Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
“What did you think of your new teachers?”
“They. Were. Great!” Letting go of Madoc’s hand, Valerie twirled around on the sidewalk. “Did you know Mr. Kenzie has a whole bunch of new books for the first graders? And I get to read them because I’m gonna be in first grade!”
Madoc grinned down at her. “Jeez, you’re practically a grown up.”
“Nuh-uh! I don’t have a job, Daddy, an’ you said I’m too little for a phone.”
Madoc rolled his eyes at the not-so-sly hint. He did think his kid was too young for a smartphone, in spite of the growing up she’d been doing. Valerie was noticeably taller than she’d been last year at this time, and her cheeks and limbs had lost some of their plump baby softness. While Madoc didn’t typically wax nostalgic over growth spurts or birthdays, he’d sulked alongside her when the ladybug tracksuit had become too tight and short overnight, struggling to grasp how his girl could be nearly seven when she’d been a newborn only yesterday.
Is Noelene thinking about back to school, too ? he wondered now. Or does it even matter since Val hasn’t mentioned her mom at all tonight?
“Daddy?”
Glancing up from his salad, Madoc caught Valerie watching him over her own plate. He’d assumed they’d pick an eatery close to Valerie’s school for dinner, but she’d insisted they journey back to Flour Power, her still-favorite place that was only a block from Gus’s apartment.
Madoc could have messaged Gus with a heads-up and asked if he’d like to join them. But he'd chickened out in the end, hesitant to reach out when Gus still hadn’t replied to Madoc’s last message asking if they could meet.
“What’s up, my honey?” he asked his daughter.
“Can I use the pencils Gus gave me for back to school?”
“Of course. You can use those pencils however you want.”
“Yay!” Valerie said. “I was just checking that you didn’t mind.”
Her choice of words hit Madoc strangely. “Why would I mind if you wanted to use the pencils Gus gave you?”
“Because you’re mad at him, right?”
“Um. No.” Madoc set down his fork. “Did I say something to make you think I was angry with Gus?”
“Nah.” Valerie shrugged. “But you make a face when you talk about him, kinda like the way you do when you talk about Noelene.”
Madoc blinked a couple of times before finding his tongue. “I make a face when I talk about Gus or your mom?”
“Like this.” Setting her hands on the tabletop, Valerie creased her brow, then pressed her lips into a tight line. But she appeared downcast rather than angry and that was absolutely a state of mind Madoc had become familiar with over the last couple of weeks.
He swallowed a sigh. He’d tried really hard to hide the unhappiness that’d dogged him since Gus’s withdrawal. Valerie had seen through Madoc of course, because she knew him better than anyone.
“I’m not angry with Gus,” Madoc said. “But I am a bit with myself.”
“How come?”
“I hurt Gus’s feelings. And I don’t like knowing I made my friend feel bad.”
Valerie picked up her egg sandwich and took a bite, then chewed for a couple of beats before speaking. “Is that how come Gus doesn’t come over?”
Madoc eyed her askance. “Gus was at our place a couple of days ago, making crowns and cake with Clea and you.”
“But you weren’t there, Daddy.” The ‘duh’ in Valerie’s voice was withering. “I like it best when we’re together,” she said, “you, me, and Gus, because we make a family, just like me and you do with Uncle T.”
Jesus, his heart. Leaning over the table, Madoc smoothed a wayward curl back from his daughter’s forehead. “Is that what you want? To make a family with Gus?”
Valerie nodded, her dark eyes incredibly soulful. “He’s one of my favorite people after you. An’ I know Gus isn’t oh-ficially family but I don’t care about that. Friends can be fam too, right?”
“Right. Every family looks different. And sometimes, friends make the best kind of fam.”
“That’s why you have to do an apology with Gus, Daddy, so he knows you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.”
“I plan to the next time I see him,” Madoc vowed. “And just so you know, Gus is my favorite person after you too.”
A smile crept onto Valerie’s face. “I knew it. Gus makes you happy.”
Pain mapped its way through Madoc’s heart. “Gus makes me very happy. And you know I was happy before when it was just you and me, right?”
“Uh-huh. But Gus makes you laugh and smile all the time when you’re making dinner or talking on the couch, and you never get lonesome.” Valerie shrugged. “I like that a lot.”
“I’m glad. And you know you’re right? Gus does make me do all of those things.”
“Because you’re in love?”
“Yes.” Just like that with his girl, it was easy for Madoc to say. “I’m very much in love with Gus. But I hope you know that I love you first.”
“I do.” Pushing her seat back, Valerie got up and walked around the table to Madoc, who helped her hoist herself into his lap. “Gus says you love me most in the world out of anybody,” she said with utter certainty.
Eyes stinging, Madoc took Valerie’s hand. “I think Gus knows us pretty well. That’s why I want to ask him if he’d like to try being boyfriends. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, you know. When I was growing up, I didn’t know that some people like both boys and girls.”
“But you know now, huh? And that’s lucky.” Valerie leaned into Madoc. “Just like if you ask Gus to be your boyfriend, he’s gonna say yes because he loves us back.”
Madoc was careful not to make promises he couldn’t keep as he and Valerie finished their meal, then headed home. He didn’t doubt Gus loved them, exactly as Valerie’d said. But Gus was also hurting, and it was up to Madoc to fix what he’d broken between them.
However, Tarek was pacing the hall outside Madoc’s door when Madoc and Valerie stepped off the elevator and he wasted no time dashing up to them.
“There you are!” Beaming, Tarek scooped Valerie up in his arms. “It’s about time you guys got home!”
“We went to the cafe for dinner,” Madoc said, puzzled by the intensity in Tarek’s gaze when he caught Madoc’s eye. The guy looked almost relieved.
