Ciao Bella

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“Pain reminds you that you’re alive.” —King Campsi

Ivan

It was worth it, it really was getting punched.

We were quiet on our drive back to campus; I reached for her hand, but only in the car.

She held on to it as we walked to our new suite on campus; we had the one bed because you know, married, and campus royalty and I still had to finish school and make things look normal.

Nothing to see here, just a mob boss getting his education by day and killing people during brunch.

It had to look normal.

Perfect.

Balanced.

Not just because of the nice people out to get us, but because any sliver of weakness and others might think they could pounce too.

Once we were in the suite, with its kitchen, living room, and huge king bedroom. I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

Bella was still covered in dirt.

She didn’t even ask if she could come into the shower—she just stripped, dumping the clothes into the trash, not the hamper; then again, I realized she probably didn’t want to be reminded—and stepped into the steaming shower, putting her head under it until she couldn’t see.

I joined her. “Rules.”

“You hate rules, you tried to burn almost every rule sheet given to us by the parents for like years.”

I tried not to stare at her soft skin and failed.

“You’re beautiful.” I frowned when I noticed a faint bruise on her neck and pressed my palm against it. “Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“Next time choke him out first, wrap second.” I admonished. “Then again, he was really big, I’m proud of you for keeping a clear head.”

She rubbed her eyes, mascara slid down her cheeks, she’d never looked so pretty. “Are you complimenting me?”

“It slipped?” I licked my lips and backed her into the water again with my body, I lifted a shaky hand and ran it down her shoulder.

“Did that slip too?” She looked over at my hand.

“I’m very clumsy.” I admitted, then lifted my other hand and cupped her chin. “We need rules.”

“For?”

“Survival.”

She took a deep breath. “How bad is it, Ivan?”

My chest clenched. “Nobody has really asked me that, not yet, despite the obvious information that I clearly never wanted this position.”

“You lied to me.”

“I lied to everyone,” I said, meeting her gaze. “We have our own rules now. Mine is, I’ll trust you, and I need you to trust me. I won’t tell you everything because it keeps you safe, do you understand?”

She pressed a palm to my chest. “I would like to request an addendum to the first part of that.”

“What?”

“Lie to everyone but me. Lie to the world. Lie to my family. Lie to your friends. But don’t lie to me. You promised, you said to trust you, can I?”

“Yes,” I said quickly. “You can.”

“Do you hate me?”

I opened my mouth and closed it, then shook my head.

“Do you want to?”

“Most days yes.” I laughed. “You said you wanted honesty.”

“Why?” Her eyebrows scrunched up. “Why do you want to hate someone most days? I mean, I do want to hate you most days, but we all have our reasons.”

When I looked at her, I saw someone I wanted to both love and hate, but they went hand in hand, to love her was to hate her, to hate her was to love her. The fear of admitting the vulnerability she pulled out in me was so heavy, so strong. I hated what her Family did, so I wanted to hate her too, because any other emotion meant—well, that I was sleeping with the devil, that I’d somehow failed.

And after that night, with Junior, after the killing.

She’d been the only one to see me.

I pulled her into my arms, her breasts slid against my chest, she felt so right in my embrace as I spoke against her ear. “That night, when I came back to the room and was bleeding, the first time, and you made me take a bath and I pulled you in, and I—” I stopped myself. “I let myself go with you, I let myself rely on someone else and you were so willing to be that person that I hated myself for being weak, and then I hated you for letting me.”

“Weakness isn’t in relying on others, it’s in trying to do it yourself,” she said right back. “You were my first kiss, you know.”

“I know.”

“You’re a total asshole.”

“That’s been established, yes.”

“Why did you kill him?” she asked next.

“Nice try with the quick questions, but that is one that I won’t answer honestly. Now that we’ve made an addendum, don’t make me lie,” I said. “That’s all I can give you.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Fine. Then I’m okay with your new rules. Now, I need you to tell me everything. You could have saved us a lot of pain and just let me in. I can act.”

“You can’t, actually, act to save your life.” I pointed out. “You literally got kicked out of the Jr High play and had to switch parts with the apple tree.”

“I got my vengeance.”

“You ruined the play by throwing apples at the person who stole your part.” I laughed. “Then again, it was hilarious, you went up in respect that day in my fourteen-year-old mind.”

More water dripped down her cheeks. “Why thank you.”

“But no, keeping you in the dark keeps you safe, just keep doing what you’re doing, acting like you want to kiss me and punch me at the same time, it’s distracting, plus…”

“Plus?”

Shit. I was losing my own battle, wasn’t I? “Plus…” I ran my thumbs over her eyes, they came back with mascara and water. I loved it. It felt real having her in the shower with me, it wasn’t about having sex with her, or trying to control anything.

We were simply.

Talking.

No, no, we were flying.

I finally had my partner, my wingman.

“You’re distracting. To me. Too.” I could have easily made that sentence sound better as her eyes moved from mine to my mouth. See? Distracting.

She slid her hands up my back, then down again. “I’ll forgive you for being a hateful jackass as long as you warn me before you mock me in front of others. I know you’re trying to play the ass, but you keep hitting every single thing that makes me insecure, and it’s going to be hard for me to remember that—”

I captured her lips with my teeth, then softly bit down and kissed her. Her tongue was so soft, so tentative, as it slid into my mouth.

I was showing her who I was without words, because my words had been hurtful, mean, I could at the very least show her in my actions.

She pulled away enough to look up at me. “What about the no touching or my dad kills you rule?”

I kissed her again. “I’m already dying.”

“Aren’t we all?” she joked.

I burst out laughing and pressed her against the tile wall when the sound of the door to the bathroom opening reached my ears and a throat cleared. “I swear if that’s Tank, I’m going to slit his throat.”

“Ivan?” Tank’s voice sounded. “King has some news about the face tattoo, he’ll be here in a few minutes, thought you might need some time to… you know dry.”

“Mother fuc—”

“Shhhh.” Bella clapped a hand over my mouth. “Remember the rules, I’ll just finish up in here while you go get…” She gulped and jerked away from me and looked down. “Presentable.”

“Presentable, my ass,” I growled, then kissed her again, only to turn around, then back and kiss her again, and throw the shampoo against the wall. It made an echoing thud before falling to the ground.

“Ivan.” Tank looked away when I walked out. I glared at him and kept walking, then slipped and nearly fell against the wall. “It’s slippery.”

“I know!” I yelled, only to slip again and nearly break my thumb. “Whatever.”

I smiled when I heard Bella’s laughter.

Before, I would have been annoyed that she was mocking me.

But that night, I smiled, because she was free.