Dirty Play (Empire State Hockey Series)

7. Gwen

“Is everything okay?” I ask as I walk back into my bedroom, where Cade is now sitting at the edge of my bed, his elbows resting on his thighs.

I immediately sense something is off. The man that just gave me the best orgasms of my life is officially nowhere to be found. Nope, no, it seems we are back to the usual Cade.

“No, everything is not okay,” he growls, his tone angry, filled with frustration as his fingers tug on his hair. “We shouldn’t have let this happen, none of it!” he shouts, and I feel like he’s just slapped me.

His touch gave me some of the most insane pleasure of my life, but now, his words feel like thorns. His whole demeanor has changed—the fun, playful Cade is gone, leaving me with the moody Cade who doesn’t believe in fun.

“Little too late for that realization, don’t ya think?” I ask coldly, suddenly realizing just how naked I am. Grabbing an oversized t-shirt from my drawer, I quickly throw it on before leveling him with a stare.

“It’s not like we can exactly go back in time and undo what we just did,” I say. My tone is no longer sweet as I try to push down the emotions for the moment, not wanting him to see them. I’ll deal with my emotional well-being tomorrow, but tonight, I’m just trying to make it out somewhat unscathed, even if it is all for show. I can fall apart when he leaves.

“If I could, I’d have done it already, Gwen. This was all a big fucking mistake,” Cade says, his voice getting louder, the anguish evident on his face, but it’s nothing compared to what I’m feeling.

My face heats as I do my best to swallow down the hurt and not let him see just how much his words are hurting me. It’s hard, though. I trusted him. I trusted that when he made the choice to walk into my apartment, he was doing so because he wanted to. I trusted that he respected me enough not to treat me like this less than ten minutes after fucking me, but apparently that’s too much to fucking ask.

I take a step back, realizing just how vulnerable I’m feeling at this moment—used up and tossed to the side, like I’m not good enough to keep around after getting what you want.

“I told you before this couldn’t fucking happen, Gwen. I didn’t want this, and you still let this happen,” Cade says, finally standing up. His fists are balled at his sides, but I’m not afraid of him. He’s not actually mad at me, that much is evident. But it’s easier for him to take it out on me than to take accountability.

“Well, your cock said otherwise, Cade. Don’t you dare put this all on me. If I’m not mistaken, both you and your cock wanted me in any way you could get me, and you said so yourself. Are you going to use the excuse you tripped and fell inside my pussy, over and over and over, and somehow that’s my fault?”

“That’s not the fucking point!” he snaps, his voice angrier, louder, his chest heaving as he stands there, and my heart hurts because I’ve never seen him like this. He doesn’t look mad anymore, the anger rolling away, leaving only a very broken and confused man.

“I’ve gotta go,” he says out of nowhere, standing in front of me with his jaw slack as he just stares at me. Leaning forward, he presses a chaste kiss to my cheek, and then, without a second glance, he turns around and walks out the door.

The sound of the door clicking shut is the final straw.

The floodgates open, and I’m left feeling abandoned and used.

S.O.S.

I need you.

Sawyer

On the way.

Cassie

Who am I killing?

Ellie

Do we need bail money?

“What the helldo you mean he got up and left?” Sawyer shouts loud enough that I’m positive my neighbors can hear her.

The girls came over first thing this morning after I texted them. I didn’t even have to tell them everything, basically just that I had the best orgasms of my life—multiple—only for him to make a complete U-turn and call it all a mistake before leaving me all alone.

He altered my brain chemistry with his magical dick and then disappeared like fucking Houdini, leaving me high and dry and feeling like an idiot.

I knew he could be a dick, but I’d never personally experienced it until now.

“I don’t know how else to say it—we had sex. Really, really good sex, and then I went to clean myself up. By the time I came back out, he was dressed and irritated. It was so unexpected and immediately killed my buzz. It was like one minute he’s naked in my bed, giving me the best orgasms of my life. The next, he’s kissing me on the cheek and walking out the door, no explanation, no anything, other than telling me it was a mistake and should have never happened,” I say, an unwelcome feeling of sadness settling in the pit of my stomach.

Although Cade is just a friend, this feels an awful lot like heartbreak.

I knew this was a possibility going into tonight, but for some reason, I actually trusted that he’d thought through his decision. That he wasn’t throwing away our friendship just to get his dick wet. He knows I don’t date, but I’ve been pretty up-front about my attraction to him while he’s always been hot and cold. I play it off that I’m interested in Cade because he’s hot and looks like he can fuck well, but I also just enjoy being around him, which to me would be an added bonus for a hookup.

