49. Bones
CHAPTER 49
BONES
S kylar has finally been cleared to go back to work, and although I want to beg him not to get back into the car, I won’t. Racing is his life, so it’s a part of mine now, but I’ll admit I’m relieved when he comes home that night. I forget all about the case study I’m reading and drag him onto the couch.
We both came so close to losing each other that I know I’ll never take another moment with him for granted. I now understand why Alek and Evan never leave each other alone. They nearly lost what they had, and it only made them appreciate it more.
People who are in love used to make me sick, but I guess I’m one of them now.
His head rests on my lap as I stroke his hair. “How was today?”
“Hectic. Everyone wants to see me and check in. Noah and I spoke to the race officials, and as long as I’m medically cleared, I can race, but right now, everything is on hold for the investigation, so I don’t even know when the next race will be.”
“That’s good though, right? It gives you time to heal and focus on racing, not almost being murdered.” It’s a joke, but it comes out pained.
Sitting up, he pulls me onto his lap, and I curl up against him as he strokes my back. “True, and I get more time with you. I guess I was just ready to win the title, but there’s time. Anyway, how was your day, angel?”
“Fine,” I grumble, and he raises a brow. “Everyone wanted pictures or to talk to me. It seems Evan was right. I’m somewhat of a celebrity. I don’t know why it isn’t due to my sparkling personality,” I deadpan, and we both grin. “It was fine. I was given some extensions since I will struggle to write for a while. I’ve been toying with some dictation software in the meantime. I know my dad started me on this path, but I really do want to be a lawyer—not because of him, but because I want to be able to protect those I love. Plus, I’m good at it.”
“Yeah, you are, my brutal boy.” He smirks, tugging me closer as he kisses my forehead. “You can be whatever you want. It’s your choice.”
Playing with his shirt, I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes. “My father called today.”
“Oh?” He doesn’t seem mad, just curious. “What did he want?”
“I didn’t answer,” I admit, and I meet his frown as he watches me.
“Bones, he’s your father, you’re allowed to want him in your life, but if you don’t, that’s fine as well. This is your decision. Don’t make it for me. I just want you to be happy and loved, and if having him in your life is what you want, then I’ll bite my tongue and fight him until we’re cordial. I’m not saying I won’t slap him around a little first . . .”
I smile and cuddle against him. “I don’t know if I do want him in my life,” I murmur. “Not after everything, you know? He’s had twenty years to form a connection with me, and he hurt me every time he had an opportunity, but he’s still my father. Maybe that’s stupid, but I don’t have to decide right now, do I?”
“Not at all. Take all the time you want. It’s your life, your choices.”
“I choose you,” I say without hesitation. “Every time.”
His smirk grows as he watches me. “Who knew such a soft man was inside that cold, closed-off boy?”
I narrow my eyes in warning, and he laughs.
“I love it when you’re happy, angel, but damn, there’s something about seeing you pissed at me.” His tongue sweeps along my lips before he bites down. “It makes me want to fuck it out of you.”
“You wish, pretty boy,” I scoff.
“So you think I’m pretty? Good to know, but I do prefer sex icon, god?—”
“Full of yourself?” I interrupt. “Like I haven’t seen any other men as attractive as you?”
“What other men? Give me their names right now,” he retorts, his eyes flashing with envy.
“You are the most jealous man I have ever met, Skylar Warren,” I mutter.
“You know other men?” he exclaims, and I can’t help but laugh as he throws me down on the sofa, pinning me against the cushions. My laughter trails off, but my smile remains in place as I drape my arms around his neck. “I love you too, angel, and I will always choose you. You know that.”
“Good.” I arch up and kiss him softly. “Now, about your promise to fuck it out of me.”
“Well, I can’t leave my boy waiting.” Gently grabbing my hands, he kisses the bandages then places them above my head. “Keep them there, angel. I know you like to cut up my back and mark me, but we can’t have you hurting yourself.”
He grins as he slides down, stopping to kiss my skin revealed by my partially unbuttoned shirt. I groan his name just as a phone rings, startling us apart. Sky groans, glancing at my phone then back to me. “Ignore it.” He slides his tongue farther down my chest, and I want to, but it starts ringing again.
I grab it and sit up. “What?” I snap.
There’s just a heavy sigh, and then an unsure voice says, “Si? It’s me.”
“How did you get this number?” I ask as Sky shuffles closer.
He presses his ear to the phone, so I hit speaker so he can listen too.
