Constantine: Britain’s Story Part 2 (Spearhead Lake)

Chapter 14

Britain

So this is Julie Scala. All I can think is, she really is a bitch. I could understand her disliking Georgia. I mean, after all, Constantine was going to leave Julie for my mom. But her blatant rudeness towards me is a bit uncalled for. What the fuck did I ever do to her?

Julie looks genuinely shocked by Matthias’ comment and is silent for more than a couple seconds. I notice her noticing my bump and her expression morphs. In a barely audible voice she gestures down to my protruding stomach and says to Matthias, “Does your father know about this?” Her eyes begin to line with tears, but I don’t fully understand why.

“Not yet,” Matthias says, then gives a tight-lipped smile, “but he will.” For some reason, the way it comes out sounds like a threat. Julie just nods, then turns around and walks away like none of this ever happened.

“So, um, that’s your mom?” I ask Mats, quietly.

“Yep, that’s Julie.” I’m looking at him, trying to get a read on where he’s at, but his line of sight is still zoned out to where Julie is slowly disappearing through the crowd. Eventually he snaps out of it.

“I’m sorry she was so rude to you.”

“Yeah, me too…” is all I say. I guess they can’t all be winners like Sandy. Mentally I add Julie to the cons side of my pro/con list for continuing to date Matthias.

“Hey,” Matthias turns towards me, using his thumb and finger to direct my face towards his, “I know what will make it all better.” I rest a hand on his forearm before replying.

“What’s that?” I ask. He leans in, giving me a gentle, but sensual kiss. I can’t help how turned on I suddenly become.

He pulls back, lingering close to my lips, “Baklava and ice cream.” Not where I thought that was going, but that’s probably the more appropriate solution.

“You’re absolutely right.” I give him a smile. “But first, I want to buy some olive oil and like 15 things of cookies for the girls.”

“Whatever you want, buns, it’s yours.” He drops his mouth to mine once more, and I savor the way his plump lips linger against me. It feels like a promise of more.

When he finally pulls back, I say, “Hmm, I don’t know that buns is the one, but I like it better than bubs or bug. Bug is definitely not the one.”

“Noted,” he says, then takes my hand and leads me over to the food section of the marketplace. It only takes me a moment because I don’t bother to deliberate the choices, I just buy one box of every kind of cookie. The yia-yias all “ooh and ahh” over Matthias and myself while he pays and they package up the goods, and I just stand back watching Matthias as they do. He chats casually with the older women, flashing his dimple-filled smile at them, and then at me and I think to myself, he’s perfect. The nagging voice at the back of my mind asks, perfect for me, though?

Matthias manages to carry all the bags and purchase us both a baklava sundae, all while continuing to hold my hand. Pro: Does well with juggling full hands. I can’t help but picture him with a baby carrier in one arm, diaper bag slung over his shoulder, and a bottle in hand.

When we get back to our section, what were empty tables are now filled with people packed together like sardines. We squeeze through a boisterous group to our spot and Matthias pulls the chair out for me and places the sundaes down.

“Eat this, but I’m going to go get you some real food, okay?” He sets our bags under the table, then gently squeezes my shoulder before walking away. I dive into the baklava sundae eagerly. The warm honey drizzled on top melds with the cool cream perfectly, and when it hits my tongue, I close my eyes to savor it. For once, I’m grateful I don’t know anyone here, and am able to eat wholly uninterrupted.

“Britain?” The deep voice echoes to me and I throw my eyes wide open. An older version of the man I once knew stands before me. His hair is still mostly black, but gray now lines his temples. He’s still just as tan and ruggedly handsome as always, but with more wrinkles and a certain air of distinct wisdom and warmth about him. Maybe from age, or maybe it’s just that I know more about what he meant to my mother now.

“Mr. Scala,” I say to him and smile. He opens his arms for me, so I stand and lean into the embrace. It seems to go on and on, but I don’t move to break it and neither does he. It feels nice. It reminds me a bit of being with my Aunt Rose. Like connecting with him is like connecting with a piece of Georgia. There’s a little bit of her in all of us, I guess. He eventually pats my back and pulls away, revealing teary eyes.

“Really, you ought to call me Connie.”

I just smile, “From here on out, I promise I will.”

He looks me over once, and says, “You’ve hardly aged at all, my dear.” As I go to reply, Matthias moves in beside me, reaching across to set down a steaming plate piled high with food. I look at the plate with wide eyes, then look at Matthias.

