CHAPTER TEN
Cody and Zach had been sitting in silence for a good ten minutes. He’d stopped by after work, knowing they needed to talk. He couldn’t avoid his best friend forever.
Libby had made herself scarce the moment Cody arrived and they’d both taken their beers out onto the back patio. But their conversation had hit a stumbling block straight away, as soon as Zach had asked the question he’d been dreading: “Are you sure you’re ready?”
It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready. He knew he was. But that didn’t change the guilt that accompanied what went with that.
By the time he was ready to speak, he had a full beer in him. “I’ll always love Ellie, you know that. She was the first woman I ever loved, the mother of my kid. But the passion...it was never there, y’know? I think maybe it was because we got together so young or something. We went from high school to college to marriage. And then Dylan came along, and then...then she got sick. And I went from husband to caretaker.”
“That still doesn’t answer my question, man,” Zach correctly stated.
“I know. I’m trying. It’s not easy for me to say this.” Cody sucked in some more air and puffed it out. “Ellie...Ellie was the only woman I’d ever been with...until Cat.”
He didn’t take his eyes off the beer bottle he was now clutching in both hands, but he could feel his friend’s head shake beside him.
“You think I don’t know that, dude? We grew up together, for God’s sake. Why in the hell do you think I’m asking if you’re okay, if you’re ready?”
Relief bloomed in his chest. It was one thing for his friend to think it but quite another for Cody to confirm it. They’d never had a conversation like this out loud. If anything, he’d been embarrassed. How many thirty-four-year-old men had had a grand total of one sexual partner? He was guessing not many.
“I’m more than okay. And as for being ready...if I’m being honest, I’ve been ready for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been approached by plenty of women over the past few years. I have. But no one I was ever interested in. Not until Cat. She does something to me, man. I’ve never felt anything like it...not even with Ellie. That’s how I know this is right. She is right.”
“It wasn’t that long ago we had to hide the knives whenever you two were together. You sure you’re not just in some kinda sex haze?”
“Hell yeah, I’m in a sex haze. A damn fucking good one.”
“Cody.” Zach clearly wasn’t impressed with that answer.
He faced his friend then, in an attempt to get him to understand. “Seriously, I like her. I know it’s hard for you to believe after all the shit you’ve witnessed, but we actually get on scarily well. We laugh at the same jokes, can talk about nothing and everything, but more than that, I’ve gotten to know who she is as a person. And Zach...she’s amazing. Really fucking amazing.”
His friend’s scepticism was clear. “It’s been two weeks,” Zach reminded him.
“It has,” Cody confirmed. “It’s fast, I know. And you have my permission to say ‘I told you so’ if this all blows up in my face...but I’ve waited a long time to find this woman. Life is short. I’m not gonna waste any time playing games when I already know what I want. And Cat is what I want.”
Zach nodded, hopefully remembering the conversation they’d had six months ago when his friend had fallen head over heels for Libby. Cody hadn’t fully understood what he’d been going through then, but he did now.
“Okay, I guess I don’t have a leg to stand on here, huh? Considering I fell for my woman just as fast.”
Yep. He remembered.
“Nope,” Cody agreed.
“When you know you know, man.”
Something else he agreed with.
***
Four weeks later and Cat had become a regular dinner guest. But tonight was the first night she would be sleeping over while Dylan was in the house. They’d been limiting the nights they spent together to Wednesdays, with regular daytime trysts at Cat’s apartment to tide them over.
He’d had a talk with his son ahead of her arrival, which he was confident went well. Dylan had decided recently that Cat was Cody’s girlfriend, and he hadn’t corrected him. He also seemed to think she was moving in, and they were getting a pet cat. Again, he hadn’t technically shut that idea down.
At least one of those issues should be solved tonight, though. He was going to ask Cat to be his woman. Make things official. Hopefully Dylan wouldn’t put his foot in it before Cody had a chance to ask.
“Now that you’re Dad’s girlfriend, are you going to get married?” Dylan proudly asked, pasta sauce staining his mouth.
Seriously? She’s not even been here an hour. Fuck.
Cat’s eyes widened as she swallowed down a mouthful of noodles. “Uh.” Cody saw the panic as her gaze flicked from him back to Dylan. “I think it’s a bit early to be discussing that, D.”
“Why?” His child’s favorite word.
Cody intervened. “Because, little man, we have to convince her first. And that’s gonna take a while because she’s still getting to know us.”
It wasn’t his imagination that Cat had grown paler by the second.
Is it bad that I’m enjoying this?
It was. He was definitely going to hell.
“Us?” Dylan asked.
“Yeah, bubba. Us. If Cat and I get married she will be in both of our lives.” Cat was now gulping down her wine. “So...we should try and be on our best behaviour if we want her to stick around.”
He was not above using his own child to get what he wanted. He should have been, but he wasn’t.
“Okay.” Dylan gave him a serious nod before turning back to Cat. “So, if I’m good you’ll be my mom?”
