24. NOAH
Chapter 24
NOAH
27 YEARS OLD
T he trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains has been planned for about six months, but now that I’m here I want nothing more than to leave. This is the first time I’m seeing Tyler in a year—that seems to be our thing now—and I’m feeling more vulnerable than ever. The truth is, I tried to replace him with Jeremiah. His touch, his kisses, his love. And it didn’t work at all. The worst part is that Jer called me out on it right before coming here today. He asked me if I have feelings for Tyler, and of course, I said yes. I didn’t want to lie to him. I’m tired of lying. It’s exhausting. But now looking back, I wish I had. Because the emptiness I feel at him breaking up with me means I surely love him too. And we’re best friends.
It’s not that I didn’t love him, that I don’t, it’s that he’s not Tyler. He will never be Ty—no one could ever compare to him. He has been my one true love for as long as I can remember, and that’s not easily erased. It doesn’t matter that I’ll never have him, I will always compare everyone to him. And I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fall in love with anyone else, not fully. For that, I hate my pathetic heart. Because I deserve a chance at happiness, the same chance Tyler got. Even if he looks miserable.
Speaking of him looking miserable, maybe if he masked it a little better I’d be able to move on. But as it stands, it just makes me think of his wedding day two years ago. How he begged me to be with him. How he told me he’s in love with me. Sometimes I wonder if he really meant it. I wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life when I doubted him. I wonder why the hell I said no. It’s not like I’m not already hurting. I didn’t realize watching him be with Scarlett after everything we’ve been through would hurt this bad, and man that was so naive of me.
I always thought that I was protecting myself from heartbreak by rejecting him. That I was giving him a chance to live the life he deserves, everything I’ve wanted to give him but can’t. And she can do that for him. I just didn’t expect to hurt this deeply by watching them together, and Scarlett takes advantage of every possible opportunity to rub their marriage in my face. She knows how I feel about him, and that’s worse because she’s so vindictive. I don’t know what happened to her as we grew up to make her this way, or the exact moment we fell apart, but it saddens me deeply.
The other part of me wonders how happy Tyler and I would be together right now if I had said yes. What would it feel like to finally have my person? Would we still be happy and in love two years later? I think we would be, and that is harder than I ever imagined because it makes me feel like I’ve wasted years that could’ve been spent by his side.
I look at my watch and sigh. I’ve been sitting in my car for the past fifteen minutes just staring at the cabin in front of me. There’s snow on the ground, and it’s freezing outside, which really doesn’t motivate me to get out. Something else that doesn’t motivate me is the fact that Scarlett and Tyler are probably getting cozy on the couch waiting for me, even though it’s eleven at night. I know I should’ve been here earlier, but the argument with Jeremiah took longer than I thought it would. Now he’s moving out of my apartment, and I kind of wish I was there instead because the thought of seeing Tyler with his wife guts me even more than my recent breakup. But I take a deep breath, turn off the vehicle, and then get out.
My feet are buried in the snow as I walk toward the front steps, the powder falling apart with my every step. Once I make it to the door, I hit my boots on the side of the house to get the snow off, then wipe them on the mat before entering the code on the keypad. The door buzzes open, and a wave of heat slaps me in the face. It’s dark and quiet in the house, which is not at all what I expected. They seem to be sleeping. Thanks to the listing though, I know exactly where my room is. Not that I’ll be going upstairs any time soon.
I walk through the house in the darkness, making my way to the sliding glass door by the dining room. It’s already unlocked, and I frown, but still open it and step back outside. I’m on a wooden wrap-around porch encased with a railing, and when I look to my right, there’s Tyler in the jacuzzi with his head resting on the edge of it. It’s fucking freezing, but I bet the hot water does feel amazing. I’m almost tempted—almost—to get in with him, but instead, I quietly turn around and walk toward the door. But before I can walk through it, he clears his throat, and I freeze.
“Did you really think I didn’t hear you come out?”
My heart begins to beat a little faster, and faster, and faster. Until the pounding in my ears is all I hear. My nostrils flare as I attempt to get my breathing under control, and the sound finally subsides.
“I’m just tired, Ty,” I tell him. “I was just exploring the house, but?—”
“ Liar ,” he growls. “You’re just avoiding me. Why can’t we just be the best friends we’ve always been and spend time together?”
I swallow hard. Ty is the least confrontational person I know, so for him to say this, I know he’s at his breaking point. “You know why.”
“Then why come around at all?”
“I don’t know, okay?” I whisper. “I just—can’t not see you.”
There’s a moment of silence between us, and then he says, “Get in.”
“What?” I laugh. “No fucking way. It’s freezing!”
“Don’t be such a pussy, Ranger.”
I narrow my eyes at him and shake my head but then begin to strip. First, I take off my boots and socks and set them aside, away from the water. Then I take off my shirt one-handed, and I don’t miss the way Tyler is looking at me. With hungry eyes, lust swimming in them. When it’s time for me to take off my pants, his gaze dips down. My breath stalls in my lungs, as I unbutton my jeans, and when I slip them off, he swallows hard. I hear the gulp, and I raise an eyebrow.
“Underwear off,” he rasps.
