35. NOAH
Chapter 35
NOAH
“ M ichaels!” I shout, but in his haste to reach me, he steps on something he shouldn’t and suddenly he’s airborne. “Jeremiah!” I scream this time.
His leg has been blown off, and he’s screaming, the sound piercing my ears until my hands begin to shake.
I gasp and stir as I hear a sound coming from outside my room, then frown. Sitting up, I rub my head as if it holds all the answers. Clearly, that was a memory—a memory of Jeremiah and possibly how he died. If I’m remembering things already, does that mean I’ll remember everything I lost in the past six months?
Laughter rings out loudly, Scarlett’s and a man’s I don’t recognize, and I look at my phone. It’s seven p.m. and I have been sleeping for hours, fully clothed. I never sleep with jeans on, so I don’t really know how I accomplished that. It must be the pain medication.
I get out of bed and open the door, just to find Scarlett, Tyler, and a stranger playing Uno on the coffee table in front of the couch. I run a hand through my hair and begin to walk backwards, hoping I can get out of here undetected when the stranger locks eyes with mine.
“Look who’s here,” he says to Scarlett and Tyler. “He rose from the dead.”
“That’s not fucking funny,” Tyler snaps, and I roll my eyes, knowing the man didn’t mean anything by it.
“My bad.” He winces.
“You’re good,” I say softly, and he smiles at me with gratitude. “What’s your name?”
“Thomas.”
“Nice to meet you.” I cross the space across the living room and offer him my hand, shaking his firmly. I look over at Tyler, who is looking at Thomas like he could kill him, and frown. What the hell is his problem now? “I would join you, but I suck at Uno.”
“How does one suck at Uno?” Thomas raises an eyebrow.
“He’s a sore loser,” Scarlett says with a grin.
“Ah,” he says softly. “That explains so much.”
“What does it explain?” I raise an eyebrow in return.
“Why they didn’t wake you up to come play with us.”
That makes me chuckle, and he grins. “I’ll just be outside,” I tell them, walking toward the sliding glass door and opening it, then closing it behind me for good measure.
It’s October and a little chillier than I expected. I take a seat on one of the patio chairs and lean back, looking at the sky. It’s dark, but the stars aren’t that visible. I guess that’s what happens when you’re so close to the city. Atlanta is only thirty minutes away, if that.
I’m not saying I’ve enjoyed my deployments per se, but the night sky was the best part of them. Being able to see all the stars made everything better at the moment, even if I knew the feeling wouldn’t last. It would fade when the sun came up, but that was fine. I knew what I was dealing with. The stars made me feel closer to home for some reason, but now being back here…I can’t help but feel like something is missing. Now it doesn’t feel like home anymore.
I wonder if Jeremiah and the others are in the stars now, and if they are, it’s really sad that I can’t see them. I’d do just about anything for another day with them. I’d do just about anything for a phone call. I’d definitely do anything to have them be okay, alive . I’ve often felt guilty about the fact that they’re not. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but it feels like it’s my fault that they’re dead. Otherwise, why would I be alive? The only one at that.
The sliding glass door opens, and I look over at Thomas, who is closing it now. Looking away, I gaze back out at the sky, as if the universe will grant me all the answers about my life.
“Is it okay if I sit with you for a bit?” Thomas asks me, and I nod wordlessly. “It’s a little cold out here.”
“A bit,” I reply.
“Want my jacket?” he asks me, and this time I turn my head and lock eyes with him. He smirks. “You’re shivering.”
“You know what?” I grin. “I’ll take your jacket.”
He hands it over, and I immediately put it on, wrapping myself in it. “You look good in it.”
“Thanks,” I say softly. “Does that mean I get to keep it?”
“Only if you go on a date with me.”
My stomach clenches in fear. I haven’t gone out on a date in a really long time. I haven’t wanted to. Moving on from Tyler has never been optional. But he didn’t leave his wife. “I’m no fun right now, Thomas,” I say softly. “Kinda crippled.”
