring softly.
Charlie’s still sleeping beside me, tendrils of her long hair have fallen out of her bun and tickle my face. I don’t want to wake her, so as softly as I can, I untangle myself from her and slide out of bed.
Seeing her lying there has me feeling so many things. I can’t keep them pushed down any longer. Mostly I think I’m realizing that even though I’ve fucked up so many things, I can work to make them right.
I have to try.
Starting with Toby and Talon. Pulling my phone from my nightstand, I silently make my way out of my room, closing the door with a soft click.
Heading toward the living room, I dial Toby’s number because I doubt Talon would pick up my call.
“Hey,” he answers.
“Do you think you could convince Talon and Cin to come home with you today?” I try to keep my voice from wavering. Nerves take flight in my body, and the hair on my arms stands up.
“Maybe, when?”
“Now?” I ask, “I have something I need to say.”
“I think you’ve said enough,” he snaps, and after a moment, he sighs, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did, and I know. I’m going to make it right.” My confidence grows with every word. I’m going to mend my relationship with them, our dads, Jax, and finally Henry.
“Is Henry invited to this apology tour?” Talon asks, pulling me from my thoughts that churn with ideas on how the fuck I’m going to pull this off.
“Uh, no,” surprise laces my voice, but I should have known he was there. “Not yet,” I know it’s not what he wants to hear. “I have a lot to make up for and a lot of self-reflection to do before I make it right with Henry. He deserves a better me if he’s even willing to forgive me at all.” My voice wavers at the very real possibility of him not being able to.
“We’re on our way,” Talon grumbles and hangs up.
Now that I know they’re coming, I search the house for Dad. I’ve got to figure out what the hell I’m going to say.
Checking his office, I find him in front of a desk full of monitors with Charlie’s phone plugged into his drive. He’s going through every bit of information she has on it, so either she doesn’t have anything she doesn’t want anyone to see, or she doesn’t care what he finds. I knock and wait.
“Come in,” he rumbles.
Stepping into the room, I find my uncle, Nile, in the corner working on whatever it is he does.
“I asked the twins to come home,” I tell them both. Dad spins around in his chair, and Nile turns his head.
“What for?” Dad asks.
“I need to apologize. For a lot of things.” I know better than to pussy foot around. “Starting with last night.”
Turning so I’m facing dad fully, I let out a breath, “I’m sorry for drinking myself stupid, it was irresponsible and inexcusable.”
He nods, giving me a small smile. “Great start,” he says, “but I think the biggest problem is why you did it.”
“Henry was at the bar, drunk, and said some things. Then he left with that new roommate of his, and I lost it.” That’s not an excuse, and I know that I’m the one that broke his heart. “I should have stopped him. He was drunk and pissed, spewing words he knew would hurt me. Or I’m assuming he hoped they would anyway.”
“Banks, if you couldn’t handle the thought of Henry with someone else, you shouldn’t have agreed to the contract.” My uncle states. “And you definitely shouldn’t have ripped his heart out in front of everyone.” He adds unhelpfully.
“I know,” hanging my head, I continue, “I thought I could… I thought a lot of things. But if these past weeks have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t live without him. I’ve been so lost in grief over Mom that I became someone even I hate.” I take a deep breath and blow it out, “And I thought I needed to break his heart so he could find someone better. But then he went and did it, and I’ve never felt so… shattered.”
When neither of them speaks, I start to wonder if what I said makes them more disappointed. “I thought I wouldn’t survive when mom died, but this is a kind of torture all its own. Seeing the man I can’t survive without–who I made hate me–falling for someone else. I feel like I can’t breathe.”
My consciousness flashes, and the image rocks me to my core of Henry, absolutely devastated before kicking me out of his apartment.
God, I fucking hate myself. I did that to him. And for what ?
“Have you told Henry?” Luca’s voice makes me cringe. I didn’t know he was behind me. I wanted to talk to him separately.
“No,” I turn so I can look him in the eye. “I want to make things right with Toby and Tal first. Cin, too, and because we still have a contract with Romero, I don’t want to give him false hope. I have to work on my shit before I ask Henry to forgive me.” I say honestly, making a mental note to find a therapist after I talk to Toby and Tal.
“That’s commendable.” He nods, crossing his arms over his chest. “But what happens when we have a plan and you no longer have to worry about pretending with Charlie?”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead. But I know what Henry deserves.
“I’m going to grovel my ass off to get him back.”