Chapter 11
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
AFTER
I had never been in a relationship before, but I was sure that being in one with Noah was nowhere near the standard. First, I didn’t even realize we were in a relationship yet. I thought we were just in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, even if we had been sleeping in the same bed for a week.
It started on Monday. Noah liked showering in the mornings but didn’t follow dorm etiquette. I had to cover him so he wouldn’t walk barefoot and stripped down to his boxers at peak hour. He wasn’t leaving at the same time I was, and when I told him he could shower later, he just shrugged and went anyway, not caring that people knew he didn’t live in the dorm. His lack of concern for modesty should have tipped me off about what would happen after.
Then came having to part ways for the first time. He almost didn’t let me leave. I missed my jog and arrived ten minutes late for my first class. I really couldn’t be upset over it. He had held me back by climbing on top of me and kissing me until I wasn’t sure what day it was. His kisses tasted faintly of mint toothpaste and something uniquely Noah, making my head spin. I started getting nervous when he texted to tell me he was going to training. We hadn’t talked about what we would say to people, and knowing Noah now, I wasn’t sure he would care.
Then came training, and it turned out I was right.
I walked in, and Noah wasn’t there yet. I changed and stood with Colin and Ezra, waiting for the rest to arrive. They asked me what was going on between us, and I gave a noncommittal grunt in response, not knowing what I was supposed to say to them anyway. They were still understandably worried about the whole rehab thing, and I didn’t want to make things more complicated.
Noah walked in a rush, half-waving at me before changing in the lockers. My stomach turned and started bracing for whatever would happen.
“What?” I asked, turning to Ezra. He had just asked me something, and I had no idea what it was.
“I asked if you were going to the gym later,” he said. He was annoyed, I could tell that much.
I thought about Noah. “I’m not sure. I’ll let you know before six,” I told Ezra, and he gave me a disapproving look.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. I guess I’m just surprised you can go to class alone.”
I scowled.
“Ezra,” Colin said with a warning tone.
“Whatever,” he said quietly.
Noah walked over to us, and Ezra rolled his eyes and moved a little farther away. Noah seemed unfazed. How long had that been going on?
“Hey, how’re you doing?” he said with a smile. He didn’t get too close, and I relaxed. Maybe I was just worrying over nothing.
“Good. How about you?”
“I’m swell, Atty,” he answered with a grin.
I tried to bite away my smile.
“God, this is going to be terrible,” Colin said.
Noah laughed, shoving his arm playfully. “Don’t be jealous, Col. You’ll always come first,” Noah told him.
Colin scoffed. “That’s a fucking lie. I know you, Noah. Don’t think I don’t,” he said and gave him a look.
Noah’s smile faded slightly, and he glanced at me, shrugging it off. One of the guys called Noah and he moved towards them.
“Hey,” I said, calling Colin’s attention. “Don’t you start too. He’s having a hard time. He doesn’t need more crap from people.”
He gave me a long look before nodding. “I won’t start, but watch yourself, Att. Remember, I do know him. I know why I’m telling you this.”
Noah seemed like he was doing okay, smiling and laughing like usual.
We started training, and everything seemed normal. The only thing out of the ordinary was Ezra. At least for me. Noah kept ignoring his rude behavior towards him. I had to pull Ezra away and ask him to cut it out. He told me he would back off but wouldn’t sit back if he saw Noah put one toe out of line. It went smoothly after that, and when we finished, we stood huddled like we usually did, with Hank going over the rest of the week. Noah usually didn’t stick around for those, but this time he stood beside me.
When Hank stopped talking, Noah reached for my elbow to grab my attention. “Atty, come here,” he said, pulling me a little away from the group. I guessed he was trying to get out of Ezra’s earshot.
“What is it? ”
“Are you heading back to your dorm now?”
“Yeah, I was. I usually go to the gym at seven on Mondays.”
“Can I stay over tonight?” he asked, his tone hopeful, eyes searching mine.
