Devotion (Central Cities #1)

Chapter 21

21

When I walk back to the mercantile just after noon, the same pleasant lady is behind the counter.

Unlike that morning, there are a few other people present now, and she greets me by saying, “Perfect timing. Your package just arrived.”

Smiling, I manage to reply without sounding too confused. “Oh good. Thank you.” Then I accept a parcel wrapped in brown paper.

She tilts her head toward the door with a significant look that I interpret as meaning I should leave before I open it. After thanking her again, I leave the mercantile and hurry through the settlement and to Gabriel, who’s been pacing restlessly near the motor.

Inside the package is some paper stuffing to make it look like there’s something bulky wrapped in it. And beneath the stuffing is a folded note on a torn sheet of paper with directions to a meeting place and an appointment time. An old hunting cabin about twenty miles away. Midnight tonight.

That’s it. Nothing else is added to the note.

“I guess this is good then,” I say, blinking up at Gabriel’s face.

He’s still focused on the unfamiliar handwriting on the torn bottom half of the same sheet of paper we used for our message.

“Yeah.” He stares down for a few more minutes. Then he tears the note into shreds and drops it into some dirty water in a ditch. The shreds dissolve into muddy pulp.

He was memorizing the directions so he could get rid of the note.

“Ready?” he asks me. “We’ll be hours early, but we might as well wait there rather than here where someone is more likely to see us.”

“Yeah. That sounds good to me.”

I’m pleased and excited that we received a ready response from the rebel group, but I’m also increasingly nervous about getting across the border. It’s afternoon now. The palace will know we’re missing. The president will have discovered the detailed plan to implement a complicated new identification and financial system for the Central Cities has been stolen. While the president and other administrators will probably remember parts of it, they won’t have all the research and calculations, the implementation method and timeline that Gabriel spent so many months developing.

They’ll have to start almost from scratch, and no one will be able to create and write up this plan as thoroughly and effectively as Gabriel did.

The palace will be furious. They’ll consider it treason. They’ll pursue him relentlessly to the border and then probably even past it.

Gabriel is going to have to completely disappear to be safe.

We find the hunting cabin without any trouble and park the motor out of sight behind some thick foliage.

The doors to the cabin are locked, but one of the windows is open, so Gabriel boosts me up so I can crawl in and then open the front door for him.

The place appears to have been abandoned for years. It’s so old that it’s likely to have been constructed before the Fall. There’s nothing inside except a couple of cots with no bedding, a small table with no chairs, and a tall, latched trunk that reminds me of a treasure chest from pre-Fall pirate stories.

The first thing I do is walk over and try to open the trunk. I can’t. I give the lock a few jiggles, but it doesn’t budge.

When I glance back at Gabriel, he’s got a soft, fond smile on his face.

“What?” I ask him. “A lot of people would try to get it open to see inside.”

He chuckles. “But would they check it when their life was at risk because they were being hunted by the government and their last hope for survival was the dubious assistance of violent rebels?”

“They might.” I grin back at him, taking several steps over so I can press the front of my body against his and wrap my arms around his waist.

He hugs me back, and we stay like that for a long time.

“Do you think they’re violent?” I ask at last.

“Who?”

“The rebels.”

“Oh. I don’t know. Probably. Most of those groups are.”

“But they aren’t going to hurt us?”

“I hope not.”

Not very encouraging, but there’s simply not a lot of encouragement to have at the moment. We won’t have any sort of safety until we’re across the border, and even then security won’t be a sure thing.

“We should eat something,” I say, trying to shift my mind from these upsetting reflections.

“Yeah.” Gabriel lets go of me and steps back. “Then I guess we’ll have a lot more waiting to do.”

We do wait. For what feels like an eternity.

After we eat, Gabriel convinces me to lie down on one of the cots. It’s not at all comfortable. There are no sheets. No blankets. No pillows. But he sits on one with his back against the wall and lets me rest my head on his lap. I’m tired enough to doze for an hour or two.

He doesn’t sleep. Every time I wake to consciousness, he’s gently stroking my hair.

It’s better than being alone.

I’m not sure how long it’s been, but it’s still light outside when I awaken with a surge of anxiety that keeps me from sleeping any longer. I shift restlessly, peering up to check his face.

He’s focused on me, and I read a matching unease in his expression.

“What are we going to do, Gabriel?”

“I don’t know.” He smooths down thick strands that have escaped my messy braid. “But I’m going to get you to your family where you’ll be safe. After that…” He shrugs.