He just shrugs and says, “you should be eating for two, babe,” then gently palms the side of my stomach again.

“Matt?” Constantine asks, looking at my belly where his son’s hand rests, then turns to look back at his son with the same wide eyed expression I just gave the food.

“Hi, dad.” Matthias leans over and the father and son embrace, warmly, but Constantine’s eyes never leave mine while they do. Matthias rejoins my side, resuming that possessive stance with one arm wrapped around me.

“Are you two…?” Constantine questions while motioning with his hand between the two of us.

“Yes, dad, we’re together.” What the fuck, Matthias? Literally all he had to change it to was ‘we’re seeing each other,’ and I wouldn’t have a problem. I put on a polite smile, though, remembering my manners.

Constantine comes to life before my eyes, before I can even process what Matthias just said. He claps his hands together as his smile beams, reaching from ear to ear. The teary eyes of a minute ago officially let loose a couple droplets, and they travel down his laugh lines landing on his linen shirt.

“I’m going to be a grandfather?” Constantine says lowly, but it’s not really a question. I feel a pit in my stomach grow, but I don’t have the heart to tell him straight out that Matthias isn’t the father. Seeing how he’s reacting, it feels cruel to kill the moment.

From across the tent, a group calls out for Constantine, but he puts a hand up to silence them. “Will you come have lunch with me, Britain?”

My natural inclination wants to decline, but I’d love to talk to him about Georgia, quite honestly, so I say, “Yes, I would really love that,” instead.

“Great, I’ll get your number from Matt, and we’ll get it arranged.” He smiles at me before bending down to give me a kiss on the cheek. As he pulls away, he says, “My god, how I’ve missed you.” I retain my smile, but the sentiment doesn’t make complete sense to me. Is he drunk? Did he just get me confused with Georgia?

Once I know he’s far enough away that he can’t hear me, I say to Matthias, “I literally just talked to you about this.”

“Sorry, babe. Can’t help it. I just want everyone to know what’s mine.”

Mine. The word replays in my mind, but I can’t quite grasp how I feel about it. I am beginning to feel like no matter my stance on the subject, Matthias is just going to keep declaring that I’m his to anyone who’ll listen. There’s something possessively sexy about it, but there’s something else I just can’t place.

“Let’s sit down and eat, okay? I can’t have the two of you going hungry.” He slides his palm over my abdomen, again, unable to keep his hands off me tonight.

I don’t get a chance to respond because it hits me then, like a cool breeze on a stifling hot night, and I feel his gaze instantly. I look around, catching his blue eyes looking at me like I’ve just stabbed him in the back. My breathing stills as my heart lurches forward in my chest. We stand there with locked eyes for what feels like forever until Gina slides next to Liam, whispering something in his ear, then trailing her hand down his arm, seductively. Intimately.

I instantly avert my gaze, feeling the burn of acid rising up my throat. I sit down quickly into my seat, but I just sit there, zoning out, staring into my plate of pilaf and stuffed grape leaves.

“Are you feeling okay, sweetheart?” Matthias asks.

“Um, I’m just not very hungry all of a sudden.” I try to keep my voice from trembling, but am unsuccessful.

“Okay, try to eat some of it, though, okay?” I nod silently, and pick up a forkful of rice. Putting it to my lips feels torturous and my fingers fumble to hold the fork steady.

“You know, I actually need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Without waiting for a response or an offer to accompany me, I drop the fork and move briskly through the tent towards the indoor bathrooms inside the church. There’s porta-potties that are a lot closer, but I need a cool, well-ventilated space right now or I might start hyperventilating.

Once I get to the bathroom, I go to the very last stall and shut the door, shakily sliding the lock in place. Attempting to stifle my cries, I cover my mouth and fight against the urge to sob. Unraveling toilet paper, I try my best to catch the tears before they fall in a weak attempt to save my makeup, but I’m failing.

I don’t know what feels worse: The look he gave me? Or the look Gina gave him? I thought he was probably already moving on. I knew that. And I am here with Matthias who has gone out of his way to make sure that everyone here knows we’re together. I have even kissed Matthias multiple times tonight. I have absolutely no right to feel jealous. None, you need to stop.

