Delirium (Captive Love: Forced Proximity Standalones #4)

Chapter 21

Chapter

Twenty-One

JAMES

I ’d heard people describe the dark as oppressive. Thick. Heavy. I’d read it in books, seen it happen in horror movies and thrillers.

But it wasn’t until I opened my eyes in the middle of the night, that I realized quite how crushing darkness could truly be. No curtain covered my small window, and when I’d come to my cabin, the stars in the sky had offered me more than enough light to see, so at some point since I’d been asleep, the clouds Nash had warned us about had crept in.

Fuck, it was sweltering in here. I kicked off the thin sheet I lay beneath, tossing my shirt to the side, and still the heat clung to my skin like syrup. I couldn’t wait to get back to my apartment with air conditioning at the touch of a button.

I stared up at what I assumed to be the ceiling, waiting for my eyes to adjust. Tiny purple stars danced in my vision. I blinked several times willing them to disappear. They wouldn’t leave, not even as my eyes finally began to tell the difference between darkness and shadow. Barely, but it was enough.

A few more days. I only had to endure a few more days of this, and then I’d be back to my normal life, this entire situation far in the past. I had no idea what I was going to do about Clancy, or my missing funds, but that was a problem for a different day. I wasn’t about to go back to that city, not even if you paid me a million dollars. Clancy was on his own. Hopefully one day, he’d come to his senses, show up at my door, apologetic and no worse for the wear, with a nice fat check in hand.

A man could dream, right?

My cabin door creaked and groaned, but not with the weight of the shifting boat. Someone was opening my door. I sat upright, frozen, barely able to distinguish between the opening door and the wall, giving me a weird sense of perspective. A shape shifted in the shadows, emerging from the hallway. My heart picked up speed.

It looked like a bear. A bear with angry, glowing eyes, eight feet tall at least, hobbling toward me with a grumble growing deep in its chest.

There were no bears in the rainforest though, were there? I was still dreaming. I had to be. Even if there were bears in the rainforest, how the hell would it have gotten on the boat? Yet, the logic did little for my pulsing heart, and the blood rushing to my head.

How did one fight a bear? How did one fight a bear on a boat in the middle of the rainforest? I was losing it. I had to be. But I wasn’t about to go down without a fight.

Then the bear spoke. “Are you growling at me?”

I blinked. It wasn’t a bear. It was Scarlett, standing in front of me in the dark. “Um. My apologies. I thought you were someone else.” A bear, in fact. I thought you were a bear.

“Someone other than the four of us on this boat at the moment?” I could hear the laugh she was trying her best to hold back.

“Yeah, well. I’m a little tired.” I tried to rub my eyes, an attempt to see her clearer, but she still remained a blur in the dark in front of me. “What are you doing here?”

Scarlett sighed. “I couldn’t sleep. Everything that happened today shifted my brain into overdrive. I got up to try and walk off some of the insomnia, but I heard you rolling around in bed so I figured you were awake, too.”

“Today was…a lot.” To say the least. But I didn’t know where to even begin sorting it all out.

“Can I sit?” she asked.

I nodded, before remembering she couldn’t see me in the dark. “Of course you can.”

The narrow bed creaked as she settled down on it, resting against my knees. There was something about the darkness cocooning us, wrapping us in a safe moment, away from everything else.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry the city wasn’t what you thought it was going to be.”

I shook my head, wanting to reach down and touch her, reassure her. “Don’t be.”

I didn’t know what compelled me to lean over to kiss her, but I did. I wanted to know she was here, and I wasn’t alone.

Half expecting her to laugh and push me away, I found myself happily surprised when she kissed me back. I was even more surprised when I felt her fingers creeping up my chest, drifting and sending goosebumps across my skin.

I grabbed her fingers, reluctantly pulling back. “What are you doing?”

I didn’t need to see her smile to hear it in her voice. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Believe me,” I breathed, my skin already on fire, scorched where she’d touched me. “I want nothing more than this. I’ve dreamed about this more than I could ever say. I’ve fallen asleep imagining what it would be like for you to cry out my name. I just never thought it was a possibility. I thought all my fantasies were just that—dreams. So if you’re going to wake up and regret this in the morning, we should stop now.”

The words killed me, a sword to my throat as they left, but they needed to be said all the same. I wasn’t going to be a regret. Not for her. I would show her how I was anything but, and until she believed me, I would wait.

Even if it took forever.

“I’m not going to regret anything, James. You’ve kept me up at night, too. Let me. Please.”

As if I would say no to her request. I sucked in a quiet breath and released her hands.

Her fingers were soft, gentle, exploring my skin with a careless abandon I envied. They skated across the peaks and valleys of my abs, trailing down my stomach until I found my breath missing.

“Don’t start something you don’t want to finish, love. I can handle a lot of things. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle rejection.” I cursed quietly as her hand slipped beneath my waistband.

