Consort (Noble Reckoning #1)

Chapter 20

Rue

I’m not sure how long it’s been since Durin disappeared. The days all seem to blend together. It’s felt like forever, but it’s probably only been a couple of weeks. There’s been so sign of him, other than some provisions he left.

This time, I took them, hoping to spare Mother a trip to the market. I need to tell her about Durin soon. I shouldn’t be keeping him a secret, especially now that I’m starting to feel more than just curious about him. I’m just scared she’ll make us leave.

I’ve carried around the washing cloth since he left, keeping it tucked in my binding. It’s long since lost his scent, covered by my own, but I can’t bring myself to part with it. It’s so pathetic, clinging to the cloth like it’s the fabric of my very soul. I barely know him. All I know is how amazing he made me feel when I last saw him. The cloth just makes me feel connected to him somehow. I’m not ready to give up that feeling.

I’ve been sneaking back out of the hut once Mother falls asleep, hoping Durin will come. He truly seemed to want more time alone with me. And he did say it may be a while. I just need to be patient.

I lean against the broad, blue trunk of the dryad’s tree, comforted by the sturdy limbs stretching out above me. Durin joked about the tree being my friend. There’s some truth to it, though. The spirit of the dryad is hidden within the tree, and I was sincere when I thanked it for being there for me.

But the tree can’t chat with me to keep me occupied. Soon, my eyelids droop, and my head bobs as I begin drifting off. I should just go inside. He’s not coming.

I stand and dust the dirt from my dress, turning reluctantly toward the hut. I try to hold onto the numbness that sleepiness brings, but it’s stolen away by a whisper. A sound that weaves through the tangled branches of the thicket and jerks me fully awake.

It’s my name. Just my name. But it cuts through the apathy I was holding onto so tightly.

My heart races again, and I race toward the thicket. When I burst through the branches, I allow my smile to shine. Durin’s blue eyes flash when he sees how excited I am, but that spark quickly dims. In the shadows, I see his expression shift into one of pain.

My joy is ripped away from me, dumped out like refuse at my feet. I wonder what he’s been doing all this time while I’ve been daydreaming of him. Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to be sitting well. My stomach sinks, imagining what could have carved that expression onto his face.

“Durin,” I whisper, reaching for him.

He stares at my outstretched arms with anguish in his eyes. I don’t know if something bad happened to him or if he changed his mind about me. It doesn’t matter which it is, though. He clearly needs comfort, and I can give him that.

I put aside my worry and close the distance between us. He doesn’t meet my gaze, but he doesn’t stop me as I slip my arms around his waist and give him a gentle hug.

He exhales deeply and buries his face in my neck, holding onto me as if I’m his next breath. I feel needed, and I can’t deny how good that feels.

We hold each other close in the scattered moonlight. The forest is sleeping, the only sound a whisper of wind through the branches. It’s not exhilarating like I’d hoped seeing him again would be. But it’s peaceful.

Until he pulls away.

I thought he would look more put together, but he just seems defeated. It hurts to see him like this. I have to get rid of that look. Whatever is bothering him is spoiling this. I’ve been waiting for weeks. I refuse to waste whatever time we have dealing with whatever thing has affected him.

My only solution is to distract him from it, maybe even well enough to cure him of it.

I grab his hand and take off into the darkness. He stumbles behind me but doesn’t protest. The excitement I’d been looking for returns as we race through the quiet night. I have to muffle my giggles to keep from being caught as we crash through the trees. The last bit of chill in the air bites at my lungs, invigorating me and giving me the energy to keep going.

I grip his hand like I’m going to lose him, only loosening it when we’re standing in front of the cave where we first met. I don’t see the gryphon, so I tug him inside, just enough to hide in the shadows.

He grips my hand tightly to still me and reaches into his cloak. As he approaches the narrow passage leading to the gryphon’s nest, he pulls out a white coin sack. He crouches down and places the sack in the opening. But instead of turning back to me, he stares silently into the darkness, toward the place where I woke up in his arms.

