20. Quinn
Shovingone hand in my pocket, I pressed the doorbell of my parents’ house with the other. Loud barks rang out over the chime of the bell.
“Thanks, Sadie. The whole neighborhood knows someone’s at the door.” My stepdad’s muffled voice filtered through the door.
Chuckling, I waited as he opened it.
“Quinn.” He smiled, reaching down with one hand to pet Sadie’s head as she stood next to him, her entire body swaying as she wagged her tail in greeting. “Did we know you were coming by?”
“Hi, Pops. Hey, Sadie. I was in the area and figured I’d take a chance and stop by. Is this a bad time?”
“Never.” He stepped back so I could come in, only Sadie took the opening as an invitation to do her happy doggy dance in the doorway, effectively blocking me from entering the house.
“Sadie, heel.”
She stopped dancing and looked back at my stepdad.
“Those don’t work on me.” He gave her a stern look. “Heel.”
She made a huffing sound and trudged into the house.
I slipped inside and closed the door, already crouching to give Sadie a proper greeting when it clicked closed.
“Sweetheart, Quinn’s here,” Pops shouted into the house. “Do you want a cup of tea? We just put the kettle on,” he said in a normal voice.
“Yeah, thanks.” I gave Sadie one last head scratch and stood.
“Quinn.” Dad appeared in the hallway. “Hi.”
“Hey, Dad.”
“Go ahead. I’ll get the tea when it’s ready.” Pops leaned in and gave my dad a quick kiss.
“Thanks.” Dad gave his ass a little slap.
“Really, right in front of me? Won’t someone think of the children?” I teased. My parents had never been shy about showing their affection for each other, which meant me and my brothers had made a sport out of making fun of them for it.
“Good thing you weren’t around earlier.” Pops waggled his eyebrows at me.
“Patrick.” Dad laughed.
“Gross,” I deadpanned, playing along. “I’m going to need extra cookies to make up for the trauma you just rained down on me.”
“Cookies and tea? Someone’s demanding.” Pops made a big show of looking exasperated.
“And they say I’m the only actor in the family.” I tsked dramatically.
“Let’s go into the living room before the water finishes boiling,” Dad said, not even finishing the last word before the kettle whistled in the kitchen.
I followed Dad into the living room while Pops went to take care of the kettle.
“So,” Dad lowered himself onto the loveseat. “What brings you by?”
I sat on the couch opposite him. “Nothing. I just finished a meeting with a client and was in the neighborhood.”
“You were?” He studied me. “Why am I getting the feeling that’s not the whole truth?”
“Because your superpower is being annoying,” I grumbled.
“Is it being annoying, or is it being able to read you?” He leaned back in his seat. “So, what’s really going on? Not that I’m not happy to see you. You know you’re always welcome to drop by whenever you want. But I can tell this visit isn’t just about being nearby.”
“Before you start,” Pops said from the doorway. “Do you want Dad time? I have a crossword with my name on it if you need the room.”
I shook my head.
He hooked his thumb in the direction of the kitchen. “I’ll grab the tea and cookies and be right back.”
“I’ll help.” I stood. “I need to move, anyway.”
When everything was in the living room, I curled my hands around a steaming mug of tea and stared into the dark liquid.
“Quinn?” Dad asked.
“How did you know you were in love?”
Both men froze but recovered quickly. They were used to my bluntness and tendency to dive right into things without preamble.
“What do you mean?” Dad asked.
“When you were friends. When did you know there was more between you? And when did you know it was love and not just affection?”
They exchanged a look.
I knew the basics of their story but had never asked for details. They’d done such a good job of communicating with us when their friendship had evolved into more that I’d never felt the need to ask for specifics.
Until now.
“It was different for both of us,” Dad said. “For me it was little things that started to add up that I couldn’t ignore. How everything made me think of him or reminded me of something we’d done together. Thinking he looked nice when he’d put on a suit or a new shirt. Getting jealous when he talked about his dating life. What really made me question things was when I started feeling a little thrill whenever he’d walk in the room or I’d see his name on my call ID. I’d never felt anything like that for a friend before, or really anyone.”
