Cross My Heart

23. TYLER

Chapter 23

TYLER

26 YEARS OLD

I haven’t seen Noah since the wedding. It’s been an entire year, and he claims he has just been busy, but I know better. He’s been avoiding us—me in particular—and doesn’t want to admit it. It’s fine, I mean, I’ve had to live with my choices for the past year, and I can wholeheartedly say I regret every single one. Any choice that doesn’t lead me back to him is the wrong one. Of that, I’m sure. But now he’s supposed to be showing up to my bar in a few minutes, and I can’t help but be nervous. Will it be awkward between us? Will he be angry with me? I hate that I don’t know the answers to these questions. For the first time in our lives, I can’t read him. I feel like he only agreed to meet us out of some sense of duty. Like he was forced to do it.

To top it off, Scarlett is angry that he’s coming over. Not that she has told me anything, but she’s acting jealous, and I don’t know if it’s because of something that happened between her and Noah, or if it’s something more. She couldn’t possibly know I almost left her at the altar. There’s no fucking way—because no one knows that except for Noah. And quite honestly, if I could have a do-over, I’d leave her in a heartbeat. I would’ve picked him a thousand times over. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that life is cruel and unforgiving, and he’s only mine in my dreams now. I can’t even be angry about it. It was my goddamn choice. I did it to myself. Even if he did push me in that direction, I shouldn’t have let him. I know he’s hurt that I didn’t pick him—even though he told me not to. I’ve never been more confused in my life, because I thought for sure he’d take me into his arms and we’d sail into the sunset together. But that’s not what happened at all, and now I have to live with it.

Life has really been testing me lately, especially when it comes to my wife. She wants to take the next step in our relationship and have kids. It’s only natural, I’m aware, considering we are financially stable and have already bought a house. But how do I tell her that I don’t want to have a family with her because she’s not the right person for me? How do I tell her I’m just biding my time and waiting for the perfect moment to break things off with her? How do I tell her that I’ll live the rest of my life waiting for someone who will probably never want to be with me? But also—how do I tell her I don’t want her out of my life just because I don’t love her romantically anymore? How do I tell her the guilt of cheating on her all those times is eating me alive? That I want to come clean. How do I tell her that I love her, just not like a wife anymore? The thought of it makes me want to throw up. She doesn’t deserve any of this.

If I know anything about Scarlett, it is that she knows how to hold a grudge. If I told her I want a divorce, she’d pry for information. But if I told her I fell in love with someone else—with our best friend—she’d cut me off and never speak to me again. I’m so fucking selfish.

Regardless of not being in love with her, I do love her more than I want to admit to myself. She’s been my best friend since I was thirteen years old. That can’t be erased no matter what I do or tell myself. But maybe I don’t love her as much as I think I do. Because if I did truly love her, I would have let her go to be with someone who actually wants her. Needs her. Has stars in his eyes for her.

But I’m a coward.

My life would be forever changed if I left her, but most importantly, I’d lose one of the most important people in my life. Am I really willing to risk that for someone who doesn’t want me to pick them? The answer to that is yes—that no matter what Noah Milner says he’s mine and will forever be mine. Until the end of time, I will live and breathe for that man.

Which is why now, as he enters the bar, the brightest smile blooms on my face. Fuck, I’ve missed him. He looks amazing, with his military-cut hairstyle—faded on the sides and a bit longer on top. His skin-tight shirt hugs his biceps and chest, and it makes my mouth water. And when he looks at me from across the room and his eyes light up, I think I’m going to pass out. But then Scarlett clears her throat, effectively breaking the little love spell between us.

“I know being subtle was never your strong-suit, but at least pretend for my fucking sake, Tyler.”

I swallow hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Noah comes to the empty barstool beside me, sitting down, and turns his body toward me. There’s a smirk on his lips, and I can’t help but stare at them. He clears his throat, and my eyes snap up to his, and a smile graces his lips. The most blinding, beautiful smile that makes my stomach flutter with butterflies. God fucking damn it I’m so gone for this man.

“How have you been?” I ask him, and his smile widens. He leans in and hugs me from the side, his hand lingering on my lower back for a moment longer than is appropriate. “I missed you. You forgot all about me, didn’t you?”

Noah shakes his head, “Never.”

“Then where have you been?” I’m aware I sound like a needy girlfriend, but I can’t help it. I’m hurt and he needs to know it. “Why haven’t you come by before now?”

“I’ve been busy.” He shrugs, looking guilty. “I don’t know I just?—”

“Hey, babe.” A man’s hand lands on his shoulder, and I tense. “There you are.”

