Cocky Choices: Zoe Cocker (Cocker Brothers #30)

20. Zoe

TWENTY

Zoe

I ’m curled up on my couch, a blanket wrapped around me like a cozy hug, when my phone buzzes to life for the third time. I planned to call him back once I got comfortable, but he beat me to it. Persistent man, my fiancé . That word still feels foreign, like trying to speak a language I barely know.

I stare at the screen, Caleb’s name lit up like a sign for which way to go. Feeling as though I engaged in infidelity, I take a deep breath, hit the button and answer, “Hi Caleb!”

“Zoe! How’s it going?” His voice is bright, like a ray of sunshine throwing long shadows across my guilt.

“Oh, you know, just enjoying some quality time with my couch while contemplating making popcorn,” I fib, trying to match his energy. “What about you?”

“Popcorn, eh? Sounds good. Been a long time since I had popcorn. I just finished up a conversation with my father about the retirement dinner. It’s going to be a big event.”

“Five hundred guests is a teensie bit bigger than big.”

He laughs, “Indeed. They said it’s a go, that you’ll supply the flowers.”

“Really?” I smile, surprised. “You told them it was me designing them?”

“Yep, my fiancé,” he chuckles like it also sounds weird to him. “I told them you designed the arrangement in the foyer and my mother remarked that she’d admired it earlier this very day.”

“What about your father?”

“He didn’t see it,” Caleb confesses, an edge to his voice as he adds, “He only sees what makes him money.”

I glance left as Ralphie leaps onto the couch. “Meow!”

Gathering him up for a much-needed cuddle, I whisper, “That’s okay. It’s nice that your mother liked them.”

“She loved them,” he exclaims, enthusiasm returned. “So it’s official. I need your help with the flowers.”

With Ralphie in the crook of my left arm, I reach with my right to grab my notebook from the coffee-table, focusing on the scratch of pen against paper instead of the way my hand is shaking. I sit up a little straighter, excitement bubbling inside me as I force myself to focus on creating something special for all of them. Especially Caleb. "The Four Seasons has excellent lighting. I was thinking white peonies as the feature flower, with?—"

"Father's allergic to peonies. Didn't I mention?"

"No." I bite back a frown. "You didn't."

"Right. Well, he is. Perhaps roses? White and gold to match the hotel's aesthetic. Nothing too..." He pauses, searching for the word. "Experimental."

I think of the wild, colorful arrangements I usually create, the ones that made my little flower shop popular so fast. The ones Tom always said looked like organized chaos in the best way possible.

"Conservative elegance. Got it." I jot down, my handwriting messier than usual. "How many tables?"

“Fifty.”

My heart stops beating for a second. That’s a lot! In a bubble of stars I draw in ’50’ and stare at it. “Okay, got it.”

There's the sound of footsteps echoing on the other end. "And the head table will need something grander. Father's quite particular about these things."

"Of course he is."

There's a drawn-out pause, and I hear Caleb exhale slowly. "Zoe, are you certain you're alright with all of this?"

Ralphie jumps out of my arms as I sit up straighter. “All of this ?” I blink. “You mean, the retirement dinner? I know I’m ready for this. I’ll do a great job, I promise.”

“Not just that.”

“You mean…?”

“The dinner, the wedding, our marriage.” He pauses. “The truth is, Father is hard to be around but you won’t have to endure that more than at the obligatory times, such as this event, our wedding, maybe a holiday now and then. I promise.”

“I’m sure he’s nicer than you’re implying.”

“He isn’t.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll protect you from him.”

A smile warms me from the inside. “You’ll protect me?”

“Of course. I know firsthand what impact his... behavior can have on someone. I won’t let him affect you like he did me.”

My lips part, and we stay together in silence until I quietly ask, “Was it hard growing up in your home, Caleb?”

“Very hard. Though I’m only this year realizing its impact. The insidiousness of criticism.” His volume lowers to add, as if it’s difficult to say aloud, “Of neglect.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m working through it.”

Biting my lip, not wanting to overstep, I ask, “Why this year?”

“I was going to talk to you about this. I um…got sober this year.”

“Oh!”

“I’m sorry, Zoe. I should’ve said something earlier.”

“No, that’s okay. It’s anonymous, right? You’re not supposed to talk about it unless…” I stop speaking.

He fills in the blank, “Unless it’s to confess the truth of who you are to the person you’re proposing to.”

A short puff of an exhale escapes as I stare at my scratches on the paper. “That would be a good time.”

“Look, I’ll lay it all out for you. I’m in A.A. I have a sponsor. I’m taking it very seriously. It’s something I want for myself, not because someone’s making me do it.”

“That’s good,” I quietly reply, processing all of the new information. “I know that’s important.”

“It’s the only way it sticks.”

“I’ve heard that.”

“You know someone in the program?”

“My cousin-in-law’s brother is in it. We talked in depth once about it, at one of our Family BBQ’s, and he shared what it all means. How it changed his life.”

Caleb adds with a voice of confidence, “How it’s changed lives since 1939 when it began. It’s free. The steps work if you work them. You find community at the meetings, and they even have them online now so I can attend a meeting at any time and meet people all over the world who…get it. The sponsor I’m working with — I can’t really do it justice by describing it, Zoe — but he listens to me without judgement and he’s got so much wisdom. Patience. He’s teaching me what it’s like to have a good male role model in my life for the first time. A man who actually cares.”

“That sounds really beautiful, Caleb.”

“I can hear your smile.”

“Can you?”

“Yes… and thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You haven’t hung up the phone.”

“Why would I?” I frown, adding a quick, “I’ll tell you the same thing I told her brother at the BBQ — you’re doing something dramatic to help make your life better. What is more awesome than that? There are a lot of unhappy people in the world not doing anything about it, but you are! I think it’s admirable.”

“If I didn’t have this problem in the first place.”

Watching a text from Tom light up my phone, I don’t click on it and frown, “We all have problems, don’t we?”

“Can I come by and talk to you more about the events in person?”

“That would be nice. I’m taking the day off of work tomorrow.”

“I mean now.”

“Oh!”

“I won’t stay long.”

“Um…okay.” My heart thumps hard in my chest. “I’ll text you the address. I live very close to Florist Shop.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you soon.”

We hang up, I stare at my phone, knowing Tom's message is waiting to be read. My finger hovers over the screen for a long moment before I swipe it open.

He sent a photo of him standing at the gas pump in my pink, silky, furry robe that’s much too short for him, the belt tied loosely so that most of his sinewy chest is showing. My grin is instantaneous.

Took you up on that dare.

Major points.

Enough points to allow me to come back?

Come back? Not sure what you mean?

Can I come back to your place? Now. I want to talk more about what we said to each other.

I stare at the screen, and slowly tap out:

Caleb is on his way over.

I hit send.

Wait for a reply.

The phone stays dark.