But apparently, he can only have a hookup or a friend, not both. And he chose to leave.

“You’re joking, right?” Cassie says, her voice sharp, the look on her face a weapon.

These girls are definitely my protectors, and that’s something I’ll never take for granted. “I wish I were,” I say quietly, the memories from that night still hard to think about.

“That’s brutal. What a dickbag. Don’t get me wrong, I say that with love because it’s Cade, and I love the grumpy ass. But fuck him big right now,” Cassie finally says. “If they’re going to be dicks after the big O, they shouldn’t be allowed to be good in bed. They definitely shouldn’t be allowed to have big dicks, either.”

“Cassie, he wasn’t just good—he was beyond amazing. I saw stars. I’m pretty sure I blacked out and lost actual moments of my life while I floated around in outer space. Don’t even get me started on his dick. He’s big and knows how to use it. It’s so unfair, plus his dirty talk could nearly get me there by itself. I mean, I nearly came just from hearing him tell me what to do.”

“Oh, I love it when Rex does that,” Sawyer says with a smirk. “Although I have a hard time seeing you enjoy someone telling you what to do, even in the bedroom.”

“We all knew a man would bring her to her knees one of these days, and we’ve always hoped it’d be Cade.” Cassie smirks.

“Yeah, but we also expected him to actually stick around and not be a total douchebag,” Sawyer adds.

“Yeah, I definitely didn’t have this on my bingo card this year. He’s always been there for me, even if it hasn’t been in the conventional way,” I say with a shrug. “I usually don’t like to be bossed around because it always feels forced. With Cade, he was in control. Of the entire situation, my body included, and it was hot.”

“Oh, we’ve all seen it. There’s always been something between you two,” Sawyer says with a smile before turning serious. “Have you tried to talk to him yet?”

“No. I don’t have anything to say right now. Besides, I’m pretty sure he said everything he needed to last night,” I say as I look out the window, flashbacks of last night clouding my mind, and I just want to curl in a ball in my bed and hide from it all.

The only problem? Every time I close my eyes, I just see the pained look on Cade’s face right before he broke me.

The broken boy staring back at me with so much sadness I couldn’t breathe.

“So, what’re you going to do?” Cassie finally asks.

“The same thing I always do. Keep moving along, throw myself into my job, and try to remember last night for what it was. A couple of orgasms.”

“Do you think you guys will ever be okay?” Sawyer asks.

“I mean, eventually. But that all depends on him,” I answer with a shrug. “It’s him with the problem, not me. It was just me who got taken along for the ride.”

Havinga hangover two days in a row should be illegal, but I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to sit in the sun with the girls for a couple of hours. Having some mimosas and getting some vitamin D made it all worth it. The girls ended up staying over for most of the day until Rex and Max came over to pick them up.

After making a tray of nachos, I ended up crashing on my couch with a pint of brownie batter ice cream and 10 Things I Hate About You playing on the TV.

I even left early this evening for work because I wanted to walk instead of take a cab—my feeble attempt to shake off my grumpiness with physical exertion. By the time I make it to the hospital, I have just enough time to grab a chai tea and sugar cookie from the cafeteria before my shift starts at eight.

Perfect.

“Coffee or sustenance?” Mariah asks, trying to hide her yawn as I get in line behind her.

“Aren’t they the same thing? Caffeine is a must, but I’m also eye fucking that purple sugar cookie just sitting there, tempting me with its buttery perfect icing.”

“My vice is their lemon bars—they melt in your mouth and are just perfect. But I don’t think I’d turn down any of their desserts. They’re all amazing.”

The line moves pretty quickly. Right before it’s my turn to order, Dr. Dickhead walks by with his food on a tray and a warm coffee in hand, but the warmth doesn’t meet his eyes.

“You’re needed over at the nurses’ station. Room three needs to have a bunch of testing done tonight. She’ll need to be prepped. So, whenever you decide you’re done chitchatting like it’s your job, please head over to your actual job,” he says in his most condescending tone possible. “But by all means, take some extra time to get a snack first, everything else can wait.”

I notice Mariah looking down, obviously not as comfortable with confrontation as I am, but there’s no chance I’m allowing him to talk to me like this and get away with it.

