25. Drova
25
DROVA
D rova stared at the textbook in her lap, the small script blurring as her mind wandered back to the horrors she'd witnessed during the mission. The comfort of her bedroom, with its soft bedding and the ridiculously huge teddy bear that Phinas had gotten her, felt like she'd been transported to a different dimension after what she'd seen.
Becoming a Guardian had seemed like the perfect fit for her, and to be offered a spot in the training program at her young age was a great honor and a vote of confidence she didn't deserve after the stunt she'd pulled. She loved the uniform, the respect, the purpose, but most of all, she loved being close to Pavel and having him look on her as an equal and not the kid he humored because she was their leader's daughter.
Now, though, she wasn't sure it was where she belonged, and that uncertainty felt like betraying everything she was supposed to be as a Kra-ell.
Her mother would be ashamed if she knew her daughter's thoughts. Jade was a true warrior, unflinching in the face of evil. And Pavel…oh, Mother of All Life, Pavel. He would be appalled.
He'd tried to comfort her after the mission, telling her she'd get used to seeing such things, but she didn't want to get used to seeing children suffer. She didn't want to become numb to it.
No one should.
Evil. It was pure evil, and it still clung to her as if she had somehow taken part in that, had a hand in it, when all she had done was save those kids.
That was the cost of doing the right thing, though.
Someone had to save them, and as a compeller, she had abilities that made her invaluable for the rescue operations. Her role in the last mission had been minimal, but there was so much more she could do.
She could make traffickers reveal their networks, force abusers to confess their crimes, and help traumatized victims feel safe enough to talk.
The sound of footsteps in the hallway pulled her from her thoughts. They didn't belong to her mother or to Phinas, and she was surprised when Parker appeared in her doorway, his lanky frame filling the space.
"Hey," he said. "Sorry to barge in on you, but Phinas told me to just go ahead." He gestured to the books scattered around her. "I came to collect those. I'm sure you cannot wait to get rid of them now that Kian has commuted your sentence."
Drova closed the book but didn't offer it to him. "I want to keep them." She gestured for him to sit on her bed, which was made with military precision like it always was. Her mother would be livid if she didn't make her bed first thing in the morning upon waking up. She also had to keep her room neat at all times.
Parker sat down, or rather plopped down in astonishment, with his eyebrows arched so high that they were almost touching his hairline. "You hate studying. That's why we chose it as your punishment for compelling us to do your bidding. Cheryl was sure you'd kiss me on both cheeks when I told you that I came to take them away. Lisa bet on one cheek, and I said you wouldn't kiss me at all." He grinned. "Winner gets cupcakes from the losers."
Drova smiled. "Are you so sure you'll win?"
Parker laughed. "If I hadn't told you about the bet, would you have kissed me?"
"No."
"Then I win."
When she didn't laugh, his smile faded, and he studied her face. "What's wrong? You look like you haven't slept for days. What happened?"
Her first instinct was to say that nothing was wrong or that she was tired after a week of training, which she was, but her fatigue wasn't physical.
Parker wasn't a warrior and had no plans to become one. He dreamt of becoming a great businessman like Kian, so he wouldn't judge her for having doubts, and she could confide in him.
"My first mission was much more difficult than I expected. It left a sour taste in my mouth that I can't seem to wash out."
"That bad, huh?"
She nodded, hugging the textbook to her chest. "My father was a cruel despot, but compared to what these monsters do to children, he was a saint." She shuddered. "Pavel says that I'll get used to it, but I don't want to. I don't want to become so hardened that seeing such things doesn't affect me anymore."
"Then don't," Parker said. "Being affected by cruelty doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."
"I'm not human," she reminded him. "I'm Kra-ell. Being a warrior is everything I am. If you haven't noticed, none of the purebloods have any desire for education. The closest to scholars we have are our priests, and except for the prince and princess who were acolytes but have no wish to guide us, we have none. My mother knows some of the Kra-ell history, and she teaches the kids what she knows, but that's about it. We have no scientists, no engineers, not even doctors or nurses. By the clan's standards, we are savages."
Parker remained quiet for a long time, probably because he knew she was right, and he couldn't argue the point with her.
"What about all those Kra-ell hybrids that Igor sent to study in universities?"
She smiled sadly. "You said it. He sent the hybrids who had so little Kra-ell blood in them that they looked fully human. The rest of us remained ignorant." She tapped the stack of books on her desk. "I'm probably the wrong person to start an educational revolution among my people, but it needs to be done. After all, wasn't the rebellion on Anumati all about giving the Kra-ell access to the same opportunities as the gods?"
Parker scratched his head. "I think it was also about giving the non-royals access to the elite universities that only the royals got to go to. I overheard my dad telling my mom about that."
"Whatever." She waved a dismissive hand. "It just reinforces how important education is. The problem is that I have a rare gift, and as a compeller, I can do a lot more good with that than as a scientist or a teacher. The other problem is that I really hate studying. I lose concentration, and I get bored and restless."
He let out a long breath. "I don't know what to tell you. You are right about your compulsion ability being an asset to the force. You will need to find someone else to lead the educational revolution."
She regarded him for a long moment. "So, you're saying that I just need to toughen up and keep going?"
"You're a compeller, and that's rare and valuable. But you also deserve to be happy. No one can decide for you. I can make one small suggestion, though."
She arched a brow. "Like what?"
"Keep the books and study as much as you can. That way, you are leaving yourself the option of doing something else. Give yourself more time, not to get numb to the horrors but to learn to focus on the positive side of rescuing these kids from hell. If after several more missions, you decide that this is not for you, you can ask Onegus to move you to the Saviors Division."
She snorted. "As if rescuing victims of trafficking is less traumatic."
"I think it is," Parker said. "But what do I know? You should talk to Peter. He's done both."
"Thanks," she said softly. "That was a lot of good advice."
Parker shrugged, but she could see he was pleased. "That's what friends are for, but you shouldn't look so surprised."
"Well, you're just fourteen, so it is surprising that you are so smart."
He dipped his head. "Thank you."