41. Bones
CHAPTER 41
BONES
“ C ome on, just one picture,” Evan pleads behind me. He’s been trying to get me to model for him for weeks now. I keep saying no, but he’s getting desperate, and it’s fun watching him chase me around. I’ll give in because I don’t want to hurt my friend and his passion is photography. Even if I hate it, I’ll pose for him to make him happy, but I want him to suffer a little first.
I never said I was nice, just a friend.
Shaking my head, I turn to walk toward my car when I freeze.
My ears ring, my heart stops, and I can’t blink.
A ghost stands before me, lingering near my car with his hands shoved in his pockets as he waits. He lifts his head and meets my gaze.
His lips tilt up in a soft smile, one I traced more times than my own. His eyes, however, look worried. They aren’t filled with joy like the last time I saw them. His hair is different too, shorter and another color. He seems . . . bigger, older.
“Hi, Si.” His voice is the same, soft and sweet, and that’s when it hits me.
He isn’t a ghost, and I’m not back to missing him so much I see things.
It’s really him.
He’s standing before me like I didn’t spend the last five years of my life searching for him, thinking he was dead or worse.
“Bones?” Evan asks, worry in his voice. “Everything okay?”
I stare at him, at a boy—no, this isn’t a boy. This is a man. He isn’t the boy I loved. He isn’t the boy I planned to run away with. This isn’t the boy I shared my fears and dreams with in silent, stolen whispers. This is a man.
“Si?” He steps closer, gnawing on his bottom lip, a habit when he’s nervous. I know it better than my own.
I continue to stare.
“I’m back,” he says lamely, and that’s what snaps me out of it.
I suck in a wobbly breath, my chest aching as if I’m splintering apart. My world tips on its axis. All these years, the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the grief, and the searching close in, suffocating me until I feel like I’m wading through that simply to open my mouth.
“Bones, who is this?” Evan asks, stopping at my side. I can’t look away. I can’t do anything.
“You aren’t dead.”
He flinches and stops walking toward me. A few steps remain between us now, and I look at the man I loved more than even myself. He’s different, but it’s him.
All our good times rush back to me, twisting the pain deeper until I feel my eyes burn. My legs begin to shake, and I fear I might collapse.
“No, not dead,” he admits. “I had to go for a little while?—”
“Why are you back?” I force the words out, barely keeping myself together. I don’t want to hear whatever he was going to say.
He isn’t dead.
He isn’t hurt.
That means he chose to leave me, which has been my biggest fear since I waited at that bus stop.
He wasn’t taken or killed. He simply walked away from me, not even bothering to say goodbye.
It’s something I’ve never admitted, even to Skylar, or ever wanted to acknowledge to myself, but this crossed my mind nearly every day since the night he disappeared.
“I wanted to see you,” he says. “I missed you.”
My chuckle is bitter and filled with pain. “You missed me? You missed me?” I know my voice is rising now, sounding manic. “You left. I thought you were dead or kidnapped or worse. You just fucking disappeared, and now you’re back because you missed me?”
His eyes drop to the ground in shame, and I step closer, shoving him back. “Say something!” I shout.
His face lifts, and I see tears swimming in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Si. I really am.”
It’s all he can say—no excuses or reasons because the reason is right here.
He left me. He broke my heart into pieces and never even gave me the chance to get over him.
I want him to hold me and tell me he’s sorry, but then I realize I don’t because he’s the reason I was broken and in agony in the first place. It fucking hurts.
I shove him again, watching him stumble back as I crack. Years of pain, heartache, and grief consume me.
They say the truth sets you free, but as I stare into this man’s eyes, I realize it can also ruin you.
“I think you should go,” Evan snaps as he steps in front of me, but I can’t speak or look away.
Aro nods, glancing at me then at Evan and back. “I’m staying at Downtown Winter when you want to talk.” He bites his lip again. “I’m sorry, Si. I really am.”
He leaves just like before, only this time, I see him walk away.
I hit the pavement, feeling a sharp pain in my knees before it blends into the rest of the anguish flowing through me. The hurt in my heart is worse than any my body could ever suffer.
You don’t hear a heart break. It happens silently, as if it isn’t occurring at all. While your world crumbles, devastation fills you and agony overwhelms you, as if death would be easier, but the world carries on.
My heart shatters, imploding in my chest brighter than any supernova. There is no way to contain this kind of pain. It rises up my gullet and overflows into a cry.
“Bones, what is it? What can I do?” Evan pleads as he drops to his knees before me, his hands on my shoulders.
I should care that we are in public.
I should care, but I don’t.
“Home, I want to go home,” I whisper, my eyes filled with tears.
I don’t remember Alek helping me into the car or the car ride. All I remember is the shame and truth in his eyes as he faced me. I spent months staring into those brown orbs, falling in love.
He left me. I wasn’t good enough. He didn’t love me enough.
He left.
I’m swept under the wave of agony again, until I don’t even feel like I’m being dragged away by the water.
How can so much pain be contained in one body?
It can’t. I feel like I’m exploding from it.
“Bones, we’re here, okay? Let me park and help you,” Evan offers softly from my side where he’s sitting in the back, holding my hand. Neither of them know what happened, but they don’t care. They are trying to help.
It shouldn’t make me feel better, but they aren’t what I need.
Turning, I thrust the door open.
I’m out of Alek’s car before it even fully stops, hopping the barrier onto the track and rushing toward Sky, who turns to me.
I run into his arms.
I’m home.