Dirty Play (Empire State Hockey Series)

9. Gwen

Mom

Are you available for a phone call?

Yeah, I don’t work till four tonight.

Seconds later my phone vibrates in my hand, my mom’s picture popping up with a FaceTime call. Quickly answering it, I smile when her face shows up on my screen.

“Hi darling,” my mom says sweetly into the phone. “How are you?”

“Hi mom, I’m doing well. Just been busy with work. How have you and dad been?” I ask as I finish putting the laundry away.

I don’t mind working nights. It’s just a downer when you have to spend your days sleeping and doing chores instead of being outside enjoying the nicer weather. Being the beginning of May, the weather is starting to get warmer and the days longer. The seasonal depression is slowly starting to leave my body. I feel like a plant seeing the sun for the first time in a decade, trying to soak up as much of the goodness as possible until it disappears again.

“We’ve been good. We just helped open the new teaching hospital down in Florida and spent a week or two on the beach after that before heading back to Connecticut.”

My parents work at one of the leading teaching hospitals in the country, so occasionally they are put in charge of setting up a new hospital and helping to get everything running smoothly before they go back to their regular jobs in Connecticut.

My parents have always been workaholics, never having “normal” jobs—they’ve always been married to not only each other but also to their work, leaving very little time for me. These phone calls, while making me smile, also remind me just how clinical our relationship has become, and it fucking sucks. Like, dammit, I just want one day when my mom calls me and wants to hear the gossip or talk about a guy. Hell, even just to check in with me on how I’m doing, anything outside of the damn hospital.

“—but besides that, we haven’t been doing much,” she continues, snapping me out of my thoughts and back into our conversation. “We were actually thinking about stopping by one of these weeks to see you and the hospital.”

“Oh? Do you know when?” I ask, already annoyed it can’t just be about me—it has to be about the hospital, too.

“We aren’t sure. It depends on where your father wants to go and if he wants to visit any other hospitals. We’ll let you know, though. I’m sure you’ll be able to get the time off?”

“It shouldn’t be a problem. Just let me know when you can.”

“We will, darling. Now, I’ve gotta run. I have a meeting at five,” my mom says, her typical short conversation well evident.

“Of course, talk to you later.”

“Bye,” she says before I hear the click of her disconnecting the call.

“Love you, too,” I say to an empty line.

Why am I surprised? We’ve never been an overly lovey and affectionate family, but at this point, I don’t think I’d know what to do if they gave me comfort, or hugged me, or even said I love you because it’s been so few and far between my entire life.

The only benefit to being an only child to two workaholic parents is that you become very comfortable with being alone… a lot. I’ve sort of learned when you work in the medical field, it will always be a huge part of your life, which is why these past few years I’ve taken a huge step back from dating and had little to no personal life.

It didn’t help that Dr. Dickhead told me if I were spending my time dating in the first few years of becoming a nurse, it would look like I didn’t care about my job. I know it’s bullshit, but it was enough for him to get into my head. It also doesn’t help that I turned him down at a bar before knowing who he was—I was out with a friend and wasn’t interested. He was less than thrilled when I said no. A man with a hurt ego can really spew some bullshit, and he’s definitely made his opinion of me known at work, which is why I haven’t actually dated a man in four years.

No point in trying to start a relationship when I’m not going to have enough time to spend with them, and they’ll end up leaving me anyway. At least this way, I don’t have to get my heart broken.

Before finishing laundry, I spent a few minutes answering texts. To the surprise of no one, Sawyer and Cassie were in our group chat debating what the superior type of donut is. They were in a full-out battle over whether a glazed donut was better—Cassie—or if a chocolate donut with sprinkles was better—Sawyer.

You’re both wrong.

Maple bar. I will accept no other answers.

I hover my finger over Cade’s name, still not ready to talk to him but needing to know what he said when he texted me the other night. I can always just open it, read it, then close it… right? I don’t have to respond, right? Giving in, I click his name, surprised when I see his message.

Cade

I fucked up, Tink. I already know.

I hope you don’t hate me forever.

I look down at my phone like it’s in a foreign language. He didn’t apologize. But, I mean, I guess he’s trying. I want to forgive him, I do. And honestly, maybe I already have, I’m just not ready to admit it yet. I feel like as long as I don’t admit I forgive him, I’m not admitting I let him hurt me.

I don’t. I just think you’re a fucking asshole.

Cade

I agree.

Throwing my phone onto my bed, I turn my music on full blast while I finish laundry and do a deep clean of my apartment. Weekends are fun, but it’s also the only time I have to catch up on life, and I only have four hours left until work, so it’s time to get a move on.

Mondays are alwaysthe worst day of the week because it means Dr. D is here for the night shift again. It’s a busy evening tonight on our floor, with three patients who recently had surgery and are almost ready to go home, while we have another patient recovering from a surgery yesterday. One of them had a brain tumor removed a little over a week ago, and they get to go home tomorrow with the good news that it was benign. The reports came back today, and it sounds like they got it all.

