Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
Gus had to stop himself from climbing Madoc and damn, it was hard when he was so fucking beautiful, smelling like sleep with a sheet mark on his cheek and his curls a bit wild. When he’d put his own life on hold for a time simply to be there for Gus.
Madoc had made Gus feel cared for. Like he was treasured and wanted. Especially knowing Madoc had come out to his family, not only about being bi but about his connection to Gus. That was all heady stuff for Gus, who’d craved everything Madoc had been giving and saying to him over the last twelve hours. It was scary too, when hope kept trying to bloom in Gus’s foolish heart while nothing had been settled between them.
Reluctantly, he gave Madoc a final squeeze before letting him go. Gus tipped his head at the sketchbook on the counter.
“Before you get a big head, I do draw other people,” he joked gently, smiling at Madoc’s chuckle.
“I know—I’ve seen you do it.” Madoc flipped through some more pages. “Still can’t believe you’d want to draw me , though.”
“I didn’t at first.” Gus turned the kettle on to heat water for coffee. “I tried to stop but it didn’t work.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t get moony over guys who are married or straight. Particularly when that guy doesn’t respect my work, wants my job, and thinks my leg is gross?—”
“Yo.” Madoc winced. “Jesus Christ, dude. Did you really think all that of me when we first met?”
“For a hot minute, yes.” Gus patted Madoc’s arm in silent apology. “You were all wrong for someone like me and I shouldn’t have wanted to draw you. Except I did.”
Reaching over, Gus flipped through the book until he reached a page dated April 1. The images there were just doodles he’d thrown down without thought, but there was no mistaking the eyes. Deep set and large with lush lashes, thick eyebrows conveying strength without being stern.
Genuine surprise filtered across Madoc’s face. “April first was the first night I worked with you.”
“Yup.” Gus reached for the jar he used to store coffee. “Frankly, I had my doubts we’d make it past a second shift. But then I got to know you and figured out you weren’t an actual asshole.”
“I’m glad you gave me another chance.” Madoc bit his lip. “And I know it’s a lot, but I’m really hoping you can find it in you to give me a third one. The last time I was here?—”
“I dumped a whole bunch of big feelings on you out of nowhere,” Gus cut in. “That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry for that. I knew I was risking a lot that day. That you were going to feel like I was pushing you to choose me. I did want you to choose me. I couldn’t keep going the way we had been when the sneaking around made me feel like you were ashamed to be with me.”
“I was never ashamed of you, Gus—my shame was about me.”
Expression troubled, Madoc put the small of his back against the counter. “I could tell you hated the hiding. And maybe you won’t believe it, but it bothered me too, especially after you came back from your injury. It felt different then. More like I was actively lying to the people who knew us.” He gave a shake of his head. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to hide things from your friends and family because of me.”
Fire touched Gus’s cheeks. “Thank you for saying that. It helps knowing you didn’t like playing it straight, either.”
“I didn’t,” Madoc said fervently. “It sucked lying to Connor and Liv and Stark, and trying to avoid lying to Val. That was what sealed it for me—knowing a time would come when my daughter asked me something I wouldn’t be able to answer without lying.”
Gus frowned at his partner. “Did something happen?”
“No. But it hit me the other day that something was going to, probably soon.” Madoc pursed his lips. “Tuesday at breakfast, Val asked me straight-out if I missed you. I told her I did, because it was the truth, but afterward all I could think was that if I kept hiding, it would mean having to lie to her someday. And I can’t do that to Val. Not over who her daddy really is. She deserves better. And so do I.”
Gus mulled Madoc’s words over while he made their coffee. And he was awed by his friend’s strength, knowing Madoc had feared telling his family his truth could mean losing them but that he’d done it anyway.
“So, Tarek was really okay with you coming out?” Gus asked as they moved back to the bed.
“He was.” Madoc waited for Gus to get settled, the cups he’d carried with him in hand. “You should know he’s not proud of the way he treated you. He’s been angry at me and Noelene and bitter that we changed the way the family works. Resentful of you for stepping in for him when he wasn’t around, even though that doesn’t make any sense.”
