Devotion (Central Cities #1)

Chapter 17

17

For the next month, Gabriel and I have sex every morning after his swim. Sometimes he doesn’t even want a massage beforehand. He rushes through his shower, barely even dry as he emerges from the bathroom and drags me over to the bed.

It’s surprising. And thrilling. It’s not simply a physical release he’s after. It can’t be. He’s had that from me all these months—twice a day—and he’s never acted like this.

He wants me .

He has to.

I don’t know any other way to understand his behavior.

Naturally, our relationship will always be defined by the bounds of the partner agreement. I’m not his wife or his girlfriend or his life mate. But there’s more between us than him getting a physical release. It goes deeper than that now.

This knowledge, when coupled with my family’s move to more secure circumstances, makes these few weeks the best in my entire life.

Nothing else even comes close.

Gabriel was able to negotiate for my getting two days off a month if I give up my weekly free hours, so on the Saturday morning of my first free weekend—my 177th day as Gabriel’s partner—I pack an overnight bag for the trip while he swims.

I’m excited. And not only because I get to see my family today.

I’ve never left the Capital before. I’ve never seen any other place in the world. And this morning a hired motor will drive me to Saint Louis.

I don’t even have to pay for it. The vehicle fee is supposed to be taken from my monthly earnings, but Gabriel insisted on paying for it himself. No objection on my part would sway him, so I gave up arguing about it.

The man is stubborn. And he takes his responsibilities seriously. He’s going to pay for my visit every month whether I want him to or not.

I finish packing forty minutes before the motor is scheduled to arrive. Gabriel isn’t back from the pool yet. Since it’s my day off, he’s no doubt assuming we won’t have sex like normal.

It’s a small disappointment but not one I let matter. There are far too many other things for me to be happy about right now.

I step into the bathroom to twist my hair up into the neat bun I still wear whenever I’m in public. Since I’m dressed and it’s not a private activity, I leave the door open so I can hear when Gabriel returns.

He must be quieter than I expected, because I jump when he’s suddenly striding into the bathroom as I’m sliding the first pin into my hair.

The salty scent of him hits me as I recover from my surprise. I beam at him in the mirror as he stands behind me. His hair is wet.

He unties his pool robe as he holds my gaze in the mirror. “You’re all dressed.”

“Yes.” I blink. “The motor is picking me up soon.”

“I guess that means you’re excited for your day off.” He lets his robe fall off his shoulders and onto the polished tile floor.

Instinctively, my eyes stray down from his face to his mostly naked body. His skin is still damp. The lines of his shoulders and arms are strong and leanly sculpted. His chest hair is a bit ruffled. His belly is slightly soft above the wet waistband of his swimsuit. He’s so incredibly attractive. Every inch of him.

“I’m excited to see my family. And to see somewhere different from the Capital. I never have before.”

“I know. I’m glad you’re getting the chance now.”

“I guess you’re probably going to work all weekend.” I’ve lost focus on my hair, so half of it has slipped out of the bun. I have to start over again.

“Probably. What else am I supposed to do without you for two days?”

“It’s not that long.”

“It feels like a long time. I haven’t been without you for more than twelve hours at a time in almost six months.”

“I know.” I slide in the final pin and smooth back a few flyaways. Reposition the cameo locket so it’s not lopsided. A familiar pretty face looks back at me in the mirror. Neat hair. Large brown eyes. Rosy cheeks. A glimpse of dimples. It’s the same face it was when I arrived in the palace a year ago, but I feel like an entirely different person.

He must notice the way I’m watching myself. He steps closer, his front brushing against my back. “You’re beautiful.”

I smile at the soft words.

“Don’t meet a stranger in Saint Louis, fall in love with him, and decide to stay there.” The sardonic tone is characteristic of him, but something serious is underlying it.

I recognize it. My breath hitches as I check his expression in the mirror. “Gabriel.”

“Yes?”

“You can’t possibly think I’m going to do that.”

“I was teasing.”

I spin to face him, bringing my hands up to palm both sides of his jaw. “I’m your partner.”

“I know you are.”

“That means something.”

“I know it does.”

“Being a partner is for life unless you trade me for someone else. You’re never getting rid of me.”

He swallows hard. “Good.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

“Okay.” His voice is slightly thick now. “I’ll be here. Trying to work. And waiting for you.”

I’m so touched by what he’s revealed in the dry words that I pull his head down and stretch to kiss his mouth.

I usually let him initiate kisses since it’s not a normal partner activity, but I need it right now and he does too.

He deepens the kiss almost immediately with a fervor that startles me. Soon we’re all over each other. He’s making hungry sounds into the kiss as he pushes me back so the edge of the vanity surface rubs against my bottom. It almost hurts.