A spray of wine hit the pine dining table as Cat practically choked on her last sip.
Okay. That might have gone a little too far. It didn’t stop Cody from laughing though, before coming to her rescue.
“Hey, guess what I got us for dessert?” he chirped. “Ice cream! Cookies and cream. Wanna help me clear the table and I’ll crack it out?”
“My favorite!” Dylan jumped out of his seat.
Thankfully, kids were easily distracted.
“Yep, come on. The sooner we clear up, the sooner we can have some.”
Cody slowly got to his feet too, making sure Dylan was busy clearing up before bending down to place a soft kiss on Cat’s cheek.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Even I didn’t see that coming.”
She managed a shaky smile.
Shit. He was fucking this up.
He looked over at Dylan, who was placing plates on the kitchen counter in the far corner of the room.
“Hey, bubba.” Dylan’s eager eyes met his. “We’re gonna eat dessert in the living room tonight. Why don’t you grab an ice cream cone and we’ll be there in a minute.”
His son’s face lit up as he scrambled over to the freezer. When it came to ice cream, you didn’t have to ask him twice. He was running out the door seconds later.
Cody’s backside hit the wooden chair next to Cat as soon as his son was out of the room. He dragged the chair even closer until her legs rested in between the V shape of his own.
“I really am sorry,” he repeated. He didn’t know what else to say but he knew he needed to fix this. “I’ll speak to him.”
Her dainty hand went to his thigh. She no longer looked freaked, thank God. But he could still see some wariness flickering in those big eyes.
“It’s okay, Cody. Seriously. It’s only natural for him to be curious and start asking questions. I was just caught off guard, that’s all. I’ll do better next time.”
Un-fucking-believable. She never ceased to amaze him. And humble him.
“Sweetheart, you know you didn’t do anything wrong, right?”
She hesitated, plunging the knife further into him. “I-I should have...” she trailed off, hopefully realising there was nothing she should have done differently.
His hand covered the hand she’d placed on his thigh and squeezed. “You’re fucking amazing, do you know that?”
“I’m really not.” Her head was shaking now. “I’m so out of my depth it’s not even funny.”
“Wanna know a secret?” He entwined their fingers together now, her touch grounding him. “I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. You’d think after nine years I’d have this whole parenting thing down, right? But no, I’m winging it. Like everyone else. Trying my best not to fuck up. There is no manual that comes with a kid and I’m telling you now, no amount of parenting blogs can prepare you for when your son comes up to you and asks why God decided to take his mommy away from him.”
Maybe that was too much information, too soon.
He waited for a pitying look. Or for her to avert her eyes. But neither of those things happened. Instead, she looked straight into him, her thoughtful gaze pulling at heart strings that ached in his chest.
“You’re the amazing one, Cody. Not me. I’m not gonna even pretend to know what you’ve been through, but I’m telling you now, you’re an incredible dad. Dylan...he’s a good kid. He’s happy all the time. Smart as hell. And most importantly, he’s kind. That’s all you. You did that. Whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right.”
And there it was. The feelings he’d been fighting with since they’d met, making themselves known as his ear drums pounded. It was too soon, he’d told himself. Too soon to feel it and definitely too soon to say it. But there was no use denying it any longer. He’d fallen in love with this woman. And he’d fallen hard.
He needed a hit. Just to get him through. Instinctively dropping his forehead against hers, he inhaled the crisp notes of citrus and let his nose brush against hers.
“I don’t fucking deserve you, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to let you go. We’ve got something, haven’t we? Something good?”
Cody felt the word “Yes” fan across his lips.
“Say you’ll be mine? Make me the happiest man in the world and tell me I have the right to call you my own. My woman.”
A short laugh escaped her. He had to admit, that wasn’t quite the reaction he was going for.
“ My woman . You really are a caveman, aren’t you? You gonna club me over the head next?”
“Only if I can drag you back to my cave.” He smirked. “Is that a yes?”
“Actually...I thought I already was your woman. You been dating someone else on the side, McBride?”
As if. He told her as much, too. “Do you even have to ask me that, kitten? You think I’d want anyone else when I have you, a fucking goddess? Seriously?”
His answer seemed to satisfy her, her playful tone back with a vengeance. “So...do I get some kind of Cody’s woman merchandise now? A t-shirt with an arrow pointing to my side telling everyone I’m with you? Or do you just take out an ad in the local paper?”
Capturing her lips, he took advantage of her gasp and pushed his tongue inside of her mouth, getting instantly tipsy on his wine-flavored woman. Little did she know, he’d do anything for her. Get her whatever she wanted. All she had to do was ask.
***
Cody was one content man. Holding a naked Cat in his arms, in his bed, in his home, was the only place he wanted to be right now. Laying another kiss on her forehead, his grip on her tightened as she continued to trail her fingers up and down his stomach.