He handed Gus his coffee. “ Also , it turns out that Tarek had already guessed about you and me which may be another reason he’s been such an ass.”
Gus’s jaw dropped. “Get the hell outta here.”
“I swear to God.” With a helpless shake of his head, Madoc walked around the back of the couch. “Apparently, you’re not the only one who’s bad at hiding and he stopped believing my straight guy act a while ago.”
Well, I’ll be damned.
Gus doubted he’d ever be entirely cool with Tarek McKenna. But he respected the guy loving his family, and that Tarek worked hard every day to ensure their lives were good. That Tarek didn’t want to lose them and, after Noelene had taken off, maybe it’d felt like he had.
“I’m glad you have his support,” Gus said as Madoc sat down beside him. “I know you need that from him.”
“I need your support just as badly.” Sudden raw emotion passed over Madoc’s face. “More than anyone, you’ve helped me wrap my head around things I struggle with. Like the idea I deserve a life of my own. Need time for me, away from childcare and the job, because I’m a better dad when I’m not cruising along on autopilot.”
“Hey, you are never on autopilot with Val.”
“I hope not but just hear me out.” Madoc stared at his cup. “I had to shut down parts of myself after things started going bad with Noelene. Partly because I was hurt but even more because I was in survival mode every day keeping us afloat and I didn’t have anyone else I could count on. I put my head down and made Val and the job my sole focus for a very long time and just kept my own stuff on hold.
“But I don’t have to do that anymore. Val’s growing up and I have people in my life now I can turn to for help. Tarek, Clea, Connor.” Madoc glanced up. “You. And you get me, Gus, in ways no one else does.” He flashed a small smile.
“You listen when I need to talk. Make me feel like … me . Madoc the guy and not just Madoc the working dad who has no life. With you, I felt like I had a partner in the truest sense of the word because you were my best friend, work buddy, and lover rolled into one. I want that—want you—back in my life.”
Gus’s heart wobbled dangerously, that foolish hope rising again and scaring the hell out of him. Which was madness when he’d wanted to hear Madoc say things like this for such a long time.
“Oh, Mad.” Gus swallowed hard. “I love what you’re saying. But my heart hasn’t been in great shape the last couple of weeks and?—”
“Am I too late to fix this? Or …” Madoc’s face fell. “Maybe Val and I aren’t enough?”
Startled, Gus stared at him. “How could you ever think that you and Val wouldn’t be enough for anyone?”
“You told me the money Ben took was for adoption or surrogacy,” Madoc said. “Val’s almost seven, Gus, and we’re never going to be?—”
“Val is perfect,” Gus cut in gently, “and the two of you are worth everything to me. But that’s kind of the problem. Your life and Val’s would be different with me in them as more than just a friend, and I can’t promise the changes would always be easy. What if you decide that I’m the one who isn’t worth keeping around?”
“That’s not going to happen.” Taking Gus’s cup, Madoc set it on the side table with his own before he turned back, his gaze fierce, like he was looking into Gus and not simply at him. “Last night, Val said that you make me happy. That I laugh and smile more when you’re around and don’t seem so lonesome. She likes that we’re friends and that you’re special to me.” Cheeks pinking up, he took hold of Gus’s right hand. “I like it too.”
Gus smiled past the ache that went through him. “Same.”
“Good. I want that again, for both of us.” Madoc squeezed Gus’s fingers. “You make my life and Val’s better every day we know you. You’re good for me, Gus. You give me reasons to hope and play and kick ass on the job just to keep up with you. But you also remind me to stop sometimes and look at what’s going on around me. Be present and grateful for what I have. You’re the first person I think of when I have good news to share, and the only one I want to see if I’m having a crap day. Definitely the only one I want in my bed.”
“Same,” Gus said again, a near whisper this time thanks to the lump in his throat. A mere few months ago, Madoc had struggled to even talk about being bi. And now here he was, sounding so certain about how he wanted to live.