“From your dad—wait, wait, before you hang up, just give me a moment, okay? I’ve been a horrible person, I know. I just . . . I want to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave while everything is like this between us. No matter what you think or what happened, you are one of the most important people in my life, and for a long time, you were the only person. I know I have no right to ask, but I was hoping we could meet up and clear the air. We can say goodbye for real this time, you know?”
I hesitate, looking at Skylar.
“It’s up to you, angel,” he whispers.
“Si, please? I don’t want to walk away like this. I fucked up, and I don’t deserve a moment of your time, but I’m asking for it. You were right. You deserve to move on. I want you to be happy.”
Biting my lip, I debate his words. “When?”
“Now? I have a plane to catch in the morning,” he replies softly.
I scoff. At least he didn’t just disappear this time. “Fine, text me the location.” I hang up and look at Sky. “You know this means nothing, right? I don’t love him, not anymore, and never the way I love you.”
“I know.” He kisses my cheek. “I trust you, angel. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I think it’s important you go. He’s right. You never got closure. Maybe if you do, it will help you move on.”
I sigh. “What did I do to deserve you, Skylar?”
“I don’t know, but you can spend all night making it up to me.” He wiggles his eyebrows as I laugh and stand, grabbing my coat and keys, and my phone vibrates with a text.
“Need me to come with you?” he asks.
“No, I’ve got this. I need to do this alone.” I kiss him gently. “I won’t be long, and then we can start where we left off.”
“We better. Love you, angel,” he yells as I reach the door.
Shaking my head, I flip him off and head out, knowing he’s right. I never moved on, and part of me still feels trapped at that bus stop. It’s time to say goodbye once and for all.
I took a taxi since my hands are still wrapped, but when it drops me at the address, I almost can’t believe it. The arched stop looks the exact same as it did back then. It’s set back from two major roads, so the noise of traffic doesn’t reach here, and the suburban houses are dark at this time. He’s already here, sitting in the exact spot I did five years ago, but this time, he’s waiting for me.
Taking a deep breath, I head over to him.
“Thanks for coming,” he says, smiling.
It was once a smile that disarmed me and made me happy, but all it does now is remind me of memories we shared. It doesn’t make me happy nor sad—it just is. That’s when I realize I’ve already moved on.
Skylar healed what this man broke, but I owe it to that lovestruck boy who waited all night. I owe it to the kid who didn’t know why everyone thought it was wrong to hold his best friend’s hand or want to kiss him.
I owe it to myself to close that door once and for all.
Aro is my past, but Sky is my future.
I promised to hear him out, though, so I stop before him.
“Why here?” I ask as I stare at the scratched paint of the seat I spent hours waiting on all those years ago.
“Did you wait for me that night?” he asks, staring at the ground.
“Yes,” I answer without shame as I sit hesitantly as far from him as I can.
He’s quiet, and I can feel him watching me, so I glance over. “Well?” I prompt. “I’m here. You wanted to talk, so talk.”
“Your dad was right. You’re sharper now.”
I stand to leave, and he catches my wrist to stop me. I glance down at where he touches me.
“I’m sorry, please stay.”
I shake off his grasp, feeling like it burnt me and not in a good way, then I sit and wait.
“I wanted to say sorry, Si, for not telling you and leaving like that. It was a shitty thing to do. I had my reasons, but that’s not an excuse. I hurt you, and I’m sorry,” he says, and I arch a brow.
“Is that all? After all this time, that’s it? You didn’t just break up with me or something. Aro, you disappeared. I thought you were dead or hurt. I spent years searching for you, blaming myself. I became a shadow of who I was, so excuse me if a simple apology doesn’t cut it. “
“Will anything I say make it better?” he asks after a pause.
“Probably not,” I reply, “but you can start with the truth.”
“Your dad paid me, and I took the money. I panicked, Si. I was a kid, and he had all this power and influence and he was terrifying, so I ran.”
“Where to?” I ask.
“Does it matter?”
“I suppose not,” I say, and it doesn’t. Whether it was ten miles or a hundred, he was still gone, and I was left picking up the pieces.
“I did love you, Si. I need you to know that. I was just scared,” he whispers.
“So was I. Didn’t you ever think of that? I was terrified, leaving my life behind and knowing some people wouldn’t like us together. I was so scared, but I knew as long as I had you, it would be worth it,” I retort. “Then you were gone, and I was alone again and so fucking confused why I wasn’t good enough for anyone.”