“Did you sleep well last night? It was kind of tight.”
“I like that. But it’s your room. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. We could go back to mine if you like,” Noah suggested.
Was it just a given that we were going to keep sleeping together?
“If you don’t mind the bed, we could stay at mine tonight and go to yours tomorrow. The gym is about a block from my dorm,” I said.
His smile grew. “I don’t mind at all. I have to run and get some things, but I’ll meet you there later.”
“Aren’t you going to change?” I asked, glancing at his disheveled appearance.
“Nah, I’ll take a quick shower before I head out to yours.”
“King,” the coach called, signaling me.
“I’ll be right there.”
Colin and Ezra were watching us.
Noah grabbed the front of my shirt and turned my attention to him. “See you later, Atty.” He tugged on my shirt, leaned up, and kissed me.
I froze. He spun and pranced out of the gym. There was no way anybody missed that. The coach probably saw it.
I turned to look at them, and the whole team was staring at me wide-eyed. Shit . I cleared my throat, and most of them started talking and moving away. I ignored the looks Ezra and Colin gave me and spoke to the coach.
Then they came and asked if we were dating. There was no point in denying it anymore. I told them we had gotten together on Saturday, and I saw the disapproval in both their faces .
“I know I scowl and joke around with it a lot, but you’re my friends. I consider you my friends too. I’m happy,” I told them and regarded Ezra. “You know how much I like him. You know how much I liked him from the moment I saw him. I never thought he would like me back, and I know he’s going through something difficult, but I’m still happy. You’ll be there if this blows up in my face, right? But meanwhile, can you let me enjoy it?” I asked.
Ezra scowled at first but ended up nodding. Colin smiled at me.
“Of course, we’ll be there, Att. I’ll back off,” Ezra said.
“Just please promise me you’ll go slow, even if he doesn’t want to,” Colin added.
I smiled. “Promise.”
The rest of the week went the same way. Noah would make me late for class, text me during the day, go to training, and then return to his place or mine. When I saw him at night, he would climb on my lap and kiss me for hours. Each day that went by, he’d be more insistent and try to get me out of my clothes. His hands would trail over my skin, leaving my mind blank. Every fiber of my being told me to go with it and just feel him, but I held back, trying to remember I was supposed to keep this slow.
By Thursday, I was on a first-name basis with his doorman, and Noah was by my side when I left for classes. He told the doorman he could let me in whenever I wanted. He even gave me a key to his apartment.
I was walking to class when I heard Noah calling me. I turned to see him sitting with his friends. Noah was perched on a low wall next to a building while the rest of his friends leaned against it.
“Hey,” I told them, and they all waved.
“Atticus,” Holly said with a smile.
“Hey, Holly,” I replied .
Noah grabbed the front of my shirt, reeling me towards him. I tried to step back a little.
“Say hi to me too,” he said with a grin of his own.
“Hi, Noah.”
His grin stretched. He tugged on my shirt again, the warmth of his hand seeping through the fabric. “Not like that. Properly.” He held the strap of my bag and pulled me closer.
I glanced around at the very public setting and Holly’s smirking face. “Noah,” I tried.
“Come on, kiss me.” He lowered his voice to a teasing whisper.
“We’re in the middle of the school grounds.”
“So what?” he asked, his tone light but insistent.
“So, everybody’s going to know,” I told him.
His eyebrows drew together. “Who cares? I’ve kissed you in public before.”
“Yeah, I know. I haven’t been completely comfortable with that either.”
“Are you serious right now?” The smile slowly left his face.
“Yeah, Noah, I am.”
“But why do you care what people think?”
“I’m not out, Noah.”
“Out of what? Who fucking cares? You’re allowed to kiss whoever you want,” he said, and I sighed. “You don’t have to announce being with me. You just have to be with me.”
“That simple?”