His cock has grown erect in his swimsuit. The wet fabric does nothing to hide the shape as it lengthens and hardens. I reach down with one hand so I can wrap my fingers around him. He grabs handfuls of my long skirt and hikes it up.

Then he finally breaks the kiss and turns me around, bending me over the bathroom vanity, checking my pussy with his fingers and then pulling his cock out of his suit so he can penetrate me with it.

I’m used to the size of him inside me now. It feels very full. Very tight. But it doesn’t hurt. I fumble for purchase on the smooth surface as he pushes into me with hard, primitive thrusts.

He’s watching my face in the mirror. So am I. It’s flushed red. My features are twisting with effort and pleasure, and there’s a wildness in my eyes I’ve never seen before. For some reason, the sight of myself getting fucked by him makes me come before I expect it.

I cry out as I shake through the spasms. He keeps fucking me and grunting with every push, his eyes never leaving my face.

Sometimes he talks during sex, but he’s beyond that right now. Already. His grunts get louder as his thrusts get harder. My body isn’t entirely comfortable bent over like this with the hard edge shoved against my belly. But that makes it even hotter for reasons I can’t understand.

I come again. My body has been jiggled so wildly I’ve lost a couple of hairpins, and my hair has tumbled down all over my face and shoulders.

“Come… back… to me… baby.” He forces the words out through his clenched jaw.

“I will. I promise.” I make a sobbing sound as, improbably, my pussy spasms all around him with yet another orgasm.

This time he comes too, letting out a loud, uncontrolled sound as he jerks through the climax.

He forgot to pull out like he normally does. I don’t even notice until I start to feel the spurts of his release filling my pussy.

It’s his choice. Whether to come inside me or not. If he wants to have a baby with me, that would make me as happy as any other sign of his wanting me to stay his partner long term.

Partners getting pregnant isn’t a regular thing, but it also isn’t rare. This likely isn’t the right time of the month for me to get pregnant, but the possibility excites me nonetheless.

Gabriel is still rocking into me gently, savoring his release until it’s fully spent. He’s still watching me in the mirror.

My legs are shaky when I try to straighten. He helps me, gently turning me around and taking my face in his hands.

He kisses me lightly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good. Just kind of stiff.” I stretch my back. Try my knees, pleased when this time they support me.

“I meant to pull out. I’m not sure what I was thinking. Are you upset about that?”

My eyes widen. “Of course not. Why would I be upset?”

After searching my expression, his mouth relaxes. “It seems rather stupidly adolescent to get you pregnant by accident.”

I giggle at that. “It’s your choice, Gabriel. You can come inside me or keep pulling out. Or we can time it to avoid when I’m most fertile. It’s entirely up to you.”

For some reason those words make him grow still. He asks very softly, “Why is it only up to me?”

I cock my head to the side, genuinely confused. “Because I’m your partner. It’s my job to make you happy. And what that looks like is up to you.”

I intend the explanation to be reassuring. Comforting. But I’m not sure I succeed. He seems stiffer than only a few moments ago. Like he’s mentally withdrawn.

“What’s the matter?” I stroke his chest with one hand.

“Nothing’s the matter. You don’t have much time before the car arrives, so you probably need to get cleaned up and head downstairs.”

He’s right. I don’t have much time to go to the bathroom, wash up, redo my hair, and smooth out my dress. Gabriel is waiting outside when I emerge from the bathroom.

He smiles at me, looking normal again. Whatever the issue was before has clearly passed.

“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” I tell him as I walk over to pick up my bag.

“I’ll be here.”

The drive to Saint Louis is smooth and uneventful. It goes quickly because I’m gawking out the window the whole time at an entirely new landscape—wooded hills and small settlements and the ruins of what used to be developed towns before the Fall.

Saint Louis itself looks a lot like the Capital with its fortified wall and closely constructed large buildings. The streets aren’t as pristinely clean. The architecture isn’t as unified. But there’s also a different feel in the air. Like people are happier here, if that’s even possible to sense from such a short visit.

My family has their own house. It’s not fancy, but it’s comfortable and the cost for it doesn’t take most of their monthly earnings. Carrie has her own room, which she’s happy to share with me during my visit. They’re still getting used to a new city and a new way of life, but they’re definitely happy here.

Happier than they ever were before.

By the time I leave late in the afternoon on Sunday, I’m convinced that they made the right decision in moving here. My dad likes his job, and my mother has been given a decent one cooking in a community kitchen for only four hours five days a week. Carrie is registered to go to school when the next term begins, and my grandfather has already broken soil for a garden in their small backyard.

They’re all doing well. And every single one of them, at some point during the visit, gently suggests that I might join them here.

