Dirty Play (Empire State Hockey Series)

8. Cade

Lacing up my skates the morning of our last game of the season shouldn’t feel so depressing, but it does. Not only is hockey my outlet—and now it’s going to be less prevalent in my life for a while—but it’s also Trevor’s last game on the team before he retires, and that sucks.

It’s the end of an era, and damn, it’s sad.

When I first got drafted as a rookie to the New York Cyclones at twenty-one, Trevor was the first guy to really welcome me to the team. He made me feel like I was a part of something bigger, even if I didn’t actually get a lot of playtime. He was also the first to believe in me when I did finally get on the ice. It was at the end of a game when our goalie got injured, only eleven games into the season, and it was up to me to take his place. Trevor had the entire team backing me up, believing in me, and supporting me that first game—and every one after that.

I was scared shitless, but you wouldn’t have been able to tell because Trevor made me believe I was not only capable of doing this job but that I could be great at it. When we won the game 2-0 against Nashville, I blacked out the moment the buzzer went off.

Did I think we would win my first game out there? Hell no.

I felt like a baby deer on skates trying to walk out there on the ice—my pads felt like they were ten sizes too big. Add in the thought of going up against another team on live national television, and I was fucking terrified.

But he made me believe.

Did I think there was any possibility that we would not only win, but that I would get my first ever shutout?

Not in a million years.

Now, with his last game tonight, all I want to do is get him one last win. For everything he’s done for the team and everything he’s done for me.

Tossing my bag in my locker, I grab my phone off the bench to throw it in as well when a text pops up.

Kylie.

Fucking hell. Right as I go to throw it in without looking, a second text from her pops up, the words clear as day on my screen.

Kylie

I’m in town, let’s get together.

We need to talk about June.

Kylie has been bugging me since January to make plans to come home this summer. My brother Vince was able to get some time off of work and they want to throw an anniversary party for my parents. They’re celebrating the big 4-0. I told them I couldn’t make it because of work, but they quickly called me out on that bullshit. That’s the downside to being a professional hockey player—they know it’s the offseason and I’ll have no problem making it work.

Can’t, sorry. I have a game.

Kylie

I know, dipshit, I have your schedule.

Can’t miss the last game of the season! I already bought a ticket.

Son of a bitch.

Well then, I guess I’ll see you there.

Kylie

You bet your ass you will.

My little sister is… well, a typical little sister. Huge pain in the ass, but a heart of gold. She’s used to getting her way and isn’t afraid to force the hand a bit if it helps her in the long run.

Slamming my locker shut, I walk out to the rink and link up with the rest of the guys. Harris and Miles are standing by the ice, watching as a couple of the guys race around, loosening up a bit, Trevor in the lead laughing like a fool. The good thing about tonight’s game is we can enjoy it for what it is, the last game of the season, and Trevor definitely is. Playoffs have already been written off for us, so we’re all out here just having fun, playing the game we love.

Did it suck not to make playoffs? Obviously. But at the end of the day, there are only so many teams that can make it, and it just wasn’t our year.

“Hey,” I grunt as I walk up to the guys.

“Late night?” Miles asks curiously, glancing at Harris like I’m walking out here in my underwear or something.

“No. Why?” I ask.

“We heard you and our little friend ended up spending some time together after Ellie’s birthday party. Figured you met up for a round two, and that’s why you’re so tired,” Miles jokes.

That would mean I hadn’t fucked up that first night.

“You guys are the biggest gossips I’ve ever met,” I grumble, grabbing water and taking a big gulp. “To answer your question, though, no, I’m not tired. I’m just annoyed.”

“Why?”

“My sister is in town.”

“Wait, you have a sister?” Trevor asks as he skates up.

“Yup. Kylie, or Baby Williams as I call her,” Harris pipes in for me.

