47. Chapter 44
E xhaling, I leave the tent. I can’t go down this road right now, not with our dads here. I want to enjoy our time. I haven’t seen them in weeks, and I miss them.
Dad eyes me over the fire, and I give him a smile, which he returns. He stands once the flames catch and the wood crackles.
“Do I need to have Creed sleep in Banks’s tent tonight?” His concern is evident in the way his eyes soften, and his smile goes crooked.
“I think I can manage,” I tell him. I’m hoping that being close to me might help Banks sleep. I hate myself a little for how much I still want to take care of him, even after everything.
I’m giving myself whiplash.
The night starts to settle, the sky falling to dusk.
“Hey boys,” Nile says, “let’s get a picture of you together.”
“Like we’re five and need a reminder that we were all once friends?” Talon grunts.
Nile slaps the back of his head, and Toby throws his arm around his brother’s neck. “We’ll always be friends. A bond like ours doesn’t just end.”
Toby’s statement couldn’t be truer. We are all connected and have been since we were born. That connection doesn’t just dissolve, no matter how much we wish it could. Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to Banks, and him to me. Maybe it really has nothing to do with love and everything to do with our friendship.
“Banks!” Diego barks when he doesn’t move from his seat on one of the logs. His stare is hot on the side of my face as if he can sense what I’m thinking. “Come on.”
He stands, and Toby pulls him into his other side. Leaving me to choose whether to stand beside Banks or Tal.
Tal crosses his arms and grunts, “Get over here, Fancy, let’s get this over with.”
Joining the rest of the core four, I glance at Banks just as I hear the click of Nile’s phone.
Fucking hell.
I shouldn’t have looked at him. Now, it’s forever in color how much I feel for him. We break apart, roasting hot dogs and eating while conversation flows. Football gets brought up next, and I can see how much Banks missed it. The way his whole face changes, and he talks animatedly about the team. He talks about Jax and how he was happy to reconcile with him.
“I’m gonna turn in,” I whisper to Dad, and he nods. My head’s spinning, and my heart wants nothing but to forgive Banks and let bygones and heartaches rest. I need to be alone with my thoughts.
Unpacking my bag, I roll out my sleeping bag, the comforter I always bring, and dig around for my heater. I need the noise and the extra heat it provides. The temperature is supposed to drop below forty and I don’t want to freeze.
The flap to our tent opens, and Banks hunches over to step in. He doesn’t speak, only starts getting ready to sleep himself. My heater, that I swore I packed, is missing. Eyeing the one he brought, I squint. How did I forget it?
Without a word he hands me his.
“I swear I packed mine.” I whisper.
“It’s okay, I don’t need it. I only brought it for you,” he shrugs with his back turned toward me.
“I want to believe you, Banks.” I need him to know that.
He turns, facing me fully, and nods before going back to unzipping his sleeping bag and sliding into it.
We don’t speak, even when our family's voices die, and the dark settles around us, spooling up the tension. I know he’s awake. I can tell by the way he’s breathing. I wonder if he’s waiting for me to say something, or if he’s trying to give me what he thinks I want.
Peace.
“I saw the way you looked at me when Toby said our bond runs too deep for us to no longer be friends.”
I don’t know what to say, so the quiet remains as Banks shifts. It’s too dark, and the only light now is the heater by our heads that illuminates orange and fades every so often.
“Our bond is different,” he’s looking at me, I can feel it in my bones. “We’re soulmates, Henry, and I’m going to do everything I can to prove you can trust me again. We can love each other all over.”
My heart lurches in my chest. “Until you decide otherwise.”
His heavy sigh fills the silence. “It was incredibly callous of me to throw away what we had, thinking I had no other option. I was–” He stops abruptly as if he’s realizing something and continues again, “I’ve been so careless with your heart, and I swear to God I’ll make it up to you every day if you’ll let me.”
I feel like I’ve just been slapped across the face. This is what I always wanted after he changed. I wished on shooting stars, birthday candles, and fallen eyelashes, begging the universe to bring back the man I loved, and now here he is, and I feel like I can’t breathe.
I can’t be in here, not with him proclaiming things my head tells me he doesn’t mean. With my heart and head at war, I need air, I need to get away from him before I get hurt again by believing.
Dragging my comforter out to the fire, I wrap myself up and stare at the sky. It’s a beautiful night, with stars dotting the sky through the trees–a flash of white darts across the heavens, and my heart soars.
“I want what he feels to be real,” I wish, whispering into the cold air.
“Can’t sleep?” Diego’s gravely voice startles me and I jump, turning to look at him over my shoulder. I didn’t know he was there, lost in thoughts of Banks.
“Something like that.”
“How are you?” He asks, coming to sit beside me.
“Confused,” I’m not sure I could answer him any other way.
He nods, and we sit in silence. Listening to the bits of nature not currently hibernating.
“I’m sorry for the part I played in Banks’s choice,” he breaks first. “I had hoped he would have had time to talk to you first, but Banks has never been very good with timing.”
We both share a laugh.
“He didn’t even give us a chance,” I suck in a sharp breath. “He crushed me, Diego.”
“I know,” he nods, staring at me. “I didn’t think he could be so cold, but I guess he learned that from me.”
I don’t know what to say to that. Diego’s always been more cut off than the rest of the dads, including Creed. Fauna was the only one who got much of anything out of him, and when she died it only got worse.
“Henry,” he looks away, the only signal that whatever he’s about to say, he had no intention of telling me. “I donated money to Gator Coffee Co.”
“I… don’t understand.” My thoughts go back to when I first started and noticed the new mixers, the nice high-end ones you’d find in a restaurant, and Koda mentioned an anonymous donor.
“I knew Banks would come home because it’s the only place he knows and trusts, and I had a feeling that when he found out what was happening, he would choose to save Fern. He wouldn’t survive losing her, another mother figure. But you… you’re different. When I heard you telling Fern and Candy about how you fell in love with that cafe, I knew I made the right choice donating the money to help them update it. I wanted to make sure you had a safe space to go to because I had a feeling it wouldn’t be with us.”
“I can’t… I– I don’t,” I can’t get the words out.
“I love you, Henry, and in his own way, Banks does too. He made a mistake, and I’m not saying it wasn’t a huge one. All I ask is that you give him a little grace. I know it’s not fair of me to ask, but my boy deserves to be happy. And if he’s willing to better himself and work for it, I hope you’ll at least give him one last chance.”