It looks like he’s lost in those memories. But why would he linger in the past? I’m right here . One day, I’ll ask him about my heat, but it’s time for some new ones.

I walk over and kneel down in front of his crouched form, waiting for him to look at me. But it’s like I’m not even there. He continues gazing down the passageway with the same pained expression as before. Frustrated, I slide my hands up his thighs, resting them as high as I dare, hoping to break his daze.

Luckily, it catches his attention. He looks at me intently, searching my eyes for something I can’t place. My mind races in every direction, desperate to understand. I’d do anything to know what it is. I try to ask him multiple times as he studies my face, but I’m too afraid. I feel as if I speak, or even move, it might distract him and cause him to give up.

But as his eyes dart across my features again and again, I realize he’s not finding what he’s looking for. He takes my hand and looks down at it, then inhales deeply as he prepares to speak.

I don’t know what he intends to say, but I do know that I’ve failed.

I feel a surge of anger toward my Omega, as if the short-coming is her fault. Like she’s the reason he’s pulling away from me. She rises up inside me as if to defend herself, but we both know it doesn’t matter. Regardless of whose fault it is, I’m about to lose Durin with his next words.

I manage to shove my Omega down, but a whimper still escapes my throat. Durin’s eyes snap up at the sound, and his lips part in surprise. As ashamed as I am of my reaction, I’m unable to look away from the depths of blue staring back at me.

My heart stutters when he lowers himself to his knees and cups my face with his big hands.

What changed? Did I do something right?

He closes his eyes and presses his forehead against mine, breathing softly against my skin. I grasp his wrists and fill myself with his woodsy scent while I still can. It’s warm. It’s savory. It belongs inside me.

We breathe for few moments, kneeling together in the dark, before he lets his hands drop and starts to pull away.

No! What changed, now?

I panic and lean in, boldly pressing my lips against his before he can get too far. He pauses for just a heartbeat, then responds eagerly, deepening the kiss and drawing my body against him.

My fear slinks away when he doesn’t deny me, but I feel the need to cling to him anyway. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck as if it will keep him from changing his mind.

My heart leaps when he pulls me closer and threads his fingers through my hair. It’s tender, but teases with a dominance I’ve been craving from him. I want him to be desperate to have me and bold in taking what he wants.

A gasp escapes my lips when he grips me hard and shoves his tongue all the way back to my throat. It’s what I’m dying for, and my core throbs wildly in response.

Our bodies are pressed together so closely that he can’t hide his own desire from me. I want to feel it without the barrier of our clothing. To pull it inside me where it belongs.

Taking it isn’t what I want, though. I want him to chase me. To rip my body out of my own grasp and force himself into it. I grip his hair with both of my hands and jerk his head away from me. The need to challenge his power is confusing, but it still feels right. I won’t fight the instinct. Instead, I’ll be fighting him.

I run my gaze along his startled face. His eyes glow like blue embers. His lips are swollen and shiny from his attack on my mouth. His pointy ears are flushed at the tips, calling my attention to just the thing I need to test his will. To make him stumble.

My fingers release his hair and move their focus to those ears. I brush them along the lengths and then pinch the tips firmly. He moans and grabs my wrists, trying to pull my hands away. But I feel his arousal twitch against me. I know he loves it. But it gives me power over him, and he wants it back.

I make him work for it, holding onto his ears tightly. He has to pry each finger off before clasping my hands behind my back.

A moan catches in my throat when he leans his head to the side and bites down on my neck. He growls and grinds his hardened shaft against me, exerting his dominance. I’m exquisitely restrained and forced into submission. My knees ache from kneeling on the stone floor for so long, but I’m not ready to give up.

He’s out of hands and teeth, so I rub my core against the delightfully swollen length hiding in his leathers.