But I can’t help it. My chest is tight, and the smell of the old bathroom, nauseating. I have to get out of here. Pushing out of the bathroom door, I head to the back exit of the church — the opposite direction of the festival. It leads me to a side alley that’s dark and quiet, but still close enough I can hear the crowds and music filter over the building. I stand with my back pressed against the cool stone wall of the church and I let the tears fall.

I haven’t been out here ten seconds when the back door of the church flies open with such force, the door slams against the stone wall with a loud crack, startling me. I gasp in surprise as Liam steps out into the alley, looking frantic. I quickly inhale sharply, then freeze, like if I don’t move, he won’t notice me. Which is idiotic; it would be physically impossible unless he was blind. When his eyes land on me, he relaxes slightly.

It only takes two steps before he’s right in front of me. “Are you okay?” he asks. I just shake my head, slowly at first, not sure I’ll be able to find words without them coming out like a croak.

I swallow in an attempt to coat my bone-dry throat and ask, “Are you?”

“I will be, if you are.” Not exactly an answer to the question I asked, but maybe he doesn’t want to share that with me. He’s doing the thing he does when he’s nervous, though, bouncing the palm of his hand against his leg. My stomach sinks the slightest when he speaks again. “I was worried when I saw you take off for the bathroom. I thought…I hoped…nothing had happened…with the baby, you know?” The painful lump in my throat grows. Right, that’s all this was. Just checking to make sure the baby is okay.

“Oh. No, in that regard, everything is fine. Sorry to worry you.” I look down in embarrassment. I thought he wanted to know if I was okay. Stupid, Britain. So stupid. I have to remember that’s not what Liam is about. No matter what he says, his actions say otherwise. It’s I love you, but then he leaves. You’re the only one for me, but then Gina acts as if he’s her man. It’s confusing, and I’m the fool. Again.

He doesn’t make any moves to go, so without looking up, I offer, “Everything’s fine. I’ll make my way back out in a couple minutes.” He still doesn’t turn to leave, instead, he takes one step closer. The nearness forces me to look up and into the blue eyes that give new meaning to devastatingly handsome. They absolutely destroy me.

“Bambi,” he says softly, then moves to wipe the fresh tears off my face, running both thumbs across my cheeks in opposite directions. The touch sends warmth flooding through my body.

“You don’t have to do this, Liam. I’m not your problem anymore.” My voice comes out in a pitiful tremble.

“Did you read the letter?” I blink a few times, completely confused. “I put it in the black suitcase for you. I understand if you don’t want to…”

“I didn’t unpack the suitcases.” Why the fuck would Jess keep that from me? He just nods. His left eye is slightly swollen, but terribly discolored. Without thinking, I reach up and brush my thumb gently over the bruised area. Shit, I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve forgotten my place.

“I’m sorry,” I say, breaking eye contact.

“Sorry for the black eye? Or for touching me?” I feel him move in closer, his body heat transferring to mine.

“Both,” I say, keeping my gaze cast downwards.

“Baby, don’t be sorry.” He lets out a low and ironic laugh, “If it took me getting mauled by your brother for you to touch me again, I’d let him punch me a million more times.” My heart starts to beat faster and I look up. He gives me a gentle smile and before I know it, we’re reaching for each other at the exact same time. It’s instinctual, no thinking required. He pulls my head into his chest under his chin and wraps me up, just like he did my first night in Spearhead.

“I miss you so much, Britain.” He says over me softly, stroking my hair before placing a kiss at the top of my head.

I miss you, too. I say it inwardly, unable to reveal my weakness to him.

“Your tears will always be my problem, Britain.” His deep voice settles me like nothing else can. I inhale and exhale, relishing the ability to take full, slow breaths. Where do we go from here, though?

“Wherever you want, baby,” he says as he continues to stroke me gently, his hands passing further down my body to my hips. Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“What about Gina?” Jesus, Britain, have a little self respect will ya.

He tenses then leans back and says, “There is nothing with Gina. The only place I want to be is next to you.” My cheeks burn, my pelvis starts to heat, and I have to school myself, harshly, to not go up on my tiptoes to kiss him.

“And what about Matthias? He just told everyone here that we’re together.” I feel guilt and shame start to burrow their way into my mind.

“Are you not?” Liam asks seriously.

“No!” I say in frustration. “We’re not, but he thinks we are, and he’s literally told anyone who would listen that we are. I mean, we have been seeing each other, but I literally just told him three days ago that I wasn’t ready for more, or a label, but he just completely disregarded it, and has been acting like I’m his.”