He smiled again. “That simple. I just want to kiss my incredibly hot boyfriend when I see him. Is that too much to ask?”
I blinked at him. “Your what?”
He licked his lips. “You heard me.”
My heart beat furiously at his words.
He touched my neck, his fingers cool against my skin, and drew me closer. “So, are you going to kiss me now?” he asked, looking at me with those eyes, giving me a flirty look that we both knew I couldn’t resist.
I stepped closer and did what he asked. His lips were soft and warm, and he smiled against mine as he wrapped his arms around my neck. His friends started cat-calling and he grinned.
“Don’t listen to them,” he whispered, kissing me again.
I never would have dreamed Noah would ever call me his boyfriend. I didn’t think he had serious relationships, but this was it. Noah was mine. I kept kissing him, even though I wasn’t a big fan of public displays of affection.
“This means you won’t see anybody else, right?” I asked, breaking away from him but still close.
He nodded and kissed me again, his breath warm on my lips. “I don’t need anybody else if I have you,” he whispered.
I smiled. He kissed me again. God, I loved feeling his lips under mine. I didn’t think I could ever tire of it.
“Do you have class, or do you want to head over to my place?” The words pressed in between kisses.
“I have class.” I checked my watch. “Um, I’m going to be late. I have to go.”
He groaned, kissing my cheek and jaw. “Cut it.” His voice turned into a playful growl.
“I can’t. We have midterms next week, Noah. I can’t miss the last class,” I told him, but kissed him again, trying to soften my words.
“Fine, get to class. See you at home later.” He let go of me and sat back.
I leaned closer to him to kiss him again, and he smiled.
“I’ll see you later. Bye.” I waved to the rest of them and walked away with a funny feeling in my chest.
It was like we had stepped into a dream. Noah called me his boyfriend. He had given me a key to his apartment and told me he’d see me back home. It was like living in a fantasy, being with him .
I sat in class and tried to ignore the nagging voice—the one that told me these things usually took a little more time. Things were intense between us, but that was because he needed me. When he got better, things would be easier too. He wouldn’t need me around constantly, and everything would be okay. He just needed to get better.
Noah talked me into going to a party with him and his friends on Friday night. Colin had mentioned it, so I knew he and Ezra would be there too. When I got to Noah’s apartment after the gym, he told me he had a present for me and gave me a shirt. It was a black one, softer than the ones I usually wore, and when he asked me to try it on, it was also a little tighter. The fabric clung to my skin in a way that made me self-conscious, yet flattered, and Noah’s eyes gleamed with approval. He assured me repeatedly that I looked good in it, and after heavily making out on the kitchen counter, we left for the party.
Me
I’m at the Alpha frat party
are you guys coming?
I wrote to them in our chat. Even though I had seen them at training and Ezra at the gym, it felt like I hadn’t hung out with them in weeks.
Colin Whitmore
what is happening to the world?
are you asking us to a party?
are you, Atticus King, asking us to party?
Me
technically you said you were going first
I smiled at my phone. Noah held my hand, leading me into the party with Holly at his side. The thumping bass of the music hit us as soon as we entered, vibrating through my chest. He kept walking until we reached a couch and pulled me down to sit.
“I’m getting us something to drink. Wait here,” he said with a wink and left with Holly.
Ezra Tate
who are you with?
apart from Noah obviously
Me
his friend Holly
are you coming?
I hoped they would. Noah’s friends were nice to me, but we didn’t necessarily have a lot in common to make for a great conversation—not that conversation was one of my strong points. I missed having Colin and Ezra around. I smiled again.
Me
I miss you.
Colin Whitmore
oh my god
I never thought I’d see the day
we’re on our way over right now
Ezra Tate
we miss you too
don’t ever leave us again!
I laughed, and Noah sat beside me, handing me a red cup.
“Thanks.”
He kissed my cheek. “Who are you texting?” Noah asked, glancing at my phone.