I nodded slowly, taking every word in. My dad hadn’t really dated when I was a kid. I had some vague memories of him going out on a few dates here and there, but he’d stayed single until he and Pops had gotten together.
He told me it was because he’d been focused on being a dad and hadn’t felt like anything was missing from his life. The same as I’d felt until Tristan.
“For me it was a bit more obvious.” Pops ran his finger over the rim of his mug. “I got the same butterflies when he’d walk into the room, and I was constantly thinking about him and looking forward to the next time we could see each other or even just talk on the phone. But there was one incident that made it obvious that I was feeling more for him than just friendship.”
“What happened? Or is this one of those stories I’d rather not know?”
Pops chuckled. “It’s nothing like that. I had a dream about him—and not a dirty one. In the dream, we were cuddling on my old couch and watching a movie together. I woke up, and instead of thinking ‘That was a strange dream to have about my friend,’ I couldn’t stop thinking about how natural it had seemed. That evolved into wondering about how it would feel to cuddle with him, and eventually wanting to do it. That was my aha moment that I had romantic feelings for him and was attracted to him.”
They exchanged another look. “Does this have anything to do with your neighbor?” Dad asked.
“Yeah.” I scrubbed my hand over my face. “I know I haven’t really said much about what’s going on, but we’ve been dating for the past few months.”
“Is it going well?”
“It’s great. And that’s the problem.”
They exchanged another look.
“I’m just really confused. Figuring out I like him wasn’t confusing. Well, once I realized I really was attracted to him and wasn’t just being a shitty actor.”
“We might need a bit of context for that one,” Dad said.
I filled them in on the fake date that turned into a very real one. I’d told them about becoming friends with Tris and mentioned we were seeing each other but hadn’t told them much else.
“I guess the thing that’s confusing me is I don’t know what I feel for him. I can’t quantify it in any meaningful way.”
“What’s confusing you?” Dad asked.
“Everything.” I snort-laughed and sipped my tea. “I like him, and not just that, I really like him. He’s… He’s everything. But I’ve never been in an adult relationship. Never been in love. I never even considered that could be a possibility for me. But now I’m with him, and I have no idea if what I’m feeling is so strong because he’s my best friend, or if it’s romantic love. How did you know you loved each other?”
“There wasn’t one moment for me,” Pops said. “Nothing that made me go ‘Holy shit, I love him’ or anything. It was more that I couldn’t imagine my life without him. And I didn’t want to. Every time I thought about my future, he was right there by my side. I loved him as a friend long before I realized I was also in love with him.”
“I had that holy shit moment,” Dad whispered. “It was right after we got the news about Corbyn.”
Pops squeezed Dad’s thigh. Corbyn had been one of my dad’s closest friends growing up who’d been killed in action while on deployment in Iraq when I was thirteen.
“I was sitting at home looking through my old yearbook and reminiscing about the past when I was hit with the most intense feeling of dread. Like a panic attack, but only in my head. All I could think was, what if something happened to Patrick? What if I never got a chance to tell him I love him? That’s when I knew he was it for me.” Dad put his mug down on the coffee table. “Loving your best friend is the most amazing thing in the world. And it’s also the scariest.”
My breath hitched. That was exactly how I felt when I thought about being in love with Tristan.
“It’s amazing because you’ve found someone who gets you. The person who makes you happy and who you want to see happy. Someone who makes your world better just by being in it. But it’s terrifying because what if you lose it? What if the romantic feelings fade, or were never really there, and you lose your partner and your best friend over a mistake?”
“That’s it exactly. I don’t want to ruin things by mistaking deep affection for love. He means too much to me to risk it.”
“Can I say something?” Pops asked hesitantly.
“Yeah, always.”
“The hardest part about understanding what was going on between your dad and me wasn’t realizing I loved him. It was taking the leap from friendship to more that I really struggled with because I didn’t want to ruin the best friendship I’d ever had. Once that happened and we realized we were attracted to each other, everything else was easy. Being with him was easy and felt right.
