Chapter 12
Britain
When Damian and the girls head out to pick up tacos, I pull Jess into my room and bring out the phone. I plop Eden down on my bed and play with her while Jess reads the text messages, silently.
“So, what do you want to do about it?” She asks me once she’s finished.
“I don’t know, Jess,” I say solemnly.
“I think after today and all this,” she motions down to the phone, “it’s pretty clear that he loves you. And it’s pretty clear to me that you still love him, too.”
“I don’t disagree,” I reply.
“So?” She holds her hands up like the answer is obvious.
“So…I’m seeing someone else. And it takes more than love to make a relationship work. It takes trust and communication, two things Liam has proven to me to be lacking.”
“You do remember yesterday, when I could barely get you to admit you liked Matthias, right?”
“I like Matthias, there’s something there.”
“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Jess’ tone is a little bit bitter.
“Are you mad at me right now?” I ask cautiously.
“I’m not mad at you, but I am frustrated. You love Liam. Liam loves you. From what I can tell, it’s the end-all-be-all type of love. The mythical kind of love you read about, but don’t experience. And you’re just going to mess with some other guy’s emotions because you have something to prove to Liam? Yourself? It’s wrong. Sit and think on it, and if afterwards you can honestly tell me you are over Liam or don’t love him anymore, then you should go out with Matthias. But if you can’t do that, let him go. Don’t make him a pawn in your game because if the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want that either.”
I anger instantly, but then her words start to sink in. There isn’t one thing she just said that isn’t true. I don’t know that I can go back to Liam, but I am starting to realize, maybe, I shouldn’t be dating Matthias.
“This morning you were pumped about me going out with Matthias, though.”
“I think these text messages and Liam coming back make a difference. I know you’re smart enough to see that whether you want it to or not, Liam being here changes things. If you feel strongly about Matthias, then wait. Wait till you’re sure you can get over Liam. Otherwise you run the risk of doing things you’ll regret and hurting people who don’t deserve it along the way.” She sighs before continuing, “I am grumpy, so I’m sorry this is all coming out in a bitchy tone. I will always be Team Britain, so if you want to date Matthias, I will root you on. I just don’t want you to make the same mistake as…someone I know. That’s all.”
“Someone you know?” I raise an eyebrow in question. Jess has been acting weird ever since this morning, but she doesn’t acknowledge my question.
“Want to go swimming?” She sits up abruptly from her spot on the bed.
“What? No, I want my best friend to talk to me about what’s going on.”
“I’m not ready. Not yet.”
“I can respect that. Honestly, I can. But not forever, okay?”
“Okay.”
“You know, I’m Team Jess, too, right?” She gives me a look in return that I can’t quite make out the meaning of, but she nods anyway. I push a piece of her dark brown hair out of her eyes to make sure she can see how sincere I’m being. After a second, she finally nods in acceptance.
“So then I guess I should make a decision about Matthias, right? Do you think I should cancel our date?” God, I feel awful just thinking about it. I do like him. I do care about him. I don’t want to end it, but I don’t want to hurt him either.
“I don’t know, Brit,” Jess says on a sigh. “Maybe go on the date and get your answer that way. Maybe you go, and if it doesn’t feel good, you’ll know it’s not what you want. Or maybe you go, and it’s better than you expected, and the feelings deepen, and you realize it’s worth it to move forward with Matthias.”
“Right…yeah, I think I’m going to go. But after that I have to make a decision one way or the other. Hold me to it, please?”
“I will.” Jess stares off after she says it. I wish she would just tell me what the hell is going on, but I’ll do my best to give her time. Doesn’t mean I won’t try to cheer her up, though.
“Wanna start Queen Charlotte before dinner gets here? I’ll make you a margaritaaaa…” I use my most enticing voice.
“Duh, yes.” She rolls off the bed and Eden and I trail behind her down the stairs. Jess heads for the great room and I branch off towards the kitchen when the doorbell rings.
I stop, calling out to Jess, “Are you expecting something?”
“Nope!” She calls back. I check the peephole before opening the door.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask Alex as he moves right past me and into the house, not even acknowledging me or the baby sitting on my hip.
“Damian called and said he was in town. Said to come for din–” He stops talking and stares down the entrance hall to where Jess is standing, frozen, in the great room, but he quickly resumes, “dinner.” Turning towards me so Jess can’t hear, he says, “I didn’t know she was going to be here.”
“Mmkay, well, time to grow up. Jess is my best friend and she’s doing me a big favor by being here.” Damian and Jess look like actual best friends compared to Alex and Jess. They’re like oil and water, cats and dogs. Whatever it is, these two just don’t mix. He grunts his reply and heads towards the kitchen while Jess stalks him with her eyes until he’s out of sight. I drop Eden into her mom’s arms before heading into the kitchen to make Jess’ marg.
Alex is rooting through the pantry while I stand just outside at the drinks station. “So you’ll never guess who I saw today…” Alex turns around holding a bag of almonds. He raises his eyebrows in shock and question, but doesn’t say anything.
“Yeah, Liam’s back.”
“Where?” He sets down the almonds, dusting his hands off.