“The guys,” I said simply, looking down at my cup. It wasn’t foamy. I brought it closer to my face and sniffed it—fruity. “What is it?”
“You complain about beer so much, I thought you might like something else for a change. It’s vodka and cranberry juice.”
I raised my eyebrows at him, and he stifled a laugh.
“Just give it a try before you discard it,” he said.
I did. I made a face, and his lips quivered.
“It’s just as bad. No, it’s worse. It’s too sweet,” I complained.
“Just like you,” he said and kissed me quickly.
“Hilarious, Noah,” I said and put the drink on the table.
People started coming in, and as the place grew crowded, Noah pushed off the couch and moved to sit on my lap. I gave him a look, but he just shrugged it off and kept talking. He had his back to the armrest, sitting across my lap with his feet under Holly’s legs and his arm over my shoulders.
I spotted Colin and Ezra and waved at them. “Hey, let me get up.”
“Where are you going?”
“To say hi to Colin and Ezra. Come on, get up,” I said.
He kissed me before reluctantly getting up. He fell back and I walked over to them.
“Hey,” I said, and they both looked at me. I let out a nervous laugh. “What?”
“Nothing. How’ve you been, Att?” Colin asked, giving Ezra what seemed to be a warning look.
“I’m good. I mean, this place still sucks, but I’m good,” I said.
Ezra snorted. “It’s good to know some things don’t change.” His shoulders relaxed. “Are you drinking anything?”
“Noah got me a drink, but it’s terrible. Might be worse than warm beer,” I told them.
Colin gave me a fond look. “Let’s go find you something,” Colin said, touching my back and guiding me away.
I spared a look at Noah. He gave me a tight smile. They got me a beer again, and we stayed on the terrace talking for a while. I had missed talking to them after a week with Noah. It felt comfortable. I didn’t mention I was staying at his place, but I had a feeling they knew. My phone vibrated, and I checked it to find text from Noah asking where I was. I put it back in my pocket and ignored it for a bit.
I asked if we could go back, and they agreed. We went over to the couch we had been sitting on, and he was still there. I reached him, and he smiled at me, standing up. I glanced back at Colin and Ezra apprehensively before I sat back down. Noah sat on my lap again, and Colin and Ezra on my other side .
“Where have you been?” he asked, swinging his arm around my shoulders and kissing my cheek.
“Out on the terrace,” I told him.
He kissed me again. I thought he would move away, but he held on to the side of my face and deepened the kiss.
I gently pushed him back. “Hey, what is it?”
“Nothing. I’m allowed to kiss you in public now, right?” he asked, his forehead lining.
“Yeah, just go slower.”
His face softened. He kissed me again, keeping it light this time.
“Like that?” he asked against my lips.
“Like that,” I told him, and he smiled.
“Ugh, isn’t Noah the worst when he’s in a relationship?” Holly asked Colin.
“He is,” Colin agreed.
Noah turned to give them an amused look. I caught a glimpse of Ezra’s wary face.
“Why am I the worst?” Noah asked with a laugh. “It’s not my fault. Every day is like the twenty-first of September.”
Holly rolled her eyes at him with an exaggerated sigh, while I blinked, puzzled.
“We met in October,” I said.
They all found that hilarious apparently.
“What?”
“Atty, you’re so cute.” Noah kissed my cheek softly, his lips warm and gentle.
“It’s a song, Att,” Colin explained, shaking his head with a smile.
“‘September,’” Noah said, but I was still lost. “Come on, Atty. ‘Ba-de-ya.’” He pitched his voice high and started singing, moving his shoulders to the beat.
I couldn’t stop smiling at his antics. I shook my head again, amused. “Sorry.”
He let out a playful, frustrated sound. “Christ, Atty, you’re lucky you’re so hot,” he said, pretending to be disappointed in me.
I made a face at him. He cracked up and kissed me again, his lips lingering a little longer this time.