Noah turns around with a grin, and my heart stops dead in my chest. He clearly knows this man who called him babe. But no. That can’t be right. Right?

No, no, no .

Handsome with his blond hair and green eyes, the exact opposite of me. His hair is cut military-style as well, and you can tell he’s a soldier by the muscles on him. He just has that look. And of course he does, because where the hell else would he meet another man?

Noah turns to me and flashes me an apologetic smile. “This is Jeremiah.” I narrow my eyes on Noah’s. “My boyfriend.”

One fucking word shouldn’t be the end of my world, but somehow it is. I can feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I can feel myself trying to stop it, holding onto the shards until my hands turn bloody, but they splatter to the ground anyway. Scarlett grabs my hand, digging her fingernails into my skin painfully, and I jump.

“So nice to meet you, Jeremiah!” Scarlett says, and my nostrils flare. Of course she would be happy about this. “It’s about time Noah brought home a boyfriend. Right, honey?”

“Right.” I nod once. “Nice to meet you.”

Jeremiah’s eyes narrow slightly as if he can sense my energy is just…off. But I don’t give a fuck. Let him know how in love I am with his boyfriend. The thought of them fighting over me brings me a deep sense of satisfaction, and when I look at Noah, his lips are stretched into a thin, fake smile. Oh well, serves him right for doing this in the first place.

“Is this the first time he’s brought a guy home?” Jeremiah asks, but I’m still looking at Noah. I can feel Jeremiah’s gaze on my face though.

“Yes, it is!” Scarlett says that cheerfully, and for the first time in my life, I actually want to claw her eyes out. “He never brings anyone. You might even be his first real boyfriend.”

“Oh, baby,” Jeremiah says, his hand squeezing Noah’s shoulder. My eyes focus on the movement, and when I look up, this fucker’s eyes are trained on me, a smirk on his lips. “You didn’t tell me that.” But he’s looking at me as he says it, and at this moment I know he knows there’s something between Noah and me. I also know he’s going to try to make me jealous for the rest of the night.

“It never came up.” Noah shrugs and looks up at Jeremiah, and for one split second, he really does look in love.

That is, until he looks back at me and I can tell he’s faking this. I don’t know how I know, but I do. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve known him for thirteen years. Or maybe it’s the look on his face when he gazes at me. But he’s still mine.

That much I do know.

Oh, and fuck Jeremiah.

“So, how did you meet each other?” Scarlett asks cheerfully, and I look over at her. She has the brightest smile on her face as if this brings her joy, and my eyes sting with unshed tears. She narrows her eyes on me, then shifts her attention back to Jeremiah. I look over at Noah, and his eyes are trained on her too. “Tell us all about it!”

Noah is quiet, but Jeremiah gets right to it. “We’re in the same unit. He was my friend before we became more.” He shrugs, and I scoff. Because he can’t be best friends with Jeremiah. He’s my best friend. I’m his . “And I don’t know. One day it just happened. We’ve been together for six months.”

Six months.

It’s been eight months since my wedding, and he moved on two months after? Just like that? As if we never happened? As if I was just a blip in his existence? Forgettable.

But Noah smiles up at him, and my heart breaks a little more. Mostly because it’s a genuine smile. And it guts me.

He’s my everything. Everything that was missing. Everything I’d been looking for. I found it in him.

And he’s just going to throw it all away.

He already did.

Jeremiah leans down and presses a kiss to Noah’s lips, and I look away. I can’t do this. My heart can’t take it.

So I excuse myself and go to the bathroom.

A minute or so later, there’s a knock at the door. I open it to find Noah on the other side of it. Before I can think better of it, I haul him into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. And then I’m on him, shoving him against the wood. Cradling his face between my hands. Pressing my lips to his soft ones.

Except this time, he pushes me away.

Hard.

I stumble back a few steps, a frown on my face.

“What the fuck?” I breathe.

“Stop it,” Noah growls. “Just stop, Ty. Respect your wife. Respect my fucking relationship.”

“Why are you here?” I frown, thoroughly confused. Because I thought for sure if he was coming here, it would be to finish what we started out there. To catch up. To?—

“To tell you that I’ve moved on.”

“I saw that,” I say dryly.

“Then back off.” He narrows his pretty blue eyes on me. His lips pursed. His nostrils flaring. “Stop acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

“I am jealous.”

“You have no right to be,” he snaps, and my stomach drops. “Stop being a fucking coward and live the life you chose. You made your bed, now sleep in it.”

“You know what, Noah?” I growl. “Get the fuck out.”

“Gladly.” He nods once, then opens the door.

Leaving me behind.

A sob escapes me.

How did we get here?