38. TYLER
Chapter 38
TYLER
F or the past two weeks since Noah has been home, I’ve made it my mission to stay up late in hopes he would come out of his room. But even when Scarlett was at work, he didn’t. I don’t know why—maybe he was trying to avoid me. Or maybe he has just been sleeping. Who fucking knows anymore. But I need a repeat of what happened just a few hours ago. This time in his bed, me between his legs, taking his cock in my mouth again. I need him like I need air. And right now? It feels like I’m suffocating.
Every second not spent by his side is an eternity, and I meant what I said to him. I’m leaving her now, and I will spend however long I need making sure he forgives me. I’m going crazy knowing he’s pissed off at me.
Noah will be here for four more weeks, and I’m serving Scarlett papers very soon. Will she hate me and cast me out? Will she ever talk to me again? Will our friendship be ruined forever? But yes, something tells me there’s no going back from this. I’m ready to face the consequences of my actions though. I understand that it’s only fair after everything I’ve done to her. She deserved so much better. She still does. And I just want her to be happy and loved. And I know I can’t give that to her. Not anymore.
As for Noah, I need to make sure we’re in a good place. I hate what I’ve done to us. I want to know that he’s sure about me. As sure as I am of him. But he won’t let me in yet. And I don’t know what it’s going to take. Will leaving Scarlett be enough for him?
I hear a loud whimper and frown, knowing it’s coming from Noah’s room. Is he dreaming again? I’m just about to get up to check on him when Scarlett’s hand wraps around my forearm and tugs me toward her. It takes me by surprise, and I narrow my eyes at her when her fingernails dig into my skin.
“What are you doing?” I ask her through gritted teeth. “Let go, Scar.”
“I could ask you the same thing,” she snaps. “He’s not a child. You don’t need to coddle him.”
“It’s not coddling.” I roll my eyes. “I’m worried about him. He went through something traumatic.”
“He’ll be fine without you.”
The fuck he will. But I don’t say that. Instead, my nostrils flare as I try not to yank my arm out of her grasp. “I’m gonna go jump in the shower.”
Scarlett lets go of my arm, but then she looks at me and frowns. “What’s on your chest?” I look down, then remember last night and can feel my face heating. “Is that cum?”
I shrug. “I jacked off. Is that a problem?”
“Yes,” Scarlett yells out. “It is a fucking problem. We haven’t had sex in six months, Tyler. Six! I get it, you don’t want to get me pregnant. You don’t want to?—”
“You don’t know what I want,” I snap. I want Noah . I want to scream it at the top of my lungs, but instead I say, “You haven’t known for a really long time.”
“That’s what you think.” She chuckles, and she sounds unhinged. “I know exactly what you’re doing. Listen, if you’re so affected by Noah, he needs to leave.”
I bristle. “He’s not going anywhere.”
“This is my house too.”
Not for long. “And mine as well. So he’s staying and it’s final.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on here because I do.”
“And what’s going on?”
“You feel bad for him, you pity him for having feelings for you, so you won’t fuck me while he’s in this house.”
“I don’t pity him.” I laugh. She’s so far from the damn truth. “And I haven’t fucked you since before he showed up, so clearly he’s not the problem. I just don’t want to have sex with you.”
There’s a moment of silence between us, and then her bottom lip begins to tremble, and I sigh. “You’re a fucking asshole.”
“I’m sorry, Scar.” I run a hand down my face. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. “You know I don’t want this to hurt you.”
“Are you going to leave me?”
I don’t say anything. I just hold my breath.
“So that’s it?” Tears run down her face. “A decade, and for what? We have nothing to show for it, Ty!”
“We have a home?—”
“In your arms, I’m a stand-in for someone else,” she blurts out. “Always have been, huh?”
I want to say no. I want to reassure her that she’s wrong. But the truth is, I know I’ve had feelings for Noah since before he kissed me for the first time. It was a long time coming.
“Scarlett.” I tell her softly, “I have loved you.” And I have . It’s not a lie. I loved her deeply, with everything in me. I just loved him too. Still do. Always will. That’s the biggest difference between them, that if it comes down to it, it will always be Noah for me. “You have to know that.”
