Dangerous (Bad Boys of Voyageur Bay #3)

Chapter 32

32

Katy/Katherine

A fter taking the facecloth back from me, Ethan climbed into the bed next to me. “That was amazing. We need to do that again. And if you don’t want to make our fake relationship real, I’m good with a friends-with-benefits situation. I’m sure as we head towards finals and graduation, we’re going to want the extra stress release. I know it will help me as my training ramps up and as I fight for a starting spot.”

“Um, yeah…” Before I can finish, I feel him roll over and go to sleep. A good thing because I didn’t know what to say. Instead of feeling all relaxed and sated like I normally do, I feel empty, dirty, and incomplete. It’s almost like how I felt after my assault, but I don’t feel violated or betrayed like I did then. Instead of wanting to shower, to scour my skin to remove any trace of him, I want to curl up and cry. What had I been thinking? Why had I done that?

When I sat up and Ethan didn’t stir, I decided to leave. I’d promised mom that I wouldn’t drive if I’d had anything to drink, but I was going to break it. I didn’t think those few mouthfuls would really affect me, but I’d take my time getting dressed and drink the rest of my water before making sure I was safe to leave in my car. If not, as much as I hated to, I’d call them to come and get me.

Thankfully, by the time I was dressed and had drunk my water—and then emptied my bladder because the need was great—I felt completely fine—from the alcohol at least.

I managed to sneak out without seeing any of my friends. There hadn’t been any paper or pens in the room, so I figured I’d send Ethan a message when I reached home, letting him that I’d needed to leave and had been safe.

But instead of pulling in my driveway, I pulled into theirs. My only thought was to get to them. To see them. Them. They were the thought.

The lights were on, spilling through the small cracks where their curtains weren’t fully closed. That was good. It meant they were still up, so I wasn’t about to wake them up. I didn’t bother to knock on their door, knowing that Liam was probably asleep. I pushed it open and walked in.

“Katy? What are you doing here? I thought you were at the party.” Jason walked toward me from the kitchen.

“And why are you crying.” Anger tinted every word out of Jarrod’s mouth.

Crying? What was he talking about? I lifted my hand to my cheeks, and it came away wet. I guess he was right. I was crying.

Hands gripped my shoulders. “Baby Girl, talk to me. Tell us what happened. Are you hurt anywhere? Did someone do something to you?”

Words and thoughts bubbled inside me, but they couldn’t escape. There was something blocking them and I didn’t know what it was.

The sound of a door closing cut through everything. Heavy footsteps drew closer. “Katy? What’s going on? Why are you here?”

“That’s what we’ve been asking, but she hasn’t spoken yet.” Jason squeezed my shoulders again before releasing one of them to cradle my face as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears.

“I did it.” My words were barely audible, but it stopped them as they stared at me. I cleared my throat and tried again, forcing my words to be louder, but not enough to wake Liam. “I had sex tonight. I did it. I slept with Ethan.”

“So why are you crying? Did you not want to? Did he force you?”

I shook my head. “No, I wanted it, but it felt wrong. All wrong because it wasn’t you. It was supposed to be you. Every time he touched me; I thought of how you touched me.” My gaze roamed between them, letting them know I was speaking to all of them. “When I traced his tattoo, I remembered the time I spent with you doing the same thing. When he sucked on my nipple, I could feel how your mouth felt, how your tongue felt. Every time, I thought of you. And then he finished… and I had to fake it. A fake orgasm for a fake relationship.”

The guys looked at me, watching me as if I was about to go crazy on them. And maybe they were right. Maybe I was about to lose myself the madness since it all seemed to be bubbling inside me. And now that whatever had blocked it had come free, there was nothing to stop it.

I pulled away from them. Not wanting their hands on me. My nerves were too frayed, their touch too soothing, too exhilarating for me to handle. I paced in front of them, trying to dispel some of my nervous energy.

“Why did you have to sleep with all those women? Why did you have to have a child with one of them. I love Liam but he’s not mine and he was supposed to be mine. I was supposed to be the mother of your children. Long after you showed me what sex was really about. Now of the women I saw you with ever looked like how I felt tonight. They were happy, blissed out on their orgasm while I’m still so jumpy, I can’t even stand still.

“Why didn’t you want me? Why weren’t you my first?”

I stopped, facing them as my chest heaved and I waited. Waited for them to answer me, to put me out of my misery.

Peter stepped in front of me. He tilted my head back until I was staring up at him. “Is that what you want? Do you want us to make love to you? To show you what it’s really like? To worship your body until you beg for us to stop because you can’t stay awake any longer, your body completely wiped of its energy. Tell me, Katy-bear is that really what you want?”

I stared deep into his eyes, looking for signs of deception, but I didn’t see them. So, I gave the only answer I could. “Yes.”

My chin was spun until I stared at Jason’s body was pressed into Peter’s side. “We won’t be having sex.” My heart fell, started to shatter until I heard the rest of his words. “—because what’s between us is more than meaningless sex. It’s love. And that’s completely different. We’ll be making love to you, branding you with our claim.”

My chin was moved again. This time to the other side of Peter where Jarrod stood. “It’ll be a first for us too. We’ve never made love before. Not to a woman. We might have given them pleasure, but it was momentary, fleeting. What’ll happen between us with be life long, life altering. Are you sure this is what you still want?”

I licked my lips, but they weren’t done with me yet. I was turned again to meet Peter’s deep, dark gaze. “There’s no going back. This will change everything and there’s no way to undo it. You’ll have to live with it forever, just like we will.”

I didn’t need to think about it. This was what I’d dreamed of all my life. This was what I wanted. I didn’t care about the consequences even though I probably should have. Peter was literally handing me his life if we did this now. We were months away from graduation. Months where if anything slipped, he would probably end up in jail. At least Liam would be safe since Jason and Jarrod were officially legal guardians of him, but he’d grow up without his biological father. Peter would never be able to teach again. He’d be labelled a sex offender for life. Could I really take that risk with him?

So, help me, I did. I wanted it more than anything.

“Yes, it’s what I want.”