“At Sandy’s cafe in Spearhead. I think he’s like back, back.” I scrunch my nose at the discomfort I feel even just thinking about him.
“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Alex walks briskly out of the pantry, through the kitchen, and is almost to the front door when I stop him.
“Wait! Wait! Wait! You are not going to kill him. I’m not forgiving him or anything, but I don’t think he deserves death.”
“Fine, I’ll let him live.” Alex turns to head back out the door.
“Alex, stop!”
“No, Brit! He wants to show back up here, he can fucking answer to me.” Alex is nearly trembling with rage. He needs to do this.
“Okay, but nothing that could get you arrested. No assault, vandalism, burglary…”
He gets a truly devilish grin on his face and says, “No problem,” then dips out the door as quickly as he came. I turn around wide-eyed to see Jess with a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Do you think I should call Liam and warn him?”
Jess shakes her head while laughing, “Absolutely not.”
Liam
Here we go. I pull out her suitcases from the guest room and push them towards my room. I brush the stupid fucking tears I’m crying off my face before laying the suitcases open to fill up. I could leave all this for Jess to do tomorrow, but I’m selfishly motivated right now. There’s one thing I can’t let her take.
I start in her closet, grabbing all the hangers at once and tossing them on the bed. Next I do the drawers in hopes I find it there…and I do. I pull the pink silk nightgown out of the top drawer and it slides over my bandaged hand, slipping to the floor. Over my dead body is Britain going to wear this thing for him. I bend over, picking it up, then take it to my closet. Folding it as neatly as I can with one hand, I put it in my bottom drawer beneath my sweats.
As I walk out of the closet, her sweatshirt catches my eye. I think about her slipping it on over her naked body after she moved in. I think about cuddling in front of the fire with nothing on underneath. If the pink nightgown is mine, this sweatshirt is hers. I grab it, placing it at the bottom of the suitcase.
Fuck, all it took was putting something in that suitcase and the bottle of bourbon sitting on my nightstand from last night starts calling my name. Yeah, I’m too fucking sober to complete this task. I pop the cork off the top and take a long swig, grateful for the low burn shooting down my throat. It’s nice to feel something other than heartbreaking pain, and after a few more swigs, hopefully I won’t feel anything at all. Can’t fucking wait.
I go for another long swallow when a pounding fist on my front door stops me. What the fuck? I trudge downstairs as the pounding increases in frequency and intensity. Whoever’s out there needs to chill the fuck out. I throw open the door and immediately regret it.
“So, you’re back.” Alexander Palomino stands in my doorway, looking like he’s out for blood. Fucking perfect.
“Yeah–” Alex’s fist interrupts my reply, landing a perfect punch to my left eye.
“Goddamnit, Alex!” I growl out, then bowl over as pain radiates in my skull.
“You’re lucky you’re already fucking hurt.” He basically spits at me, “Do I need to invite myself in, or…?”
I stand up, putting my non-injured hand to my temple. “Excuse me, where the fuck are my manners? Make yourself at home.” I turn and head straight for the kitchen, not waiting around or giving a fuck what Alex does. I grab a bag of frozen broccoli out of the freezer, putting it straight on my throbbing head. Peas would have been better, but I fucking hate peas.
Alex heads straight for the wet bar in the butler’s pantry, pouring himself a glass of Pappy’s that he downs in one large swallow.
“Fuck, man. That bottle’s worth more than 5 grand, at least savor it,” I yell over to him.
“I know how much it’s worth. Why the fuck do you think I’m drinking it?” Alex replies harshly. To inflict maximum pain, I fucking get it. I slide into a chair at the breakfast nook and hang my head into the makeshift ice pack as Alex plops down his second very full glass of Pappy’s before taking a seat at the other end of the table.
“I don’t see you for 35 years, and when I do I find out you got my little sister pregnant. Then you break her fucking heart in front of everyone she knows and leave her hanging out to dry. Who the fuck do you think you are to ghost her?” He shakes his head in disgust. “She’s too fucking good for you.” Yeah, I know.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought she was still in love with Matt. I’ve fucked up her life a couple of times now. You think I don’t know I’m not good enough for her? Trust me, I fucking know.”
“Glad we can agree on that. What the fuck are you doing here then?”
“Are you serious?” I lift my face up off the broccoli to shoot him a dirty look. “The second I found out Britain was pregnant, I came back. I’m not going to abandon her or our child.” He just stares back at me, bracing both elbows on the table.
“If you ever hurt her or her children, they will never find your body. Do you understand?” I don’t know Alex’s kill count, but I’m going with high, and I’ve got no desire to be on that list.
“Yeah, I fucking get it. She has nothing to worry about, though. I’m not even in her life anymore, let alone close enough to hurt her. Who fucking knows if I’ll even get to see my child.”
“Oh, you will, trust me. Just as long as you understand the second you misstep, I’ll be here to fuck your whole world up.” I pull my head off the broccoli and pause. He thinks I’ll get to see them?
“You think Britain is going to let me have joint custody?” His facial expression doesn’t falter in the slightest.
