Chapter Thirteen
‘How do you decide what sandwiches people want after watching a body burn?’ Myfanwy asks bluntly as we hover over the buffet.
‘We actually couldn’t figure that out,’ I admit, smiling wanly. ‘I kept asking Toni what we should make, and Toni kept asking me back. Celeste was still too out of it to make a choice, so we just ended up ordering some platters from the supermarket.’
‘Hmm.’ Myfanwy picks a triangle up. ‘Apparently MS think mourners want prawn mayonnaise.’
A voice behind us makes us both turn. ‘Did you see there was a vending machine in the crematorium?’ It’s Zach, eyebrows raised. ‘For people who crave a KitKat in the waiting room.’
I sigh. ‘I wish we’d bought some KitKats,’ I admit, glancing back at the half-hearted trays of grey food we’ve provided for the wake.
After the funeral, we invited everyone to a nearby pub, where we have an area reserved for eating lame sandwiches and consuming hot drinks. But no one is drinking the tea and coffee, and have instead hit the bar really quite hard.
‘I’m Myfanwy.’ My friend extends a hand for Zach to shake, and I turn my attention to introductions.
‘God, sorry,’ I say. ‘Zach, this is my best friend. Myfe, this is Zach, of Walliams’ Custom Designs who’s working with Celeste’s Stones.’
‘Ohhhh,’ Myfanwy says a bit embarrassingly. ‘You’re Zach!’ Her eyes trail up and down him and I swallow hard.
‘I’ve told her how much we love your designs,’ I say quickly. ‘How talented you are.’ I pause, ready to ferociously elbow Myfanwy if necessary.
‘Right,’ she says agreeably. ‘Ginny says the customers are loving having you on board.’
Zach smiles widely. ‘I love it more; it’s been fantastic working with Gin and Tonic.’
Myfanwy shrieks at this and I laugh, embarrassed. I forgot I told him about our silly names. That was right before I got the call about Diane.
It already feels like a lifetime ago.
‘Thanks so much for coming,’ I say shyly. ‘It’s really good of you.’
‘I wanted to,’ he says simply. ‘It was a lovely service. Which I know is a thing everyone always says, but it really was.’ Zach pauses. ‘I especially enjoyed the entertainment.’ He nods towards the corner of the room where the four Naughty Schoolboys have shocked everyone by arriving together for the wake, and are currently hitting the shots hard, laughing and joking over their black eyes.
‘That was a bit of a shocker, wasn’t it!’ Myfanwy says in an awed voice. ‘I had no idea Aunt Diane was such a goer.’
‘A goer?’ Zach looks amused. ‘I haven’t heard that expression in a while. I feel like it’s something my nan would’ve said.’
‘I bet me and your nan would’ve had a lot in common,’ Myfanwy says sombrely.
He laughs. ‘Indeed.’ He turns to me. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt, I just wanted to say hi.’
‘Hi,’ I say shyly, feeling his eyes burn into my face.
‘Hi,’ he says back softly and the air around us thickens. After a moment, he clears his throat. ‘Can I get you both a drink?’ He nods at the bar.
‘Vodka tonic, please,’ Myfanwy grins and I nod.
‘Same for me would be great, thanks.’
He heads for the bar as my friend leans into me. ‘Phew,’ she says once he’s out of earshot. ‘That was some fucking intense sexual chemistry there!’
‘Nahhh,’ I wave her away. ‘He was just being nice.’
‘Do we think he might be your soulmate?’ She moves closer, shovelling in another prawn mayo sandwich.
‘Oh stop it!’ I cry. The idea of falling in love with anyone who isn’t Daniel terrifies me.
‘OK, I’ll stop,’ she says nicely. ‘Let’s talk instead about your life-changing trip.’ She raises her eyebrows mischievously. ‘We got interrupted when we were talking about you going on your honeymoon.’
I scowl at her. ‘I think that’s a terrible idea. Why would I want to go anywhere on my own right now, never mind on a trip that was supposed to be the most romantic week of my life?’
‘Not on your own,’ she shakes her head triumphantly. ‘With me!’