“We brought you a whoopie pie!” Valerie said. “Red velvet with extra goo in the middle, just how you like.”
“That sounds delicious, thank you so much.” Tarek dropped a kiss on her cheek. “You want to share it with me? I’ll pour a big glass of milk to dunk it in and your Daddy can check some messages I sent him while you were at dinner.”
Unease bubbled in Madoc’s gut. He’d muted his phone before leaving the apartment with Valerie that afternoon and when he pulled it out now, he found a shit-ton of messages had piled up in those few hours. He ushered Valerie and Tarek inside as he started reading, noting that while many of the messages were from Tarek, Gus had sent several too, each one identical and only a few seconds apart.
Please respond, Gus’d written. Where are you right now?
I’m home , Madoc replied to the last. Had a school thing with Val. Everything good?
He flipped back to Tarek’s messages while he waited for Gus to respond, and his disquiet grew as he understood Tarek had also been looking to know where Madoc was in between forwarding posts from a social media account run by Boston Fire.
Madoc was aware of Valerie and Tarek talking. But his eyes were on the photos attached to the posts of fire crews at work in the South End among a heavy police presence. There were shots of SWAT officers armed with shields, and a grouping of EMTs and paramedics in full bunker gear and helmets with Shift Commander Marcel.
A chill went through Madoc when he spotted Ambulance P1 in a photo, parked by the curb with A1 positioned ahead of it. And then there was a photo of three EMS personnel approaching an alley, a firetruck visible in the distance beyond them. The photographer had caught the EMS crew from behind, but Madoc recognized the badge numbers stenciled on the tails of two of the coats. 512 belonged to Olivia, 867 to Gus, and the two were headed into an active fire and police scene, probably to go after Connor, Stark, Guzman, and Monroe.
The messages Gus’d sent— Where are you right now? —flashed through Madoc’s head and he bit back an urge to be sick. Gus’d gone to that fire thinking Madoc was there too, unaware he was across town at a cafe eating fucking salad.
7:40 P.M., Boston PD and BFD have extricated EMS crews and residents from lower level at 43 Concord Square. Multiple injuries, 2 arrests reported. Transports to Mass Eye that they’d already watched Madoc throw himself at Gus and hang on to him like a man about to drown. None of that seemed important now that Gus was beside him, sweating and cranky instead of choking past a lung full of smoke.
That could have been us.
As they moved, Gus gently knocked his shoulder into Madoc’s. “I really am fine, you know,” he said. “My leg only aches because my liner and socks got twisted.”
“I believe you,” Madoc replied. “I’m just not sure that I’m fine.”
Once Gus was seated so he could deal with his leg, Madoc traded hugs and backslaps with Olivia and the others, listening as they talked through the details they’d scraped together about how a simple dispatch to treat a stab wound had devolved into utter chaos. It seemed things had started to go sideways after P2 had arrived to assist Guzman and Monroe, someone among the apartment’s residents mistaking Connor and Stark for police officers. A fight had broken out, escalating to the point Monroe had hit her emergency button, but there was still no definitive word on what had started the fire.
“Stark said the apartment was tricked out like a party pad with strings of lights hanging from the ceilings and walls,” Olivia said to Madoc. “He figured maybe a wire got crossed and threw a spark at some point and it spread from there.”
“It may have started days ago,” Gus said then. “Electrical fires sometimes burn slow when they’re caused by damaged wiring that overheats gradually. A fire will smolder for a long while before it ignites fully and you’d never know.”
He sipped the sports drink Madoc had pressed on him as everyone talked, all worried about their friends, particularly Connor, who’d sustained a concussion during the melee, and Guzman, whose shoulder had been dislocated.
That could have been us.
“You scared the shit out of me today,” Madoc said as he drove Gus back toward the Seaport a couple of hours later. Their friends had been released after treatment and sent home, and still Madoc felt spooked. “Seeing you in those photos. Not seeing Connor and Stark and the others. Knowing some of you were injured and not having details. All of it was terrifying.”
“I hear you,” Gus replied. “And if it makes you feel any better, my ma’s been blowing up my phone with all caps for the last two hours. She is, as my Gramps Dawson used to say, ragingly ripshit.”
Madoc managed what felt like his first real smile since leaving his apartment as he looked at Gus. “You are so screwed.”
“Yes, and you don’t have to look so pleased about it, you smug motherfucker,” Gus grumbled. “I’m going to give you a pass though, because you were nice and offered me a ride home.”
He aimed a mock glare across the seat, but there was a softness in his eyes that nearly broke Madoc’s heart. Because despite being so obviously wrung out and worried about their friends—despite the pain Madoc had caused him—Gus was looking at Madoc with love.
Reaching across the seat, Madoc took Gus’s hand. “Can I make you dinner? I know you’re tired and probably sore, and it’d mean a lot to me if I could lighten your load tonight.”
It was torture watching Gus’s smile fade, the light in his eyes shuttering. He didn’t pull his hand from Madoc’s, however, and Madoc almost didn’t dare breathe for fear he’d break the fragile peace they’d managed to find.
“You’re on vacation, Madoc,” Gus said at last. “You sure you want to spend what’s left of your night dealing with me?”
“More than.” Madoc tried not to sound over eager. “I’d like to be there for you for a change, the way you’ve been for me so many times.”
Gus’s expression turned endearingly shy. But before he could answer, the driver of the car behind them tooted its horn.
“Light’s green, bruh!” they yelled out their window, breaking what was left of the spell and cracking Madoc and Gus up.
Still, Gus kept hold of Madoc’s hand the rest of the way to Fort Point, and when Madoc pulled into the parking lot, invited him in.