I have two patients right now—Kennedy and a boy named Benny. Benny had heart surgery, and while it was a rough start, he’s nearly ready to go home and see his new baby sister that he’s been so excited to meet. All the happy news makes this job so rewarding. The unfortunate part of healthcare is sometimes you do everything possible, and you still can’t fight fate.

So, when I run into Denise and Josh and see tears in their eyes, my heart immediately hurts from their pain.

“Are you okay?” I ask as Josh hugs Denise into his side, her eyes rimmed red.

“It’s just been a rough day, and things just don’t seem to be getting better. She hates being here on dialysis, and when they talked to her about how she will probably stay here until she has a donor, she lost it. She didn’t handle the news well and just broke down. She has never asked us to leave the room, but tonight, she demanded some alone time and started crying as I closed the door behind us.”

“I’m so sorry, that’s a lot to take in all at once, and I can only imagine how much that hurts to hear from your daughter. Kennedy loves you both so much. She just might need some time. We all process news differently, and it might take some time for her to grieve the path she thought she would be on. I’m sure it’s difficult when it’s your own kid, and you’re struggling at the same time.”

Josh nods, his jaw clenched as he fights his emotions. “She’s just lost the joy she used to have, and I know it’s because she’s so tired of missing out on everything. She’s constantly here fighting for her health. But she’s stopped taking an interest in anything, and it’s killing me to watch. She used to love sports—watching them, playing them, talking about them. I mean, soccer was her life. But now, it’s like she just wants to watch TV and pretend nothing else exists, and it’s hard not being able to help.”

“Look, go take a walk, grab a coffee or something. I know it’s getting late. Maybe grab her some ice cream. I have two more patients to check on, and then it’s her turn. If she throws me out, we’ll figure out a plan B, but maybe she really does just needs a minute to cool down.”

“Thank you,” Josh says as Denise starts to sob. They walk away with sad smiles, and I feel for them. They feel helpless, waiting for a match that may never come. Knowing everyone around them who”s been tested has come back negative can be quite disheartening.

All I can do is hope somehow, somewhere, a perfect match shows up.

When I finally make it to Kennedy’s room, she’s turned on Gilmore Girls and is sitting up with a snack.

“Hey,” I say as I walk in. “How are you?”

“Just peachy, but I’m sure you’ve already talked to my parents,” Kennedy says, her typical sass gone, replaced by sadness, and I hate it.

“Yeah, but it’s not them I want to hear it from. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”

She looks at me for a moment before grabbing the remote and pausing Gilmore Girls. Then she unloads. Every feeling, experience, and thing that has pissed her off comes out, and all of the emotions you would expect a fifteen-year-old girl to feel appear at once. She just wants to feel normal, be with her friends, play soccer, and kiss boys, but she can’t because ‘her stupid kidneys are trying to kill her.’

With perfect timing, her parents walk in, wrapping her in a hug while she collapses in their arms, sobbing, as they all grieve the life they thought she’d be living. I am praying and hoping it’s not too far out of their reach.

An hour later,I’m ready to head down to the cafeteria for lunch, only this time I’m not going alone—I hope. I have a surprise. Slipping into Kennedy’s room, I find her and her mom curled up in her bed, her dad has already headed out for the night, so they’re just watching more Gilmore Girls, their nightly routine.

“So, what do you two say about going down to the cafeteria and having milkshakes with me? I need to have lunch, but nothing sounds good except a big chocolate peanut butter milkshake.”

“Deal,” Denise says, perking up and looking down at Kennedy, who is smiling at the thought of dessert. “I think we could all use a little cheering up today, and some fresh air out of this room might do us all some good.”

“Meet me down there in fifteen minutes?”

“Awesome.”

Quickly heading out of her room, I check in on Benny and his dad one last time, making sure they have what they need before letting them know where I’ll be.

When I found out one of the coffee stands makes milkshakes, I was in heaven. Even if my hips continue to scream at my desire to order one every single day.

Not like I’m complaining, they’re just more to hold onto… and if you have time to judge the weight on my hips, you’re not fucking me good enough.

Scanning the cafeteria, I look for Kennedy and her mom, knowing they probably already beat me down here, but instead of spotting the two bubbly blondes, I see a set of brown eyes watching me from across the room.

My whole body freezes. Why is he here?

What is Cade doing at my hospital?

My heart starts to race as I just stare at him, my brain trying to make sense of why he would be here.

It isn’t until he starts talking that I realize he’s not alone.

Nope. Cade’s standing with Denise and Kennedy. They are both beaming up at him while Denise FaceTimes with who I can only assume is Josh—one of the biggest hockey fans I know.

I want to stay here, not let these two worlds collide, but the moment he nods for me to come over, my feet start moving before my brain even realizes what’s happening.