He shudders and straightens back up, and his eyes drop to my chest. He reaches out and rips the neckline of my dress down, taking my binding with it. My swollen breasts are freed, but so is the hidden washing cloth, which slips out of the fabric and flutters to the ground beside us.

He looks down at the proof of his power over me, and I want to die of embarrassment. But his sexy, knowing grin is worth every ounce of pride I just lost.

Now, I’ve been truly defeated, just like I wanted.

He rips his cloak off and balls it up, then guides me down onto it like a pillow. Even on his knees, he towers over me as I lie splayed out on the floor beneath him.

He turns his attention to my chest, leaning down and swiftly attaching his mouth to one of my nipples. It’s so sensitive in my excitement and need that the pressure almost hurts. But the pleasure from his sucks and nibbles is enough to leave the pain to the past. He massages both breasts as he moves to the other nipple, gently grazing his teeth against the sensitive flesh.

Slick pours out of me, soaking my undergarment and the stone floor I’m lying on. I freeze, worried he’ll stop if he sees the mess.

But he doesn’t stop. His fingers fumble with the ties of his leathers. The fabric is drawn tight, straining over his erection. I want to see what’s beneath. To complete the mental picture I’ve drawn of his body. But after finishing with the ties, he doesn’t pull himself out. I can see a bit of the tip peeking out from the top, teasing me. It seems I won’t get what I want until he decides to give it to me.

Or until he gets what he’s been looking for.

He lifts my skirt and spreads my legs, gazing at the soaked yellow cloth. His fingers dig into my thighs, and he runs his tongue along his top teeth as he takes me in. He then tilts his head back and closes his eyes, not hiding what my body is doing to him.

His reaction is raw and real, heaping more arousal upon what’s already blasting through my body. Though I want to act, I’m frozen under his control. What happens now is up to him.

He blows out a long breath and lies down on top of me, putting most of his weight on his forearms. His shaft is settled right on top of my center, making me want to cry out with need. But he finds my lips again, silencing me with his kiss.

My body blazes beneath him, lit up with anticipation of what he’ll do next. I grip his hair and hold him against my face, soaking up his taste and scent.

He pours himself into the kiss, holding my jaw with one hand as his tongue explores my mouth. It’s everything I hoped for... but it’s still not enough. I want him deeper, a tighter connection than just our tongues. I need him to sink into my body and show me what I missed during my heat.

His scent becomes almost too much to take. My fangs begin to unsheathe, so I pull back. He might stop all of this if I pierce him.

But my instincts don’t care. They take over, and I end up clamping down on his neck instead.

He groans in my ear as I grip him tightly with my teeth. Somewhere in the corners of my mind, I know I shouldn’t be trying to mark him. I try to listen to that rational part of me, but every other part is screaming mine so loudly that I just can’t stop myself.

His hips roll against me as I growl around his neck. I’ve waited long enough for this. Any longer is going to kill me. I reach down to free his length from the barrier between us. He gasps and thrusts into my hand when I wrap it around the hard, silky flesh.

I pull away from his neck and tug his face back down to mine. He kisses me hard while I run my thumb along the underside of his shaft. I wish I had time to explore his body. To color in the picture of him hanging on all the walls of my mind. But the need to have him inside me is more urgent.

I do take the time to at least look. To fill in that one, major part that’s been missing.

I push him back so I can see and gaze down at the long, thick cock in my hand. It should be red, considering the heat radiating from it, but it has the same shimmery tone as the rest of his skin. Like a solid bar of gold, rich and heavy in my hand.

I think I understand how he was able to satisfy my heat with no knot.

He gazes at me as I stroke him slowly, hopefully in the right way. He grunts and hisses, thrusting into my touch until a shiny drop of fluid appears at the tip of his shaft. I bare my fangs at him. Instinct screams at me to claim that drop as my own and take it inside of me.

