Crazy Imperfect Hearts

Chapter Forty-nine

Lucas

Today is the day my son was supposed to be born. Instead, he’s six weeks old.

Today is also the day I swear myself to Regan for the rest of my life, for better or worse.

The winery venue is all decked out. It looks like a wedding, only it’s not. After a lot of convincing on my part, I talked Regan into having a ceremony. I wanted her to know that even if we’re not getting married, I’m in this. I’m in this forever.

So today, on the day our son was due, we commit ourselves to each other.

Everyone we know, and a few I could swear I don’t, is here.

I’m wearing a suit. She’s wearing a dress. Not a regular dress. In full flower-child fashion, Regan looks like she could have stepped out of a magazine from the seventies. Her paisley-print three-quarter length dress, complete with frills lining the bottom hem, looks amazing. She’s paired it with flat sandals that have long straps winding up her legs, and amethyst earrings I gave her this morning as a ‘commitment day’ gift.

There will be no walking down the aisle. In fact, there is no aisle. There will be no wedding party. No officiant. Just the two of us standing up declaring our dedication to each other while Regan’s mom holds Mitchell in the front row.

We walk to the front of the hall, holding hands. I can tell she’s nervous. Me—I’m just excited. I still can’t believe she agreed to this.

As planned, before we say our ‘vows,’ Ryder comes up and gives a short speech. It’s entertaining, mainly making fun of me and the obsession over Regan nobody knew I had, but that, in his words ‘explains so much about how I behaved back then.’

Dallas says a few words about love and shit that make women in the audience cry.

Blake comes up last, saying and signing his speech. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to stand up for Lucas and have him not getting married.” The guests laugh. “But seriously, I’m lucky enough to have a brother—brothers really—I’m so close with that we can talk about our fears and hopes and dreams.” He looks around me to Regan. “And believe me, Regan, it’s been a tough number of months watching this man fall head over heels in love with you thinking he’d sentenced himself to a life of torturous, unrequited longing.”

Regan’s dimples come out when she smiles.

“Brother,” Blake continues, “the two of you may be opposites in almost every way, but anyone who looks at you can see the way you love each other. And Regan, there’s nobody I’d rather have as my not-sister-in-law. I wish both of you and my nephew a wonderful life together.”

When the applause dies down, it’s just the two of us in front of the crowd.

“Ladies first,” I say, putting her on the spot.

“Really?” she asks nervously. “This is your gig. I figured you’d want to take the lead.”

I shake my head. “You know how much I like to have the last word.”

Chuckles are heard among the hundred or so people watching.

“Okay.” She shifts uncomfortably.

I squeeze her hands in encouragement.

We never talked about our ‘vows,’ so we have zero idea what the other is going to say.

“If someone had told me nine months ago that I’d be standing up here making a commitment to the infamous runaway groom, I’d have called them crazy. But now I realize, it wasn’t so crazy after all.” She tilts her head. “Or maybe it was. I mean, our life together so far is the very definition of crazy. It’s unexpected and thrilling, and so perfectly imperfect.” Her eyes become glassy. “Sorry,” she says. “I didn’t think I’d make myself cry. But that’s what you do to me, Lucas. You make me feel more than I’ve ever felt. You make me look at things differently than I ever have. You make… being me … easier and more fun than I ever dreamed. So I’m happy to stand here today and tell the world that I love you. Despite the crazy. Despite the imperfections. Or maybe… because of all that.” She wipes a tear. “Okay, your turn.”

“My turn.” I blow out a long breath. “Finally.”

Everyone laughs.

“Regan, ever since I didn’t propose to you last week, I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the apprehension. The nerves. The second thoughts. I thought I’d at least have a small freak out when I got here and saw the venue all decorated like a wedding. But the truth is…”

Truth.

I stop talking as the word floats around in my head. I look at her and her spectacular flamboyant dress. I scan our surroundings, making eye contact with my loved ones. I look at the empty spaces next to us and realize the truth is… this isn’t what I want at all.

“The truth is”—I sigh big time—“this is all wrong.”

Regan’s smile fades. Gasps are heard from the crowd. Chatter echoes throughout the room. I think I even see money changing hands in the third row.

Regan leans forward and whispers, “It’s okay if you don’t want to do this. I still love you.”

I stare into her forgiving eyes knowing that right there is why I’m about to do what I’m about to do. And that it’s unequivocally the right thing.

I swallow and breathe and shore myself up. I turn to the audience and raise a hand. “Can you all quiet down please? You’ve got it all wrong.” I take both of Regan’s hands. “I thought this was what I wanted. Me standing here telling you I’ll always be here and that a piece of paper doesn’t mean shit. But the truth is, I’m a goddamn liar. I want so much more. I want Maddie and Ava standing next to you. Blake and Dallas standing next to me. I want a pastor. I want rings and vows— wedding vows. I want it all, the whole nine yards. I want to marry you, Regan. Right here and now. Today. We already ripped one contract to shreds. Why not just go all the damn way?” I lean in. “How’s that for crazy?”

When I look into her eyes, I realize she’s not crying at all. She’s laughing.

But the rest of the room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Then Mitchell lets out a howl.

“See?” I say. “He agrees.”

She giggles jubilantly. “Yes.” She throws her arms around me. “I say yes.”

My eyes go wide. “Yes? Are you serious?”

“I said I wanted to keep the crazy going, so yes.”

I turn to the crowd. “Is there anyone here who can marry us?”

“I can,” a low voice booms.

Judge Elfman, friend of my father, is standing near the back.

“But not until tomorrow,” he says as he approaches. “You need a marriage license.” He checks his watch. “The courthouse is open for another few hours. You can apply today, and we can meet back here twenty-four hours after.”

Shit . I forgot about the marriage license.

Regan waves the judge over. “Let’s do it anyway,” she says. “I don’t want everyone to have to come back tomorrow. As long as we’re here, we might as well.”

I raise my brows at Judge Elfman.

“I don’t see why not.” He comes up and stands in front of us. “We’ll have the ceremony now, then you get the license, and we can meet at my office tomorrow to make it official.”

“But tomorrow’s a Saturday,” I say.

“I don’t mind,” he says. “I owe your dad a favor or two.”

I turn to Regan. “Are we really doing this?”

She nods. “We really are.”

Maddie and Ava race to Regan’s side. My brothers come to mine. Mom and Dad offer us their wedding rings to use.

Someone holds up their phone and plays Here Comes the Bride.

I take Regan’s hands once again. The hands of my fiancée—even if it’s only a title she’ll hold for the next two minutes. Then I pour my entire goddamn heart out to her and say all the things I never got to say—never wanted to say—every other time I stood in this exact spot.