His eyes search my face, and I wonder what he sees. “I’m sorry,” he says, and that’s what it boils down to, doesn’t it? He’s sorry, and I’m done.
There is nothing else to be said. Maybe he sees that, but he suddenly scoots closer.
“I mean it, Si. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you.” His words are laced with desperation.
He leans in, and my eyes widen as his close, his lips moving toward mine. I shove my hand between us and push him back.
“What are you doing?” I hiss.
“You said you spent years searching for me, so I thought maybe you still cared about me the way I care about you,” he says. “I still love you, Si. You’re all I thought about every day while I was gone, wondering how you were doing, if you were okay?—”
“Stop,” I bark as I move farther away. That’s the difference between Aro and Sky—not that I’m comparing them because I’m not. Sky would never spend one single day away from me. He wouldn’t miss me because he wouldn’t give up.
“You were my first love, Aro, and I should thank you for that. No matter what happened after, you helped me put a name to those feelings. We were kids, and for a while, we found sanctuary with each other, but people change and life moves on, and I have. Yes, I’m thankful we had each other when we did, and I don’t know if I would have survived my childhood without you, but I have Skylar now, and I love him more than anything in this world. We are building a future together, and I’m so excited for it. I know he’ll never leave or hurt me.” I smile at him. “You were my first everything, Aro, but he will be my last. Do you understand?”
“You always said you’d love me forever,” he says with a hurt smile.
“I think part of me always will, but not in the same way. I love that you taught me how to smile, how to say I love you, and how to trust someone, but I don’t love you—not anymore. I’m just thankful for you. I am not the same person I was then. My favorite color isn’t pink anymore, and I don’t watch reruns of old action films. I grew up and my heart changed, and now it’s his. I don’t know if we would have lasted, maybe we would have, but what I do know is that it doesn’t matter anymore. We will never know, and I’m okay with that.”
“You say you changed, but you are still unapologetically you,” he remarks. “I like this newfound confidence. I think I’d like to get to know this new version of you.”
There is something so bitterly beautiful about your first love. It teaches you lessons, and I think you always carry them with you no matter what.
Some say your first love is always your greatest, but I think they are wrong.
It’s the love that comes after, the one that heals your heartbreak and puts you back together, that teaches you it’s okay to fall again.
“I don’t want to look back at us and feel pain anymore,” I tell him. “I want to be able to smile about it. You brought me a whirlwind type of madness, but he brings me peace. I won’t hurt that. I don’t want you to be a part of my life.”
“Give me a chance to make you happy again,” he pleads, covering my hand, but I jerk mine away from his. I tried being nice, but it isn’t working. I can’t even believe the direction this is going. How does he think we could ever go back to the way we were, even without Skylar in the picture?
“You aren’t listening to me. You left me, and I still had all these feelings, all this love to give, and I had to choose to drown in it or share it with someone else. Skylar and I aren’t meant to be friends, family, or partners. We are meant to share this life. I couldn’t have stopped myself from falling in love with him any more than you could have stopped yourself from leaving. Loving him is effortless and natural. I kept telling him I needed to forget you to move on, but the truth is, he’s already healed the hole you left, and there is no more room for you anymore.” I pause and make sure he’s truly listening.
“I won’t apologize for being happy. That isn’t my issue anymore. You should figure out your own feelings and a way to take care of them. This is making me uncomfortable and unhappy. I wanted closure, not more pain,” I finish.
“I’m sorry. I just love you. I missed you, and you don’t even seem to care,” he mutters.
“I’m telling you that you are making me uncomfortable and unhappy, and your response is to turn that around and try to make me look after your feelings?” Shaking my head, I look away. “This was a waste of time. There’s nothing to gain from this.”
A car rolls up and the window slides down, revealing an older lady. “I’m so sorry. I think I’m lost. Can you help?”
I head over to her and crouch down into her window. She points out where she needs to be and I help her, grateful for the interruption. When she pulls away, I turn to look at Aro.
“You dropped this. It fell out of your pocket.” He hands me my phone as he watches me. “I really do love you, Si, but you don’t love me anymore. I guess I was stupid for trying, but I had to. I don’t want to hurt you. Can we just sit for five minutes? I won’t be rude or try anything, I promise. I just want . . . I guess I need to say goodbye to this, for old times’ sake.”
I hesitate before sitting down again. Hopefully after this, he will leave Sky and me alone because I know I will be the one walking away this time, and I’m happy about that.
The boy who was left at this bus stop all those years ago will be smiling, knowing I’m heading to a better place with someone who loves me.