Before I can, it drips away and lands on my panties, mixing with my own desire. It feels so wasted. I become frantic, needing to rescue any more drops that might come. Letting go of his shaft, I rip my panties to the side. He stares at me in shock as I wrap my legs around his hips and jerk him back down on top of me.

His hard length glides easily along my wet folds. I’ve never been this close to someone else before. I never want to experience this with anyone else. I shudder with each pass, struggling to hold his gaze. My eyes want to roll back in my head, but I need to see that it’s him making me feel this way.

He takes charge, rolling his hips in long motions to run both his shaft and his balls through my slick. My moan echoes loudly through the cave. He’s hardly done anything yet, but I’m close to losing control over it.

His tip inches closer to my entrance, teasing me with the promise of being filled. My breaths come in quick gasps as I hold onto him tighter, ready to let him in.

The smallest amount of him slips inside my opening, sending a wave of excitement and pleasure rolling through my body.

But for him, it’s like some kind of curse has been awakened.

He jerks away from me and hastily tucks himself back into his leathers. Strands of messy, blue hair fall in his face, hiding his eyes as he ties them back up. He doesn’t look at me while he leans away and puts my dress back in place.

He pauses, then opens his mouth to explain. But he’s already ripped me apart. I don’t want to hear his excuses. The possible reasons are already attacking my brain like a storm of enchanted arrows. I’m sure at least one of them explains his actions.

My slick is repulsive to him.

There’s someone else.

He remembered I’m a shifter, and he hates me for it.

Building me up and then crushing my hope has been his plan of torture all along.

I don’t know why I care so much what he thinks of me. Being rejected by someone for any reason has never affected me in the past. But I feel like I somehow deserve his affection. Like he’s mine. It makes no sense, but it leaves me with a pain running deeper than I think I can bear.

He can’t see me break. I want him gone. I need to suffer through this alone.

“Leave,” I say quietly, holding back the tears.

He rubs his hand over his face and tries again. “I’m sorry, Rue, I—”

“Please, just go,” I whisper bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them tightly.

His face falls further, but he doesn’t give up. “Please let me explain. I wanted to—”

A loud growl rolls out of my chest, but the rage only hides a deeper hurt. I don’t really want him to go. I want him to stay and tell me why he doesn’t want me. Yet I’m not sure I could bear the truth, whether he twisted or not.

“Go,” I say, gritting my teeth to suppress the hurt, angry words threatening to spill out.

I want to tell him not to bother coming back, but he might grant me that.

I want to lash out at him, find ways to insult him until he hurts as badly as me. But then he might hate me.

I’m too devastated to know what I truly want, so it’s best for him to just leave.

His expression returns to the tortured one he arrived with tonight. I can’t look at it. It hurts too much. So, I pick up his cloak and toss it at him, hoping to encourage him to move on. He stares down at it like it’s cursed but finally turns to leave.

I close my eyes, unable to watch him walk away. I wish I knew what went wrong so I could go back to the moment and undo it. Or what the right words to say were instead of saying nothing at all.

Even after his footsteps have faded into silence, I keep them shut until I’m sure he’s disappeared into the night. But his face lingers in my mind. He didn’t look heartless, like a fae reveling in his trickery. He looked devastated. Whatever his reason for rejecting me, it probably wasn’t one of cruelty.

But whatever it was, it came between us, and clearly came before me.

I offered myself up to him. I removed my armor and turned myself over to him completely. If he can’t do the same, we can never be together.

I notice the blue cloth, lying crumbled and stained on the ground beside me. It’s like the only physical connection between us has passed away. I pick it up gently, mourning the joy it used to bring me as I trudge back to my hut.

I stop at the berry bush and dig a small hole. Then, I lay to rest the only piece of him I have left, hoping the gesture will make it easier to let him go.

I sneak back into the hut and crawl into my bed, thankful Mother is a deep sleeper. I close my eyes, wishing to drift off quickly, pleading for just this one night without his infuriating face haunting my dreams.