NOAH
My dreams were fitful, and they seemed to replay in a vicious loop over and over. I was in Lulu’s car and that blasted parking garage when I exited the vehicle. Each time, I couldn’t escape the hail of bullets, even though I had been expecting them. Each time, I hit the pavement, and I would wake up alone in a hospital room. Pain coursed through my body, the entire damn thing aching worse than anything I could’ve done to it on the football field.
My career. Everything I had worked my entire life for had slipped through my fingers. I had been so afraid that I would be traded, or even worse that I would be cut, that I never fathomed something like this would ever take me out instead. The doctors, though... Their words echoed in my head whenever I was awake. All I would hear were them, then I would see my football life flash before my eyes. My friends... my coaches... my teammates... Their disappointment was like a double-edged sword only twisting deeper into my chest.
A faint waft of perfume tickled my nostrils, and I recognized it right away. Every time I woke up, all I had wanted to see was Lulu. She had been here once, or maybe I had dreamed of her presence, and I desperately wanted to see her again. It was for that reason that I was likely imagining her favored scent of the Black Opium YVES Saint-Laurent perfume she always wore. It was like one of those iced drinks that I would bring her in the past. A slight hint of vanilla mingled perfectly with the scent of coffee.
I inhaled slightly, then nearly choked as the simple action sent pain racing from my ribcage to my chest. Opening my eyes, I looked toward the door and there she was. “Lulu,” I called out, and would’ve sighed in relief had I known it wouldn’t cause me additional undue pain.
“Noah,” she said as she turned and walked back over to me. I could see how damp her eyes were, and even the watery smile she tried to flash at me spoke to her current mood. “H-how are you?”
“Better now that you’re here,” I told her, hiding my wince. I had broken a rib back during my freshman year of college, but even it hadn’t been this bad.
She took a seat, then stared at me. To be honest, I was actually just glad to see her, even if she was upset. When I reached for her hand, I couldn’t disguise the pain that simple motion elicited, and she noticed it right away.
“You’re still in a lot of pain?”
I knew it was a question, so I simply nodded at first. “Yeah, but it’s nothing that won’t pass. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I?—”
“The truth, Lulu. And not the watered down version you think I need to hear.”
She took my hand, and just the warmth infused by the action had me feeling a lot better. Granted, my mobility was still severely limited, but my pulse slowed and I felt as if I could breathe just a bit easier. While her presence was making things better for me, I could see the pain in her eyes, and I watched as it grew sharper the longer she stayed with me. My presence was doing the exact opposite for her.
“Honestly, I’m freaking out,” she finally admitted.
I thought the truth would make me feel better, but knowing I couldn’t draw her into my arms and kiss her soft lips only made things worse for me. My chest had ached since the shooting, and knowing she was in need and I was unable to help her only made it hurt that much more. Since the two of us got together, all I had wanted to do was shield her from her troubles. I had wanted to lift the weight of the world from her shoulders and carry it on mine. I had failed in that endeavor, and it only made the pressure heavier on my chest.
“I can’t help but think that this is all my fault.”
“Don’t,” I told her. “It could’ve happened to anyone.”
“But, it didn’t. It happened to you,” she pointed out, then added, “And all I keep wondering is if the shooter thought you were me.”
“That’s impossible,” I told her, even though she could very well be right.
After all, I had barely even gotten two feet out of the car when the shooting started. So much of that day was still a blur. I remember having picked up her car from the dealership, and parked it in her space. I had just gotten out when I felt the first bullet as it shattered my rib, then everything went black, only turning to technicolor when I woke up in this room. The police told me that I had managed to call 9-1-1 for help, but I couldn’t remember any of it.
“How can you be so sure?” She asked.
“Because...” I said, and quickly realized that I didn’t have an answer. In fact, I had none. I closed my eyes, and despite the spike in my heart rate as I tried to remember anything, I persisted until something flashed before my eyes. It was metal, or something metallic. I focused on the image, then realized the silver I was seeing in my mind had been from the car. “It was silver. The car.”
“S-Silver,” she said before her entire face paled.
Lulu was now white as a sheet. Her hand trembled on mine, and when I tried to grab it, she pulled it away. The screech of her chair as she pushed it back echoed in the room, competing with the incessant beeping of the various machines around me. She was now on her feet, and the terror on her face was still there. She began to pace, before finally turning on me.
“Are you sure that car was silver?”
I didn’t even know anyone who drove a car that color, but she seemed freaked out over the detail. “Yeah. It was a foreign sports car of some?—”
“Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” It was all she said over and over.