“I hate that I hurt you.” Madoc brought their joined hands to rest over his own heart. “Hate that I hurt myself too, and Val, because I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. That I want you desperately. Not because I need a kid-sitter or a buddy, but because you are the best thing to happen to me in a very long time and I fall in love with you more every day.”
Gus’s heart tried to beat its way out of his chest. “You think you’re in love with me?”
Madoc gave him the most beautiful smile. “I know I am. I want to keep you, Gus, and so does your Bug. We want to make you part of our family, and you are the person we fell for.”
‘We’ and ‘our’ were such small words. But they had Gus soaring high past his fear of being hurt.
Leaning over, Gus pressed his body against Madoc’s and closed his eyes. “I’m yours,” he said. “Yours and the Bug’s, for as long as you want me.”
Throat tight, Madoc gathered Gus up in his arms. He wanted to say rash, stupid words that would have sent him spiraling only a couple of weeks ago. But right here and now, Madoc wasn’t being stupid or rash; he was coming together with Gus, this time to stay.
“I know we still have stuff to figure out,” he said. “So, this time, I’ll follow your lead and just love you the best that I can.”
Stars shone in Gus’s eyes when he sat back, emotions writ clear on his face.
Affection. Joy. Pride, boundless and deep.
“I really like hearing you say that,” he said, then climbed into Madoc’s lap and sat astride his thighs. “Almost as much I like being able to tell you that I love you back.”
Eyes shut tight, Madoc pressed a kiss against Gus’s shoulder through his t-shirt. He’d come so close to losing this man. To missing out on something incredible out of fear. But Gus took hold of Madoc’s face and kissed him, and it felt like ‘ Hello ’ and ‘ Finally’ and Madoc’s fear and guilt faded away.
They made out for a long time, pausing now and then to remove pieces of clothing or just run their hands over each other, neither in a rush to do more than feel. They were down to their boxers and Madoc was aching with need when Gus went into the drawer of the side table for a condom and lube and Madoc found himself unable to tear his gaze from that foil pack.
“I want to know what it’s like,” he blurted, sure this blush started at his toes. “You inside me, I mean. I don’t know if I’m ready for … everything yet. But I need to be close with you that way.”
Gus’s kiss was so sweet Madoc’s eyes burned. “I love that you’re asking me this,” Gus said. “I’ll make you feel good and take the best care of you.”
Madoc didn’t doubt Gus for a second. They stripped and he watched, his body humming as Gus slicked his fingers with lube, then fitted himself against Madoc’s side. Only for Gus to stroke Madoc’s cock teasingly, grip tight enough to get him ramped up without bringing him off, until Madoc started cursing at Gus to get on with it.
Face alight with laughter, Gus coaxed Madoc’s knees up, then reached between them, using his elbow to nudged Madoc’s right leg open wider. Goosebumps rose on Madoc’s skin at being so exposed, but Gus’s kisses quickly took the edge off until Madoc was once again melting into the mattress.
Reaching for Madoc’s balls, Gus played with them for a time before moving his fingers to the soft skin of Madoc’s taint. Madoc threw his head back against the pillow with a groan, his whole body on fire. When Gus coasted his fingers over Madoc’s hole, Madoc gasped and let his knees fall open wider.
“Mmm.” Gus’s voice was wonderfully fond. “I think you like this.”
Madoc was wild about everything that was happening to him. Gus holding him. The teasing touch against his rim that made it impossible to think. And then Gus pushed a fingertip inside Madoc and every nerve in his body blazed white hot all at once.
Groaning, he grabbed on to Gus. “Oh, God.”
“I’ve got you. Bear down on me, Mad, and try to relax.”
Forcing his eyes open, Madoc lost himself in Gus’s stare. He’d never felt so vulnerable with any partner. But this was Gus looking at Madoc like he was the best thing he’d ever seen and Madoc trusted Gus down to his bones.
Bearing down, he shuddered out a long breath as Gus slid his finger deeper. Indescribable feelings flooded Madoc’s body, every cell lighting up. Pain edged the stretch and burn in his ass but in the best possible way, the pressure of being filled like nothing he’d ever experienced.
