Devotion (Central Cities #1)

Chapter 20

20

Gabriel requisitions one of the palace motors.

It’s easy enough since administrators have free rein with the palace vehicles and equipment. He doesn’t let me go into the garage with him—my coming along would look suspicious—so I don’t know what excuse he uses for needing a vehicle in the wee hours of the morning. But he has no trouble getting it.

He told me to wait for him in a thick grouping of trees near the long driveway that leads out of the palace grounds. It’s only a few minutes before I hear the sound of an engine.

I make sure it’s actually Gabriel before I come out from the trees and onto the pavement. He’s in a very small motor—not one of the larger, faster vehicles that are intended for long distances. It’s not a motorbike, but it only has one seat in the passenger area. He opens the door and gestures with his head to indicate I’m to get onto the seat beside him.

Squeezing right beside him with my hip and thigh pressing against his is the only way to make it work in the small space.

“They wouldn’t let me take a bigger car,” he explains as I settle myself. “I told them I wanted to inspect the numbers and positioning of guards on the wall around the Capital at night for my project. They don’t know enough about what I’m doing to question it, but I couldn’t make a case for taking a larger vehicle.”

“That’s okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s cramped.”

“We’re fine to go through the city like this, but it’s not going to work at the checkpoint at the main gate out of the city. If I’m only inspecting the wall, there’s no reason for you to be with me. They’re going to question your presence and radio back to the palace before they let us out.”

I’m so wired and nervous my heart won’t stop racing in my chest. “So what will we do? There’s no way to get out of the city except through one of the gates, and if we wait too long, they’re going to figure out we’re gone from the palace.”

“I know. I talked them into this vehicle instead of a motorbike by saying this is the only thing I know how to drive. But the real reason is it has a trunk for cargo.” He’s every bit as tense as I am. There’s enough light from the illuminated streets to see that his skin is damp with perspiration even though it’s cool outside.

“I’ll get in the trunk. That’s what you’re thinking?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s going to be really tight.”

“I can do it.” I’m not nearly as confident as I make myself sound. I hate the thought of being trapped in a small, dark space for who knows how long. But I’m the one who asked to come, and this situation is far too dangerous for me to put up any sort of fuss about fear or discomfort. “Don’t worry about me.”

He slants me another quick look. “I do worry about you. I wish I hadn’t had to drag you into this.”

“Our futures were entwined from the moment you chose me from the selection group.” I rub up and down the length of his firm thigh over the soft fabric of his trousers. “There’s no other choice anymore.”

“Yeah.” He takes a weird little breath. “Are you angry with me?”

“What? No! Of course not.”

He keeps one hand on the steering wheel, driving carefully although we’re the only ones out on the road at this time of night. He uses his other to gently turn my head to face him. “You wanted me to just play along. That’s what you asked me to do. You would have been safer that way.”

“I wanted you to play along for your safety. Not for mine. But you’re right. That would have been wrong. You’re doing the better thing now. I’m… I’m…” I lose my nerve and can’t finish the sentence.

Gabriel has looked back at the road, but he checks my face quickly. “You’re what?” When I don’t answer, he says, “Tell me.”

“I’m proud of you.”

He doesn’t answer, but his features work just slightly, the emotional tension pushed to the edge before he gets it back under control.

“I’m scared,” I admit after a minute. “Really scared. But I’m not angry.”

He inhales sharply and then lets it out with a slow, raspy sound. “I’m not going to let you get hurt. I made this decision assuming it was only me who’d be put in danger. My hardest sacrifice would be leaving you behind. I should have realized… But I’ll get you safely to your family in Saint Louis no matter what. After that it won’t matter as much what happens to me.”

I choke on outrage. “Yes, it will matter! It matters to me .”

His expression softens. He reaches over, fumbling until he can find and squeeze my hand. “Thank you, baby. Things might look different for you once you’re away from the palace and the Capital. Let’s just try to get there safe, and then we’ll figure everything else out.”

I don’t like his response, but I also don’t know how to argue with it. We drive in silence for the rest of the way through the city until we’re close to the east gate.

He turns off the road and then backs the vehicle into a narrow alley where it won’t be seen. We both get out and move to the back.

Gabriel opens the trunk. It’s deeper than it looks from outside, but it’s still very small. I’m an average-size woman. It’s going to be tight.

“Shit,” he breathes, staring into the small space.

“It will be fine,” I tell him, forcing down a surge of panic so he won’t be able to hear it in my voice. “Can you help me in?”

He hefts me up and eases me into the trunk, feet first. I fold my legs and then move them toward the back of the compartment since that seems preferable to putting my head back there. I have to lie on my side and curl into the fetal position to fit.

It’s going to be terrible when Gabriel closes me in. I’ve never been enclosed in a small space like this, and it’s scarier than I thought it would be.

“I can’t shut you in here,” he says hoarsely, staring down at me. “It’s too small.”

