2. Diana
CHAPTER 2
Diana
F rom behind, Raven. I want you to fuck me from behind.
Heat flooded me from head to toe. “Son of a bitch!”
Thwack.
I let out a breath and lowered the bow to my side, staring at the empty center of the target.
“Fucker. He’s made me a terrible shot,” I muttered under my breath. The feathers at the end of my arrow were still trembling. Almost mocking me from the very outer edge of the target…
Damn Raven. Damn him for invading my dreams. It was bad enough I couldn't get him out of my head during the day when I had so much on my plate. Already exhausted from my churning thoughts and fears about the future of my people and the Territories, now I had to figure out how to fix it all on little to no sleep.
I rested my bow against a nearby tree stump and reached for the mug of strong black coffee that I'd brought out to the forest with me. Ever since I’d fed from Raven’s blood, I had no appetite…for food, at any rate.
Sex and blood, though?
That was a whole other ball of fur. I craved them both, and the idea of having them together? Gods, I had to lock my knees to stay standing.
I lifted my face to the sun, letting my eyes close. For now, the warmth was still a pleasure, but even those days were numbered. Soon the sun would become my enemy, trying to roast my flesh from my bones. The cost of what I’d become. I could feel that moment coming, even if I didn’t know exactly when it would happen.
My time was running out.
Just like your people when they found out what you’re becoming, a little voice inside my head chimed in.
I opened my eyes, let out a snort of disgust, and took a sip of the bitter brew. Was this what my life was going to be? A constant mental litany of all the reasons I hated what I was becoming? Even who I was becoming?
I felt…weak. Where had all the righteous fury gone? The rage that had helped Sienna and I drive Lilis out of Malach’s body and force her to run off and lick her wounds? I’d better get the rage back fast, or the Territories would suffer. The meeting at the ruins with all the other leaders was only days away, and that path was already fraught with countless pitfalls. No one was going to rally behind a sad sack of a queen with an identity crisis and a limp noodle handshake. I’d already seen it in the eyes of my own people. Heard the whispers of some…
“Lycan never would have allowed the demons to bring war to our shores.”
“Where was she before the battle started?”
I let out a snarl as I hurled the mug against the target, where it smashed into a thousand pieces.
A low whistle sounded behind me, and I wheeled around to find Sienna standing there watching me, an assessing look on her face, her eyes not missing a thing.
“I'll tell you one thing, I'm glad I'm not that target. Whose face were you picturing there…our least favorite goddess or Raven?” she asked with a sympathetic smile.
My shoulders slumped. “I wish that I only wanted to kill Raven,” I admitted, sucking my teeth in frustration, “that would make life much easier. No, the problem is, as furious as I am for him stealing my choice, I would have done the same in his shoes, given the circumstances. Now, I can't seem to forgive him, nor can I seem to stop thinking about him. It’s a total mind fuck.”
Sienna sighed, set down the mug in her hands, and picked up a bow. She knocked an arrow and loosed it all in a single smooth motion. Her arrow marked slightly to the right of the center. “That does sound awful. I remember the early days with your brother. The man who bought me as a slave…and still, I wanted him something fierce. It took me a long time to come to terms with the truth. Dominic bought me to protect me from those who would’ve mistreated me. He did it to save me, despite what it might have felt like…”
I was sure there was a lesson in there somewhere, but I wasn’t in a place to hear it. I just felt so broken. Torn between the blood I was born with, and the wolf I’d become, and now back to the first?
Not messy at all.
“Don't let me stop you if you want to keep going with your target practice.” Sienna set her bow down, scooped up her steaming mug from the ground, and closed the distance between us. She took a seat on the tree stump beside me, cupping her mug with her hands. “I'm just here to take advantage of the balmy weather, get some fresh air, and escape from the keep for a bit. Everyone's so tense, prepping for the trip to the ruins. It's been so long since all the heads of the different territories have been in the same room–or space I suppose.”
“Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure at least Dominic and Lochlin feel that there's a good chance we may not even have to worry about the goddess.” We still weren’t using Lilis’ name. It just wasn’t worth the possibility that it would draw her eyes to us sooner than we had to. “She may get her wish without having to lift another finger if no one can agree, we all turn on one another, and no one walks out alive.”