My mother is the most direct. She understands how I feel about Gabriel and believes that being his partner is the absolute best I could hope for out of life in the Capital. But life in Saint Louis is different. I could find a man who loves me, she explains. A relationship where I would be an equal. Where my own happiness is every bit as important as his.

I listen to her. Assure her that I’ll think about it. And I even try to mull it over as the hired vehicle drives me away from my family’s home and toward the guarded walls surrounding Saint Louis.

But it’s not an open question for me. It’s not worth more than a few minutes’ reflection.

I told Gabriel the truth before I left. I’m never going to leave him.

I’m his for life.

Maybe in silly, immature daydreams I play around with the idea that Gabriel might want to move back to Saint Louis himself. And maybe he’ll decide to take me with him. That our relationship would no longer be defined by the palace’s social conventions regarding partners. That we could be even more than we are now.

But I don’t let myself indulge in those fantasies for long. Gabriel is doing important work. And I have no doubt that he’ll do a great job with this project and all the others he’ll be given. People will continue to recognize how much of an asset he is. The president won’t want to lose him. And I can contribute in my small way to how he’s making things better in the Central Cities.

It’s enough.

I’m thrilled for my family, but I don’t need what they have.

My driver is a friendly man in his sixties named Carl. When I ask him a couple of questions about the fallen landmarks we pass, he chats easily, and we get into an engaging conversation that lasts for more than an hour.

The sun is going down by the time we cross the border back into the Central Cities. There’s a long delay as we wait for our turn in the line and then go through the inspection and approval process with the unit of guards stationed there.

It’s pitch-black by the time we’re through. The unfamiliar landscape is creepy in the darkness.

“Is it safe?” I ask Carl after a while as I get a little nervous. We have more than an hour left of the drive until we reach the Capital. “Being out in the open at night like this?”

“It’s safe in this motor,” he tells me. “We’re going too fast for any of the bandits to catch us.”

“So there are bandits out here?”

“Of course. Lots of folks don’t want to submit to proper authority, so they try to make their own way out in the countryside. Most of them do it by taking by force what’s not theirs.”

I scan the dark for any sign of predators, but I can’t see past the headlights on the road. It’s like there’s nothing out there. Nothing at all.

“So most of them are thieves?”

“A lot of them, yeah. Some are worse than that. Got some real monsters out there who like to hurt people for sport.”

“Can’t the guards deal with them?”

“They don’t do much patrolling off the road. Too much land and not many people in most of it. You don’t have to worry though. They’re not going to catch our car.”

That does make me feel better. We’re moving so fast I’m not sure how we could be stopped even by murderous monsters.

“I’ve heard people have guns out here.” No one in the Capital has access to a weapon like that except the guards.

“Sure do. That’s one of the reasons to stay behind walls where it’s safe. We also got a few rebel groups out here.”

“Rebels? So there are some still around?” I haven’t heard of any sort of rebellion against the president’s regime for years and years.

“Sure. Always someone who isn’t happy. The guards are pretty good at squashing them before they get too far, but there are some sneaky sorts out here, trying to stay off the radar.”

“What are they trying to do?”

“They help people around the checkpoints, letting criminals escape. They disrupt important trade. Generally get in the way of honest folks.”

I’ve never even heard of such a thing. I would have thought news of rebel groups would have gotten back to the palace, but I haven’t heard a single thing, not even in council meetings. “But they don’t go after innocent travelers?”

“The rebels don’t, no. Not regularly. Don’t think you need to worry too much. Like I said, no one is gonna catch us in this motor.”

I smile at him and drop the question, but I’m still nervous out here. I’ve lived my whole life behind city walls. I’ve lived the past year in the closely guarded fortress of the palace. I’m not used to being exposed. Vulnerable.

I’m convinced I would have dealt with my nerves without any trouble had the motor not broken down only thirty minutes to the walls of the Capital. There’s a weird grating sound from the engine. It jerks several times, then sputters and slows down as Carl pulls to the side of the road.

He tells me not to worry. That it happens occasionally and he can fix it.

But I’m absolutely terrified sitting by myself in the dark of a countryside filled with murderers, bandits, and rebels.

If it’s not moving, this motor isn’t going to keep me safe.

I’m trembling helplessly as Carl putters in the engine for what feels like forever. Then he finally resigns himself to not being able to fix it himself and radios his headquarters so someone else can drive out to pick us up and take us into the city.

We wait for another very long stretch of time before the other motor arrives. I’m so shaky at that point that I can barely climb out of one vehicle and walk over to the fresh one.

The second driver is just as laid-back and friendly as Carl, but I’m beyond small talk now.

I need to get behind walls. I need to get home.

I need Gabriel, and he feels so far away.

We’ve encountered not even a glimpse of dangers or other travelers this whole time, but I’m still a shaky mess when I finally see the big walls and the one tall tower of the Capital in the distance. When we arrive at the east gate, it takes a long time to get through yet another checkpoint.