It hurt. It was good . And fuck, he wanted more.
Madoc’s mouth fell open on a moan as Gus wrapped his free hand back around Madoc’s cock. “ Fuck. ”
“That’s it,” Gus said, his own voice hoarse. “You feel incredible.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Gus huffed a laugh that set Madoc off too, but the ache in Madoc’s hole was changing, morphing into a pleasure that soaked into his limbs. He whined as Gus eased a second finger in beside the first, then kissed Madoc soundly, driving his tongue deep into Madoc’s mouth.
Madoc was trembling when they surfaced next, his skin too tight and hot for his body and his moaning near constant. With anyone else, he might have been embarrassed by his loss of control. But again, this was Gus, eyes shining as they locked with Madoc’s, and he didn’t flinch when Madoc’s grip turned bruising.
“I didn’t know,” Madoc got out, his voice strange to his own ears. “ Gus .”
“That’s it, baby,” Gus whispered. “Let go for me.”
He curled his fingers and pleasure bolted through Madoc, radiating from his ass outward, drawing his balls up tight. Bucking his hips, Madoc bit back a cry but was unable to remain quiet when Gus tapped Madoc’s prostate again.
Madoc whimpered and begged, the buzz inside him becoming a frenzy as Gus fucked his fingers in and out. When release came at last, it was like Madoc’s body cracked wide open, his chest twisting hard as he unraveled in huge shuddering waves, cum on Gus’s fist and striping Madoc’s belly and chest.
Gus held him through it, crooning praise and sweet nonsense until Madoc floated back to earth. He didn’t forget about Gus though, who was busy taking care of Madoc just as he’d promised.
Shaking off his stupor, Madoc pulled Gus into a deep, sloppy kiss and Gus moaned as the movement ground his groin against Madoc’s hip. Madoc hauled him closer, humming approvingly when Gus shifted so he could frot his cock against Madoc’s groin. And Jesus , Madoc had never seen anything more sensual.
Gus with his head back now, neck and upper chest stained dark red. Skin gleaming with sweat. That mobile mouth wet and kiss-swollen and so fucking tempting. Madoc hung on, learning the rhythm Gus set, his own cock hardening as he thrust up.
Loving Gus with everything Madoc had in him.
Madoc took Gus’s face in his hand. “Love this,” he said. “Love you , so goddamned much.”
Gasping, Gus gripped Madoc tighter, thrusting hard and fast, his groan broken when he started to come, a plaintive sound that tugged at Madoc’s chest. Wrapping Gus up in his arms, Madoc mirrored his slowing movements, Gus’s cum smearing over their bellies and dicks, hot and messy and perfect.
They slept again, wrapped up in a warm cocoon beneath Gus’s quilt until the world intruded again in the form of the small black cat that sat on Gus’s head in a wordless demand to be fed. Messages from Valerie began popping up on Madoc’s phone not long after, asking what time he would be home, if Gus would be with him, how Gus was feeling, and would they please bring the cat along with them?
“Val said she wants pancakes with bluebs,” Madoc said as he followed Gus onto the elevator in his building. “And also would like you to know that you are invited for dinner.”
“I can do both.” Shifting his bag with Lemonade in it slightly, Gus hit the button for Madoc’s floor. “How do you want to play this around her?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t want to mess up and act like her daddy’s boyfriend if Val isn’t ready.”
Reaching over, Madoc took Gus’s hand in his own. “Don’t worry about Val—she’s known what she wants for a while. I was the one who needed to catch up because I wasn’t ready for you when we first met. But I’m ready now.” He wove his fingers around Gus’s and smiled. “And I’m not letting this chance to make something good with you pass me by.”
Gus’s ears turned endearingly pink. “Me neither.” He smiled and Madoc got slightly lost in those brown eyes that saw everything.
Then the elevator chimed, signaling their arrival at Madoc’s floor and when the doors opened, Valerie was waiting for them by Madoc’s front door, hopping from one foot to the other.
“Daddy ’n’ Gus!” she called, a huge grin on her face as she sprinted toward them. “Welcome home!”