“How so?”
“I just had surgery three weeks ago.” I shrug with my good side. “Probably won’t be that amazing at what you’re expecting from me.”
“I think you’d be surprised at how little I’m expecting from you.” I frown at his reply. “Not everything is about sex.”
“Oh?” I chuckle. “Then what is it about?”
Thomas outright laughs at my question, and I smile. His brown eyes twinkle as he looks me over. “I think you’re funny, and I want to laugh with you for a while.”
I nod. “That sounds like fun.” Thomas scoots closer to me with his chair, and I do the same until our shoulders are touching and we’re looking out at the sky together. “No expectations?”
“None.”
“Cool.”
“I see the way Tyler’s looking at you,” he whispers, as if it’s a secret between us, and my stomach drops.
“Huh?” I sputter, feigning confusion.
“He’s jealous,” Thomas tells me with amusement. “I might even say he wants you.”
“Tyler Hayes?” I ask incredulously. Though every fiber of my being remembers his lips against mine, his cock in my mouth. I know he’s seething, and that brings a smile to my face. “There’s no way,” I lie.
“Knock, knock,” Tyler says from the door, coming out to the covered patio. “You got space for one more?”
“Told you.” Thomas pats me on the back and stands. “I’m all done out here, Ty.” The nickname makes my stomach flip because that’s what I call him. “He’s all yours.”
I look over at Thomas with a frown on my face. “You want your jacket back?”
“Nah.” He grins. “I’m taking you on that date.”
Tyler coughs and Thomas’ grin widens.
They trade spots, Tyler coming to sit next to me, and Thomas leaving. I continue to keep my eyes on the night sky as if it’s going to suddenly start showing me its stars. But it doesn’t. They’re dim and scarce, and I frown. I don’t know why Ty is out here with me, but suddenly I don’t want him to be. It’s too painful to think about being so close to him without being able to do what I want. Kiss him, love him, be with him.
“What are you doing here, Ty?” I ask him, breathing in his scent.
“I see how you’re looking at him,” Ty says under his breath, a hint of jealousy in his tone.
“How am I looking at him?”
“Like you want to eat him,” he growls, and I laugh. “It’s not fucking funny.”
“Are you—” I stutter. “Are you jealous?”
“What if I am?” he snaps, and my jaw drops. “What if I am ?”
“I don’t know what to say, Ty,” I reply softly.
Ty chuckles. “So that’s how it’s gonna be?” he asks me coldly. “You’re gonna go out with him?”
“Would you prefer I wait for you until the end of time?” I snap. “I’m not a fool anymore, Tyler. I won’t wait around for someone who isn’t sure of me.”
“I’ve always been sure of you.”
“I let you get in my head all these years, but I can’t stay here if you keep treating me like I’m your husband too. You can’t have us both.”
“I don’t want you both,” Ty growls, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. I immediately look inside, trying to see if Scarlett is around. The last thing I want to do is fight with her.
“Let me go, Ty,” I growl back.
“I want you, Noah Milner.” My stomach flips as if I’m on a rollercoaster, and it would be easy to let go of everything and jump head-first into whatever he offers me, but I shake my head. “So no—I’m not letting you go.”
I try to shove him off, but he pulls me until I fall to my knees on the concrete, and he follows. Anger flows through my veins as I look at him, turning toward him to shove him back, but instead, he crashes his lips to mine.
The kiss is hard and brutal, his lips firm against mine, unyielding. Until they are. He suddenly licks the seam of my lips, and I grant him entry, widening my mouth to accommodate his tongue. He strokes mine with his, then sucks on it, and I groan. My hands fall to his chest, fingers digging into his pectoral muscles. And just when I think he’s going to let me catch my breath, he comes back in and sweeps me under like a rogue wave.
We break apart, panting, eyes dilated, chests heaving.
It’s not enough.
And it never will be again.
I want him.
Need him.
Yet I know I shouldn't.