“Well, you see, I’d be more than happy to. As soon as I clock in. At my scheduled time. But until then, I’m going to enjoy my little snacky-snack,” I tell him with the biggest, fakest smile I can muster up.

The doctor with Dickhead does his best to hide a smirk. It’s well-known he can be a dick, but he’s definitely not used to someone snapping back.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mariah watching us. Her eyes wide with shock but she’s fighting back a laugh while Mr. Doctor here should probably get his blood pressure checked. He’s so angry his cheeks are turning red. I can only imagine that much anger can’t be good for your heart.

“Sorry, Ms. Murphy, I was under the impression you took your patients’ health seriously and weren’t worried about a couple of minutes, but now I understand,” he says before turning to walk away, unable to admit he’s wrong so trying to make me seem like a dick.

Fuck him.

“That man is literally the worst,” Mariah sighs. “Can’t wait for Dr. Mitchell to be back on nights soon, he’s pretty to look at and nice.”

Agreed. Dr. Dickhead is really starting to get on my nerves.

“Hello,Miss Kennedy, how are you tonight?” I ask as I walk into the hospital room. Kennedy sits on the bed while her mom paints her toenails neon green.

“Tired of being poked and prodded, but that’s nothing new.” She smiles, but I can see the exhaustion behind her attempt to be strong.

“I know, sweet girl. I’m sorry,” I say as I check her vitals.

Looking over at Denise, I can see the worry on her face. Her husband, Josh, usually goes home during the week. They have two dogs, and his work is close to home, so it just makes more sense. He’s always back here the moment he can be. I’ve gotten Denise to go home once or twice to get some rest, but it’s a battle, and she always comes back at six the next morning to be here when Kennedy wakes up.

I get it. I really do. But sometimes, you just need a night in your bed with your person to recover, body and mind, while going through hard times. Most often, when people get stressed, they become overly emotional and altogether more fragile, especially when exhausted. It’s like one wrong move, and we’re ready to attack. She tries to be so strong for Kennedy all the time that sometimes she needs some time to feel broken.

“How are you, mama?” I ask Denise. “Have you had any food yet?”

She looks up with a sweet smile. “Yeah, Josh left about an hour ago, and he brought us dinner,” she says, putting away the nail polish before sitting back down on the edge of Kennedy’s bed. “But I’m good. We’re good. Hopefully these tests show her kidney levels are improving, but if not, we’re just going to keep our fingers crossed we find that donor.

“I’m crossing my fingers and my toes,” I say, grabbing her hand with a soft smile. I give her a quick squeeze before turning back to Kennedy. “You just never know when you’ll find your match.”

“That’s what they keep telling me,” Kennedy groans. “But damn. It’s hard watching other people get theirs while there always seems to be something in the way of me getting mine.”

“Language,” Denise scolds as she rolls her eyes, but all you can see is the love for her daughter in those eyes.

“What? I can deal with kidney failure and miss most of my sophomore year of high school because I’m hooked up to all this sh—crap, but I can’t swear?”

“I mean, it is just a word.” Denise shrugs.

“I think of swear words as word seasoning. Not used toward others, but there to help spice up the sentence a little bit.” I wink at Kennedy, who gives me one of her megawatt smiles.

She may only be fifteen, but she’s been through a lot. She’s been in and out of the hospital since she was thirteen, all starting with what they thought was a simple UTI. One turned into two, then three, then another one, until they discovered her frequent infections weren’t because of infection—they were because her kidneys were failing.

Watching her battle this shit has been heartbreaking. She’s losing so much time to be a kid, and to watch her miss all these milestones in real time has been devastating. Especially when she’s been playing select soccer since she could walk and had college scouts interested in her. Now, she’s on dialysis while we hope for a match. To say she’s been nursing a broken heart these last few months would be the understatement of the century.

“Are you guys still re-watching Gilmore Girls?”

“Yes! We are only in season two, but it’s getting so good,” Kennedy squeals, her smile widening at the change of topic. “Jess just won a date with Rory in an auction, beating out Dean, and honestly, I wish I could save the look on Dean’s face and make a t-shirt or something.”

“But poor Dean just looked so sad,” Denise adds as she starts to add another coat to Kennedy”s toes.

“Well, he can cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. We’re Team Jess in this hospital room.”

“I’m an OG Team Jess girl right here.” I smile, grabbing all my stuff and closing out of the computer. “I’ll be back around in a bit. Remember to press the button if you need anything.”