Crazy Imperfect Hearts

Chapter Forty-eight

Regan

“I thought this was a baby shower,” I say, opening the fourth gift that is most definitely not for the baby.

I narrow my eyes at Lucas.

“We already have everything we could need for M&M.” He motions across the room to Maddie and Ava. “This was their idea.”

The gifts I’ve opened so far include certificates for massages, spa days, mani/pedis, and one super cute and comfy outfit that will fit right into my eclectic wardrobe.

I scan the room filled with family and friends, knowing how lucky I am.

Allie is in my reading chair over by the fireplace. I don’t even think she’s paid attention to any of this. She’s snuggling five-week-old Mitchell the same way she always does when she’s here—like she’s afraid every moment she has with him could be the last one.

I get it. I was the same way when he was in the NICU. But he’s good now. He’s nursing like a champ and growing like a weed. And, as the nurses promised, he’s most definitely found his lungs. The kid can cry. And boy does he like to be the center of attention—just like his daddy.

Lucas and I share a look. He’s noticed the way Allie is around the baby, too. He shrugs and hands me another gift. This one is from Mom and Dad, who decided to hang around for another month to help out.

It’s a leather-bound book titled Letters to My Son .

“It’s a journal,” Mom says. “So you can write down everything about his childhood. It’ll be something he’ll always cherish when he’s older and can appreciate it.”

“What a thoughtful gift.” I frown. “I wish someone would have thought of that when you had me.”

Mom holds out another gift. “Someone did.”

I tear up as I unwrap it. I stare at the thick journal, the words For My Daughter embossed on the front cover. Tucked into a clear plastic flap is a picture of my mom holding me as an infant.

I look up, stunned that she did this. We were never all that close. I was always jealous of friends who had that special bond with their mothers. But Joyce Lucas has been making up for lost time over the past several weeks. And now this… what an amazing surprise.

I pull it to my chest. “I can’t wait to read it. Maybe I’ll read it to Mitchell.”

She chortles. “Might want to leave out some of the colorful language.”

I cock my head, stunned.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised. You weren’t the easiest of kids, you know. I may have vented a time or two in there.”

“Thank you,” I say. “I’ll cherish this forever.”

When I’m finished with all the gifts, there are a few silly shower games. Like seeing who can chug beer from a baby bottle the fastest and other equally outrageous challenges.

Ava is holding the baby when her husband, Trevor—on leave for two weeks—comes up by her side. He admires the way she’s holding Mitchell. And I could swear, he swallows tears.

“I want one,” he says.

Ava smiles sadly, not looking up from my son. “So much it hurts.”

“Let’s do it.” Trevor touches Mitchell’s head. “Let’s do whatever it takes to make it happen.”

Ava finally tears her gaze from Mitchell. “Whatever it takes?”

Lucas squeezes my shoulder and winks. “Regan might have some old sperm bank brochures.”

Ava snorts incredulously, but Trevor doesn’t even flinch.

“Wait, really?” Ava asks, turning wide-eyed toward her husband. “But I know how set you are on having a child of your own.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.” He nods to Amber and Quinn. “They have two kids who aren’t biologically theirs. You think that makes one bit of difference?”

She shakes her head, not believing what he’s saying. “No, it doesn’t. So we can think about it?”

“Sure. Why not? But under one condition.” He waves a hand around. “I don’t want to miss any of this. Not one minute. I don’t want to be seven thousand miles away hearing about the first time you feel the baby kick. I don’t want to have to watch my kid being born via FaceTime. I don’t want to miss the first smile or laugh. I want to be here for all of it. So, yes, get those brochures from Regan. Pick a donor. Find a doctor. But Ava, I want to be a part of it. All of it.”

She hands Mitchell to me, tears rolling down her cheeks, and flings herself into his arms. “Now that’s a deal.”

Lucas chuckles behind them and clasps Trevor’s shoulder. “Lucky bastard.”

“How do you mean?” Trev asks.

“Unlike me, you won’t have to watch the woman you’re secretly in love with have your baby.”

We all share a laugh.

“Speaking of that.” Lucas suddenly looks all nervous as he takes the baby from me and hands him off to his mother.

He pulls something from his pocket and my heart stands still. It’s a… ring .

He gets down on a knee and I try to urge him up. “Lucas, no. You promised.”

He bats my hand away. “It’s not what you think.”

“You have an engagement ring and you’re down on a knee,” I whisper-shout through gritted teeth.

He holds up the ring. “It’s not a diamond. It’s an amethyst.” He nods to Mitchell. “His birthstone. Clearly it’s not an engagement ring.”

“But—”

“Ray, will you shut up and listen for a second? Please?”

His eyes plead with me, so I do what he asks, despite the fact that he’s about to ruin a perfectly good party, and perhaps a perfectly good relationship.

Why here? In front of all our family and friends? And why is he breaking his promise?

“Regan Lucas,” he says, his voice cracking—though I’m not sure why. He has, after all, done this four times before. “These past few weeks have been the best of my life. I’ve had some harebrained ideas in my life, but none of them has ever been as brilliant as the one I had nine months ago. I had no idea at the time that it would end up like this. But then again, I know deep down I wanted it to. Because this, right here, is everything I’ve ever wanted since I was twelve years old watching you play volleyball in the sandpit at the county fair.”

Even as sighs are heard throughout the eerily silent room, my heart sinks. Because he’s making a monumental mistake. And the thought of hurting him here in front of everyone is turning my stomach. “Lucas—”

“I’m not quite done,” he insists. “Your turn comes in a second.”

“Regan Tallulah Lucas,”—he holds up the ring—“will you make me that happiest guy in the world and not marry me?”

“Wait… what?”

Laughter echoes behind me, confirming that I did in fact hear him correctly.

He takes my left hand. “You heard me. Will you do me the honor of not marrying me? Even though it sentences us to a lifetime of being teased about our names. And in spite of the fact that we’ll have to explain ourselves to everyone who sees this happy couple, this amazing family, these two parents who love their kid and each other so much it confuses the hell out of everyone as to why we don’t make it official. But, Ray, I don’t need a piece of paper to prove how much I love you. I don’t need an official document to make us family. We’re already a family.” He nods to the ring. “But I sure as hell need this ring on your finger so that every red-blooded man in the universe knows you’re mine.”

I fall to my knees, sniffling and crying and laughing all at the same time. I cup his head in my hands. “Yes, Lucas Christopher Montana, I would be honored to not marry you.”

Applause roars around us as he slips the beautiful purple stone onto my finger.