24. Jasmine
24
JASMINE
J asmine wiped tears from her cheeks as the four of them walked from the rental car toward the restaurant. She probably had raccoon eyes from her running mascara. It was supposed to be waterproof, but tears were not made of just water. Emotional tears contained stress hormones and proteins in addition to water, and those could dissolve any kind of eyeliner or mascara.
"Are you okay?" Ell-rom asked.
She nodded. "My father's breakdown shattered the image I held of him through all these years. In a way, it's a relief to know that the cold, unemotional man who seemed to take pleasure in criticizing my every choice was a sham. But it's hard to see that the real man underneath is still grieving. Still bleeding."
Her father was drowning in grief and guilt. He'd lost the love of his life and couldn't bear to fully love the daughter who reminded him so much of her. Maybe his attempts to force her into a conventional career path hadn't been about control but about trying to protect her in the only way he knew how.
"He loved your mother very much," Max said softly as he held the restaurant door open. "He's still heartbroken over her loss so many years later."
"I know." Jasmine sniffled, following him inside.
When they were seated, she looked at Brundar. "I'm glad you made my father forget. How did you do that? Did you plant new memories in his head?"
She expected a nod or a shake of his head, but for a moment, Brundar didn't react, maintaining his usual silence. Just when she thought he wouldn't answer her at all, his pale blue eyes met hers. "I made him forget that you were there. That's why I took the empty whiskey bottle you brought for him. I didn't want to leave any trace of your visit." He paused. "I also planted a mental suggestion for him to accept that it wasn't his fault that Kyra had been taken, and that he couldn't have done anything to prevent it."
Jasmine frowned. "Does he blame himself for it?" Her chest tightened at the thought. "Why would he?"
"Your father believes he should have taken Kyra more seriously when she warned him about her family. He thought that she was being melodramatic and that the worst-case scenario would be her family disowning her. They were affluent and influential, and he refused to believe that they would stoop to the barbaric custom of what is called honor killing in that region." Brundar paused, probably feeling out of sorts after having said so many consecutive words. "He blames himself for not taking her somewhere safer, like South America or some other place where information about people wasn't so easily obtained. He's carried that guilt ever since. I hope I eased his burden."
The Guardian fell silent.
"Poor man," Ell-rom said, squeezing her hand. "I understand why he would feel that way. If someone took you from me because I wasn't vigilant enough, I would blame myself as well."
Max was still staring at Brundar in amazement, no doubt surprised by the stone-faced Guardian's show of empathy. It seemed that like her father, Brundar was projecting a certain image to protect a softer inner self.
Had he also lost a loved one?
Empathy was often the product of suffering. There was a powerful connection between personal adversity and one's capacity to understand others. While people could develop it through observation, there was nothing like personal experience to gain visceral appreciation for the pain of others.
"Let's order." Max lifted the laminated menu. "I'm starving."
"We should call Kian," Ell-rom suggested. "Let him know what we discovered."
"It can wait." Max was still scanning the menu. "As emotionally earth-shattering as today was, we didn't learn anything that will help us find Jasmine's mother."
"I've always thought he resented her," Jasmine said quietly. "That he blamed her for leaving us. I even read about how people's grief often turned to resentment, blaming the deceased for not taking better care of themselves or for being careless. I thought that was how he was dealing with her death. Then, when I started to suspect that she was still alive, I thought he was angry because she'd left him."
Ell-rom wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "He did an excellent job of bottling up his feelings, and I'm sure he thought that he was protecting you by shielding you from his pain."
The same had occurred to her. "In his own misguided way, by pushing me toward a 'safe' career and being critical of my choices, he was trying to make sure I would be okay if something happened to him. The funny thing is that despite my questionable career choices, I took care of myself and never asked him for financial help or any other kind. I've been independent for years." She sighed. "I was also so angry about the way he judged me. It feels good to let go of this anger."
"Parents often express love in ways their children don't understand," Max said, leaning over the table so he was closer. "Immortal mothers, in particular, are very clingy. That was another reason for my move here. My mother stayed in Scotland."
Jasmine appreciated his attempt at humor, but all his comment had achieved was to make her miss her mother even more.
"You are lucky that you still have your mother and will have her forever. You should be thankful."
Ell-rom nodded in agreement. "My mother was distant and seemingly unfeeling, even more so than Jasmine's father, and I still miss her and wish she was alive."
Even Brundar seemed to agree.
"Is your mother still around?" Jasmine asked the Guardian.
"Thank the merciful Fates, she is. She attended my wedding and Anandur's."
Max put the menu down. "The thing about your father's memories that struck me most was how desperate he was to find her. He called hospitals and police stations within a hundred-mile radius of your house, and he drove around for days, showing her picture to people in supermarkets, clothing stores, beauty salons—everywhere she used to shop. He wasn't just going through the motions—he was frantic."
"I wish..." Jasmine stopped, collecting herself. "I wish I could tell him that she's alive. That she didn't die like he believes."
"We don't know that for certain," Max cautioned.
"But Syssi's visions say she is."
"They show someone who looks like you leading Kurdish rebels," Max said. "It's compelling evidence but not proof. You shouldn't raise his hopes only to have to shatter them later."
Her father was also married to another woman now, and bringing her mother back from the dead might not be the best idea for him.
Kyra might have remarried as well.
When the waitress appeared, Jasmine was grateful for the interruption.
"There's one thing that doesn't add up," Ell-rom said after the waitress left. "If her family took her to punish her for marrying outside their faith, why bother to send divorce papers? It was an act of kindness toward your father that must have come from her, which means that they didn't kill her. Maybe that was the price they demanded."
Max nodded. "That would explain a lot, including why she never contacted you even after getting free. Perhaps she was protecting you from her family."
Jasmine wondered at the twists of fate that had taken both of her parents away from her.
They each kept their distance to protect her. One physically and the other emotionally.