CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Cat couldn’t help but think of the irony. She’d gone back home to look after everyone, when it was herself that needed the most looking after. It was like the blind leading the blind.
This was the first time since she’d arrived back that she’d had time to think. And that was not a good thing. Right now, she was actually missing making funeral arrangements.
After spending the first few nights at her mother’s house, she’d soon realized she needed her own space. If only to have her panic attacks in peace. That’s why today, she’d checked into Beach Bum Bed and Breakfast. It was a cosy little place just minutes from the beach. She even had a slightly obstructed view of the sea from her balcony.
So, I can hyperventilate and enjoy the view at the same time.
Collapsing onto the double bed, she took her phone down with her as she sunk into the fluffy pillow. Another message from Libby. She was not letting up. Now she was threatening to jump on a plane and come to Brighton if she didn’t respond.
It was worth noting that she still had no messages from Cody. Not that she was holding her breath for one. Other than a few missed calls and a couple of ‘Where are you?’ messages the night she’d left, she hadn’t heard anything since.
It’s for the best.
And she knew it was. Letting him go was the right thing to do. Who knew how long she would need to stay here? And the thought of losing another parent because of her own selfishness wasn’t an option.
Pulling up Libby’s latest message, she decided it was time to bite the bullet. She owed her friend an answer.
Cat: I didn’t tell you because the last thing I wanted was for you to worry. I can see I was worrying for nothing now, though, 136 messages are a perfectly reasonable amount of texts to send a person over a two day period.
Her phone dinged right away. Figures.
Libby: Ha ha. And just so you know, 136 WAS a reasonable amount. It could have easily been 1036, but like a good friend, I was giving you space.
She didn’t think it was possible for her lips to twitch right now, but they did just that.
Cat: Your version of space and my version of it are really fucking different, Lib.
Libby: Seems like that’s the case when it comes to friendship, too. Best friends tell each other things, Cat. Like say, your dad getting sick and you moving back to England to look after him?
Cat: I did tell you, technically.
Libby: Yeah, three years later! I could have been there for you, Cat. Like you’ve always been there for me.
Cat: I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight. Can we jump to the part where you forgive me?
Libby: Of course you’re forgiven. But don’t do it again. How are you doing? Can I call you?
Cat wasn’t ready to talk about Cody yet, and there was no doubt in her mind that Libby would bring him up if she called. So, in the interest of not having a panic attack tonight, she declined.
Cat: Can we just text for now? I’m not at the whole talking out loud stage just yet.
Libby: Whatever you want, honey. Have you set a date for the funeral yet?
Cat: Saturday. It’s going to be hard. My mum’s a mess. Jack’s been helping as much as he can, but you know his work schedule is ridiculous.
Libby: Sounds like you could really use your best friend right now.
A knock on the door caused her to jolt up. Who was that? It’s not like she was expecting anyone, and the Beach Bum B&B definitely didn’t do room service. Another knock forced her to jump into action and right out of the bed.
Warily walking toward the door, she slowly pulled it open.
“What the fuck?”
“Surprise!” a sheepish looking Libby responded. “You’re not allowed to be mad at me!” She hurried on. “You’re the one who left in the middle of the night, remember? So, I’m allowed to do something as equally dramatic...like show up at your hotel. In another country.”
She was too overwhelmed to argue. And too damn happy to see her best friend. So instead of wasting time, she pulled her in for a hug. A hug Cat desperately needed.
“How did you even find me? I only checked in today.”
“Jack,” Libby whispered as she squeezed tighter.
Of course it was Jack.
Eventually she released her friend and helped her drag her suitcase inside. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t come,” Libby returned, a shaky smile on her face. “You just lost your dad, honey, of course I’m here.”
“I lost him a long time ago,” she mumbled under her breath as she dropped back down on the white cotton bed sheets.
“You think we can share tonight?” Her friend dropped down next to her. “Dude at reception says they’re full tonight but he booked me a room down the hall starting from tomorrow.”
“Of course.” She twisted to face Libby. “One rule though?” She waited for her to agree before continuing. “No Cody talk? I just can’t handle it right now.”
“Deal.” Her friend quickly agreed. “So, what can a girl get to eat around here?”
That felt too easy. Suspiciously easy.
***
Having Libby beside her had made everything easier. She was being annoyingly helpful. Every time Cat’s phone rang, Libby was prying it out of her hands, talking to the funeral director, the caterer and the owner of the hall where they were having the wake. You name it, she was taking care of it. Even Jack’s calls had been screened.
And when it came to her mum, Libby was there lending a hand, too. Going with her to check on her. Helping to unload groceries and cook meals. She had even found her hugging her mum one evening when she’d returned to the living room after loading up the washer. She was like the best friend version of a superhero.
So today, as a thank you, she was treating Wonder Woman to lunch at her favorite fish and chips shack on the beach.
“The trick is to cover the chips with your hand when you’re not eating them. It makes the seagulls less likely to steal them.” She wasn’t kidding either. Three times she’d had her chips stolen, on this very beach.
“Oh, great.” Libby huffed. “See, when you promised me lunch, you really should’ve added that part of the deal included fending off local wildlife if I want to actually eat it.”
Cat grinned as she snuck another chip before covering it with her hand again. “But it tastes so much better knowing you worked for it.”
They were sitting on a picnic table. It was one of many lined up outside the food shack that was sitting right at the top of Brighton’s pebbled beach.
The only time Cat felt like herself was when she was with Libby. She’d only worked that out today. Before her friend had arrived, she had been going through the motions. A sad zombie ticking off to do lists and waiting until she was alone before she finally let herself break down.
But Libby’s presence had changed that. Her being at her side at all times meant she had a front row seat to her breakdowns. Which inevitably led to her being comforted. It was new and weird. And even though Cat really wanted to hate it, she was slightly concerned that she didn’t. Because what happened when Libby left? Where would that leave her?
I’ll go back to being a broken shell.
“You ready yet?” Libby asked.
“Nope.”
Libby had asked her if she was ‘ready’ every day since she’d arrived. What she meant was, was she ready to talk about Cody? Everyday her answer was the same. It certainly wasn’t going to change a day before her dad’s funeral, either. She was taking one day at a time. And in order to keep doing that and not crumble into a sobbing mess, she had to not talk or think about Cody McBride.
Who are you kidding?
Okay, so her thoughts weren’t exactly being policed. But she had tried to limit them to once a day. Mostly at night, when she lay awake, wishing he was beside her, using those strong arms of his to pull her into his chest, those big hands stroking the small of her back until her eyes fluttered shut.
No. She definitely wasn’t ready to think about him in the daylight. Shards of her heart were already trying to stab her to death—the last thing she was going to do was let them.