“You’re doing it again,” Holly complained. “It’s like you’re shoving your happiness down everyone’s throats.”
Colin gave a nod in agreement.
“He’s shoving something,” one of Noah’s friends said, and the rest cracked up.
I frowned, feeling a twinge of annoyance.
“Hey, watch it,” Noah snapped at him, his playfulness disappearing instantly. His hand reached back to my hair, possessive. “Fucking asshole,” he muttered under his breath, frowning and shaking his head.
“It’s fine,” I told him.
He kissed my cheek again, the tension easing. Holly had already moved on to another topic of conversation. Noah leaned back on the armrest so I could see them again and stroked the hair on the back of my head, a soothing gesture. He started talking to Colin, and they drifted to things about high school like they usually did. I tried talking to Ezra, but the way Noah was sitting over me didn’t let me do it comfortably. Noah would occasionally lean back, kiss my cheek or lips, and then return to talking to Colin and Holly. Ezra got up to say hi to friends he saw walking by, and I noticed him giving us occasional side glances.
Noah lit a joint and offered it to Colin and Holly. They both accepted it, and then Noah handed it to me.
“Att doesn’t smoke,” Colin said almost reflexively. He had seen enough people offer it to me.
Noah turned back at him. “He’s smoked with me before,” he said.
Colin gave me a look.
“Maybe later,” I told Noah.
He took a drag himself. He gave me one patented flirty Noah look, and I swallowed. Now what? I heard Colin and Holly talking while Noah leaned back, making it feel like it was just the two of us in this crowded place.
“What?” I asked him.
He smiled. “What, what?” he licked his lips, sending my heart into an unhealthy rhythm.
“You know what. You have that look like you’re planning something evil,” I told Noah.
He snickered, kissing the side of my lips lightly. “Nothing. I was just thinking of something I’d like to try with you, if you’d let me,” Noah said and shrugged one shoulder coyly, his casual demeanor not hiding the devilish glint in his eyes. He knew how good he looked doing that. It was impossible he didn’t know. He was so careless about it that it was as if he had done it a million times before and had gotten exactly what he wanted. I had no idea how I had been so oblivious to Noah flirting with me. Now that I knew how it was, it was impossible to miss.
“And what’s that?” I asked.
The grin stretched on his face.
“Well,” he started, and I knew it would be bad. Still, I couldn’t help smiling. “You see, I could take a drag and blow out the smoke really close to you, and then you’d inhale like you were the one smoking. It won’t burn.” He kept his voice low, his breath warm against my skin. He made everything sound so good.
“Fine.”
He shifted his weight to be closer to me, facing me more comfortably. I reached my hand to his waist, holding him in place, feeling the heat of his body through his shirt.
“Ready?”
I tilted my head, agreeing. I watched, enthralled, as he lit it again and took a long drag, watching the tip light up before he drew it away. He handed Holly the joint, and his hand touched my face, keeping me steady. He got really close, his lips just barely touching mine, and his warm breath poured into me. I inhaled, feeling my lungs fill up, and then held my breath. He didn’t move away; he just kept looking into my eyes. It was like being under a spell, being so close to him.
I turned a little away from him and blew the smoke out. I didn’t cough. Our gazes intertwined, and he smiled, his eyes sparkling with satisfaction.
“See, that was good, right?”
I nodded. Yeah, that had been really good. I wanted him so much.
Noah was great at reading my face, because as soon as I thought that, his smile faded, and he leaned down and kissed me. It felt like we were alone in that room. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he held on to my face, pulling me closer. It wasn’t a rushed kiss but deep and heavy, the kind that lit all my nerves on fire and made my toes curl. He bit my lower lip, and I was grateful for the loud music, because I was sure I had made an embarrassing noise. I grabbed his neck and coaxed him closer still. He shifted his weight on me again, trying to erase the distance between us, and I breathed out through my nose.
“Maybe we should leave,” I told him.
