1. Raven
CHAPTER 1
Raven
T o say my Frostbite was avoiding me would be like saying a vampire was only slightly trying to avoid going out into the sun without any protection. Although I doubted stepping into the sun could hurt worse than this. I made a mental note to ask Dominic if perhaps I should just do that—step out in broad daylight and just be done with it all.
For the past week, whenever Diana got so much as a whiff of me, she was gone. I was left with glimpses of her hair around corners, the heel of her boot, and the smell of her sorrow lingering where she’d stood a few moments before.
A pain that I’d never felt before was eating me from the inside out, like something was being torn from me, leaving a gaping hole. No amount of blood drunk touched the constant throbbing, it was like an ulcer I couldn’t soothe. I’d heard of them from humans, but I’d never experienced one. No vampire would, not with our biology. Yet even breathing hurt me, and the fissures of agony were spreading with each moment that Diana stayed as far from me as she could.
My worry that took the pain even deeper…was that I wasn’t just feeling my pain. But the fear that I was feeling Diana’s too, as our mate bond deepened with the blood exchange we’d made to save her life. The thought of her hurting like this, of this being her suffering, was unacceptable.
She was being torn from her wolf, and it was my fault, even if we both knew it had been the only way to save her…
I had to find a way to make it better for her. I had to find a way to stop this because the thought of her going through this for much longer…I would take her hurt a thousand times over to spare her from it if I could.
Would it be best to leave? What could I do to stop this unseen wound from spreading further? Could we give her back her wolf somehow now that the shard from the Veil had calmed within her?
All those questions led me to Duchess Evangeline’s door, my fist poised to knock. If anyone knew how to help Diana, it would be her—I hoped. She loved Diana as if she was her daughter.
I took a moment longer, then rapped two knuckles against the door. “Duchess, may I speak with you?”
A rustle of skirts and the softest of footsteps preceded the Duchess opening the door. No longer the proud, vibrant woman I’d always known her to be, she had aged in the last few months. Her hair was nearly all white, her skin so papery thin her veins were clearly visible under sunken cheeks. Her clothing had been taken in as she’d lost weight, but even so the cloth still hung off her frame.
I knew it had started with losing Lycan, the lover she should never have had—as forbidden as Diana and I— and with our hunting party missing for months thanks to Nefir’s time-fuckery…it had left not only the Duchess, but all those who cared for Diana, believing the worst.
They’d thought Diana was gone forever; the wolf queen killed in doing her duty to her people. Killed while trying to save the world and stop Lilis.
The worst part was that Diana had come back, but not the same—her body holding a shard of the Veil, fighting to survive even as her wolf slowly perished.
I must have stood there for a good thirty seconds, staring at her as my own thoughts tumbled over one another.
“So much going on behind those eyes of yours, Raven. Come, speak with me.” Evangeline’s voice was a bare rasp, she stepped to the side and beckoned me in.
I crossed the threshold, into her personal space. The room was starkly bare of anything soft, or personal. A bed, a desk, no rugs…nothing else. A window barred shut to keep any sunlight out.
Guilt stabbed at me; the Duchess was having her own crisis, her grief still as raw and fresh as the day it happened, and I was going to ask her for help?
I was a dick, but I had nowhere else to turn.
“Duchess, my apologies?—”
“Don’t. You came to see me about Diana, and she is the child of my heart. So, sit and we will discuss.” She motioned to the one chair in the room.
I moved to the chair and held it out for her as I tipped my head. “You sit, I will pace.”
With a soft sigh, she held her skirts and sat down. “Fine. Pace. Tell me what I can do to help you.”
I took a few steps away and did exactly that. With my hands tucked behind my back, I took three steps in one direction, spun, and went the other way, over and over.
But I couldn’t find the words for a good long minute, and when I did, they weren’t even the words I wanted. Because in that short time I realized there was nothing Evangeline could do, any more than Sienna could do the night before. Or Myrr the night before that. I’d gone to those I knew loved Diana, those who would do anything for her. And the answers had always been the same.
This was Diana’s journey. I had to let her walk it on her own.
I didn’t have it in me to hear the same message again.
I stopped in front of Evangeline and bowed my head. “I am sorry to have disturbed you, Duchess. I should just go. Forgive me.”
“Raven, stay and speak…”
But I was gone, across the room and out her door, as if she were chasing me away. Because I was afraid of what she might say, if it was different than the others. Because she knew what it was to love someone taboo and she’d denied herself a life with him. They’d remained apart for the majority of their lives.
What if she told me to leave?
I was fairly sure I could live without Diana’s touch, as long as I knew she was alive and well. To ensure her life though, I had to be near to her. A pleasure and a pain all wrapped up in one untidy bundle.