Harris is the one guy—well, besides Rex—who knows the story of my family. Rex only knows because he caught me in a weak moment a couple of years back on the anniversary of Veronica’s death. I ended up wasted and spilling the entire story to him. That was it, though, besides one other time, and we haven’t mentioned it since. Harris, on the other hand, lived through it with me.

“Why do I feel like you have this entire secret life from us? Do you have a wife? Kids? Are you some super-secret spy sent to steal hockey secrets or discover the secret sauce in some restaurant?” Miles starts questioning me, shock evident on his face as he just stares at me, waiting for me to talk.

What should I say? I’ve done a good job of hiding my family because it’s easier that way? Instead of constantly reminding myself of the pain I caused them, I chose to run, and the memory of it still hurts.

Every single time my sister reaches out, I wonder if I made the right decision. It’s been eleven years since Veronica died and ten since I left. I went back a couple of times for Christmas, but after a while that stopped too. I haven’t been home in at least five years, and sometimes I would give just about anything to get a big hug from my mama, but it always makes me feel guilty—like I’m undeserving of the comfort.

“Nope. Nothing like that. I guess I just don’t really talk about my family.”

“Is Kylie coming tonight?” Harris asks, sidetracking our conversation for me, obviously sensing my discomfort in entering this conversational territory.

“Yeah, she said she got a ticket.

“You’re really letting her sit in the nosebleeds?”

“I mean… I guess I could give her one of my tickets. I didn’t even think about it.”

“Do that, and then make sure she’s coming out with us after the game. I haven’t seen Baby Williams in years.”

“She’s not a Williams anymore, remember? She’s an Edwards now. I’m sure she doesn’t want to hang out with us after the game. We aren’t in high school anymore.”

“Whatever, she’ll always be Baby Williams to me. I’m texting her now.”

By the time we finish our morning skate and I’ve changed, I send a quick text to my sister.

Is it just you in New York, or is Brandon with you?

Kylie

Just me.

Interesting. Kylie and her husband have been inseparable since they got together in high school. Back then, Brandon was one of my best friends. He, Harris, and I all grew up together, all living on the same block from the time we were born and all through high school. I should’ve known he’d end up with my sister, the way he was always checking in with her, asking me about her. Somehow, when I found out, it was still a shock.

I’m happy for her, though. He’s a great guy, and she deserves someone to take care of her—deserves someone to protect her. Even though I’m her older brother, I’m no good at protecting anyone.

K. I left you a ticket. Pick it up when you get here.

She may be an absolute pain in my ass, but Harris is right. My sister isn’t sitting in the nosebleeds when I have a set of tickets that are never used. Well, unless Gwen wants to go to a game, but lately she hasn’t been able to make it.

Not that I expect her here tonight, not after how I treated her the night of Ellie’s birthday. I’ve picked up my phone no less than fifty times a day since that night, but every time I go to text her, I put my phone down, remembering she’s better off without me. The sooner she realizes it, the better.

For her.

The thought of hurting her causes me physical pain, and knowing I intentionally hurt her makes it even worse. I wish I could tell her I regret fucking everything up. I wish I could tell her the night I spent with her was the best night I’ve had in a long time, all because I spent it with her.

But that’s not me. I don’t get the girl at the end of my story, and I realized that a long, long time ago.

“Good game,”Kylie says, wrapping me up in a big hug as I walk out from the locker room, her face lighting up when she sees me.

Her excitement somehow makes me feel even worse—like I’m the world’s worst brother.

“Thanks, Ky. Glad I could help Trevor get one last win before retirement. It was just a bonus to get another shutout. Although I think our win pales in comparison to Ellie’s pregnancy announcement just now.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t surprised when they said they weren’t coming out tonight.” She smirks.

“I don’t think anyone was,” I tell her with a smirk. “How was the ticket? Did you have any trouble picking it up?”

We’re both standing by the locker room doors while everyone else has started to move their celebration further out, slowly making their way to their families or out to the bar to celebrate. We’ve made it through post-game interviews and the team meeting at the end, so now we are free.