After they’d tucked Dylan in, they’d made out on the couch like teenagers. For hours. To the point of pain on Cody’s end. Once they were sure Dylan was asleep, they snuck upstairs and raced to strip each other. And when they did, as usual, he lost it and took her like a man possessed. But a quiet one. Not that it wasn’t fun to swallow each other’s moans or cover Cat’s mouth just as she was about to go over the edge. It actually added another layer of passion between them that continued to blow his mind.
As hard as it was to admit it, sex with Cat was undoubtedly the best he’d ever had. It was one more thing to feel guilty about. It also brought a whole lot of insecurities to the surface. Insecurities he didn’t want to push down anymore. Cat had opened up to him about her dad, the least he could do was be honest with her about how he was feeling.
As long as you don’t accidently tell her you love her.
“Have you ever been in love?” He cursed himself as soon as the question came out. He was clearly missing the subtle gene.
Cat’s fingertips paused on his peck. “No.” It was stupid as all get out that one word made him so happy. After all, he had been in love before her. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think?”
“I thought I was once...but the more time that went on, the more I realized that it wasn’t love at all.”
Jealousy kicked him in the gut. Again, he had no right to feel that way. “Why’s that?”
“You know, the usual. Arsehole with a wandering eye.” Dumbass. “I was with him way longer than I should have been, but when you think you’re in love, it’s easier to ignore the red flags.”
He pressed another kiss to her head, bracing himself to hear more. “What happened?”
“He cheated. A lot. Told me I was crazy and insecure, and for a while I believed him. I even tried to work on myself.” Cody’s blood boiled and his fists clenched. Motherfucker. “But then I found all these messages on his phone...” Sadness cracked her voice as she trailed off.
He let her have her quiet, needing to get his rage back down to a more manageable simmer.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he eventually croaked out. “The thought of you going through that... it breaks my heart. You deserve the fucking world. Nothing less. And for that piece of shit to make you think, even for one second, that there was something wrong with you—”
His speech was cut off by Cat’s mouth, which was now pulling a leisurely, soft kiss out of him. Cradling her face, he took it deeper. He’d realized weeks ago that he would never, ever get enough of her candy-coated kisses. And he was okay with that. Cody McBride was an addict. A proud one.
It would be too easy to get lost in Cat’s touch. Her taste. Her everything. But there was more to say. More he needed to know before he pushed inside of perfection. With that in mind, he slowly drew back, making sure to nip and suck her lower lip one more time before untangling them.
“No fair,” she whispered. “I wasn’t done.”
“Oh, I’m not done. Not by a long shot. But before I please my woman...there’s one more thing I wanted to talk about.”
She eyed him curiously. “Okay, as long as you hurry up.” Her hand drifted down his torso again, this time not stopping.
Catching her wrist, he reluctantly dragged it back up. “Kitten,” he warned, “one more minute and we can play. I promise.” She pretended to pout, prompting him to get on with it. “There was a reason I wanted to know about your past relationships.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I, uh, I guess we’ve never really discussed the past like that before. I know that you haven’t been with anyone in a while and nor have I...but you never told me about anyone you were seeing before.”
“I thought guys hated hearing about other guys?”
“Oh, I do. It’s like having my skin peeled off. Trust me. But it’s been on my mind, and I think I’d just rather know.”
Cody lost Cat’s body heat as she pushed up and out of his hold. He couldn’t help himself, his gaze roamed down to her bare chest.
Lord have mercy.
When he met her eyes again, her expression said it all. She was not impressed.
“I’m not about to give you a rundown of all the wankers I’ve ever dated, Cody. Why don’t we skip to the part where you tell me what the hell is going on?”
Pushing up against the mattress, he righted himself until his back was to the headboard. He then reached for her hand and pulled her back into him. This would be easier if he wasn’t looking into blue fire. As soon as she was back in his hold, her head on his chest, he let it all out.
“Remember when I told you there hadn’t been anyone since Ellie?” He felt her nod against him. “Well, the thing is, there was no one before her, either.” There. He’d said it. Put it out there. No turning back now. “I guess because I don’t have a lot of experience...I’ve been feeling a little insecure. Shit. I sound like a fucking pussy.”
Cat’s head was up and in his face, her delicate hand pushing against his chest. “Hey, stop.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat. “You think that makes you a pussy? Seriously?” She didn’t wait for his reply. “Hate to break it to you, McBride, but in the real world that makes you the holy fucking grail.”
“What?”
“You heard me. You think a woman wants to be with some manwhore who has the emotional intelligence of a two-year-old? Hell no! We want a real man. And you, honey, are it.”
Cat lifted one leg over his body until she was straddling him. Her hardened nipples scraping against the smattering of dark hair on his chest, pulling a strangled groan from his throat. His hands had a mind of their own and went straight to her ass, squeezing the plump flesh until she was squirming above him.
“I swear to God, you’re gonna be the death of me, kitten.”
“But what a way to go.” She winked, flashing him a devilish smile before sinking into him.
What a way to go indeed.