“No, it’s not. It’s good it’s small. It won’t cross their minds that someone is stowing away back here. You’ve got to do it, Gabriel. Close the trunk. We can’t waste any time. We’ve got to get as far away from here as we can before they realize we’re gone.”

I sound mostly matter-of-fact with only a couple of small wobbles in my words. I’m not sure how I manage it because everything inside me is screaming in fear and protest at being closed into this tiny, dark space.

“Okay.” He runs his fingers gently along my cheekbone. “I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can, but it’s going to be more than a few minutes. We’ve got to get through the gate and then get far enough away from the wall to stop without anyone seeing.”

“I know. Close it. Close it now.”

He does, leaving me in complete darkness. A wave of intense fear crashes into me. I’m trapped. Completely trapped. I can’t move. Not even a full inch in any direction. Am I even going to be able to breathe?

“Are you okay, baby?” His voice is muffled through the lid of the trunk.

“I’m fine. Just get going!”

To my relief, he does. The motor starts moving in less than a minute.

I start feeling kind of sick as I get rattled by the motion. The idea of vomiting in this position overwhelms me with even more panic, and it takes a real mental battle to make myself think about something—anything—else.

Gabriel. That’s who I focus on. I imagine him behind the steering wheel. Driving up to the wall. When he stops after several minutes, I visualize what he must be seeing. The east gate. The guards stationed there.

He drives a little more. Stops again. There’s nothing at first, but then I hear muffled voices.

He’s giving them his excuse for leaving the walls of the city this early in the morning. It isn’t even dawn yet. He’ll probably offer the same excuse he gave the staff at the palace. It’s fairly flimsy as excuses go, but he’s an administrator. As far as any of the guards know at this point, he’s trusted. He has regular access to the president. They’ll have no reason to doubt him no matter what eccentric errand he’s off on.

They need to be convinced enough to let him through without contacting the palace or checking the trunk.

If we were at the border to the Central Cities right now, they’d check the trunk for sure. But we’re not. Gabriel only wants to leave the city for an hour or two in a motor not intended to travel long distances.

Surely they won’t search it.

The conversation goes on longer than I was hoping, and although I can hear the vague, muffled sound of conversation, it’s not clear enough for me to distinguish any words.

I get more and more scared until I can barely lie still. I hug my knees to my chest and breathe with a slow, deep rhythm until I finally feel the vehicle start to move.

I almost sob with relief when we’re driving again. Gabriel hasn’t turned around or switched directions. They must be letting us through the gates and onto the main road leading away from the Capital.

He told me he needs to get to a point where we’re no longer in view from the gate before he can get me out of the trunk, so I know not to expect him to stop immediately. But I’m feeling more and more trapped. More and more restless. I’m so squirmy I can’t stay still, and my breath starts coming out in fast pants.

If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to throw up or pass out.

I know it for sure.

I lie in a dark, shaky blur for an endless amount of time. It’s probably no more than several minutes, but it feels like an eternity until the vehicle jerks to a stop.

It’s a matter of seconds after the stop when the trunk is being opened. A rush of cool air wafts against my hot skin.

“Fuck, baby.” He’s breathless. Guttural. “Let me get you out of there.”

He pulls me up by the shoulders, and as soon as I can get my feet to work, I help by pushing against the bottom of the compartment.

Gabriel lifts me out of the trunk and sets me down. When my feet connect with the ground, my knees buckle and I fall.

He wraps his arms around me as I burst into tears. “I’m so sorry. You’re okay. You’re okay now.”

I sob into his shirt for a few minutes, feeling like his arms, his body, are the only things holding me together.

But after the storm of emotion subsides, I’m able to pull away and straighten up.

Gabriel swipes away a few remaining tears with his fingers. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s not your fault. You don’t have to say sorry. Our only other choices are a lot worse than this one.”

“I know they are.”

The night is dark, but the moon is almost full, so there’s enough light to see the vast landscape. Fields of long grass. The gradual slope of hills. The Capital still visible in the far distance. My chest aches as I stare at it.

“You ready?” Gabriel asks softly.

“Yeah.” I swallow and smile as I notice something. “Look. Wildflowers. They’re like the ones on my locket.”

Gabriel’s eyes follow my gesture to the three pink wildflowers breaking the gray-green of the grass. They’re half closed in the cool night, but they make me happy anyway. “I think they’re a hopeful sign.”

“Yeah. Maybe they are.” Gabriel smiles back at me for a moment. Then his expression changes. “We can’t stop here long. We need to get as far away as we can. It’s almost dawn. In a couple of hours, Vincent will be in his office.”

“Will he notice his copy of the plan is gone right away?”

“I don’t know. I hope not. Maybe we can make it until midmorning before anyone realizes we’re gone.” He puts a hand on my back and guides me toward the door to the vehicle. He gets in and then pulls me in beside him so that we’re squeezed together like before.

It’s far better than being in the trunk.

“It’s less than two hours from here to the border,” I say idly.