He kissed me again, his hot tongue making all my thoughts blur. The heat settled in my groin.
“I’m serious, let’s leave.”
He didn’t move away or stop kissing me. “Just a little more.”
I let him kiss me like that for a couple of minutes. After that, I was dangerously close to getting hard with him over me like this.
“Noah, I don’t want to stop. I just want to be alone with you. Right now.”
He stopped to look at my face, his green eyes scanning it. His smile grew again. “Okay, let’s go.” He pushed off my lap.
I swallowed and rubbed my face with my hands before getting up. My jeans felt a little tight. Not enough to be noticeable, but enough to make it uncomfortable.
“You’re leaving?” Holly asked, surprised.
“Yeah, we’re leaving,” Noah said.
“What happened to the inappropriate PDA? Taking the show on the road?” she joked.
Colin collapsed into giggles.
“Fuck off,” Noah said, pulling on my hand and locking his eyes on mine. “Come on, let’s go.”
I waved goodbye to them and threw an apologetical look at Colin. I searched for Ezra, but he had his back to us, which wasn’t necessarily bad. Noah got a car on his phone, and we practically raced back to his apartment, spending the whole ride making out, probably scarring the driver for life.
The elevator opened and closed, and I pressed and kissed him against it. His fingers tangled in my hair, and he held me close. The keys dropped to the floor. I grabbed him by his waist, pushing my hands under his shirt and feeling the skin of his back.
“If I’d known that’s what I had to do to get you like this, I would have done it long ago,” he said.
I kissed him again, never feeling such urgency before. I needed him so much right now. I just wanted to have him close, to touch him, make him make more of the sounds he kept letting escape past his lips. He pushed me back, grabbed my hand, and walked me to the couch.
“Your room,” I said as we passed it.
He pushed me to sit on the couch and climbed over me. He flung his shirt off, and I took him in, from his chest to the flat V of his abdomen.
“Fuck that. Now keep kissing me like you were,” he said.
I grabbed his neck and swept him back down towards me, crashing our mouths together. He tugged my shirt off, too, breaking our kiss for a second before returning to it. I ran my hands over his back and kissed him down to his neck, over his collarbone, biting softly on it. He moaned. Shit.
“Noah,” I breathed out.
He claimed my lips once more. “Do whatever you want to do to me, Atty, anything,” he said against me.
Fuck, I wanted him so much. I pushed him to sit next to me and kneeled on the floor in front of him, pulling his legs, drawing him close to me. I kissed him hungrily, not letting him move away from me. He responded perfectly, clinging to me, grabbing my hair, and tugging me roughly to him too. I let go of his legs and reached for the buttons of his jeans, undoing them and easing the zipper down. He stopped to look at me. His lips were parted and glistening with spit. He looked so fucking good. He nodded, and I let my hand drift inside his underwear, grabbing him.
His eyes fluttered closed, and he moaned at the contact. “Fuck yes,” he said, and his hands tightened on my hair like he couldn’t take how good it felt.
I loved making him look like that. I wanted to pull more sounds out of him. I moved my hand, stroking him roughly, and he moaned again. I nudged his pants down with my free hand, getting him out of them a bit more so I could stroke him properly. I leaned back to his lips, but he kept losing focus on the kiss, opening his lips and just panting into my mouth. It was so good. He looked so good wrecked like this.
I tried picking up the pace, and he assented, his eyes closed, and his shoulders pushed up. There was too much friction, which I was sure was uncomfortable. I kissed his jaw and started moving down his neck, over his chest, feeling the gold chain cold against my lips. I tugged on his hips again with my free hand to get him to sit on the edge of the couch, almost falling from it.
I leered down at him, at his cock in my hand, and I licked my lips. I glanced up at his face and then back down. I closed my lips and worked my tongue in my mouth to fill with spit. I leaned down closer to him and spit on him and my hand, letting it drop down before stroking him again without the friction.