“Coming out as queer men who had previously identified as straight wasn’t easy. Trying to blend our families as two single dads in the eyes of society, also not easy. But once I realized what I felt for him was love, it never occurred to me that I could fall out of love with him. Our relationship was rock solid because it was built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect, and adding love to it only made it stronger.”
I mulled that over for a few beats.
“Have you thought about what it would mean to be in a long-term relationship with him?” Dad asked.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s a single dad. That comes with a unique series of challenges, especially if things aren’t amicable between him and his ex.”
“Yeah, it’s anything but amicable.” I sipped more of my tea to wet my throat. Pops and his ex-wife had a rocky, drama-filled relationship before she’d gone no contact with him, Jesse, and Adam four years ago. I’d seen firsthand what kind of challenges could happen between exes who didn’t get along.
“But that’s a non-issue for me. He’s an amazing father, and his kid is awesome. I’ll deal with whatever crap Asshole McDouchenozzle?—”
Dad, who’d just taken a sip of his tea, spluttered, spraying tea in an epic spit take.
“Sorry.” I scooped a napkin up off the coffee table and handed it to Pops. “That’s what we call his ex.”
“Very creative,” Pops deadpanned, wiping his cheek with the napkin.
Dad coughed a few times but regained his composure quickly. “Sorry, honey.” He patted Pops’s leg.
“But like I was saying,” I continued. “I don’t care about the ex drama or any of that. I just don’t want to mess everything up and lose them.”
“I think this is one of those times where you’ll have to trust your gut,” Dad said. “You’re smart, capable, and you know your own mind. If you’re this twisted up over your feelings, then maybe you should trust that you already know the answer.”
I blew out a breath. “Yeah. You’re right. I think I already know the answer. I’m just doing that thing where I second-guess everything and convince myself I’m wrong. Self-gaslighting for the win.”
“Do you want to stick around for a while?” Dad asked. “We could watch a movie before dinner.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Watching movies together was one of the ways my dad had figured out to help me when I was younger and my head would get too loud. We’d put on something we’d already seen, and he’d let me talk about whatever popped into my head while the movie played so I could process whatever was bothering me.
I might be a grown man, but I still needed my dad, and movie time was one of my favorite pressure-free ways to chat.
“You know this means we need to meet him, right?” Pops handed me the plate of cookies he’d brought out.
“I know.” I took it from him and picked up a cookie. “Maybe I could bring him to the next family dinner?”
“Are you sure you want to put him through baptism by fire with Jesse and Adam?” Pops asked, gathering up the mugs.
“Yeah, that’s probably not the best idea. How about the four of us go out to dinner? Then we can unleash Jess and Adam on him the next time.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Dad said as he and Pops exchanged a look.
“You’re going to fuck with him about his age, aren’t you?” I sighed.
Dad smiled innocently. “Who, us?”
“Yeah, you,” I said pointedly.
“Whatever do you mean, fuck with him?” Pops asked, his tone as sweet as pie. “I was just thinking it would be fun to point out how you and your dad have a thing for older men.”
“Pops,” I groaned.
“Didn’t you say he’s ten years older than you? I’m ten years older than your dad. That’s a fun coincidence, no?”
“You’re having way too much fun with this,” I grumbled.
“Oh my god, you guys are the same age as we were when we met.” Dad put both hands over his heart and batted his eyelashes.
“Oh my god,” I groaned and took a giant bite of a cookie. “You’re the literal worst,” I said around my mouthful of food.
“Awww, did you hear that, honey? He said we’re the best.” Dad beamed a fake smile at Pops.
“That’s what I heard.” Pops pecked a kiss against Dad’s cheek.
I swallowed the cookie, struggling a bit since I hadn’t chewed enough. “That’s it. No more pastry deliveries for you. I’m telling Liam to refuse you service if you try to circumvent me on this.”
Pops and Dad laughed, and a moment later, I joined them.
My parents loved to tease, and I had no doubt they’d welcome Tristan and Leo with open arms and do everything possible to make them feel welcome.
Jesse and Adam were the ones to worry about. They’d treat Tristan and Leo like family, which was exactly the problem. I loved my brothers, and hopefully Tristan could handle their brand of love and dish it right back.