We have a couple odds and ends to finish up this week, but the hard part is done, and we get a much-needed break.

“Nope, it was easy. Your seats are amazing, though. I’m sure Brandon will be jealous when I tell him.”

“Where is he? I thought you two didn’t go anywhere without each other?”

“He’s on a work trip. He works a lot,” Kylie says, and I see the sadness in her eyes when she says it. I can’t help but feel like I’m not protecting her yet again.

“Lame. Harris says you’re coming out tonight?”

“Yeah… I mean, if that’s okay. He texted me and asked, and I stupidly assumed Harris had checked with you, but of course he didn’t because it’s Harris and he’s reckless,” Kylie starts to ramble, and I just hold my hand up.

“Let’s go, Kylie, it’s okay. I mean, you are my sister and all.”

“I am?” she deadpans before walking toward the doors.

The bar isbusy as usual, especially after a game, but we’ve tucked ourselves away in a corner to relax and celebrate. A few hours in, and that’s what everyone is doing. Rex and Sawyer came out, along with Cassie and Max, and I can’t help but feel disappointed Gwen decided to not come out tonight. I’m not surprised, though—I doubt she wants to be around me much. And who can blame her after everything that happened? It’s just way more fun when she’s here.

Kylie has proven she still fits into any group, no matter how long it’s been or even if she’s never met them before. She’s out laughing with Cassie on the dance floor while Harris and Miles make fools of themselves doing dance moves that have no business being in this decade.

As much as it’s been a little uncomfortable for me, it’s been nice getting to see Kylie and catching up. In the car on the way to the bar she found her moment to talk, word vomiting the entire drive about how much everyone misses me, how Vince isn’t the same, always angry now. How my parents are just sad a lot, always talking about how much they miss me.

It broke my heart when she told me how hard it’s been for her since I left. Seeing the sadness in her eyes and how broken she looked—it hurt. I don’t want to hurt her; I just don’t know how to fix this.

She made me promise to consider going home for my parents” anniversary party, even if it is just a short trip. The brat even made me pinky promise, and it was at that moment I knew the chances of me going back to Ivy Falls were much higher than they had been in years.

“I’ve given you time to figure your shit out. Now it’s time to tell me what the hell happened to you two,” Sawyer says as she slides into the spot next to me that’s been empty for the last twenty minutes. “Because based on her side of the story, I want to punch you in the dick, but I’m willing to hear your side before I determine punishment.”

“And whatever is it you’d like to talk about?” I ask, prolonging the torture this conversation could bring, knowing at the end of it, there’s a good chance I’m getting dick punched. I also just feel like pushing her buttons. I knew eventually, one of Gwen’s attack dogs would come for me, but truthfully, I thought it would be Cassie. Cassie is a bit scary, if I’m being honest, although it’s all out of love. Sawyer, on the other hand, has a bit of a soft spot for me. Rex probably told her a bit of my life, so hopefully she’ll take it easy on me.

“Cut the shit, Williams. What the fuck happened with you and Gwen?”

I sit back, grabbing my drink in one hand while I stare at her, “Based on your tone, you know exactly what happened. So, I think you’re really trying to figure out why it happened, am I right?”

Her glare says enough, and anyone with a soul probably just felt it getting sucked away like a Dementor’s kiss. Lucky for me, I don’t have a soul.

Setting my drink back down, I fold my hands and pause, trying to figure out how to say this without making shit even worse.

“I don’t have an answer for you, Sawyer. Truthfully, I wish I did. None of that night should have happened.”

“Are you saying you used her?”

“No. I’m saying everything that happened that night shouldn’t have happened.”

“But it did, so what’s the big deal?”

“Because my big brother has this martyr bullshit set in his mind. He believes everyone in the world is better off without him, including his family and anyone he might care about as more than a friend. Which from what I’m gathering, this Gwen chick might fit in that latter category.”