“I need to leave.” She sighs. “I gotta get out of here.”
I frown. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Where, Scar?” I question, suddenly worried. “You work tonight. You should be resting.”
“How can I rest like this?” The tears just keep trailing down her face, and I brush them away with my thumbs. “Don’t touch me, Tyler.” I let my hands drop from her face.
My stomach drops at the implication, and I wonder if she knows about what happened last night, or what she’s trying to tell me. But I don’t question her, instead, I fall back against my pillow and close my eyes.
Scarlett gets out of bed and gets dressed, going into the bathroom to take care of business. She comes out rather quickly, seemingly in a hurry. Not one more word is exchanged between us, and when she leaves, she slams the front door. I blow out a deep breath and sit up, running a hand down my face all over again in frustration.
I need to decompress. I need to relax and forget about this conversation. Maybe I should be going after her, but I just…can’t. I can’t bring myself to do it, not when I know how hypocritical it would be. She needs to learn how to be alone, and how to heal on her own. Because soon, I won’t be there to wipe her tears. That guts me too, knowing how hurt she’ll be. Especially when she sees me with Noah. But Noah and I are inevitable.
Noah is the heart, and I’m the blood in his veins.
We’re vital to each other’s survival.
We’re two halves of one whole.
And nothing and no one can tear us apart.
I get out of bed and go to the bathroom, turning on the shower to hot. I take off my boxers and get in, relishing in the warmth of the water. It’s soothing, and I close my eyes as I let the water soak my hair and trail down my face. But then there’s a noise—the door opening—and my eyes fly open. The lock engages, and I wipe the foggy glass shower door to look out.
It’s Noah.
Taking his clothes off.
Walking toward me.
Getting in the shower with me.
Noah is looking at me through his lashes, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I tell him.
“Why not?”
“It makes me want to do dirty things to you,” I reply, looking down at his body pointedly, then back up at his face. He smirks, and it’s sinful. I know exactly what he’s doing, but I’m not giving in. I want to show him what it’s like to be loved by me. Not just fuck him. “And right now, I’m not going to give into it.”
Noah pouts, “Fine.”
“Get over here.” We switch places, and I grab the shampoo and squirt some onto my palm, then rub my hands together until I have suds and bubbles. Noah groans when I run my hands through his wet hair, massaging his scalp. “Good?”
“So good,” he replies. “No one’s ever done that before.”
No one’s ever loved you like me before.
But I don’t say that, instead I keep washing his hair quietly.
“When are you leaving Scarlett?” he asks me softly, and my stomach drops.
“Soon,” I reply, even though I want to scream it from the rooftops that I choose him. That I’ll always choose him. That I’m doing whatever it takes to have him be mine. “The papers aren’t ready, but they will be very soon.”
“I heard you talking,” he says, as I rinse his hair for him.
“Don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop?” I smirk, but deep down I’m glad he heard it all. I’m hoping now he knows how serious I am about leaving her. That I’ll go through with it.
“I couldn’t help it.” He shrugs. “You guys were screaming at each other.”
“Well, now you know.” I smile at him. “We’re done.”
Noah visibly relaxes, a beautiful smile taking over his face. His eyes scrunch in the corners, little wrinkles appearing there. It’s just evidence of how long I’ve known and loved him, and he’s beautiful. No one has ever been more beautiful to me.
I relax too, switching places with him until I’m under the water spray once more. Noah grabs the shower gel from the shelf and lathers his hands with it, then brings them to my chest. He washes me gently, reverently, and I close my eyes. I never want this moment to end. This moment where he’s showing me how much he cares for me without words.
“Will you be mine when this is over?” Noah asks me, and my heart clenches in my chest.
“I’ve always been yours, Noah,” I reply. And I mean it. Even when I was taken by another person, I’ve never been able to get him off my mind. I’ve never been able to move on from him.
Noah grins. “Promise?”
I grin back, repeating the words I told him six months ago.
“Cross my heart.”