“After that what?”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.”

“Could you be safe in Saint Louis?”

“I doubt it. The leadership there won’t risk conflict with the Central Cities by granting me asylum. They’ll hand me right over as soon as they realize I’m there. I’d have to change my identity and take a laborer’s job to even hope to stay under the radar, but even that would be a gamble. I don’t think I can stay.”

My throat hurts so intensely I can barely swallow. “So you’ll go back to your family in the wilderness?”

“Yeah. That’s my only choice.”

“They won’t track you all the way out there?”

“I don’t see how they could. It’s different out east. They don’t have any ties to the big cities, and each town and community is autonomous. Someone searching for me would have to stop at every single small farm and settlement in vast stretches of land and then hope the people there would tell them the truth. There’s not much trust for the Central Cities in those parts. They could search for years and not find me. I doubt anyone would bother. They’ll send warrants for my arrest to all the Outer Cities and assign some marshals to follow up, but I can’t see them searching the wilderness to any extent.” He sighs, and his hand grows still on my head. “I’ll go home.”

“Do you not want that?”

“I don’t know. I’ll be glad to see my family. It’s been well over a year since I’ve visited. And after everything that’s happened in the Capital, it will probably be a relief to fall into a simpler way of life. But…”

I wait, but he doesn’t answer. “You can’t do the kind of job you’re best at there.”

“No. Probably not. But there’ll be something I can do. It will be fine.”

I wait some more, but he doesn’t continue.

Is he really planning to leave me with my family and take off into the wilderness, never seeing me again?

Apparently so.

He planned to leave me at the palace, and he only changed his mind when he realized it was more dangerous for me there than escaping with him. He cares about me. A lot. But I was only his partner at the palace.

He doesn’t want me as a partner for life.

I should want to cry, but I don’t. The clenched ball of pain and heartbreak is far too tenuously controlled to let loose even a little.

Mostly I’m numb.

And scared.

I sit up, too jittery to keep reclining on his lap.

We sit side by side on the cot and don’t speak for a long time.

Eventually I need to go to the bathroom, and Gabriel won’t let me go outside by myself. So he stands on one side of a large tree as I squat to pee on the other side. It’s awkward. Embarrassing. And it doesn’t feel very sanitary.

Life in the palace was clean and comfortable and felt safe, but that’s all over now.

It was never as safe as I believed it to be.

The sun is starting to set when we go back inside. The day has been endless, and we’re still several hours from midnight.

Gabriel pulls a battery-operated lantern out of our pack and turns it on so that it doesn’t get too dark inside the cabin. We eat a little more. Settle on the cot again.

“You should try to sleep more,” Gabriel murmurs, wrapping an arm around me as I lean against him.

“I can’t. But you should sleep. You didn’t get a nap this afternoon like I did, and you didn’t get any sleep at all last night.”

“I’m not going to be able to sleep until you’re safe.”

His heart is beating fast in his chest. I can feel it with my ear pressed against him. He’s just as tense and nervous as I am. Maybe more so.

I suddenly know what to do.

Straightening up, I raise myself onto my knees and reach over so I can rub his shoulders.

“What are you doing, baby?” he murmurs thickly, turning his head to see me.

“I want to do this.”

“I’m okay. You don’t need to do anything for me.”

“But I want to.”

He holds himself very still. “Why?”

“Because it makes you feel better.”

There’s a slight break in my voice, and he hears it. He lets out a short breath and relaxes slightly. “Okay. But I’m really all right.”

“I’m not.”

He keeps his head turned to meet my eyes as I get in a better position to massage his neck and shoulders. I take my time, pleased when he eventually softens up, drops his head, and closes his eyes.

I channel all my nerves and uncertainty into working on his body. I focus on his shoulders and neck for a while until I gently push him forward so I can get better access to his back.

He lets me, his breath slowing and lengthening as his muscles relax.

At least this much hasn’t changed. I’m still capable of taking care of him. Making him feel better.

It goes on for a long time, but eventually I’m satisfied with the state of his upper body, so I climb off the cot and kneel on the floor in front of him.

He’s had his eyes closed, focused on relaxing, but at my move he stiffens dramatically. “What are you doing, baby?” The question is more urgent this time.

“You know what I’m doing.”

“No.” He frames my face with his hands. “No, Jess. You don’t have to do that for me right now.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“I’m okay. The massage helped. Thank you for that. But I’m really okay. You don’t need to do this.”

“I said I want to.”