I bent to retrieve my bow and knocked another arrow. This time I shoved Raven from my thoughts and focused only on the circle in the center. If I was to lead my people in this and beg all the other leaders to work together and join the fight against Lilis, I needed to be smart. I needed to think about every move I made and stay one step ahead of both the other monarchs and the dark goddess. And after losing my father, fighting that bloodthirsty bitch at every turn, and grieving my dying wolf while also being torn apart by this bond with Raven, I felt woefully ill-equipped to do that.
I could almost hear Lycan's voice counseling me now.
This is where your mental toughness comes–the grit you showed from the first moment I met you. You survived against all odds as a child. Then you came to me and thrived, becoming the backbone of our people. You can do anything you put your mind to, daughter. Do not lose heart.
I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly through my mouth. Then I closed one eye and held steady, loose. This time the arrow sailed through the air in a straight line, connecting with its target, clean and true.
“There it is,” Sienna said, applauding softly.
I lowered the bow again and shot her a glance. “That's about as long as I can hold it together right now,” I admitted, giving in to the sudden urge to share my fears despite a lifetime of shielding them from everyone. Ever since the shard had chosen me, my bond with Sienna had deepened. If anyone could understand the pressure on me, it was her. “Something's got to give before the day of the meeting, or we can forget getting the other kings and queens to fall in line. It's already going to be hard enough to keep my people under control once they find out—” I broke off and swallowed hard. “Hell, even Kevin could tell.” And it still stung that the white hell-hound had turned away from me, choosing to return to the demon realm with Gabe after the battle against Malach. It didn’t bode well for my own brethren’s loyalty, never mind those from other Territories…“I’m afraid the other kings and queens will be able to smell my weakness.” Sienna opened her mouth, looking like she was about to argue with me, but then she stopped short and nodded.
“They're a cutthroat bunch from what I understand,” she agreed. “But being what you are isn’t a weakness, Diana. You and I and the others who hold the other shards…we will save the world together. You must go in with that confidence and don’t let anyone take it away. I know you're going to work it out and come through to the other side of this a bad bitch, just like you were before, only stronger. Just give yourself a minute to come to terms with what’s happened, though. You’re not a machine. It's only been a week.”
I turned my eyes to the sky. “It snowed yesterday. And today, it's like a late summer morning. Balmy and warm. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Tornadoes that will wipe out half the land? An earthquake? A hailstorm? Time is the one thing I don't have–the one thing that none of us has. I've got to figure this out and get my shit together, or this whole world is doomed.”
Her lips quirked. “Well, when you say it like that, it seems like a whole lot of pressure. Maybe we can talk through some of the things bothering you most. You mentioned being worried that your people won't accept what you're becoming. Do you know that to be true?”
I dug the point of my bow into the soft ground, creating a divot. “There were already those who opposed me, an entire faction of wolves, who never wanted an heir not of Lycan’s actual blood to become their leader. There are also those who believe a woman should never have the power to lead. Things only got worse when we aligned with the Vampire Territory and my brothers came back into my life—even if the majority of people did not realize we were truly related. Once Lycan was murdered, those on my side doubled down on their loyalty, but the others…I feel like my father was the only thing keeping those dark factions from making their move to overthrow me altogether. Once they find out what I’m becoming?” I let out a harsh laugh. “It’s all over.”
Feeling restless, I made my way toward the target and tugged the arrows free.
“They’re going to find out. Instead of worrying about it, maybe the best course of action is to rip it off like a bandage,” Sienna replied, her tone, calm and measured in a way that soothed me. “What if you call a meeting with the clans before our trip? Be brutally honest and explain what happened…I think they'll respect your vulnerability. You won't win over those who already opposed you, but I do think you'll find you have the loyalty of the rest. They can’t just erase your decades of loyal service to the people. You are still you—and you have still served them with a fierce loyalty.”
It was sound advice, much as I was loathe to lay my secret on the line.
At the very least, I would know my fate rather than walk this tightrope of constant fear and nauseous anticipation. If there was a vote and they opted to replace me, at least I could start to plan my path forward.