When we finally make it through, a guard motions the driver to pull over in a paved lot near the guard station.

Surely we’re not going to have to go through another inspection. I’m hours late now. Gabriel might be worried. I desperately need to get back to him.

I have no idea what’s happening until I see a man talking to a couple of guards outside the entrance to the station. His back is to me, but I’d know that back anywhere. The broad shoulders. The lean hips. The long legs. The hair pulled back at the nape of his neck.

When the driver puts the motor into park, I fumble with the door, whimpering in my desperation to get out so I can reach him.

He turns around as I stumble out onto the pavement.

He strides over quickly as I run toward him and pulls me into a tight hug when I throw myself into his arms, hiding my face in his chest.

He’s holding me so tightly I can barely breathe. When he finally releases me, he mumbles, “What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt. The motor broke down, and it took forever for someone to come get us. And I was… I was…” I bury my face in his shirt again, embarrassed by my weakness and overwhelmed with relief to be safe again.

Safe and secure and with Gabriel.

“You were what?” He gently eases me back and tilts my face up toward his. “Tell me.”

My face crumples. “I was scared,” I admit, my shoulders shaking with a few silent sobs. “I was really scared.”

His expression breaks just briefly. “Oh baby. You’re safe now.” He pulls me back into a hug.

I cling to him for a long time until it feels like I’m myself again. Then I can finally straighten up and ask, “What are you doing here?”

“I knew something was wrong. You weren’t back when you were supposed to be. I waited for a while, but then I got worried, so I came out here to see if the guards had heard anything. They hadn’t. I was about to get them to go search for you when you arrived.”

I giggle, more an overload of emotion than real amusement. “You were worried about me?”

“Of course I was worried about you.” His expression is odd. Half tenseness and half self-deprecating amusement. “I waited all day for you, and then you didn’t arrive when you were supposed to. Let’s not do that again.”

“That sounds good to me.”

He rides in the motor with me back to the palace, and then we both make our way upstairs to our room. I’m still shaky and messy and overwhelmed, so I take a quick shower. Gabriel is in his sleep shorts when I’m done.

I’m about to go over to my safe, cozy window nook when he stops me. “I need you in bed with me tonight,” he murmurs.

I nod, fighting another surge of emotion. I climb under the covers while he goes to the bathroom.

This is exactly what I want too.

He’s not long going to the bathroom and getting ready. When he’s done, he turns off the lights in the room and walks over to the bed.

As soon as he climbs in, he pulls me into his arms, and I huddle against him.

“How was your trip otherwise?” he asks after several minutes of us holding each other.

“It was good. My family is doing well and getting used to the new place. I had a nice visit.”

“That’s good. Are you going to be scared to go see them again next month?”

I gulp. “I… I don’t think so. But maybe…”

“Maybe what?” He sounds almost breathless, and I don’t know why.

“Maybe we can schedule the motor to pick me up from Saint Louis earlier next time so I don’t have to ride in the dark. I know motors don’t break down all the time like that, but I was nervous even before then. I’ve never been outside these walls before. It’s so big and wide and open. I was… I was really scared in the dark.”

He tilts his head down to kiss my forehead and then one of my cheekbones and then my mouth. “I’m sorry you were scared. We’ll move the time up a few hours so that you’ll be back home before dark from now on.”

“Thank you. I think I’ll be okay as long as it’s not dark.” I want to keep cuddling up against him like this, but I’m finally feeling more like myself. I remember that he’s been without me for almost two days. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take care of you tonight?”

He sounds genuinely confused as he repeats, “Take care of me?”

He usually knows what I mean when I say that. “I can suck you off if you want.”

“No. No, of course not.” He’s still soft, but he sounds almost insulted.

The tone upsets and bewilders me. “Why not?” My voice wobbles a little.

He pulls me back into a full-body hug, gentler this time. “I was really worried about you, baby. I’m not even sure I could get it up right now.”

I giggle again. I’ve been feeling far too much for too long. “Oh. Okay.”

“And you’ve been through a lot tonight,” he adds. “You don’t need to do anything for me right now. You need to rest. Do you think you can sleep?”

“I think so. If I can get my head to stop spinning.”

“Try.” He brushes his mouth against my hair. “You can tell me more about your trip in the morning.”

“Okay. You sleep too.”

“I will.”

I settle against him, softening my body and getting more comfortable. I slow my breathing intentionally and try to clear my mind.

Gabriel’s arms are still around me, but they’re looser and less needy now.

I feel safe. Completely safe. Like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

It takes a while, but I finally drift off to sleep. And my final thought of the night is that Gabriel is still awake.

He still hasn’t stopped holding me.