Liam grimaces before replying, “So you lied to me when you said you were with someone else?” I drop my chin to my chest, feeling ashamed.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I just wanted to hurt you. It was wrong, but also I have been seeing Matthias romantically, so it wasn’t a complete lie.” I start to feel sick with guilt. Here I am, in Liam’s arms in the alley, while Matthias is probably out there looking for me, without a clue that I’m moments away from falling on my ex’s mouth. I push out of the embrace. What is it about Liam that makes me forget so quickly?

“Liam, I can’t do this.” He visibly deflates. “It’s not right, whether I’m actually with Matthias or not. He’s been there for me. He’s shown up when no one else did. He doesn’t deserve this,” I motion with my hand between the two of us. I’m also not convinced I can ever forgive Liam. Or trust him either.

“I need to leave.” I’m going to go back to the table and tell Matthias that I’m feeling unwell, and then I’m going home.

“Bambi, please don’t leave…” Liam reaches out for me, but I pull back and out of his reach.

“You confuse me, Liam.” I shake my head. “Please don’t do this to me. Please.” I drop my head in shame at the sound of my pleading. Like an old friend, the hurt finds me again, and I remember the knife sliding under my ribs when he walked away from me at Colton’s months ago. Hold on to that, Britain. Don’t be fooled by one warm embrace. He is not the person you think he is.

“Can we just talk, Britain? Just you and me?”

I snap my head up, and face him straight on. “Do you want to talk about how you lied to me? Kept secrets from me? How you left me and just walked away like it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done? Can we talk about how I don’t even know you?” I fall silent, realizing I was nearly shouting at him. Liam’s gaze darkens and he moves in towards me, crowding me up against the stone church wall. He holds my gaze, leaning over me, trapping me into his hard body.

“Stop it,” his tone is low and gravelly. “You’re the only person in this entire world that knows the real me. You’re the one thing in my life I’ve never wanted to give up. Fuck Bambi, I couldn’t give you up if I tried. I’ve spent every second of every fucking day missing you. Sick to my stomach, dying every fucking day over leaving you.” He takes in a deep breath, then gentles his tone, “I will love you with every breath until my dying day. Baby, always. Do you understand me? Always.” He tenderly slides one hand behind my neck and rubs his thumb back and forth across my throat. I feel paralyzed as I grapple with his words. I felt every syllable he just spoke to the marrow of my bones. Each word warmed me, healing something deep within me. But do I believe him? Has too much damage been done?

“Liam…” he moves in closer to me, his body pressed fully against mine now. “Love isn’t enough.” He doesn’t move away from me, though.

“I can’t leave you, Britain.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but his touch increases in pressure.

Somehow I find the resolve to strengthen my voice. I remember him sliding the ring off my finger. I remember sobbing in the ambulance. I remember Jess peeling me off my bathroom floor because I could hardly take care of myself. I let the memories harden me, strengthening my resolve.

“You can and you will. You’ve done it before, you’ll do it again. Whether that’s right now, or years down the road. Whatever we are, whatever we were, love isn’t enough to sustain it. These feelings will fade, and without trust and communication, we won’t be anything at all, so let’s not start this again.” I push out and away from underneath him and I don’t look back. Not as I walk back into the church, and not as I walk back to the tent. Don’t look back, Britain.

As soon as I enter the VIP section, I spot Matthias easily, our eyes connecting regardless of the hordes of people. He can see my tear-stained cheeks and starts moving towards me relentlessly, pushing through groups of innocent bystanders. As soon as we’re in front of each other, he just cups my face in his hands gently and asks, “Are you okay, sweetheart?” I shake my head, and he nods in understanding.

“Don’t move. I’ll be back in just a second.” He slips away from me, and I take a moment to glance around. I don’t see Liam anywhere, but I do notice Gina shooting daggers in my direction. I don’t know why. He’s all yours, sweetheart. My stomach rolls at the thought, but I have to start getting used to it. Liam’s not mine. Not anymore.

Matthias comes back and grabs my hand, leading the way out, and says “Let’s go.” I just nod in response. As we walk to the parking area beside the church, I glimpse those blue eyes watching Matthias and I walking. I raise one corner of my mouth in acknowledgement, but it’s not a happy gesture. It’s a farewell.