Noah moaned loudly, his hands in my hair tightening almost painfully. He pulled, making me look up at his wide green eyes.
“What?” I licked my lips.
“Did you just spit on my dick?” he panted.
I nodded, and he closed his eyes as I picked up the pace.
“Fuck, that’s so fucking hot.” He moaned again.
I smiled to myself and looked back at him. Leaning down, I licked the head, wiping a bead that had formed there, and felt him shiver.
“Fuck,” he let out again, his voice cracking.
I shifted lower and licked over his balls. He groaned, and I smiled, doing it again, my hand still working him quickly. I knew the rhythm I liked and tried my best to keep it for him, stopping and then starting back up fast.
He ran his hands over my shoulders, his nails biting into my skin. “Atty,” he moaned, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable trapped in my jeans.
I loved the way my name sounded on his lips. I licked the tip again, letting my tongue rest there, breathing on him, while my hand moved over him.
“Fuck, I’m going to come,” he said, his legs tightening at my sides.
I leaned away to look at his face as he finished. His eyes were closed tightly, head thrown back, shoulders up, and chest panting. He looked amazing. I felt the wetness on my hand and placed it over him to catch it, feeling it dribble over my skin.
I did that , I thought, looking down at my hand.
Noah slumped back on the couch, eyes still closed and breathing heavily. I reached for my shirt and cleaned my hand on it, then moved towards his stomach, cleaning that too.
He opened his eyes, fixing them on me. “For all that is good and holy in the world, what in the actual fuck was that?”
I let out a shy laugh.
“How the hell are you a virgin, going around giving hand jobs like that?” he asked.
I laughed again, feeling a little embarrassed.
I sat back on my heels and ran a hand over my face. “I’m good with my hands,” I told him.
He huffed a laugh. “I’ll say.”
“So that was good?”
He sat back up, pushing himself back into his pants, grabbing my neck, and kissing me. “That was the best hand job I’ve ever gotten, bar none. I’m fucking serious.” He kissed me again.
I smiled to myself.
“Come here.” He reached for the buttons of my jeans and worked them open. “I don’t think I can compete with that, but I’ll give it my best shot,” he said.
I chuckled. He reached into my underwear, and I groaned blissfully. After being this painfully hard, that felt fantastic. Not that having him touch me in any context would be less than perfect.
I sat back, and he followed me, not moving his hand from my shaft. He eased me out of my briefs, and his eyes set in between my legs.
“Hey, Atty, I think we need to have a conversation.” He moved closer to me.
“Right now?” I was breathing heavily. His hand was working over me just right.
“Yes, right now. I made assumptions about us, you know, sex-wise, that I think we need to address right now. ”
I moaned as he grabbed me firmly. “What?” I tried to focus on what he was saying.
“I mean, you look like you were made for topping, but I think we need to reconsider, at least be open to talking about it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Noah?”
He started picking up the pace, and I moaned. Fuck, that felt really, really good.
“Your dick’s huge, Atty,” he said bluntly, startling a laugh out of me.
“No, it’s not.” I broke off in a groan.
“It’s thick, maybe too thick.”
“Fuck, that feels good.”
He climbed over my thighs, getting a better angle and stroking me firmly. I glanced at him, but he was still staring down at me.
“I mean, objectively, it’s too big. Like the rest of you. I shouldn’t be surprised,” he said, but he didn’t look put off by it. It seemed to be working for him, so I smiled. “But now I’m thinking we should reconsider the topping bit.”
I huffed, amused, and then let out another embarrassing sound. “Noah, for fuck’s sake.”
He had a smile playing on his lips. “What?”
“Shut up.”
He beamed. “You got it.” He licked his lips and leaned down to take me in his mouth.
My eyes widened at the feel of him over me, sucking me. Then he started to move, and I closed them, letting myself fall back on the floor with a groan.
After I’d finished, we lay side by side on the floor, looking up. Noah had his hand laced in mine, his thumb rubbing over mine. He was humming a melody absently, but I didn’t recognize the song.