‘With you?’ I repeat back to her dumbly.
She nods. ‘After you mentioned it, I talked to Sonali and she agrees we should go. You and me.’
My heart leaps at this. A trip away from all of this. Escaping from the grief and the heartache with my favourite person in the universe…
But still. It would be my honeymoon. We’d have to stay in the romantic suite Daniel and I chose. We’d be surrounded by loved-up couples and romantic tourist spots.
Sensing my indecision, Myfanwy speaks quickly, ‘Come on, Gin, you need this! It’s your life-changing trip! Destiny has instructed you to take this holiday, and I can be there to supervise said destiny to ensure you listen.’
I narrow my eyes. ‘Hmm, OK, but if I choose to go on a life-changing trip, doesn’t that feel a bit like I’m making the predictions happen?’
‘Don’t overcomplicate this,’ she waves her hand dismissively. ‘Forget about the predictions for a minute, life-changing trip or not, you clearly need a break. You lost Daniel, you lost Diane, you moved back in with your mum, and we can’t find the bloody psychic who started this whole thing – you need to get away. Let’s just drop everything and go. I checked the dates – it’s during half term! This is meant to be. Please let me come! Otherwise that’s me locked in with those awful dickhead children until fucking Christmas.’
‘I thought you liked the kids at your school?’
She nods earnestly. ‘I do! It doesn’t mean they’re not awful dickheads though. They’re children, Ginny.’
‘Girlieeeees!’ Celeste arrives with her usual fanfare at the buffet table, gathering us both up in a too-tight cuddle. Upon release, she regards the food with distaste. ‘What on earth were you and Toni thinking?’ she sighs, appalled. ‘You know I have a caterer on retainer.’
I meet Myfanwy’s eyes, choosing not to point out that Celeste has been in a useless walking coma for the last few weeks. ‘Sorry, Mum,’ I say, swallowing down so many other answers – like, No, I had no idea you had a caterer on retainer because that is not a thing.
‘Anyway, I’m having a lovely time, people are being so sweet!’ She surveys the room, where she is the centre of attention, before returning her gaze to us. ‘What’s going on?’ she suddenly looks suspicious. ‘Were you talking about me?’
This is always her default assumption.
‘No, Celeste!’ Myfanwy eyerolls. ‘We were talking about Ginny going on her honeymoon.’ She pauses, then hastily adds, ‘Without Daniel, obvs.’
Celeste gasps, then claps her hands delightedly. ‘Oh of course! That’s perfect. The whole thing’s paid for anyway, you must go, and you must take your little sister.’
‘Oh but, um…’ I glance frantically at Myfe. I love Toni, but she’s so young! The last thing I want is a Gen Z-er with me on this trip, wanting to go to nightclubs and, I don’t know, environmental rallies??
Myfanwy jumps in smoothly. ‘Actually, Celeste, we were thinking I’d go with Gin. Y’know, as her best friend, seeing her through this difficult time?’
‘I’m her best friend,’ my mother hisses before whipping around to face me. ‘No, darling, you simply must take Toni. She’s mourning Diane, too, and you can look after each other. I’d feel much safer knowing you were together.’ Celeste and Myfanwy glare at one another.
I suddenly feel like a teenager again, with my mother insisting I take my baby sister along everywhere. But Celeste did pay for the honeymoon…
I’m about to give in – like I always do – when Myfanwy swoops in. ‘Sadly, Celeste, it’s too late,’ she lies. ‘We’ve actually just changed the booking into my name. They only let you change it once, so we’re stuck, I’m afraid.’
Celeste’s face is thunder, but she has no clue if this is true. All her – first-class – air travel is arranged via her agent or manager and their many PAs.
‘Fine,’ she flicks thick, blow-dried hair off her shoulder. ‘I’ll pay for Toni to come, too.’ She turns on her heel. ‘I’m texting the PAs right now. We can call in the summer workers to cover you at the store for a week.’
Myfanwy and I exchange a look.
OK… It could be fun? Myfanwy, me and Toni, on a life-changing adventure together! We really do love Toni, and Celeste is right, she needs a holiday, too. If only from Shawn.