Something had spooked her. “What’s the matter, Lulu?”
“It wasn’t an accident. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”
She was back to those two words, and the terror on her face was quickly turning to guilt. “Do you know who this was?”
I didn’t know anyone who drove that sort of car, but it was obvious that Lulu did. Was it possible that she knew who had shot me? And even scarier, was she right about the shooter actually aiming for her? Shaking my head, I refused to believe it. Lulu was an upstanding citizen, and single mother of three, and I couldn’t imagine anyone having beef with her, especially one so severe to do something so drastic.
She was now pacing, and I could see the glistening of her cheeks which let me know that she was crying. “Lulu,” I called out to her, and she stopped in her tracks.
“I’m so sorry, Noah. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Forgive you? For what? You’re talking crazy. Please sit down and breathe,” I told her, then winced as a sudden movement from me sent another wave of both nausea and pain from my ribs outward.
Lulu did come back over to me, but she didn’t sit. I watched as she would open her mouth, then close it right away. Something truly had her spooked, and I was determined to figure out what it was. “Who do you know in a silver sports car?”
“N-nobody,” she stammered, but before I could ask her why she was so upset then, she gulped, then elaborated further. “A few weeks ago, I was walking home from the office and I was nearly run off the road by someone in a silver sports car.”
“You were what? ” I didn’t care that the machine beside me started to beep like crazy, or that my entire chest was throbbing.
“I thought it was an accident. The car had veered toward me and as I rushed onto the sidewalk, my shoe caught and I stumbled. The car stopped, and I thought whoever was inside was going to come to my aid. John did instead, and the car sped off. I hadn’t seen it since, so I was convinced it was a random act. If you saw it too, and they returned with guns, then...”
I could see what she was so upset now because I was getting there myself. Never, would I ever blame her for this, though. Lulu had thought it was a simple accident, and who could blame her. She had no reason to suspect that anyone would try to run her down. Who would have something to gain from doing that?
As soon as I asked myself that question, my own blood ran cold. There was one person who had the means, motive, and opportunity to hurt Lulu. This person would have the most to gain from her demise, and it sickened me. I wracked my brain trying to remember if I had ever seen the perpetrator in a silver car, and although I couldn’t remember, we didn’t exactly run in the same circles.
The beeping got louder, as did the roar of my heartbeat in my ear. I looked back over at Lulu, but everything became blurry. I could barely see her, or anything else. Trying to raise my hand to reach for her, I clutched at air. My arms and legs began to shake uncontrollably, and each movement had my ribs screaming out in agony. I tried opening my mouth, but nothing came out. Voices became more numerous and I couldn’t make out one from another. Only a few words were even distinguishable, especially when I heard ‘code blue’ just before everything went dark.
Seconds, or maybe minutes later, I was standing beside myself in the bed. It was strange to look down and see myself lying there as the doctors tried restarting my heart via the use of a defibrillator. The machine beside me had a flat line, and I truly wondered if I was dead. If I was, would I really be standing here? This had to be some sort of sick dream. As I scanned the room, Lulu was nowhere to be found. Had she left me? Or had she truly been there at all?
I rarely took any kind of medication so the strong painkiller they administered via the IV was doing one hell of a job on me. I heard the voices continue to get more frantic, so I turned my attention from the door back to a version of me in the bed. The medical staff moved like ants in a frenzy, but beyond them was a white light. People often joked about walking into one upon death, and if it was just within reach, maybe I hadn’t actually perished yet.
“Noah, baby. Come to Momma.”
I looked up and straight ahead was the woman I had nearly forgotten about these last twenty years. While I really only had pictures to remember her by, that voice had always been in the recesses of my mind. Once upon a time, I had loved her so much. It had been because I hadn’t known about the drugs, alcohol, and wild flings. She hadn’t been some cracked out whore to me as my father used to refer to as, but she was my mother, and the woman I used to run to with every scraped knee and tummy ache. Until her death had torn my world apart, she had essentially been mine.
“Momma,” I whispered.
“Yes, baby. Come to me. It’s time for us to go.”
I was torn on whether to stay or go, and the longer I stayed in the state of indecision, the more she pleaded with me. If death was inevitable, what good was I doing by prolonging it? With that in mind, I tried my hardest to put Lulu out of my head. As I took a step toward the light, so many memories flashed through my mind. Some were of the woman I loved, but others were her kids... my teammates... my friends... I didn’t want to go.