“I know she will. Again, because she’s too fucking good for you. But in case you’ve forgotten, she didn’t have a dad. She’d never keep her child away from the opportunity to know you. Why the fuck do you think she stayed with Damian for so long after he cheated on her the first time? So the girls could grow up with a dad. And why the fuck do you think she moved to the middle of fucking nowhere?” Alex gestures with his hands to indicate our area, but I get stuck on something else he said. Cheated on her the first time?
“Wait, what? Damian cheated on her before the assistant thing?”
“That’s not my story to tell.” So that’s a yes, and what a piece of shit. “Listen, Britain’s set the bar pretty fucking low for men in her life, and that includes me. But not anymore. I’m raising the fucking standards. Either meet them or answer to me. Your choice.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. I’d do anything to make things better…I just don’t know if I can, or will even get the chance to.”
“I mean, yeah, she might not let you back into her life, but she’ll let you be in your kid’s, just don’t fuck it up.” Cool, no pressure. I nod in understanding, though. Alex gets up, walking his half-full glass to the sink before pouring it down the drain.
I roll my eyes. “Fuck, man,” I say to him, but he just laughs a “fuck you” laugh.
“There might be hope for you yet, Liam. She wouldn’t let me kill you, so next time you see her, a thank you is probably in order.” I think he’s joking, but maybe not. It doesn’t matter because at least Britain thought about me in a non-murderous way today, even if it was just for a minute.
“Yeah, will do.” I hang on to the small sliver of hope his words just gave me. When I see her, not if I see her. Alex sets his glass in the sink and walks in the direction of the door.
He calls out before he leaves, “Vinegar or charcoal!”
“What?” I yell back, dumbstruck.
“It’ll absorb the smell of her perfume. Your house fucking reeks, man.” My cheeks pinken in embarrassment, but I wonder how the fuck he knows that. I don’t get a chance to ask because he slams the front door shut.
That could have gone a lot fucking worse. The front door opens back up a second later, and I call out, “You forget to break my kneecaps?!”
But instead of Alex, Max walks into my kitchen. “You look like hell.” Great.
“Have you come to shit on me, too?” I ask. He shakes his head, leaning back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Believe it or not, I came to check on you.” I pull the bag of broccoli off my face. “Oof, that’s gonna be a shiner,” Max says.
“Yeah, it certainly feels like it.”
“I’m guessing Alex?”
“YUP.” He just nods. I drop the broccoli back in the freezer and head for the bottle of Pappy Van Winkles. Now that the seal’s broken, why the fuck not? I pour two glasses and slip one to Max on my way back to the chair.
“Is this celebratory?” He holds up the glass in question, “Or end of life and we might as well drink it?” Fuck.
“Both?”
Max holds up the glass and says, “Then cheers, brother.” He takes a sip before continuing, “Pretty sure I can figure out why it’s the end of times, but what are we celebrating?”
“That I’m gonna be a dad and Alex thinks Britain will let me have some kind of custody arrangement, but that’s where the good news ends. Oh yeah, and about that,” I throw my hand down on the table, “thanks for fucking letting me know.”
“You’re welcome,” is all he says.
“I was being sarcastic, dickhead.”
“Oh,” he shrugs. “Well who the fuck do you think told Tori to go tell you? So yeah, you’re fucking welcome. Matt asked me not to tell you, and being a good brother and all, I didn’t.” Ahh, okay.
“Well, then. Thank you, actually.” A stray tear escapes, fuck me.
“Yup.” We stay in the kitchen, awkwardly silent for a few moments before he speaks again. “Listen, I need your help tomorrow night.”
“With what?”
“You know what.” Honestly, I don’t fucking know. “The Greek Festival is tomorrow night.”
“No.” I can’t get my answer out fast enough. Absolutely not. Not ready to see the whole Scala clan and my work family.
“First off, you fucking owe me, and second, your answer is yes. Constantine and Julie are both going to be there tomorrow and I need you to referee, run interference, something. She hates you the least.” What does that say about a person when she hates her sons more than she hates me?
“Ask Silas.”
“Can’t, her and Silas aren’t speaking after she found out Britain’s his patient.” Christ, this woman’s the worst.
“She is aware that I’m in love with Britain, right?”
“Yeah, but you’re not with her.” He says it nonchalantly, like his words didn’t just impale me.
“Fine, but I need you to do me a favor. You know where Britain lives?”
“Yeah, but I’m not going to be the one to tell you where.”
“Jesus, I’m not going to fucking stalk her.” That’s only a half truth, I might. “Her friend is supposed to come pick up all her stuff tomorrow. Can you just take it to her instead so I don’t have to wait around?”
“Sure,” he says.
“Great,” I stand and head for the stairs. “Are you coming? You gotta pack it all up, too, you know, since I’m down a hand.”
“Damn, no good deed goes unpunished does it?” Max reluctantly follows behind.
“Sure fucking doesn’t, brother.” Hanging out with Julie Scala at the Greek Festival sounds about as fun as getting my toenails removed, but for Max, Niko, and Silas, I’ll do it. Hopefully this gets me one step closer to restoring some of the relationships in my life.