Zach arrives back with the drinks and Celeste is immediately on him, too close to his face, asking questions about the store and giggling at everything he says.
‘I’m just going to get some air,’ I say, making eye contact with Zach, who nods desperately.
‘I’ll come with you,’ he says, extracting himself from Celeste’s clutches.
Outside, the early autumn wind is biting and I wonder if he will offer me his jacket. That’s a thing people do, isn’t it? Maybe only in rom-coms.
The Naughty Schoolboys are nearby, finishing cigarettes, roaring over something about Diane. We watch them for a second before they head back inside.
‘Do you think your aunt had more than just those four?’ Zach asks. ‘Like, maybe a few more of the attendees in the church were also conquests, but didn’t want to get involved in the fight?’
‘I’m sure you’re right!’ I snort. ‘And maybe some didn’t know when or where the funeral was. I bet Diane had at least fifty boyfriends.’
‘It sounds exhausting!’ he says, breathing out heavily.
‘That’s what I thought!’ I exclaim, thinking how much we seem to have in common.
‘Are you an introvert?’ he smiles.
I nod, beaming back. ‘I don’t like to admit it to most people though. I think there’s this idea that introverts hate everyone and never want to go out—’
He dips his head eagerly, ‘But that’s not the case, is it? It’s just that it drains us and we need a lot of time to recover afterwards.’
‘Right! Exactly!’
We go in and order our drinks. As Zach pays, his arm brushes mine. His closeness is suddenly too intense, it makes me dizzy. I continue quickly, ‘It’s funny because my mum is the very definition of an extrovert.’ I pause, picturing Celeste last night, posing for the Yodel delivery driver, like he was a pap, as he tried to get a shot of the parcel in our doorway. Meanwhile, when I’m waiting for a delivery, I hover by the front door in a state of anxiety, trying to remind my body that the fight or flight response is supposed to be about life or death, not for the times when I might need to sign for something.
‘My family’s the same,’ he comments. ‘Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know where I come from.’
I suppress a shiver of recognition and watch him for a moment as he takes a sip of his drink. It’s all too much.
‘I just… I wanted to say how much I’m enjoying working with you,’ he says suddenly, looking at me intensely.
Oh god. I’ve just realized I want to kiss him.
‘Me too,’ I smile nervously, everything feeling charged. ‘I think it’s really making a big difference to the brand. And the customers have been raving about your designs…’ I trail off. Am I really going to kiss this man? At a funeral? No, of course not. That would be ludicrous and inappropriate and—
Yes? Oh god I think I am. I step a little closer, just an inch, but it changes everything between us. We’re both suddenly breathing faster, my neck is hot, my stomach doing somersaults. He moves another inch and I suddenly know with certainty that it’s going to happen. I’m going to kiss this gorgeous, film-star-handsome man at my dead Aunt Diane’s funeral. My eyes start to close. I’m really going to—
‘And I just want to say how great it is to be mates,’ he says and I open my eyes. He has moved away and is looking at me with pity. ‘I’m really happy to be mates,’ he repeats. ‘I think you’re really brilliant as a friend.’ Oh god oh god oh god.
I’m being rejected. Hard. This is so humiliating. There is no chance at all that he missed what I was about to do – what I was trying to do. I am a blundering idiot, how could I have thought he was interested? A man this good-looking? I’m a fool. I’ve been with Daniel so long, I don’t know how to read signs anymore. Of course he doesn’t like me. The embarrassment stings so hard.
‘I’m just going to the loo,’ I choke out and he grimaces but looks relieved.
‘OK,’ he replies lamely and I feel his flustered eyes on me, watching me flee.
I practically run to the loo, my face burning. The Naughty Schoolboys are in the corner, very drunk now, loudly talking through watery eyes about what a woman Diane was. ‘Crap!’ I shout, bumping into someone in the corridor. They reach out to steady me and I recognize a small scar across the hand from a particularly vicious bramble three years ago.
‘No!’ I breathe out hard, because before me, after more than two months of nothing… is Daniel.