“I promise I can make my own decisions. I’m perfectly capable of living with the consequences of my actions. Not that I expect there to be any, as long as you play nice.” I heard her breath catch as her hands wrapped around my cock. “James.”

“Yes?” I could barely get the word out, my voice raspy and strained. I forced myself to make more words. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re, um, massive.” Her fingers stretched out, drifting across my length. Something wavered in her voice.

I knew I was fairly well-endowed, but it’s not like we’d ever had a measuring contest at school. I didn’t think my size would come as a shock to her. “I’m sure you’ve seen a few bigger than me, too.” I couldn’t get enough air in, when she started pumping her hand slowly up and down, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. “It’s not that scary, is it?”

“Mmm…not really. I…” Her voice grew quiet, but her hand didn’t stop jerking me off, driving me positively insane. “I guess you could say I haven’t had a ton of experience.”

Oh . That was what Camp had been hiding, that night in the kitchen. I never would’ve expected her to be inexperienced, especially not the way she had taken both him and Nash at the waterfall. My cock jumped, and I groaned loudly. Scarlett made a quiet sound that made me want to absolutely ravage her. I shouldn’t have been thinking about her with the guys, because I wasn’t going to keep my head on straight.

Around her, I needed to keep my head on straight.

“Lie back,” I muttered. “I need to touch you before I go crazy.”

She did as I asked, twisting against my pillow. I slipped my hands up her legs, trying to still the trembling in my fingers. I didn’t want Scarlett to think I was nervous.

I was nervous, but she didn’t need to know that. Touching her was like touching a woman for the first time all over again. Her skin was addictively smooth. I wanted to run my tongue over every inch of it.

If I was going to be addicted, I might as well dive in headfirst. There was no saving me now.

My fingers explored higher and higher, until I brushed against her core, causing her to shiver. She was completely bare to me beneath the oversized shirt she wore. My heart leapt into my throat.

I slipped my finger through her, finding her clit.

“Oh, James.” She sighed, quickly turning into a moan as I applied more pressure.

I teased her clit, wondering how the fuck I’d gotten this lucky. When her breath came a bit harder, a bit faster, I slipped my finger inside her tight core.

“Fuck,” I hissed. “You’re goddamn tight.”

She groaned above me, making tiny cries and sounds while I drove her pleasure with my hands.

“Keep making those sounds, love, and I’m going to need to be inside you, but you’re not ready yet.” I slipped another finger inside her wetness, her pussy clenching tight around my fingers. I groaned. She wasn’t ready for me, if she was shocked at my size. I wanted to make sure she would only feel pleasure.

But she cried out again, sending rippling shockwaves to my dick. I groaned, fisting myself with my other hand.

“Please, James,” she begged. “Please, I’m ready. I can take it.”

“Are you sure?” Please be sure.

“Mhmm.” Scarlett was already reaching for me, pulling me up until I was on top of her, chest to chest.

I tugged at her shirt, tossing it off, and kicked off my bottoms until there was nothing between us except desire and doubt.

I dragged my hands down her body, enjoying the way she reacted to my touch, every little millimeter. When there was time, I wanted to tease her for hours, until she was begging me for release. That wasn’t tonight, though.

Lining up my cock at her drenched entrance, I stroked her thighs, and pushed myself in slightly. She stretched around me, and it took everything in my power to hold myself still.

“I don’t think it’s going to fit,” she gasped.

“Do you want to stop?” I rasped out. I didn’t know how I’d pull myself back from the edge, but I would for her.

“No,” she moaned, rolling her hips against me.

“Little by little, okay?” I sank in an inch deeper, doing my best to not lose my mind at the fact I was fucking Scarlett.

Scarlett took in a deep breath. “More.”

I gave her more, doing my absolute best to go at her pace. A little bit more, feeling her stretch and clench around me, and then more when she asked. Again and again, until I was fully inside her, and she was gasping for air.

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “I think you’re going to kill me.”

“Not today.” I eased myself out, pushing back in with a groan. “I have other plans for you today.”

Going as slowly as I possibly could, I rocked back and forth into her, until her tiny gasps for air became moans and quiet curses. Eventually, her hips started reaching for mine, meeting my thrusts. At some point, we found our rhythm, slowly rolling together while she cried out my name in the way I’d dreamt of for so long.

“I didn’t think this would ever be real. You, here.” I lost myself as my pleasure built, my orgasm just out of reach. But I needed her to come first. I needed to know how it felt when she finally let herself go around me.

“I’m here.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my face down to hers to kiss me deeply. “Don’t let go.”

“Never,” I promised. I picked up my speed, rocking into her until her soft cries were completely absorbed by my kisses, her body tense around me. I pulled back until my mouth was nothing more than a whisper on her face. “Come for me, love. Show me you want me as much as I want you.”

A tremble shook her body, and she tightened around me. “Oh, James! Yes!”