I didn’t go first to the rooms I’d been assigned but instead found my way to Diana’s rooms. The doors were closed, and no light flickered under the door, but I was certain she was there, sensing her carefully through the bond that hummed lightly between us.
Once more, I paused on the threshold of the door, hand raised only this time I did not let my knuckles fall against the wood. Instead, I placed my palm against the door and consoled myself that she was alive and well, sleeping in her own bed, safe for the night.
Breathing in the scents that were uniquely Diana as they slipped under the door to me, my racing heart and mind eased for the first time in days. This time of night had been the only time I’d been able to get close to her. I huffed a laugh at myself. As if through a thick door, and twenty feet apart were close.
“Sleep well, Frostbite,” I murmured, bowed to the door and finally let myself go to my own rooms.
The fire was already crackling in the hearth, and I let out a sigh as I stepped into the sparsely furnished space. I didn’t need much, but I couldn’t deny that I felt a bit jealous of William at the moment. When our king and his new bride Bethany arrived, they would take the central room on the lower floor—two massive bedrooms, a bathroom with a small inground pool, a full entertainment room with billiards and darts…no expense had been spared. In short, it was fit for a king. But right now, I wouldn’t mind burning off some energy swimming laps or banging the balls around.
Something…anything to take my mind off Diana.
I shut the door, and threw myself into the bed, burying my face in the pillows and wishing they were her luscious curves instead. Wishing I could just hold her and breathe her in.
My own breathing slowed and somewhere between thoughts of Diana and memories of our times together, I fell asleep, tumbling into the abyss of a dream.
The white tent fluttered around me as I stared up into the stars that speckled the desert sky. I sat up as the scent of desert flowers rolled in around me, tugging me out of the tent.
I blinked and I was outside, the oasis just as it had been when Nefir had rescued us from roasting alive under the desert sun.
The water in the distance gurgled and beckoned. Lush plants grew all around, there was a table set with food, I breathed in the scents of the desert and the inviting foods.
“This is just a dream, isn’t it?”
I turned at the sound of her voice.
Diana stood only a few feet behind me in a sheer dress that rippled around her body as the desert wind tugged at it as if it would drag it off her body. Her eyes flicked to mine, uncertain, and green once more as they’d been when I’d rescued her from Edmund. I loved her frosted blue eyes…but I loved her eyes no matter their color. Her dark hair hung loose, soft curls begging to be touched.
“A dream,” I said. “Yes. It’s just a dream.”
I stepped toward her, and she didn’t back away, instead swaying into me as I cupped a hand behind her head and took her mouth with my own. While I dreamed of her every night, this was different. This felt…real.
Her lips softened beneath mine, her body pressed tight to my chest as her hands tangled in my hair, dragging me to the ground.
We fell and were suddenly back inside a tent. Distantly I knew this was a dream, but I was not complaining, nor was I in any hurry to wake up and lose this time with her—real or not.
I hooked a finger under one strap of her sheer dress and pulled slowly, tearing it from her even as it whispered across her body, making her skin pebble from the sensation. I followed the trail of the material with my other hand, stopping when I reached the curve of her breast.
She moaned and pushed upward, begging to be touched. “Please, Raven, don’t stop.”
“As you command,” I said as I shed what little clothing I wore and lowered myself over her. Nudging her legs apart and settling myself between them, pressing the tip of my cock against her warmth, knowing how tight and wet she would be already.
Holding myself up on my elbows, I pressed my lips against the edge of her neck, working my way along her jaw, to the bottom of her ear. A nip along the sensitive edge, and she twisted around, kissing me hard as if she’d devour me.
Sensations flooded me as our teeth nipped, and our tongues slid over one another. I growled as her fingers wrapped around my cock and squeezed, dragging her hand up and down the length of it.
“I want to taste you.” She pushed me off, rolling me to the side so she straddled my waist. Sliding down my body, her pussy branded me every place it touched—belly, hip, thigh, a trail of moisture and warmth.
I slid my hands over her round ass cheeks, kneading at them as her breasts tempted my mouth.
“Frostbite, fuck…”
She dipped lower, and my hands slid up to her head as her mouth pressed against the tip of my cock. My hips jerked forward, and I fought not to pull her head down hard. Her laugh was…gods, it was music to me. “Tease,” I whispered.
“Pot meet kettle.” She swirled her tongue around me and slowly pulled my hard length into her mouth. She kept one hand at the base, pulsing slowly, and the other cupped my balls.
I was not going to last if she kept this up, the slow, deadly strokes of hand, lips, and tongue were unraveling me.
“Frostbite!” I arched under her, and then she was gone, and fuck, I thought I’d woken up.
Groaning, I flipped a hand over my eyes.
But she wasn’t gone. She was still there, and she was not done with me yet. “From behind, Raven. I want you to fuck me from behind.”