“We can do something else then. Come back up here. We’ll do something reciprocal.”

“This is reciprocal.” I meet his gaze without wavering. “This is what I want.”

His mouth twists. His eyes are weirdly anguished. “Why?”

I take a loud, shaky breath. “Because I’m scared. And this… this makes me feel better. This makes me feel… safe.”

My cheeks flush at the naked vulnerability of the admission. Gabriel stares down for several seconds, but then something changes on his face. “You promise it’s for you and not for me?”

“I promise.” It feels like my heart is straining in my chest, desperately trying to reach out toward him.

He gives a jerky nod.

Relieved, I rub his thighs. His chest and belly. Then I reach over to unfasten his trousers and retrieve his cock. He’s already partly erect, and it surprises me. I thought I might have to start from scratch in arousing him.

After stroking him with my fingers for a minute, I part his legs more so I can get closer and more comfortable. This cot is lower than his desk chair, so our positioning is different. He slides his hands around my head and guides me closer to his groin. I take him in my mouth and suck him until he’s fully hard.

When he releases a long, low groan, I know this is working for him too. He’s getting into it. Excitement and tenderness rise inside me as I let him slip out, rearrange my lips and teeth, and then take him down again.

“Fuck, baby,” he mutters, holding my head in the same possessive grip he’s always used. “That’s so good. You’re sucking me so good.”

I hum in deep pleasure at the words, moving and swallowing at the rhythm he’s asking for. I breathe in the warm, base scent of him. Feel the tension of his legs on either side of me. The demanding motion of his hands on my head.

I’m surrounded by him. He’s filling me completely. And not just his cock in my mouth. I keep making those wet moans as I work. There’s no way I can stay quiet.

“Is this what you wanted?” His voice is getting thicker and more breathless. He’s already close. “Is this what you needed? To take me all the way like this?”

I make silly affirming sounds around the substance of his thick shaft. My sucking is getting more eager now. I’ve softened my throat to take him deeper.

“Oh fuck, I’m almost there. There’s nothing in the world like your mouth on me. I don’t know what I’ll ever do without it.” He starts rocking his hips as he builds toward climax. “That’s it. You’re so good. Take all of it. Don’t stop. Never stop.”

He’s climaxing on the final words, his body convulsing with the spasms of his release as he comes in several hard spurts down my throat.

I keep sucking and swallowing until he’s through, and then I still don’t let him go. He holds my head in place as I keep applying gentle suction to his softening cock. He keeps gasping, “Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t let me go.”

My body pulses with pride and pleasure and such deep affection I’m not sure my heart can hold it all. I’m holding his ass, my neck stretched into the right position.

And it feels like if I let him go now, I’ll have to let him go forever.

I don’t want to.

I can’t.

I’m not going to do it.

Then there’s a sound from the door to the cabin. Not a voice but a noticeable sound. I jerk in surprise, and Gabriel tenses up with a sharp inhale.

“Stand up.” It’s a woman’s voice, which surprises me more than anything else. “And get your clothes back on.”

All the satisfaction and security of the moment before has fallen into terrified confusion. I let his cock slip out of my mouth but shield him with my body until I’ve tucked him back into his underwear and fastened his trousers.

Then Gabriel eases me back slightly so he can stand up. When I get up too, he moves me behind him in a protective stance.

I huddle against his back, so scared I can barely take a deep breath.

The palace guards must have found us already. Before we even got close to crossing the border.

“You’re trespassing here. You need to leave.” It’s the same woman’s voice. Not loud or angry but bluntly authoritative.

The words are so unexpected that I peek around Gabriel’s body to see who’s there.

Not guards.

There are only two of them, both dressed in the rugged outdoorsy clothes rarely seen in the Capital. They’re garments outsiders often wear—made of pre-Fall fabrics like denim and leather. The man is big and dark-haired and intimidating and holding a very large gun, but the woman is small and very pretty with pale blond hair and delicate features. She has a gun in a holster at her hip but hasn’t pulled it out.

She’s giving us a sharp, dismissive scan. “Get out. We’ve got business here.”

“We have business here too.” Gabriel sounds normal—composed and intelligent and matter-of-fact. But I know he’s nervous. Urgency is shuddering through his body.

“We saw your business.” Her tone conveys the slightest hint of disdain. “You can fuck elsewhere.”

Gabriel is still on guard, but he’s also getting frustrated. He’s not used to strangers treating him like a horny adolescent. “We’ve arranged to meet someone here. At midnight. I’m assuming that’s you, although you’re hours early.”