“I know. But they’ll never let us through without approval from the palace. If we try it, we’ll be taken right back.”

“So you think one of those rebel groups will help us?”

“Yes. That’s a lot of what they do. Help people get across the border. But I’ve got some stuff with me to bribe them with in case they’re reluctant.”

“What stuff? Credits won’t?—”

“Not credits. Papers. Including plans to the Arsenal. Surely a rebel group will find those useful and help us in order to get them.”

“Oh. Yes. I would think so.” I cut my eyes toward him. “Where did you get them?”

“I took them from Vincent’s office when I was in there earlier. At this point I might as well.”

“True.” The sharp, intense panic from the trunk has faded now, but a deeper, heavier fear has taken its place.

If they get their hands on Gabriel, they’re going to kill him for sure. No question.

And probably me too.

“How will you contact the rebel group?”

“The tip I received was from someone in Saint Louis before I ever came here. I’m to leave a message at a mercantile in a settlement about fifty miles north from here. Leave the note and then wait for instructions.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, it’s worth a try I guess.”

“It better be more than a try if we have any hope of getting over the border.”

He’s right of course. We have only a slim chance of escaping the Central Cities, and that chance relies entirely on the goodwill of unnamed rebels.

Gabriel was given this information eight months ago. Everything might have changed in that time.

The rebel group might have disbanded months ago.

I try not to stew over all these issues as Gabriel turns off onto a small side road that leads north instead of staying on the main route to the border. Neither one of us speaks except for the occasional stray comment until we’ve reached a small, sprawling community made up of no-nonsense cottages and a few public buildings in the middle.

It’s only shortly after dawn. No one is up and out of their homes yet.

Gabriel drives all the way through and then parks off the road on a vacant stretch of land, our position blocked by some thick foliage.

“We’ll have to wait for the mercantile to open,” Gabriel murmurs. “Then we’ll see.”

“Yeah.”

“I think it might be safer if you stay here with the vehicle. I’ll walk into town, leave the message, and wait for a response.”

I gulp. I don’t like the idea of separating at all, but that’s fear talking rather than common sense. “I think I should leave the message.”

“What? No way in fuck will I let you?—”

“Think about it. You’re the one who’s going to be pursued. You’re the one they’ll be looking for. Dressed like this, I could be anyone. Anyone . No one will recognize me from the palace. You’re the one who needs to stay out of sight as long as possible.”

He hates the idea. I can see it in the dramatic twisting of his features. But his mind has always been the sharpest one I’ve ever known, and he’s going to realize I’m right.

It takes a couple of minutes, but he does.

We have to wait three hours before the mercantile is open, and Gabriel fills the time with stern instructions about exactly what I’m supposed to do and how I’m to react to every possible situation he can imagine.

I know his mood is prompted by fear on my behalf, but it gets old eventually. I finally have to snap at him that I’m a competent adult who can handle this.

Gabriel gets the point. He stops obsessing over instructions, but he’s shuddering with nerves by the time I’m ready to get out of the motor and walk to the mercantile.

“If anyone asks, your father died,” he mutters, taking my face in one firm hand. “You’re looking for help. You’ve been living on a small farm to the east.”

I don’t bite out that we’ve been over all this a dozen times before. He’s scared for me. I know the feeling. “I’ve got it. I can do this, Gabriel.”

“I know you can.” He gives me a brief, hard kiss. “You’re so brave.”

I don’t feel brave as I climb out of the vehicle and start walking back toward the settlement. There’s still not a single person in sight, but I feel utterly exposed, vulnerable.

I’m not used to being outside of walls. One small person in the vast stretch of the landscape and the sky.

I make it through the assortment of ramshackle cottages. I see a few people doing chores outside, but I ignore them and they ignore me.

There are a few folks in the center of the community, going about their morning business. I make it to the mercantile and walk inside.

There’s a pleasant-looking older woman behind a counter. I head straight for her.

“Are you all right, dear?” she asks, straightening up and looking concerned. “Are you in trouble?”

“I need some help. I’m here to leave a message.”

Her face changes just slightly. “I see.” She pulls out a pad of paper from under the counter and hands it to me with a pen. “Just write it down. I’ll see it gets to someone who can help you.”

“Thank you.”

I write out the message as Gabriel and I rehearsed it. We prepared a lie for anyone who might try to stop me, but there’s no sense in lying to the rebels. They need to know the whole story if they’re going to avoid the guards who will be searching for us and take us across the border.

When I’ve finished writing, I fold the page and the woman slips it into an envelope and then seals it.

“I’ll get this to someone who can help you. But it will be noon at the earliest before I get a response for you. You got somewhere you can go to wait?”

“Yes. Thank you. I’ll come back at noon.”

The woman nods at me, and I give her a quick smile before I leave the mercantile and return to Gabriel.

He’s clearly been more stressed than me as he waited in the vehicle alone. He grabs me in a tight hug.

Then the only thing we can do is more waiting.