I shake my head. “That’s a terrible idea.” He narrows his eyes at me. “What if Scarlett comes out?”
“We’ll say we’re skinny dipping.”
I huff but do as he says. My eyes stay trained on his face, his eyes on my cock as I slide my boxers down my legs. My cock is already at half-mast from just having his eyes on me, and when we make eye contact, he smirks.
“Shut the fuck up, Ty,” I groan, getting in the water. It’s fucking hot. I hiss as I lower myself until I’m covered up to my neck, and his smirk turns into a grin.
“I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“Who’s lying now?” I raise an eyebrow again, and he chuckles.
“Where’s Jeremiah?” Tyler asks me, and I look forward, avoiding his gaze. It’s dark out here, so I can’t really see anything, but I pretend I’m looking at the most riveting thing I’ve ever seen in my life. “I imagine he wouldn’t be okay with you being out here naked with me.”
“You’d imagine right.”
“So?” he asks. “Where’s he at?”
“Gone,” I reply, licking my lips. “He left me.”
“What? Why ?”
“You know why.” I look at him, and he’s frowning, a confused look on his face. He really is dense sometimes. “Or do you not remember how you treated him last year?”
“So he left you because I don’t like him?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He left me because I have feelings for you.”
“And how the fuck would he know?”
“Isn’t it obvious, Ty?” I chuckle. “Even Scarlett can see it plain as day. It’s no surprise Jer caught on too.”
“So?” he huffs, as if he’s angry for me—when I know he’s not. “You could’ve denied it.”
“And what?” I laugh. “Live a lie? No thanks. He doesn’t deserve that anyway.”
“And what does he deserve?”
“Everything,” I reply honestly. “Everything he wants in life should be his.”
“You sound like you’re in love with him,” Ty spits out.
“I do love him,” I sigh. “That’s how you treat people you love.”
Tyler’s nostrils flare, and he looks like he wants to wrap his hands around my neck and squeeze. But he stays on his side of the hot tub, and I just stare straight ahead. “If you love him so fucking much, why’d you let him walk away?”
“You sound jealous .” I roll my eyes, avoiding his question. “But surely I’m wrong since you’re married and all.”
“You know that’s never mattered when it comes to us.”
“Well it should,” I snap. “I can’t?—”
Tyler moves closer to me, and my breath hitches in my throat. We’re so close I can see the way his clear-blue eyes are dilated and can make out his prominent cupid’s bow even in the darkness. A half-smile tilts his lips up, and when he licks his lips, my eyes track the movement.
“You can’t what?” he asks with a husky voice.
“I can’t do this with you,” I breathe. “You?—”
“I chose you first,” he growls. “And you rejected me.”
“Well…” I chuckle. “You chose her for life.”
“Fuck that.” Ty shakes his head, cupping my face with one hand and leaning in closer until I can practically taste the mint on his breath. “Tell me to leave her.”
“No.”
“Tell. Me. To. Leave. Her.”
“No,” I growl. “If you leave her, it will be for you. Not for me. Why the fuck do you need my permission so badly? Grow the fuck up, Ty. Maybe then I’ll be able to believe you when you say you want me.”
“Fuck you, Noah,” Tyler spits out.
“Yes, love.” I grin and he narrows his eyes. “I know you want that so fucking bad, don’t you?”
“Shut up,” he snaps. “Take shit seriously for once in your life.”
“Tyler, I am serious,” I sigh, trying to pull away, but he just tightens his grip on my face until it’s painful. I hiss. “If you leave her, it has to be for you. Because you’re unhappy and that’s what you want. Don’t do it to be in a relationship with me.”
“And then what?” he asks. “I leave her and lose the two people who matter most to me? Is that really what you recommend?”
My hands begin to shake, and I breathe in deeply. “You’ll never lose me.”
“I already have,” Ty whispers.
“Never,” I whisper back.
Tyler leans in even closer until his lips brush against mine, and I lose it. Grabbing the back of his neck, I pull his face toward me, effectively closing the rest of the space between us. His lips are pillowy soft and fucking heavenly. I’m floating on a cloud of bliss as I part my lips, letting him suck on my bottom lip, and when he thrusts his tongue into my waiting mouth, I moan.
Tyler is it for me. He is the beginning and end of my world. The missing piece to my scattered puzzle. The other half of my heart. And frankly, I don’t know how I’ve been living without him this whole time.
He pulls away from me, taking my lip with him, and dragging his teeth over it. I taste blood when he lets go, and my cock thickens to a painful degree. The water is suddenly hotter, and I’m sweating. I need him. I need him right fucking now.
“Come here, Ty,” I tell him. “I need you.”
He straddles my lap, our cocks brushing against each other, and I groan. I kiss him again, harder, deeper, and the sounds coming from him are my goddamn undoing. I could come just from hearing him. He pulls away and stares at me with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. He looks destroyed, absolutely wrecked by me, and I’ve never loved the sight of him more than I do now. Because he looks like mine .
And so, when he leans back in and presses his lips to mine, wrapping a hand around our cocks, I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. Because I know it’s going to be over before I know it.
And in the morning?
We’ll both pretend this never happened.