Emily
Adam and I were watching reruns of a trash TV show, both of us mindlessly on our phones and only half-paying attention to the show, when I suddenly heard something odd in the hallway. I quickly grabbed the remote to turn down the volume.
“What’s wrong?” Adam looked up at me.
“Shhh!” I looked around our apartment as if that would give me the answer.
It sounded like sobs coming from one of our neighbors.
“Do you hear that?” I asked Adam as I stood and investigated.
“Someone crying?” he wondered aloud.
I quickly went to the front door and looked out the peephole.
I gasped. “Oh my God.” I opened the door, finding Hana slumped down on the floor against the wall and sobbing into her knees.
“Hana!” I sat down in front of her, taking her hand. “Hana, are you okay?”
I swear I started seeing red. If one of them hurt her, I was going to prison for murder.
She shook her head no, still sobbing uncontrollably.
“Did they hurt you? What happened?”
I saw Adam in the doorway and I shooed him away, trying to give Hana privacy. I didn’t know what else to do other than put my hand on Hana’s back and rub around in circles. Something was going on, and I needed to know what it was so I could take action. But first, I needed to make sure my cousin was okay. Seeing her this way broke my heart, and I started to cry too.
“Han,” I said quietly as her sobs lessened, her breath hiccuping in her chest. “Come inside. Let me get you some water.”
She shook her head again, finally looking up at me. Her tear-soaked eyes were red and puffy.
“I can’t bother you with this, Emily. You won’t understand. I just…I didn’t know where else to go.” Her voice was small and shaky.
I sighed. “You don’t have to talk. Just come inside. Who knows what the fuck kind of germs are on this shit hole floor.”
I got a smile out of her. She finally nodded and took my hand, both of us getting up and slowly walking through the door.
Adam sat casually at the kitchen table, looking down at his phone before looking up at us. I shook my head at him as I guided Hana into the privacy of our bedroom. I closed the door behind us as she sat at the edge of the bed, throwing her purse on the floor. Our bedroom was an absolute disaster, but Hana didn’t even seem to notice.
“We all went on a date at the new rooftop bar near Greenpoint,” she started, still looking down at the floor. “They wouldn’t stop fucking bickering. It made me realize that this was never going to work.”
She looked up at me with hesitant eyes and shook her head. “Why can’t I just fucking pick one, Emily? What’s wrong with me? I can’t live without them.”
I would never understand her love and loyalty to those two men who pretended to be perfect—she knew that. But she still wanted to confide in me. She trusted me, and I had to listen; I had to be her rock.
“Nothing is wrong with you, babe. You’re perfect.” I smiled as I sat next to her.
She snorted and looked over at me.
“You’re just so loving and empathetic, Han. It’s your best quality and your worst quality.” I shrugged.
She didn’t respond; she only looked down at the floor, lost in her thoughts.
“I remember thinking Michael was so fucking perfect. He was handsome, intelligent, and just…he treated me so well. He took care of me.” She started crying again. “And that image of him just fucking shattered when he took me. He was like, a different person. He’s changed but somehow he’s still the same. And I still love him so much.” She shook her head and started laughing. “And with Jack…God, he was so fucking sweet and romantic and just…I knew he was a tortured artist. Honestly, I almost wasn’t shocked that he took me. Then I fell in love with him more than I ever thought was possible.”
She finally looked up at me. “You see it too, don’t you? The way he loves me, the way I love him? And with Michael? Tell me who I’m supposed to be with because I can’t do this on my own.”
I gulped. Of course I saw it, with each of them. But I couldn’t possibly help her choose. I jumped at a quiet knock on the door and Adam appeared, wide eyed.
“Um, Hana? Jack just asked me if you’re here. Do you want me to ignore it?”
Hana let out a laugh. “He knows I’m here, don’t worry. You can tell him.”
Adam looked at me, confused, then nodded and closed the door behind him.
I tried not to sound judgmental when I asked her, “Is he still tracking you?”
She nodded and bit her lip as she stared down at the floor. “They both are.”
* * *
Adam let Hana and I have the bedroom that night after she decided to stay. I went to hang out with Adam on the couch while I waited for her to shower, and it was clear by the look on his face that he was concerned.
“What happened? Is she okay? Did Jack hurt her?” he whispered to me frantically, eyeing the bathroom door.
Ever since he found out about Jack, he almost seemed afraid of him. Jack briefly spoke to him about how he and Hana were trying to “add Michael into their relationship,” but Adam couldn’t bring up literally everything else.
I shook my head as I sighed, eyeing the bathroom door as well.
“No, no one hurt her. They all went out and it ended with Jack and Michael arguing, and it kind of sent Hana into a panic attack. She’s…she thinks she needs to choose between them.”
Adam sighed and crossed his arms as he leaned back onto the couch.
“Well, she should. And it shouldn’t be Michael,” he huffed.
I turned to look at him, feeling like my eyes were going to fly out of their sockets. “You think she should be with Jack?” My face twisted with disgust.
Adam threw up his hands. “They’re married. Like, she wants to be married to him now, right? If she ever left him, I know for a fact that he would kill himself. He’s told me.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So just because he’s threatened to kill himself, you think that gives him the right to guilt her into staying with him?”
He shook his head again. “No, Em, I don’t. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I know Jack has done some fucked up shit, but it’s her decision to stay now. Like, she’s a grown fucking woman and she can do what she wants. Michael threw himself back into the picture and now he’s fucking up their whole dynamic.”
I was shocked that Adam was defending Jack. I knew they were best friends and all, but this? Did I even know my own boyfriend?
“I’m so fucking confused.” I stood. “How are you defending his actions?”
Adam scoffed and stood in front of me. “I’m not, Emily. How are you supporting your cousin’s decision to be with both of those fucking psychopaths?”
I didn’t realize that the bathroom door was wide open until I turned around, seeing Hana slam our bedroom door behind her.
“Fuck!” I yelled to Adam then stomped to our bedroom door, finding the handle locked.
“Hana! I’m sorry. Please, let me in,” I called out.
I could hear her clattering around before she opened the door in my borrowed sweats and T-shirt. She came bursting through with her clothes in one hand and her purse in the other.
“Han.” I followed her to the front door. “Please, let’s talk. You can’t leave, it’s fucking 2 a.m.,” I continued.
“Let me make my own fucking crazy decisions, Emily. But don’t you dare fucking judge me anymore.”
The door slammed behind her.
“Fuck!” I turned to Adam. “Call Jack. Make sure he gets her home safe.”
I thought about what I had said. Jack and safe, two words that didn’t belong together in the same sentence. Yet here I was, knowing that Jack would stop at nothing to make sure she was okay. He would protect her, at least from the outside world. I knew all of those months ago that it was true. He worshiped the ground she walked on. He was obsessed with her.
And then I realized Hana felt the exact same about him.