The woman’s eyes narrow. “In that case, you’re hours early too.” Her expression changes. She shoots a quick glance at the man beside her, who still has his weapon aimed at us. I don’t know anything about guns, so I have no idea what kind it is. But it’s huge and can no doubt do major damage. “Stop hiding the girl. Let me see her.”

“No.” Gabriel’s stretching both arms behind him, trying to keep me in place. Shielded between his body and the bed. He adds in a brusque murmur, “Baby, don’t move.”

I stay still because he said so and because it feels safer to me.

“If Ben shoots you, the bullet will go straight through you and into her. She’s no safer there than out in the open.”

It’s such a jarring incongruity. The woman sounds like a military general and looks like a fairy princess from an old story.

Gabriel still wants to keep me behind him. His posture is deeply protective. But I pull away from him and step out anyway.

The woman is right. No matter where I stand, I’m not safe in this room when only two of the four of us have weapons.

She eyes me from top to bottom, and I’ve never felt so exposed—not even when I was naked in a room for three strangers to examine when I was applying for the partner selection process.

Then she gives Ben another quick look and a discreet shake of her head. He moves to stand beside the entrance.

“We were willing to help a government official who saw the light and wants to do the right thing. We’re not going to help a man who dragged his palace pet along to service him.” She turns to leave the cabin.

“I’m not a pet!”

“She’s not a pet,” Gabriel says at exactly the same time.

Our mutual indignation must give her pause. She aims another sharp look over her shoulder.

A wave of panic pushes me into a rushed exclamation. “I was his partner at the palace, but I’m not a pet. I was there by choice, and I’m here by choice, and he’s never once dehumanized me the way you just did.”

The woman turns back around, her expression startled but not as hard as it was the moment before. “I apologize. My intention was to express the way those at the palace view you. Not the way I view you myself.”

“I understand that, but you’re not seeing our situation correctly. You’re assuming I’m a victim and he’s an abuser, and that’s not what’s going on here. I wanted to be a partner in the palace. I’ve wanted it all my life.”

Her mouth softens. Her lips are full and expressive. She’s genuinely beautiful beneath the brusque manner she wears like armor. “I believe you. But you wanted a position that wasn’t good for you because all your other options were worse. That’s not a freely chosen life.”

“No one’s choices are entirely free.” I’m getting slightly shrill because I’m so scared. It looks like she and Ben are going to walk out of this cabin at any moment and take with them any hope for our escape. “But I don’t regret any of mine. Gabriel is a good man, and he made an agonizingly hard choice to defy the president rather than support his plans to further an oppressive regime. He wouldn’t have even brought me with him if I wasn’t in more danger staying at the palace.”

“I’m not keeping her with me,” Gabriel adds softly. “I’m taking her to her family in Saint Louis.”

The woman glances back at Ben, who is still lurking by the door. They share a look that I can’t read. I still haven’t heard the man speak.

Gabriel reaches out to take my hand. I don’t know why he does so, but I cling to it. I need it.

When the woman meets my eyes again, she says, “Even a man who makes the occasional right choice can still be taking advantage of you. He made you give him a blow job just now when your life was in real danger.”

“No! He didn’t make me do anything. He never has. I do understand what you’re thinking and why you think it. But you’re wrong about us. You don’t know me, and you don’t know him, and you don’t know our history or how we are together. He’s not taking advantage of me.” I can feel our chances of survival slipping away, and it terrifies me so much I burst out with something I might never have admitted otherwise. “I love him!”

Because I’m holding Gabriel’s hand, I feel his dramatic twitch of response.

“I love him,” I go on hoarsely. “What you saw wasn’t him using me. It was an act of love. Please help us.” I’m shaking helplessly now. It feels like I might fall apart at any minute.

But I don’t regret what I said even though it stripped away the final layer of protection around my heart.

The woman looks back at Ben again. It’s another speaking gaze that only the two of them understand.

I don’t see any indication of response on Ben’s rough, stoic face, but the woman clearly does.

She says, “Your note said you have something that might be of interest to us?”

“Yes,” Gabriel replies, sounding calm even though he’s clutching my hand so hard it hurts. “Plans to the Arsenal. Layout, guard rotations, and organization. We’ve hidden the plans. If you get us safely across the border, I’ll tell you where they are.”

I’m surprised but don’t show it. I never saw him hiding the plans. I assumed he still had them in the inside pocket of his jacket, but maybe he did it while I was dropping off or receiving the message back in the settlement.