“Noah,” I said .
He turned to look at me, stopping abruptly. “Yeah?” He leaned in and kissed my cheek.
“Is this slow? What we have? Because I’m not sure.”
He blinked back at the ceiling. “I’m not sure either. I told you, I can’t tell.”
I watched him again, noticing the movement of his lashes as he blinked. His eyes darted from side to side. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell either. I thought I did, but I’ve never done this before, and all I can tell so far is that I’m happy.”
He turned and smiled at me. “I’m happy too.”
“So, how are we going to know?” I asked him.
“I don’t know.”
I bit my lip. I pushed up from the floor and sat, and he followed.
“There’s another thing that’s been bugging me,” I told him. He waited for me to go on. “Winter break.”
“What about it?” he asked. He ran his hand over my face, reaching back into my hair.
“I’m going home after midterms. Next Monday, for three weeks.”
His gaze wandered and he licked his lips, his expression becoming vacant. “I hadn’t thought about that.”
I reached for the side of his face, making him look up at me. “Are you going back home too?”
“I don’t have a home to go back to. I haven’t talked to my mom in a while.”
“But you’re from Seattle, right? Like Colin? Doesn’t your mom live there?”
“Yeah, but she sold our old house. She has an apartment now, downtown. It doesn’t feel like home,” he explained. “I could just stay here.”
I couldn’t think of anything more depressing than spending the holidays alone on an abandoned college campus. “Noah, no. Please don’t.”
He sighed deeply. “I don’t have a lot of options, Atty. Plus, my friends back home aren’t the best influence while I’m trying to quit,” he admitted, making my stomach turn.
“Come on, let’s go back to your bed,” I suggested.
He got up and followed me. We got ready for bed and settled under the sheets. I was still worried about him. I didn’t want him to stay here alone for three weeks. Maybe I could move my plane tickets around, stay for a week during Christmas and New Year, and return to him.
“Atty,” he said quietly, bringing me back to his eyes. “You’re not responsible for me, okay? I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like that this week. I can take care of myself. I’ll figure out what to do for winter break, and everything will be okay,” he reassured me.
I kissed his cheek. He turned and pressed his lips to mine.
“I know you can. I just want to help.”
“I know you do, but I’m okay,” he insisted. His hand brushed my cheek and folded behind my neck as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I like that you worry about me. It’s sweet.”
He curled his leg around mine, fitting himself closer. I touched his waist and drew him towards me. He came easily.
I was starting to love this closeness with him, this constant need for touch, to feel the warmth of each other. I was going to miss him so much during the break. It was hard to imagine sleeping without him curled around me anymore.
“I’m going to miss you, Noah.”
“I’m going to miss you too,” he whispered against my lips.
I felt it again. It was like falling into a spell. I wondered if anybody else felt like this around him or if I had somehow fallen into this trance where I couldn’t look away from him. I ran my hand over his jaw, the soft glow of the TV casting light on his face, growing dimmer and stronger with whatever was playing. His eyes stared into mine, and I tried to memorize everything about him: the straight shape of his nose, the curve of his eyebrows, the size and color of that tiny beauty mark over his cheekbone, the way his lips curved, and the slow movement of his tongue running over them. I touched my thumb to his lip, feeling his soft exhale as I traced its shape. Noah was everything.
“I love how you look at me.” The left corner of his lip pulled upwards. “What do you see when you do that?”
I met his eyes. “You,” I answered simply and watched his eyebrows move towards one another, his face morphing into yearning.
He kissed me again, his lips soft and open. “If you keep this up, I’m going to end up falling in love with you,” he said against my lips, his words moving over my skin like a shiver.
I kissed him again, and he gripped me harder, deepening our kiss and pressing closer. I moved over him, sliding in between his legs, not parting from his lips.
I couldn’t pull away from him. I didn’t want to.