Sawyer and I look to Kylie, who slides into the spot across from us and rests her chin on her fist as she watches us with interest. A little smirk tells me she’s in the mood to start some shit.

“Based on the conversation I just walked into, it seems my big brother is continuing to push people away, even after he pushed his family away and left home.”

And that’s all it takes. The next thing I know, Sawyer has turned to my baby sister and spilled the entire story about Gwen and I—well, minus the parts no sister wants to hear about her brother. Yet she somehow makes sure to get the point across.

I hooked up with one of my best friends, told her it was a mistake, and then basically ghosted her.

I expect Sawyer and Kylie to team up on me, to make me feel like complete and total shit for everything, but instead, it almost feels like there’s a little more understanding.

It’s still unnerving, though. I’ve been able to keep this shit away from everyone for six years, and Kylie meets them for one night and spills the beans, only for Sawyer to do the same, both enjoying swapping stories about me. I thought I’d be mad, maybe even upset at everyone knowing my business, but truthfully, I’m relieved.

Maybe if everyone knows my story, they’ll understand why I am the way I am. Why I refuse to let anyone in. Why no woman has ever been to my home, and why anytime feelings start to crawl their way inside my heart I torch them until all that’s left is dust. Maybe if they understand, they’ll help me figure out how to redraw the line in the sand with Gwen.

“I’m certain he likes her; he’s just protecting himself,” Kylie says before taking a sip from her beer.

“From what?” Sawyer whispers like I can’t hear, but before Kylie can answer, I squash it.

“Enough of your little gossip sesh. Where the hell is she tonight?” I ask Sawyer, who turns to look at me like she’s seeing me for the first time. Like some puzzles were solved while new ones popped up.

“She’ll be here soon. She isn’t off until midnight, and then she’s going to walk over, so she’ll probably be here a little after then.”

“She’s going to walk here? From the hospital… by herself?” I stammer, feeling my blood pressure rise at the thought of Gwen out in New York at midnight, all alone. “She can’t do that.”

“She walks home every night, Cade,” Sawyer says.

I get up, slamming a wad of cash down on the table before turning to look at Kylie. “I’ll be back. Let’s not share all the family secrets on your first night, deal?”

She smiles, holding up her pinky, making me promise like always before I turn and walk out of the bar.

Runningto the hospital after playing a brutal game of hockey is probably not my smartest choice, but thinking isn’t exactly my strong suit when it comes to this woman.

Had I even slowed down for two seconds to think, I would’ve remembered my damn car was parked at the bar. But with only fifteen minutes left till midnight, I took off running.

Kylie laughed after our pinky promise and said something about how she knew one day someone would knock me on my ass, but I just kept going. Now, walking around the front of the hospital to the entrance, I wonder if she’s right—is that what’s happening right now, and I’m just too na?ve to admit it?

Before I make it through the hospital’s front doors, I see Gwen through the glass, sitting in the cafeteria laughing. Her smile is big and bright while she talks with another woman and a teenage girl, who is a spitting image of the woman I can only assume is her mom.

Gwen looks happy right now—like, truly happy, and I wish I could freeze this memory, and keep it close to remind myself what pure happiness looks like. To remind myself I felt happy when I saw her this happy—because this is as close to joy as I’ve felt off the ice in a long time. I lose track of time as I watch them laugh and talk until I realize it’s now well after midnight and by the looks of it, she’s going nowhere fast.

Pulling out my phone, I shoot her a quick text, refusing to leave until I know she’s safe.

Are you coming out tonight?

Gwen

Oh, now you want to talk to me?

Just answer the question.

Gwen

No.

Ok. I was just making sure you had a ride.

Gwen

Thanks, but in the future, you can waste your time worrying about someone else. I’m a big girl.

With that, she tosses her phone in her bag and turns back to the girls. I can’t help but feel like I just got dismissed, leaving me jealous they have her undivided attention.

But this is what I chose. This is what’s best for her.

That doesn’t mean I’m okay with her hating me.