I thrust into her while her orgasm rolled through her, until my own release found me. My entire body was sensitive, and I was certain a single touch would be enough to send me into space.

I was happy here, though. Right next to Scarlett, breathing softly in my bed.

Funny how that worked. If you’d asked me yesterday, I would’ve said life couldn’t get any worse. Today felt different. Like change was in the air.

I leaned over and kissed her forehead, and she rolled into me. “For what it’s worth, I do want you as much as you want me,” she whispered.

“I’m not sure about that.” I laughed quietly, knowing she had no idea the depth of the feelings that sat in my soul.

“You just get so caught up in the negative that you forget to see what’s right in front of you sometimes.” Scarlett yawned.

“You’re a good guy, James. I know you think you aren’t, that you think you’re always one step too far in the wrong direction, but deep down you’re good. I can feel it.”

She tucked herself further into my chest, snoring softly within seconds.

Maybe this was what it felt like to feel safe. To feel wanted. Maybe this was the feeling I’d been missing my entire life. Because before I knew it, my eyes were drifting closed. I was safe and wanted, fulfilled for the first time in ages.

When my eyelids finally peeled themselves open again, the sun was streaming in through the windows, and my arms were empty.

Scarlett must have snuck out before I woke up. I mourned her missing weight, but the fact we had broken through whatever barrier separated us brought an unbidden smile to my face.

Maybe we really were more alike than I had ever thought. Even the thought of sharing her with Nash and Camp didn’t bother me, if it meant she was happy, and I got to keep this feeling of contentment forever.

I swung my feet over the side of my bed, not bothering with a shirt on top of my thin pajama pants. Manners were far past us. Besides, Scarlett and I had a lot to talk about seeing as the little minx decided to sneak out of my bed before I’d even woken up.

I stretched. Really, I don’t know how I could’ve expected anything else from her. She was always going to keep me on my toes for as long as I’d let her.

She stepped out of her cabin door right as I left mine, giving my shirtless chest a quick once over. Remembering the things we did last night, love?

I expected some kind of sarcastic quip. Something flirty. Instead, she barely smiled. “Morning, James. Hope you slept better than I did.”

I froze, looking at her face, something not sitting right. My heart raced, the same as it did when I thought there was a bear in my room. Dark shadows ringed her brilliant eyes, which was strange, because she had been snoring next to me for hours.

I remembered her snoring. I remembered…

“I mean, what sleep I managed to get wasn’t bad at all, but I can’t begrudge the rest of the night for going the way it did.” I raised my brows, waiting for her to wink, to smile, to do anything to acknowledge the time we’d spent in my bed.

Surely it couldn’t have meant that little.

Unless she regretted it… Shit.

She shrugged, looking away from me. “I guess everything that happened yesterday shifted my brain into overdrive. I couldn’t sleep.”

Those words were so familiar. Nearly identical to what she’d said to me last night. But why was she repeating herself?

“Well, I guess we better go and see if Nash needs any help getting ready.” She pulled her hair into a bun on top of her head, stepping past me onto the deck. “Are you coming?”

My arm snapped out, grabbing her and pulling her back into the hall. “Are you not even going to acknowledge what happened last night?”

“What happened last night…” Scarlett’s face twisted as she frowned, looking completely confused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean you have no idea what I’m talking about?” I snapped, my heart speeding up, thundering along with my words, my back crawling with heat and stress. “This isn’t a funny joke, Scarlett. If you have regrets, I understand. But don’t pretend it didn’t happen. I already told you, my heart can’t take the rejection.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, James. Stop!” She shook her head, wide-eyed. I realized I was frightening her.

When I released my grip, she took a step backward. My vision was fading to black, and I struggled to cling onto my remaining scraps of reality. “Scarlett. I need you to tell me the complete truth right now. You came into my cabin last night. We talked, and had sex. You fell asleep in my arms. I woke up, and you were gone. You have no recollection of any of this?”

Scarlett paled. “James, I swear to you. I didn’t leave my room last night.”

“So…none of it happened?” The world spun too quickly, throwing me around on a carnival ride threatening to make me sick. “Are you telling me none of it actually happened?”

I needed it to be real. I needed that one good thing in my life to be real.

What the fuck was happening?

“I was in my room all night. I swear. I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

She ran off before I could stop her again, leaving me alone in the hallway.

Just like the night before apparently.

Alone.

Except I could remember the taste of her skin on my tongue. I could still recall the way her body curved beneath my touch, and the way she cried out as I pushed my way inside.

I could recall all of this as clearly as I could see the back of my hand.

I wasn’t a stupid man. I knew Scarlett wasn’t lying to me. But that left only two options.

Option one, Scarlett was sleepwalking, and couldn’t remember anything from last night. Which meant I’d possibly taken advantage of an unconscious woman. Or…

Option two, it never actually happened.

I didn’t know which option was worse. All I knew was I wanted off this goddamn ride, and out of this godforsaken rainforest.