And yet I could see a downside to spilling the beans.
“I have the shard inside of me. We're prophesied to reunite the shards and defeat that bitch together once we find the other girls. In order to do so, we need this alliance with the other territories. It's imperative that we're all on the same page. If I'm removed as queen, who's to say our next leader will see things the same way that I do? What if they abandon that mission altogether?”
I pressed my fingers to my temple, trying to soothe away the building headache, and the words that I’d kept inside tumbled out, laced with pain.
“My wolf is dying, Sienna. Tomorrow comes the blood moon. Normally, I would feel my wolf, the power of her, humming inside of me…I feel nothing. It's like I'm dead inside.” I paused. “But I need to be sure. I want to wait one more night before I say anything. I want to take one last run and see if I can become one with the forest. Just to be sure that the vampire blood in me has won the war against my wolf. If that’s…if that’s the case then I'll tell my people the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. My guess is I’ll be challenged for the crown. It only takes three clans to agree to a champion to represent them, and there are two who would’ve done it even before this.”
Rustling leaves interrupted my thoughts, and Sienna and I both turned toward the sound. As I lifted my bow, instantly on high alert, a plump white rabbit darted from between the trees. I released the tension on my bowstring and lowered the bow.
“Before taking Raven's blood, I would have smelled that rabbit a mile away,” I murmured, wistfully. I turned to face Sienna and held her gaze, a tiny ember of hope, still burning in my chest. “I need to ask you a question.”
“Of course. We are sisters now. You can ask me anything.”
“The shard made me feel as if I must choose. But I didn't get to, because Raven chose for me. If I am to be a vampire, does that mean it has to be forever? What if I fulfill my destiny, and then make my choice…to go back to being a werewolf?”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “And go through the changing ceremony a second time?”
“Yes.”
“You would do that? After the agony…Diana, it almost killed you the first time from what I understand. It very likely would the second time.”
I regarded her, unblinking. “And if I'd rather be dead than stay a bloodsucker?”
She flinched and shook her head. “I don't know the answer to your question. But, as someone who cares for you, I would advise against it. If you choose to do something so dangerous, I hope that you would at least call upon me to be by your side in hopes that I might be able to use my gift to help you through the transition.”
I blew out a shaky breath and managed a half smile. “At least there's that one tiny sliver of hope. If being a vampire becomes too much to bear, I can try.”
“Don’t think you’re not going to get pushback on this if it should come to pass. I know that there's at least one person who will protest vehemently,” Sienna continued, her tone hesitant.
“That's fine, because he doesn’t get a vote this time,” I shot back, the ember of hope turning into the flickering flame of fury I’d been missing. I straightened and stared at her hard. “And you won't be mentioning this conversation to him or my brothers. Is that understood?”
Sienna regarded me, her head cocked to the side as her lips tipped into a wry smile. “Well, if those fools who oppose you think you don't have what it takes to be queen anymore, I pity them. But yes, Your Majesty. To answer your question, I understand. Now here's something you need to understand. A blood bond is not something that goes away if it's made with your fated mate. I won’t need to tell Raven anything. If your life is on the line, he will feel it.”
I sliced a hand through the air, blood boiling. “Why do people keep saying that?!” Okay, maybe other people didn't keep saying that, but Raven did. “None of us have any idea if he's my fated mate. I’m not even sure I believe such a thing exists anymore—not for me. And if it does, part of me thinks that mine died long ago.”
The boy who’d saved me from Edmund. From the moment Raven had told me that version of events, I’d known deep inside…that the boy was my mate. And he was gone.
“If that's what you want to believe, I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise. When the time is right, your heart will know the truth. Now, I will leave you to your target practice. Though I will say, your aim seems to have improved…” With that, Sienna turned and ambled away, back toward the keep.
As I watched her go, I felt a twinge of sorrow. She'd become one of my closest confidants and was my sister-in-law to boot. She'd been nothing but kind to me, had even saved my life, and I'd spoken to her like I was her queen, and she was my subject. I wanted to call after her and apologize for being such an asshole.
But that flame kept flickering, and it was all I could do not to scream.