There’s a long, tense pause before the woman says, “Okay. We’ll get you across. Then you’ll tell me the location of those plans. We’ve got two-way radios. I’ll have a couple of my men stay here and check the hiding place before we let you go, in case you’re looking to double-cross us.”

“Agreed,” Gabriel murmurs, relaxing just slightly.

“But we’ll only do it on one condition.” She turns to meet my gaze again. “I understand you love him, but sometimes our hearts blind us to the ways we’re being hurt.” Before I can object, she goes on, “We’ll get you both across the border. But I’m not leaving you in his hands. We’ll take you to your family, but he can’t be with you when you go. When you’re safe with your family, you can make a freer decision about how you really want to spend the rest of your life.”

I don’t like that. At all. I don’t like what she’s still implying about Gabriel’s nature and motives.

But Gabriel responds immediately. “Agreed.” He squeezes my hand one more time before he lets it go.

The next several hours are confusing and scary.

Our first stop is our hidden motor, where we get our pack from the trunk. Before he straps it on his shoulders, Gabriel opens the hood to the motor’s engine and removes the battery. He then leans over to unlatch a compartment where he pulls out the spare battery.

They’re fully encased in impenetrable metal. The only way to open them to see how they’re constructed or repair them is with a key that only officially licensed mechanics in the Capital have access to. That’s how they’ve been able to keep the technology from being replicated in the rest of the world. It takes significant force to break through the outer shell, and doing so always destroys the internal components.

The two batteries are worth more than precious jewels. I’m not surprised Gabriel is taking them with us, but I am surprised that the rebels don’t try to confiscate them.

They don’t. They wait impatiently and then hurry us away.

The woman, whose name we learn is Annabelle, has a lot more men in her ranks than just Ben. There were three stationed around the cabin and a few more hidden in spots on the road leading up to it. We walk for a couple of miles, and then they bundle us into the back of a truck along with barrels and boxes of supplies.

After that, I have no idea what happens. My hiding place is separate from Gabriel’s, so I can’t even huddle close to him for comfort. They drive us what feels like a very long way. We’re bounced around in the back so much I’m afraid I’ll get sick, but I don’t. We stop for a while, and I hear the murmur of muffled voices. Then we drive some more.

It feels like hours have passed when the door at the back of the truck opens with a long, stretched squeal.

It’s dark outside, but there’s light from a couple of lanterns. Gabriel helps me stand. My legs ache from being cramped up for too long.

He jumps to the ground and then reaches up to help me down too.

I lean on him, holding on to his shirt, shaky and needy and still terrified.

“You’re over the border,” Annabelle tells us.

“We are?” I ask, blinking around and trying to orient myself to where we are. It looks like nothing. Just a wide plain of overgrown grass and some scrubby bushes.

Annabelle’s expression as she focuses on me is softer than it was before. “Yes. So as soon as we confirm those Arsenal plans, I’ll make sure you get to your family in Saint Louis safely. Your man can take off to wherever he wants to go.”

I gasp and peer up at Gabriel.

It’s too dark to see details, but there’s something haunted as well as tender about his expression as he gazes down at me.

Then he clears his throat and pulls a sheaf of folded papers out of the inside pocket of his jacket. He hands them to Annabelle.

If I’m surprised, surely she is too. But her face reveals none of that. She slants Gabriel a sardonic look and unfolds the pages. Ben steps over to shine his lantern so she can better read them.

The papers are what he’s said they are. She scans each page and then nods and makes a gesture to a couple of the scary-looking guys who came with us. “Escort him,” she tells them. “Wherever he wants to go. Ben and I will get the girl to Saint Louis.”

She calls me “the girl,” but she can’t be more than five or six years older than me. She’s lived an entirely different life, however, and she has a lifetime’s more experience in taking care of herself.

I’ll never be like her.

One of the men pokes Gabriel on the shoulder in a clear sign that he needs to follow them.

I’m still clinging to his shirt. “Wait! What?—”

“She’ll get you to your family, baby,” he says very softly. He raises one hand to cup my face. “You’ll be safe there.”

“But what about you?”

“I’ll be okay. I’ve got to get out of the area as soon as possible. You know that. We already talked about it.”

“But—”

But I want to go with you.

That’s what I almost say. I’m close to tears, but everything is happening too fast. They’re guiding Gabriel away from me.

He looks back. Our eyes meet over the dark distance.

And it finally hits home with me.

We’re saying goodbye.